


Reunited

by Irimsaya, shadow0246



Series: Reunited [1]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Alternate Reality, Alternate Universe, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-01
Updated: 2012-10-01
Packaged: 2017-11-15 10:25:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 93,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/526266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Irimsaya/pseuds/Irimsaya, https://archiveofourown.org/users/shadow0246/pseuds/shadow0246
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When your life takes an unexpected turn, how do you deal with this?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Co-written with Irimsaya, my long time friend in crime :) Sadly my friend has no AO3 account.
> 
> Where to start? This story is a really long read (300k+) which my friend and I started writing back in January 2012. 
> 
> We have been playing text rpgs for several fandoms before and this time we got sucked into Mass Effect. Both of us love it and so it was natural we would write our own rpg. Only this time I suggested to keep it copied somewhere and save it. I honestly had no idea that we would make a big long story out of this.
> 
> As the idea was there and we agreed on it, we found it hard to part with our Shepards. Well, we kept both, putting them together instead.
> 
>    
>  **Characters are written by:**  
>  Shadow:
> 
>   * Jase Shepard,
>   * Kaidan Alenko,
>   * Darian Salvar,
>   * Dr. Arlen Novak,
>   * sometimes Joker, Hannah Shepard and Edi
> 

> 
> Irimsaya:
> 
>   * Irimsaya "Saya" Shepard,
>   * Joker,
>   * Kasumi, 
>   * Miranda Lawson, 
>   * Liam, 
>   * Liara, 
>   * Dr. Chakwas,
>   * most of Hannah Shepard and Edi,
>   * sometimes Kaidan Alenko (eg: Jase and Kaidan talk, Saya writes Kaidan)
> 

> 
> A few things you might want to consider before reading:  
> \- We never thought to share it, but now I think it's worth to share it, others might find it interesting to read ;).  
> \- My Shepard (Jase) is gay. Period. If you don't like it - don't read it. Simple.  
> \- MShenko is only mentioned. Yet it's a constant in Jase's life though and can't be denied  
> \- We aren't really good with writing other ME characters (well, maybe we are, who knows)  
> \- There will come a time where the reader might disagree with how we wrote things, or how the characters behave. It's a personal thing, each of us sees their Shepard in a different light. Respect that.  
> \- There might be a time where you think.. is that possible?! Yeah.. might be. I often consulted the mass effect wiki, but keep in mind: it was originally written only for my friend and me, and sometimes things can go out of hand in such 'games'.  
> \- For Mass Effect 1 we have used a lot of dialogue. At the time it made sense. Now, well ;).
> 
> Normandy changes: SR1 has crewquarters like the SR2 - located at the stairs, across elevator entry, bathrooms to be reached through the crewquarters.  
> SR1 has a cook called Darian Salvar, same place as the SR2 instead of the area where Kaidan usually tinkers around.
> 
> The end of ME3:  
> We stuck with the basics, but changed the end slightly. Both of us went into the games to take our minds off of daily stress etc. The original end of the game is something we both heavily disagree on. Ours, let's just say it's a bit different... ;)
> 
> As of october 1st, 2012, our story is still being written and we are now post-war, exploring the galaxy some more, finding out how the other races are doing. Among other things.

###### Prologue

  
Shepard leaned over the dead body of Nihlus and pushed him around a bit with his pistol, making sure the Turian was really dead. Damn. Now he had a dead spectre on his hands and the complicated mission became even more messy. Hopefully this wasn't going to bite them into the ass, especially not Captain Anderson, considering the recent history humans and turians shared.  
  
Grimacing a little Shepard gave the dead Spectre another shove and straightened up, scanning the area. He knew he always had the support of Anderson and if anything could be done on Shepard’s part, it was done to make the Captain proud in return. Anderson had always been there for him since the beginning, being something like a father to him. But damn it, Nihlus was dead. Shot in the head.  
  
  
The first time Shepard realized Ashley Williams could mean trouble was when she snapped at the smuggler who had stayed hidden behind the grates. Granted, he seemed like an idiot, but at least he had useful intel and was willing to share his knowledge with them. Being nice sometimes paid off as well. And sometimes, being a bad ass paid off too. Right now he just wanted to get the job done and clean up this mess. Especially as they knew it involved another turian, called Saren who obviously wasn't doing some half assed work either. He sighed mentally as he narrowed his eyes, this mission wasn't going as planned. Too many people had already lost their lives. And homes too.  
  
  
Taking out the waiting Geth wasn't a problem either. The bombs were disabled and perhaps the colony could be rebuilt. Being an engineer made it easy for Shepard to overload their shields, Kaidan sent them flying into the air and the rest of life, if it was alive at all, was taken out by Williams. At least the woman could shoot straight. He snorted at the thought.  
  
Upon reaching the beacon he had to admit, that thing was interesting, to say the least. Shepard turned away to radio the Normandy, in the background he heard the chatter of Williams and Alenko but didn't really pay their chatter attention.  
  
Alenko was still standing next to him and he looked him right into the eyes, winking at him playfully. Maybe later they would have some downtime they could spend together and Shepard felt a small smile tugging at his lips. Kaidan’s brows started to knit, the way they do when he had a grin spreading across his face and truly, there it was. Shepard's eyes twinkled for a moment before his eyes found Williams and he realized the woman was struggling.  
  
Being drawn to ... where?  
  
He pushed past Kaidan and jumped towards her, grabbing her tightly from behind and hurled her away. Shepard felt the pull of beacon now turning towards himself and he struggled to get out of it. Pushing against it with all strength he could muster Shepard understood suddenly he couldn’t get out of it, just as he faintly heard the shouting of his squad behind him. Further and further he was drawn towards it and felt himself being lifted into the air. A hundreds of images were pressed into his brain and it felt like his head was on fire. He could have sworn he was screaming, the burning sensation worsening by the second. The green light of the beacon exploded, but then it changed into blue and white, hurling Shepard into some kind of tunnel. Which was the last he'd remember.  
  
  
At the same time, in another reality, Kaidan had been struggling with the beacon and was rescued by his Commander who then had been knocked out cold. Kaidan was kneeling next to her when they heard a low rumble at first, but then the sound started increasing in volume and suddenly, as if a small hole had been opened, another body was spit out by it, landing right next to Alenko and Williams. Kaidan stared at it in surprise.


	2. ME1 - Chapter One

**Chapter One**

 

Williams glanced over after clearing her vision and saw another body lying on the platform. A male wearing one of their uniforms. She frowned, knowing that no one else on her team had survived the attack by the Geth.

"Lieutenant, grab him. We need to get out of here before the Geth come looking... or worse yet before those revived bodies come for us." Williams didn't really care if she was ordering around a superior officer, as far as she was concerned he needed to make himself useful because if he didn't she would be tempted to feed him to the Geth herself. She watched, staying by Shepard, while Kaiden went over to the unknown male to check on his vitals.

"Well?? Can we transport him or not? We need to get the Commander back to the ship she needs medical attention!"

Kaidan ignored her comments and tone of voice, this wasn't the time to be insulted by her, besides, she wasn't even on their team. The soldier was alive and breathing, albeit his heart rate seemed to be a bit off.

"I think we can move him. The Normandy is close." Kaidan gazed along the lava field which stretched out in front of the platform they were on. He touched his comm as his eyes rested on Commander Shepard and the male.

"Normandy, this is LT Alenko, we have a situation down here. The Commander is hurt and needs medical care. We also found another human... survivor."

Whatever the man was, he couldn't tell. The N7 was obvious, but why was another N7 here? There was still the question of the weird light he had seen briefly before the man landed in a heap next to them. The dog-tags would give them an answer.

"Alenko," Captain Anderson replied, "can you take the train, bring them back to the cargo hold?"

Kaidan pondered this briefly, it would take some time and he really wanted to get the Commander back onto the ship as fast as possible. "Negative, Sir. The faster the better."

The Captain was about to answer something, but Kaidan could hear Joker arguing with Anderson, insisting _he can do it_. Whatever it was, he hoped their pilot _could_ actually do it. Joker sometimes seemed to be too full of himself.

"Alenko, stay where you are. Be ready to be picked up. Normandy out."

Kaidan looker over at Williams, hoping she was satisfied.

It didn't take long until he knew what Joker actually had been talking about. The crazy pilot was balancing the Normandy in mid-air, while the cargo hold door was lowered, ready for them to get back onto their ship. A few crewmen jumped out, stretchers were handed down and the two soldiers were placed onto it. The sound from the Normandy was nearly deafening, yet he knew Williams understood him when he asked her, "Satisfied, Williams?" Kaidan hurried off, staying at his Commander's side. He felt responsible and didn't want to leave her alone.

 

Commander Irimsaya Shepard slowly opened her eyes, her vision slightly blurry and her head aching from what happened. She heard someone calling for the doctor, saying that she was waking up. Very slowly Irimsaya sat up and brushed a lock of her red hair from her face then just sat there, holding her head, trying to sort out everything that was in her mind. Something or someone had shown her something... but she couldn't tell if it was past, present or future... or even if it was real. One thing was certain, she wasn't sure if she should even tell anyone.

She opened her eyes again and raised her head from her hand when she felt a gentle hand on her shoulder. Surprise registered in her eyes when she saw it was Kaidan with the doctor... but what made her pause for a moment was the look in Kaidan's eyes. When the doctor spoke though she looked at her, breaking the spell the Kaidan seemed to be weaving over her as they gazed at each other.

"How do you feel Commander?"

The doctor's voice seemed off to Irimsaya, like it was coming through from a dream.

"I don't know... my head feels off... different. What happened?"

Dr. Chakwas stood in front of her and answered the Commander's question. "Something happened down there with the beacon I think." Before she could go any further Kaidan jumped in to explain. He felt so bad about it. If anyone, it should have been him to be hit with the energy and not the Commander.

"It's my fault. I must have triggered some kind of security field while I approached it. You pushed me out of the way."

"You had no way to know what would happen."

Kaidan felt a small smile growing on his face, his commander was more forgiving than he had thought. Which meant, under the hard shell the commander always presented was a fine person hidden.

"Actually we don't even know if that's what set it off. Unfortunately we'll never get the chance to find out."

Kaidan stepped in to explain more. "The beacon exploded. A system overload maybe. The blast knocked you cold."

He sighed briefly, still having no idea what really had happened after that, he'd been too busy with Shepard.

"Then," he started, "some kind of … field opened and tossed out another soldier. He's been wearing N7 armour." Kaidan nodded towards the other bed, he figured Shepard would be interested in this, being a N7 herself. Also, he had the hope that perhaps she might know the stranger.

Shepard nodded silently then wished she hadn't. Her head was pounding something fierce and it made her a bit dizzy. She reached out and grabbed something to steady herself with only to find she accidentally grabbed Kaiden's arm. She smiled apologetically at the LT then glanced over at the other bed to the male lying there.

"A N7 huh... odd... I don't recognize him. And yet... he feels familiar somehow.."

At this point Captain Anderson made his entry, having heard that his Commander had woken up. Anderson was happy to see her back on her feet. “How's our XO holding up, Dr.”

Kaidan stood back, he just wished he'd have another chance to talk to Shepard, pretty soon, preferable. And this guy on the bed, he narrowed his eyes slightly, something about him was off indeed. Maybe it was what Shepard had said, that he feels familiar somehow. 'Perhaps it's an old lover of hers,' he mused. But the uneasy feeling wouldn’t go away and Kaidan mulled this over, remembering. The rumble, the hole, him being spit out. Like a ship dropping out from a jump. Just there suddenly. Boom.

“Oh the readings are normal, I'd say our Commander is going to be fine.”

“Glad to hear it. Shepard I need to speak with you, in private.”

“Aye, aye, Captain. I'll be in the mess if you need me.” Kaidan replied, walking past Shepard who was leaning against a bed. Was he just feeling jealous or what was it with him all of the sudden? Maybe it wasn’t a lover, though.

Irimsaya nodded to Anderson and followed him to a room adjacent to sick bay. She answered his questions as best she could but she knew there were holes.

"I'm sorry sir.. I just... I can't explain what exactly happened. I saw.. death, destruction. But I don't know when it happened or who it happened to. I didn't recognize much of anything."

"Are you sure it wasn't a dream?" the Captain's eyes narrowed as he thought about what his XO said.

"Sir, it was too real to be a dream. It was almost like... like a memory."

"Well... we have to go to Citadel and explain what happened to the Council... **if** our Ambassador can get us a meeting. I'm not entirely sure you should bring up this "vision" of yours."

"Sir, I don't want to leave the council in the dark.. if I think it will help then I'm afraid I will be bringing it up."

"A rogue Spectre.. that's what we have to focus on and get the Council to believe. Saren is very powerful and they trust him. This isn't going to be easy even without mentioning this vision."

"I understand sir."

"I hope you do Commander."

Shepard watched as he left for the bridge and she sighed heavily. This was going to be a very long day.


	3. ME1 - Chapter Two

###### Chapter Two

The dreamlike state he felt himself being drawn into some time ago finally started to lift. The sounds of rushing water seemed to disappear into the background and eventually they were replaced by soft voices. Slowly, he could make out a female and male voice. There was a nagging feeling in the back of his mind but he couldn't really pin it down.

Something important. A warning. Images.

He grunted and reached up to rub his tired burning eyes. Nihlus! That was it. Saren had killed Nihlus.

And Williams..... No, he stopped himself, not wanting to curse her right away, she had triggered that beacon somehow. Great. Shepard carefully sat up and was holding his head. He felt like shit. At least he wasn't alone, though it felt weird, even off. As if the temperature was different. Usually it was Kaidan who kept hovering around him, mostly staying close by. But he wasn't here. Only that woman who was leaning against the bed with her arms crossed. She was a redhead. He frowned, knowing he hadn't seen her before.

"You're the replacement for Dr. Chakwas?" God, his voice sounded more hoarse and rough than he intended to. Some water would help. "Sorry."

Irimsaya raised her eyebrows in surprise that this man knew the doctor's name. She slowly walked over to the bed he was lying on.

"I don't know who you are stranger but you better start explaining yourself. You're a N7 and I don't know you. I'm the XO of this ship and it's time you provided us with some answers."

Shepard actually stifled a laugh. He straightened up, posture going rigid and narrowed his eyes at her. "Right. And I'm Santa Clause. Look, I don't know who you are, but you aren't the XO of the Normandy. 'Cause that would be me." He held her gaze. "Again, who are you."

Irimsaya stifled a laugh at the stranger's claim but her eyes showed her amusement.

"Did you get a knock to the noggin there, friend?" she held out her hand in introduction. "Commander Irimsaya Shepard. Welcome to the Normandy. Now if you don't mind, please spit out the truth cause I have a murdered Spectre to tell the Council about and also try to convince them they have a rogue Spectre on their hands. For all I know, you could even be working for Saren. But somehow... I doubt that's true."

Shepard took her hand with a frown, just out of being nice and also of being uttlery dumbfounded. He rubbed his face gently several times, as he hadn't been in such a situation before at all. Someone was possibly playing a prank. He was sure of it. It was a foul prank though.

"My head's fine. I don't know what you're playing at here, but this isn't funny anymore. I'm Commander Shepard and **I** am the XO of the Normandy. Just ask Captain Anderson. And how come you know so much about Saren and Nihlus." What was she, a spy? He could accuse her of the same. What was going on here?

Irimsaya actually let a small chuckle through.

"Oh I can ask the Captain and I can ask Kaiden and I can ask Ashley and the good doctor here and they will all say the exact same thing. They have no idea who you are. Now..." She grew deadly serious. "You can either try to make sense to me or you can make sense to to C-Sec and the Council. And I can guarantee you they won't be as understanding as the people here. I am trying to help you "commander" and you don't seem to be understanding that. Look, I have just been through hell and back. I have seen one of our colonies wiped out by the Geth of all races, I saw Saren access the same thing Kaidan activated that got me this pounding headache. And now we're heading for the Citadel. I figure you have about oh... an hour or two to start talking."

'What the hell is going on here, for christ's sake?' Shepard thought. It was his place, not hers.

"Kaidan? It was Williams. She likes to play the super soldier she isn't," he snorted out right away. "She activated that damn beacon and got me drawn into it. But," he stepped away, "I'm going to see the Captain about you. I...," he trailed off when he spotted Chakwas entering the sick bay. 

"Dr. Chakwas, tell this young lady here who I am," he sort of ordered her, hoping this charade would finally be over and he could go and talk to the Captain. He really needed to get things done and then there was still Jenkins. The kid had been nice, a bit too eager and now he was dead. Damn it.

"I'm afraid I can't. We don't even know your name. How are you feeling?" The good doctor asked him in her gentle voice.

Shepard crossed his arms and watched Chakwas wearily. His patience was running dry by now. He was hungry, thirsty, needed a freaking shower and a painkiller for his head. 

"Enough of this. All right. Kid-the-Commander time is over. This ends right now." 

Chakwas looked over at her commander, realizing she was starting to run out of patience too and decided to try it herself. Things were starting to become tense apparently. "I assure you, we are not joking."

Shepard laughed and rubbed his neck, trying to ease the pain and stiffness away. This was getting ridiculous. He watched them both with sharp eyes and started pacing the length of his bed. Something must have happened up here. By now the prank would have ended. There was more. 

"Has Saren attacked the Normandy? Some airborne virus perhaps? Making you forget?"

Chakwas just shook her head. "There have been no incidents. Only you and the Commander needed treatment. Sit down." Chakwas patted the bed for him and turned towards the redhead. "Commander, could you give us some privacy please?"

After fidgeting around for a few seconds, contemplating if he should listen to her or not, Shepard complied eventually and hopped onto the bed to sit on it. He heard a curt reply from the redhead, what was her name again anyway, that she'd wait outside. Was she going to stand guard outside as if he was a prisoner? Actually, coming to think of it, he felt like being one already. Shepard's blue eyes looked back at Chakwas and into hers, judging her. No, she wasn't looking like she'd lie, or play a prank. There was the small hope that now she maybe would fill him in on what was going on here. Perhaps the redhead really was indeed a spy and they just had to cover it up. But, there came nothing. Instead she acted like her usual self. The one thing which struck Shepard the moment she stood in front of him was her uniform, it looked slightly different. Now why was that?

"How do you feel?"

Shepard's eyes focused onto hers again, answering, "Confused. Not knowing what the hell's going on and no one telling me anything. I could use a painkiller though."

She nodded at him. "Could you please remove your shirt?" 

Shepard nodded and as soon as he sat there with a bare chest Chakwas placed pads on him. "What's this for?"

"Your heartbeat and frequency were erratic. One last check up to ensure everything is fine. Anything else you want to tell me? I detected some unusual brain activity. Abnormal beta waves. I also noticed an increase in your rapid eye movement. Signs typically for intense dreaming." She didn't tell him though that the same had happened to the Commander. She'd have to meet with Shepard and the Captain.

He sighed deeply and hung his head. How to tell someone that you are maybe going insane, having weird dreams. "I saw... I'm not sure what I saw. Death. Destruction. Nothing's really clear... That beacon down on Eden Prime, it's changed its light. First green, then blue, then white." He paused, considering his next question. "Am I losing my mind, Doctor?"

Chakwas smiled gently at him. "Please lay down. This test will take about five minutes."

Since he always listened to Chakwas he didn't protest. Well, most of the time he did listen. He sighed and laid down, shielding his eyes with his forearm. He hated hospitals. Even more when waking up in one with some strange woman at his bedside and having no idea what's going on. Like today. 

Shepard knew he felt uneasy about this situation, knew something important was happening here but he didn't know what exactly. But there was this incredible uneasy feeling in his chest, the subconscious thought his life was about to being changed dramatically again. He pushed it away, ignored it, focusing on the present instead, of the here and now. And where was Kaidan? His LT was on board, probably busy though.


	4. ME1 - Chapter Three

Chakwas found the Commander outside and let the door slide shut behind her. "Commander. He seems genuine. His brain activities and beta waves match yours. He's reported having experienced the same visions as you have. Also, there is this." She pulled out her data pad, showing her a copy of the dog tags.

_5923-AC-2826_   
_J. Shepard_   
_ALLIANCE N7_

Irimsaya stared at the name and serial number that Chakwas was showing her, confusion and disbelief in her eyes.

"I...I don't understand doctor. What are you saying? That... that something happened to me? Something other than those visions? Who is he? Why is he doing this? It's not real! He's not me, obviously, I'm a woman!!" Shepard rubbed her forehead. "I'm going to lie down, my head is killing me."

Silently she walked away from the good doctor, her mind whirling in a confusion she had never felt before. She looked up when she passed Kaidan and then stopped. She turned to him and met his eyes.

"Lieutenant.. I want to thank you.. you were there when I woke up so I'm guessing you stuck with me the whole time. I owe you for that, I've never had someone do that for me before. I wanted to let you know just how much I truly appreciate it."

Kaidan briefly wondered why was it that every time a woman seemed to show a little interest in him he started to have trouble forming some coherent sentences. At the moment he was just glad that Shepard stood in front of him and while she looked a bit messed up around her hair... he sighed... she still was a beauty.

Before she could catch him staring more at her, he quickly looked away, hoping it wasn't too obvious that he felt nervous, only to say. "Any time, Commander." Kaidan then mentally kicked himself. "I mean, of course I would do the same for about anyone, not just you. Ma'am. All right...," he looked away to collect himself. "This just did sound a little stupid.."

Irimsaya felt a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth when he finished speaking.

"Kaiden, stop. Is it me or are you, for the first time I can recall, nervous around me? What's up?"

'What's up? She really has to ask me?' Kaidan inwardly groaned, how could he tell her. They were on an alliance vessel and military, he couldn't possibly fall for his Commander. It wasn't even allowed.

Only, he mused, the fall had already started, compared to the speed the Normandy could manage he'd win the race. He shrugged. "Nothing, ma'am. Just the day catching up with me I believe. How is our.. visitor?" He motioned over towards sick bay. Anything to keep her off himself.

Irimsaya watched Kaiden silently for a minute, contemplating his response. Perhaps she had misread things but her heart had never been wrong before.

"Right... the visitor. That's uhm.." she rubbed her forehead again. "Confusing to be honest. He has tags with my serial number and the name J. Shepard. I don't know what to make of it. He even thinks he's the XO of the Normandy. I'd like your input if you have some time."

If this was true this luckily scratched the idea of them having been lovers. Kaidan nodded.

"Of course, ma'am, I always have time for you."

He knew that sounded cheesy, but his mind was already going forward to evaluate the possibilities. Shepard. N7. Same serial numbers. Kaidan frowned, evaluating the situation and going through the memory of Eden Prime. What if... Mmh. It could be, couldn't it. And it would fit with his earlier instinct too.

"He appeared out of nowhere. It was the three of us and.. bang.. he showed up, unconscious. It's not like he just walked in, no. He just was there. I know this is going to sound pretty stupid, ma'am. But what if he...actually is who he claims to be. Just from.. another reality? We do know it could be possible. Just no one has tried it yet."

She looked at him in disbelief. He actually seemed serious which she found hard to believe.

"Kaiden, you're a Bio, tell me why you think this and how it could be possible. I certainly don't understand it."

Kaidan sighed. Maybe he really was totally out of line with this. "I heard rumours. Someone was tempering with mass effect fields and a little more. I don't know. Maybe it had something to do with the beacon and the overload as well. Things adding up, this kind of thing."

Irimsaya nodded silently, watching his face. She could tell something was still bothering him but knew not to push it.

"We should be arriving at the Citadel shortly. I'm sure the Council will wish to speak to our.... guest."

" The Council? With all due respect, ma'am, but what good would this do? It's you who needs to speak with them, not him." If anything, the stranger should be locked up with a guard watching over him until they knew what they were dealing with.

He had a hunch, but nothing more. He had no proof of course. Also, he hadn't heard about any trouble yet with the stranger, only that he claimed to be Shepard. Kaidan inhaled sharply when the dots completely connected. He had refused to see it earlier, he knew that. Of course. Yet impossible. It couldn't be. But then, he had made the suggestion already. Perhaps... No. Or.. why not? He was just refusing to see it as truth. Kaidan just had to break the news carefully.

"What if he is... this might sound really stupid now, what if he is some kind of a you, just a male? What if he's you, Shepard?" Mentally the two people started to blend into one another, becoming one person.

Irimsaya stared at him with wide eyes. She had been trying to ignore that impossible scenario. And it was something she wasn't sure she could deal with. Not after everything else she had already been through.

"Alenko.. I don't know. I don't know what to do or what to think. Am I scared? Hell yes. But I don't know if it's because of him or because of what's been happening. What should I do here? Please, tell me!"

Kaidan had to admit he hadn't seen her scared yet. The commander was usually not whining around. He was used to her giving orders. But this was different. Of course he could understand it, it would scare anyone. Also, it was like fighting for territory. They might call themselves humans, but they still inherited animal instincts too. "I don't know if this is the right choice. But we could need all the help we can get. He could be just as scared as you are."

Shepard nodded, her eyes still on his, all the things she wanted to say to him felt like they would spill out of her like a waterfall.

"Thanks Kaiden, really." She smiled and headed back to sickbay to check on their visitor.

" Any time, ma'am." Kaidan wondered briefly, there had been some emotion behind her eyes and he could have sworn it was there, before she pulled on her commander mask. He watched her walking away, but quickly averted his eyes, not wanting to be seen staring after the Commander in such a way.


	5. ME1 - Chapter Four

Shepard sighed, he had nearly fallen asleep in the time since the doctor was gone. When she was back he felt her taking off the pads and he lifted his arm to watch her. Insecurity settled into his mind. Should he ask and prod more? Should he demand to speak with Captain Anderson? It would cause more hostility towards him, he was sure of this now. But what could he do? He was on a ship, apparently packed with people who... what was going on here. Had they all turned their back on him? Was it some kind of punishment? Should he ask to go the bathroom, grab a gun off a soldier and use it to turn someone into a hostage? Demanding answers?

Alone thinking about it showed him he was already becoming desperate. Desperate people could do stupid things. Doing this would be stupid, especially on a ship. What would he achieve? Nothing. Only more distrust. Trouble. It wouldn't solve problems. His career was in danger anyway, doing something like this wouldn't help at all.

Sighing mentally, he looked back at Dr. Chakwas. She was done with him and he took his shirt to put it back on. He sat there and hung his head, he was stranded in space, on his own ship, with his own people. He needed answers, he needed to ask questions. But someone had taken over his place. Where to go from here now. Adjust? Play along for his own sake for the time being and accept the situation? He wished he'd never gone down to Eden Prime. Wished Nihlus had never approached him about the Spectre status.

"Take these."

Shepard looked up at Dr. Chakwas, she had a glass of water in her hand and two pills. He accepted them without any comment. The pills were gone and the glass empty, he hadn't thought he was this thirsty and handed it back to her. Jesus, now he saw it, her hair was different too. About three fingers longerer, not as long. She wouldn't have had time to grow hair that long since he'd seen her last at the CIC.

"Thank you. Do I have to stay here?"

Going to his own bunk would be nice, being able to settle into something more familiar and maybe catch some minutes of sleep. He really doubted by now the Captain would want to see him, because if he did, he'd have been already here. But it was like he was being shunned. He rubbed his face, trying again to come up with an explanation on what was going on here, aside of this fear these people had been replaced.

"I'm afraid you have to, we don't know where to let you stay otherwise." Chakwas replied in a soft voice.

Shepard stared at her, scratching gently the left side of his face. _'We don't know where to let you stay otherwise.'_

"All right. I'll just stay here," he replied and pushed himself back onto the bed. He wouldn't be going anywhere else anytime soon anyway. Apparently. He should be writing his report and go about his work. But no, instead he was stranded in the med-bay.

Dr. Chakwas went to her desk and he kept an eye on her, watching her work. Typing away on her terminal. Surely she'd fill out reports and analyze samples or whatever it was that doctors were doing. He pulled up his legs, trying to get more comfortable and scratched his head thoughtfully. He once again was trying to come up with any possibilities of any kind of scenarios he could think of. At least the headache had become a dull throb by now and he sighed in defeat, lowering his head onto his crossed forearms and resisted the urge to have a pillow pressed against his chest. 'Don't even go there,' he berated himself and began thinking hard.

Nothing he came up with fitted this situation. Too many unanswered questions, he couldn't rule out any of them. It just didn't make any sense.

  


Irimsaya walked up to the strange man silently.

"Are you alright?" she asked in a soft voice, not wanting to startle him.

Shepard looked up at her, hadn't realized she was there, knowing he should have. Which meant nothing good. 'So, XO of the Normandy,' he thought, eyeing her once again. He hadn't lied to her before and he wouldn't start it now. It surely wasn't going to help him. He felt out of place.

"I don't know, feels like home but .. somehow it isn't. No one knows me but I know everyone. Navigator Pressly, Jeff Moreau aka Joker. Dr. Chakwas. LT Alenko. Gunnery chief Williams. Jenkins died.." he rubbed his face and rattled off the rest of the crew. He knew them all by name, had studied their files, only William's file he hadn't seen yet.

"Maybe I've gone insane. Feels bizare."

Irimsaya nodded a bit, thinking. She sat on the edge of the bed opposite this other Shepard.

"If it helps any Alenko thinks you might be from some kind of alternate reality."

"Uh, Kaidan really thinks that?" He blinked a little while his mind was trying to sort this out. Another reality. The implications. Possibilities and problems. More problems than anything else though. He grabbed the edge of the bed tightly, holding onto it. It would answer many questions, it would solve the problem, the one big problem but not what came with it. Was it possible? Yes. The only option he hadn't even truly considered was the one making most sense, explaining the subtle differences, like Chakwas' uniform and her hair. And yet, it was frightening him the most.

"All right. Maybe he's right. How do I get back?"

Irimsaya shook her head a bit.

"I honestly don't know how we would get you back... Commander... the beacon on Eden Prime has been destroyed and we're almost to the Citadel. But... I am willing to work with you to find some way to get you home."

Stuck. That was the first word he thought of. He was stuck, his own people needed him and he wasn't there. They would be searching. Kaidan would go insane with worry. Nihlus dead, Saren on the run and Commander Shepard had just disappeared.

Stuck.

"I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around this," he shook his head and hopped off the bed, pacing and wringing his hands together. He had to get back. Another reality. How the hell did he end up here again? No, he needed to get back. There was no doubt.

Now was a good time for a shower. Always calmed his nerves and he could think clearly. "Is there any place aside of the sick bay where I can stay. Any chance for a shower?" He paused. It also meant none of them where spies or sick. No one wanted to harm anyone. The ship was fine too and they did their job. He pondered this briefly, mustering the female Shepard.

"I'm sorry. For yelling at you, not believing you. Can we start again? I'm Commander Shepard. But I guess since we share the same name... Call me Jase. Pleased to meet you." Actually, in some weird way he even found it funny. There was no sister in his reality.

Irimsaya smiled a bit.

"You can use the shower in my quarters. And feel free to call me Irimsaya. Most of my friends shorten that to Saya. Now, c'mon, let me bust ya outta here."

Jase nodded a bit, he felt grateful that he could finally leave the sick bay. But it wasn't his home. His home was elsewhere and.. 'No, don't go there. Kaidan. No. Don't even think about it. Not now. Focus on getting back home.'

The other Shepard led the way and the red hair of Saya's gently waved around at the back of her head with each step she took. And he was watching it while he followed her. 'Hair that moves like this, haven't seen it before.' Jase had to stuff his hands into his pockets to keep himself from touching it. Shouldn't she have black hair, just like he did? Maybe she dyed it though. And why was he so fascinated with her hair anyway. A thought crossed his mind. 'Maybe one of.. our parents had red hair.'

His gaze swept over the mess area and he saw Alenko. For a split second, when their eyes locked, he hoped the man would recognize him. This hope was squashed to zero though when the LT looked back down to his work without showing any kind of emotion. It was enough to shatter something inside him and Jase was working hard to not let it show. Not his world, home and crew.


	6. ME1 - Chapter Five

"Finally," he groaned as the water cascaded down from his head over his back and finally splashed onto his feet. It always felt so good. The sound of the spray, the splash of water, tranquilizing, soothing. He wiped a hand over his face and then leaned forward, letting the water beat down on his back and he rolled his shoulders a few times to loosen up the stiff muscles. Once the door had closed to her quarters the woman had transformed into a person he hadn't seen before, a caring person. But he was sure not to be fooled. Perhaps she trusted him but not fully. Hell, he wouldn't trust her fully yet either if he was in her shoes.

Jase rested his forehead on the cool metal plate of the shower stall. What would happen now. Going home, but she had said there wouldn't be a way. And if there wasn't one, what then? What about his people? What about himself? For a second he felt dizzy and had to adjust his balance to prevent himself from crashing into the wall. The situation was overwhelming. It would also mean.. it would mean.

"Kaidan," Jase whispered, but shook his head right away. Jase's fingers rubbed the soap from his eyes, allowing the foam to sting the eyes. It was helping to focus on something else than Kaidan. A day ago he wouldn't have thought this possible. A day ago his world had been fine.

Could he continue his work as Commander? He basically had nothing here, he was.. a nothing. If anything, he would prefer to stay on the ship. At least it was familiar. The thought of being thrown out and having to stay somewhere else was suddenly highly unsettling. He hadn't had this problem before though, he was used to be on his own. But this was different. This wasn't just another assignment. This was like having to start from scratch. No papers. No recommendations, nothing.

Jase listened, he could hear her voice and her soft foot steps echoed in the stall. But he couldn't make out what she was saying or if someone else was in the room as well. He shrugged it off and his attention was drawn back to the sound of water.

Once he felt clean he shut off the water and the fog in his head had gone away, being replaced with some clear thoughts. Jase smiled when he reached for the towels, she even had given him them, he could get used to this kind of attention. Once he was back in his underwear and pants he opened the door and finished dressing.

"Saya, thanks for letting me shower. Sure felt good."

Irimsaya nodded, trying not to stare at the muscles on his chest and arms as they rippled with each movement he made. She started to wonder why she didn't have muscles like that instead of looking like she was nothing but skin and bones. And his dark hair... so beautiful... instead of the curse that her red hair was.

"You're very welcome. I know only too well what it's like to get back from a mission and be denied the very thing you want most. A nice stream of hot water to get rid of the dirt.." 'and blood' but she thought the last part to herself, not wanting to upset him. "So... we still have a bit of time... why not tell me a bit more about yourself?"

"Not much to tell," he answered as he finished slipping into his socks while still standing. Jase leaned down to grab his boots and sat down on a nearby chair, put the boots on and pulled the laces tight. All the time watching her. 

"What do you want to know?" he leaned back, trying to get comfortable.

Irimsaya watched him then raised her eyebrows.

"Well... how about anything you just feel like sharing. Interviews are not my specialty," she grinned at him.

Shepard snorted softly at the interview comment. He knew he was good with this, getting information out of people was something he loved to do. He rubbed his neck, thinking.

"Born in New York. Orphaned. Joined a gang back on earth. Enlisted at my 18th birthday. Worked my way up the ranks. Was considered for Spectre status. And here I am." 

He leaned forward, watching Saya. "Tell me a little about yourself, Saya."

Irimsaya was surprised at his background. Who knew they would be so different.

"Well... I was born and raised in space, so everyone calls me a spacer. I enlisted as soon as I could to follow in my parents footsteps and I gained rank to Commander... and I've never been considered for Spectre status - you must be really good..."

Jase rubbed his face a bit. Parents. He quickly shook it off though. "Don't underestimate yourself, Saya. From what I've seen so far I'm sure you can handle yourself. Hasn't Captain Anderson told you why Nihlus was on the Normandy?"

Irimsaya sighed softly, she really hadn't wanted to talk about it.

"We did talk before Eden Prime.. Nihlus did tell me why he was here.. I'm just not sure it's something I want."

"I can relate to that. It's not something I really want myself. But," he started, moving around on his chair again. He never seemed to be able to sit still for long. "Think about it. There hasn't been a human Spectre before. It would be an honor. There's always someone who's the first, Saya. You'd be making history with it." 

The board filled with books and a few frames caught his eyes and he stood up, walking over to it. He studied the holo pictures for a moment. "Well, it won't be offered to me right now." He knew he sounded sad about this and Jase narrowed his eyes, not at the pictures, but at his own thoughts. "Not that it matters," he sighed and his attention was back on the pictures now. "That's the family?"

Irimsaya nodded and joined him by the pictures.

"Yeah, that's them. I miss them."

The picture of the parent pair was nice, he studied it a little longer. As hard as he tried he couldn't remember the faces of his own parents, but judging by the looks, he saw the resemblance between the woman and Irimsaya. "You got your mother's looks."

She smiled just a tiny bit. "And you have our father's. I'm sure we had the same parents after all - what happened to yours if you don't mind my asking?"

"Don't know. Don't remember much of it." He placed the picture back onto its place and straightened up his shoulders. "I was barely four years old. From what I've been told there had been an accident. Only survivor. Been handed over from one home to another later on. Maybe I was too much trouble. The last foster home I was in had been, uh... there wasn't any violence. They just, they liked to rabbit around a lot and booze was their idea of food. They didn't care if I saw them doing the deed and... Well, I was confused. Ran away." He looked at her directly. "I haven't told anyone about this, why now? What's so different with you."

Irimsaya shrugged a bit. "I don't know. Maybe Kaidan is right. If we're different reality versions of the same person then isn't it kind of like talking to yourself? So really you're just opening up to... you..." She raised an eyebrow in speculation.

Jase pondered this. True. "Point. Only, you don't look like me," he actually chuckled, finding this funny somehow. "All right, maybe I'm really loosing it now, but it's been a lot to take in today. I'd appreciate it if I can stay here on the Normandy and have a place on your team, ma'am."

She raised her other eyebrow now, surprise in her eyes. "I'll have to check that with the Captain, but I don't see an issue with it. On one condition. Never *ever* call me ma'am. We are the same rank and we're both N7. To me, that makes us equals."

Jase nodded and swallowed. "Understood. Thank you. That... means a lot to me. Am I free to roam the ship?" 

Irimsaya considered his request for a brief moment then shook her head slowly. "I'm afraid not without an escort. Not yet anyway. Look, I have to talk to the Captain, why don't you come with me? We can ask him then and maybe if I tell him that I trust you then he'll say yes."

While it wasn't what he had hoped for, it was better than nothing. At least he still got to roam the ship, not freely, but it gave him some breathing room. Upon entering the Captain's room he felt like coming home, but he stood back, letting Irimsaya do the talking. Anderson had always been good to him, had watched his steps, gave him advice. There were so many things he had learned from the man, he'd trust him now too. He listened to what they were saying. Nothing new had been revealed apparently and Jase was dying now to see the docking process of the Normandy. But he kept his attention on the Commander and the Captain.

"I see you have brought our guest with you?" Anderson was sure Shepard had a good reason for that. 

Irimsaya nodded once, warily watching the Captain, not sure what his reaction to the visitor might be. "Yes sir. He has a request to roam freely and I endorse that request. He's proven himself to me."

They were talking about him now and their theories, requesting to test his DNA and comparing to it Saya's. Speaking up wasn't necessary, the Captain would ask if he had questions. Jase kept quiet, knowing he couldn't push forward. 

"I see. Under the given circumstances we should give him a hand for any upcoming paperwork. He practically is non existent. Well Commander, take him under your wing then." Anderson paused briefly. "We're reaching the Citadel shortly, you and your team, be ready to meet me at the docking station." 

Irimsaya saluted him. "Aye Sir."

She turned to her counterpart and motioned with her head for him to follow, not looking to see if he did as she she left the bridge heading for the mess hall to get Kaidan and then to Engineering to collect Ashley... another person who still had to earn her trust.

Jase followed her, feeling a bit like a lost puppy. At least he wasn't being shoved around like a kid. "Mind if I go ahead to the cockpit? Docking at the Citadel is a must see."

Irimsaya glanced back at him with a sly grin. "Go, enjoy. Don't do anything I wouldn't do.." She chuckled when his eyes lit up like a child's on a holiday and she went to the mess hall alone to find Kaidan.

  


Kaidan had kept himself busy while he was alone and was glad he finally got done with the datapads. Just in time, he noticed as he looked up to see the Commander approaching him. Hadn't she said she wanted to get some sleep? Either way, she seemed to be looking better now. 

"Ma'am."

Irimsaya walked over to him and stood in front of him. "Lieutenant. We'll be docking shortly and I want you at my side. Only if you want to be of course..."

Kaidan brushed off his hands on his pants, trying to get them dry. Why wouldn't he want to? "Of course ma'am. Why would I not want to?"

Irimsaya winced a bit. "Well it will be in front of the Council... and there might be awkward questions. I don't know what to expect here to be honest. Can you get Ashley ready too please, I'll be at the conn with the other... me.."

"I'm not afraid of them, Commander, you have my full support. They need to hear the truth," he paused, thinking. Hopefully this would work out in their favour. "I'll round up the chief."


	7. ME1 - Chapter Six

Jase smiled, feeling somewhat back to normal. Being able to walk around freely really had its benefits. While he wasn't one to ignore commands, he liked his freedom. Now it was just a question of Joker. This Joker didn't know him. If he had learned anything today, it was not to scare people with this kind of story.

Jase slowed his pace to a normal walk. He often had the habit to jog around. Why this was, he couldn't say. It started some time ago and now he never paid attention to it. Their pilot was busy, typing away on his panel and Jase slowly went over to the window to risk a glance outside. Unfortunately it didn't take too long until Joker found out that he was here. And of course, he asked the same question as everyone had today.

"Who are you? I haven't seen you on board before."

Jase sighed. ‘Here we go.' He turned away from the window and stood to Joker's right now, looking down at him. He wasn't expecting the pilot to stand up now, but otherwise he'd have insisted. Jase groaned inwardly. What to say? Well, technically they were like siblings. The truth would always be good, but even a crazy pilot like Joker surely had his limits somewhere.

"I'm Commander Shepard."

"Uh-huh." Joker glanced up at the man, doubt in his eyes. Shepard just kept watching him in his stoic way until Joker looked away. "Relative of our Commander Shepard?"

"Siblings, actually."

"Sure." Joker didn't really buy it though. But he thought there was a reason why this guy was on board. And his body language just screamed respect. He wasn't going to push it, but before he could stop himself he blurted out, "Now if you don't mind, I have work to do. Sir." Being watched over his shoulder always made him uneasy. Like he was back in flight school. He wasn't an idiot, he knew perfectly well how to fly a ship like the Normandy.

"Am I.. making you nervous, Joker?" This was going to be fun. Inwardly he rubbed his hands. Jase just knew he could tease Joker without him catching up on it right away.

"Just how do you know my name?"

"It's what everyone keeps saying. ‘Don't piss off Joker, the pilot'. Wouldn't want you to crash the ship. Fiiine ship."

"Right." Joker glared at the man, mustering him from head to toe.

"The Turians would probably demand your head, served on a plate. Can't have that," he shook his head, totally acting serious about that. "On the other hand, I get to keep your hat."

Before he could even touch the brim of Joker's cap, the pilot's hands came flying up, pulling it tighter onto his head. "Hey! I have work to do here."

"Did I just detect a slight lurch to the right?" Jase commented dryly. That really hit home. He could hear Joker inhaling sharply and he knew if pressed further, the poor man would have a hissy fit soon. Before he really managed to get Joker totally worked up _and_ angry, he leaned a bit lower, grinning at him. "Relax. I'm just pulling your leg."

"Jeez! You're a terrible tease. Back off! Or I'm really going to ram this baby into some asteroid, or worse." Joker replied, shooting daggers towards Shepard.

Jase straightened up when he heard footsteps from behind. The laughter was clearly showing in his voice. "Well, we can't have that Joker."

Obviously, Joker was glad when his own Commander Shepard came to his rescue. Her brother just made him nervous. "Good timing, Commander. I was just about to bring us in to the Citadel. See that taxpayer money at work."

Jase turned to Saya with a smile, "Yes. Glad to see you're joining us."

Irimsaya just raised an eyebrow at Jase. "Do me a favour? Don't make Joker crash the ship. It would look terrible on my record." She grinned when Joker turned his dagger glare on her and she shrugged, "What?"

"All right, I get it. Just go on. Don't mind the pilot." Joker huffed.

Kaidan heard the banter when they approached. Williams had tried to chat with him but he wasn't in the mood for her teasing. Yet his mood greatly improved when he heard Saya's voice. It was like it touched his soul, his very inner core. It had been a long time since he experienced these feelings. His eyes settled onto the other Shepard for a moment, who seemed to narrow his eyes slightly. He followed his gaze, which rested on Ashley. The woman was openly checking out their guest.

"Commander, I hope we haven't missed the party."

"Not yet, Joker is just pulling us in now. And what a view he's giving us." Irimsaya gently patted Joker's shoulder.

"As pilots go Joker, you're the best."

Kaidan nodded at her, for once wishing Saya wasn't so bottled up with her feelings, but he himself was the same. He'd have to be a little more bold if he wanted to start something with her. But she was his commander. Kaidan looked out of the right window, at least it was close to Saya and they could stand side by side.

Jase noticed his place was gone. Their LT sort of stole it. That only left him to stand with Williams. The woman had openly undressed him and Jase found he had to stand behind her. 'Great.'

He felt a little surprised when Ashley was fascinated by the flagship. "Look at the size of that ship!" Or was that a pickup line or something. He shrugged, wouldn't know.

Kaidan himself was in awe too. This ship was huge and the design was even beautiful, asthetic. But he felt he had to explain it to Ashley, as she didn't seem to know. "The Ascension. Flagship of the Citadel fleet." He kept glancing at Saya, intrigued by the profile of her face.

Jase knew Joker had a dirty mind of its own, but at this moment Jase had to work hard not to laugh out loud at Joker's comment. How could that man fly, spew out such statements and stay calm as if nothing happened?

"Well, size isn't everything."

Jase's eyes twinkled in mischief at Joker's reply, following the conversation of their crew. He looked over at Saya and grinned, while listening to Ashley throwing back a smart ass reply herself. "Why so touchy, Joker?"

"I'm just saying you need firepower, too."

Now Jase's mind really went into the gutter. Firepower.

"I like big guns and firepower." It took him every ounce of willpower which was left not to burst out laughing now. He looked around when the room was suddenly silent. "What? I was talking about guns." Even Joker was looking at him now.

Irimsaya chuckled softly at Jase's words. "Okay people, minds on the job here. Especially you Joker. Or do you want me to tell the Captain just who it was who scratched his ship?"

"Aye, aye, Commander." Came the pilot's reply, a scratch on his ship would really look bad in his record, too.

She silently shifted ever so slightly closer to Kaidan so she could feel his warmth, wishing for once they were alone and that she could admit her feelings for him.

There was a shifting of presence next to him and Kaidan felt some kind of energy sparking. Suddenly he had trouble to control his biotics. A finger brushed against his and, sensing his chance, he took hold of the offered hand.

Ashley didn't seem to really catch onto anything going on around her. She just kept looking out of the window and her reply was more down to simple things than Jase would have come up with. "Look at that monster! Its main gun could rip through the barriers on any ship in the Alliance fleet."

Kaidan risked a glance at Saya. "Good thing it's on our side, then."

Irimsaya nodded at his comment, a little surprised that he had been so quick to catch her hand but also not pulling it away. It felt like home. She squeezed his hand gently to let him know she liked it then turned to Joker, taking her hand from Kaidan reluctantly.

"Bring us in Joker. And no showing off."

"Citadel Control, this is SSV Normandy requesting permission to land."

" _Stand by for clearance, Normandy."_

" _Clearance granted. You may begin your approach. Transferring you to an Alliance operator."_

"Roger, Alliance Tower. Normandy out."

" _Normandy, this is Alliance Tower. Please proceed to dock 422."_


	8. ME1 - Chapter Seven

Jase was pacing outside Udina's office. He could hear voices, but nothing more. Whatever was being said and discussed in there he wouldn't know until Saya filled him in, if she intended to. 

At least he had been able to leave the ship, but having to wait here was grating on his nerves. He jogged up the passage, finding a door which led to another ambassador's room. His eyes scanned the room and rested on the little alien. The other two were huge. The one he found interesting was looking like.... he nearly thought it was a hamster, only standing on its feet and the other two reminded him of elephants. At least having something to do though, he walked up to them and started asking questions. Among other things he asked them about their history and culture. The chat was very informing and he learned a few facts about Elcors, the Volus and an Asari called Sha'ira. 

Irimsaya left Udina's office looking pissed. Looking around she noticed there was no sign of Jase. She put her hand to her ear to activate her comms. "Shepard where the hell are you."

"I have to go," he told the aliens quickly and left the office. The tone in Saya's voice was... Yes, he knew she was angry. He shrugged it off a little, knowing when he was pissed he sounded the same. "Here, Commander." The three of them looked rather angry, even Williams face was showing anger and Kaidan looked like he'd swallowed a frog.

Irimsaya looked at him. 

"We roam around for awhile. Udina hasn't been able to get us a meeting yet. Jerk of a diplomat anyway. He doesn't understand crap."

"Of course he doesn't, he's a politican."

Jase had trouble to keep her pace, he wondered if he was walking this fast too when he was angry. 'Probably yes.'

"What's the next step, aside of roaming."

Irimsaya stopped and leaned against a wall, taking a deep breath to try and calm herself.

"I don't know. I wish I had some clue but I really don't." She looked at her team and at Jase. "I don't know when the Council will grant us an audience so we probably shouldn't stray too far."

Ashley smiled a bit.

"I could show our new friend around Commander, I don't mind." Ashley's voice was dripping with admiration for Jase.

"No Ash. Let him decide what he wants to do."

Jase pondered this question, but silently thanked Saya for the option she offered him. It would be nice to explore the Citadel. The place was huge and there surely was a lot to discover, be it stores, restaurants or other places to go. But being dragged around by Ashley wasn't the kind of entertainment he was looking for. He'd rather prefer to go with the whole team. At the moment he felt more comfortable in a little group where people actually knew him. But why was Kaidan's face silently begging him to agree to Ashley's offer? Was the man afraid of him? Or was there something else. Since he had … arrived... he never had approached the man, didn't dare to, in fact. Things were different. Chances were Alenko was different too and he'd just have to keep watching the man to figure things out. And at the moment, Alenko's face just screamed _Go with her, please!_

'Well,' he shrugged mentally, 'can't hurt to go with Williams. Gives me the chance to look behind that facade of hers.'

"All right, Williams. Where do we start?"

Williams almost danced with delight that the male Shepard had agreed to go with her.

"Well, let's check out some of the restaurants first." She pulled him after her by the hand in her haste to finally be alone with him.

Irimsaya watched them go with a raised eyebrow.

"I didn't think he'd want to but... at least it gets Williams out of our hair for a bit." She turned and smiled one of her rare smiles at Alenko.

Kaidan couldn't express how happy he felt when they were finally alone. And not on the ship, away from duty and what else which could slow them down. "Shepard, I..." he started, inhaled deeply and decided to just go for it. Either it went fine or he was in danger of a talk down. The dazzling smile from Saya melted his knees. "I have feelings for you, Shepard."

Irimsaya slowly turned back towards him, having been looking at the water while Ashley had pulled Jase away. Her small smile was back on her face as she saw how nervous Kaidan had become.

"Relax LT." She walked over to him. "I know you do."

And with that she leaned in slowly and kissed him very gently.

Kaidan wrapped his arms around after the gentle kiss ended. "Shepard, for a second I thought I had lost you on Eden Prime."

Irimsaya closed her eyes for a second, when Kaidan put his arms around her it felt like she was home.

"For a second I think you did." she answered in a soft voice.

"What do you mean?" he looked at her, gently caressing her back as good as he could, given they were fully clad in armor.

Irimsaya shook her head then looked him in the eyes.

"When those visions hit... Kaidan that was the first time in a long time that I was really scared.. I thought I was losing my mind."

"But you aren't. You're perfectly sane, Shepard." Right hand still on her back, he lifted his other hand to brush away some hair, to see her face better. "If you weren't, I'd still care about you." he gently kissed her brow and whispered, "I know it's too much to ask, given the job we're doing. Just try not to scare me again."

Irimsaya leaned in closer to him, not wanting to leave his embrace.

"I'll do my best... If you promise you'll always be there for me."

"You're a strong woman. I admire this, but I'll always watch your back. Let me be your anchor, your safe habor."

Irimsaya leaned her face into Kaidan's neck and sighed softly.

"I've wanted you and only you since the first time we met. You... fill something in me that I thought I lost a long time ago."

Kaidan sensed there was a story to it, he would ask her about this later, but not now. After all he too had some stories to share eventually. "I feel the same, Shepard." Just then his stomach erupted in a low, but noisy, grumble and he grinned sheepishly. "Sorry."

Irimsaya giggled when his stomach rumbled.

"Don't apologize, LT, let's go grab us some grub. Together."

Kaidan chuckled softly and offered her his hand. "Together," he nodded at her, "but I'll pay."

Irimsaya smiled a little.

"You don't have to, you know... but thank you."

"I'd act like a complete jerk not paying on our... uuh..first.. date...?"

Irimsaya reached up and held her hand against his cheek gently.

"I think our first "date" was Eden Prime," she said with sarcasm in her voice but a smile on her lips.

Now, Kaidan didn't know what to make of this. First date on Eden Prime? He shuddered, wanting to forget about it. Too many people lost their lives there. But he shrugged it off, let it go. "Then maybe it's our second date."

Irimsaya just shook her head and patted his face.

"If I can't tease you a bit... too many people died there but we also found ourselves there. When I knocked you away from the beacon.. it wasn't because I was your commanding officer."

"Oh. Then I need to thank you again. If you don't mind, can we go and find a good place to eat?"

Irimsaya backed out of his embrace reluctantly and took his hand.

"I know the perfect backwater place where we won't be disturbed."

Kaidan was curious to see where she took him and walked next to her. It was the beginning of a good evening, he was sure of it. By now he figured Anderson and Udina wouldn't call them in anymore. Surely tomorrow there would be some more news and hopefully a meeting with the Council.

Wanting to take a risk and not wanting anyone to disturb them, Irimsaya led Kaidan to Chora's Den. She saw the surprise and reluctance form at once on his face and she turned and put a gentle hand on his face.

"This is one of the few places on the Citadel where we can be alone and not worry about interruptions. Besides, if anything happens I still have my gun. Anyone tries to harm you and they get a bullet sandwich."

Kaidan was flabbergasted, she couldn't be serious. Yes, all right, she was making him feel secure and all, but Chora's Den? Was she testing him? All these half naked dancing asari women. Not technically women, but they sure looked like women, moving like this...

"I see why this place is so popular. It's got quite the, uh, view."

Of course his brain just had decided to go somewhere south and he couldn't stop himself from saying this aloud. Kaidan winced.

Irimsaya stopped before she even got into her chair, staring at him.

"Oh.. " She couldn't quite mask the small bit of hurt she felt at that. She barely had time to put on anything feminine, it was nearly always armour. And for Kaidan to say that to her told her he missed seeing women like that. "I..I just thought it might be nice to... to have somewhere where we could talk.. I didn't think.." She closed her eyes. "I mean if you like them..."

She stood back up and went outside, her brain a confused mess. All she had wanted was to have some time with him, away from the people who could stop them being together. But it was her own fault she supposed, there weren't very many places on the Citadel that were safe from prying eyes. Putting her elbows on the railing she hid her face in her hands. Everything that had happened was finally catching up to her and she felt like she could just stand there and weep.

Kaidan groaned, he really had to mess this up by allowing his mouth spewing out things his brain just came up with. Hormones. Maybe it was the hormones and lack of any sexual contact with another being for years. But, he slapped himself mentally, that was no excuse to act like an idiot and hurt the woman he loved. He went to the barkeeper and asked her to make sure that the table was still theirs when they came back and went off to find Shepard outside. He carefully approached her and stayed quiet for a few seconds until he had the courage to speak up. 

"I'm sorry Shepard. It wasn't very tactful. I'm just not used to courtship. It's been a very long time since I've been with a woman," he paused briefly, considering what he just had said. "That's not an excuse though. It was.. inconsiderate. Forgive me, please."

Irimsaya wiped her eyes before turning to him.

"Not your fault Kaidan. Mine. I shouldn't have brought you here... I'm sorry..."

"What? But no. I mean you're right. No one would come and look for us in Chora's Den. It's probably the last place they would search."

Irimsaya took a deep breath. This was really new ground she was treading on. Never before had she even had time to even consider a relationship with anyone.. and now it felt like she could only screw things up when all she wanted was to make him as happy as she could.... before all hell broke loose in the galaxy as she knew it would.

"I don't know where else we could go." She said quietly. "You didn't look comfortable at all in there and I don't want you to be uncomfortable, I... I want you to.. argh why is this so hard for me to explain??"

She turned back to the railing and slammed her fist on it hard in frustration.

He didn't really know what to do now, should he go and say he was distracted? It wouldn't help at all. There was only one thing he could do and he held out his hand for her to take it. Even if she just had a little display of anger, Kaidan could live with this, she wouldn't hurt him

"I asked the barkeeper to hold our table."

She turned her head and saw his hand there. Very slowly she reached out and took it, the bruise from where she hit the railing already beginning to form.

"Please don't think I'm angry with you Kaidan. I mean I know that's how it must look to you. I'm not. I'm angry with myself because.. " She laughed a little and shook her head. "I've never done this before.. I've never.... fallen in love before..."

The warmth of her hand spread through his own hand and Kaidan liked the feel of it, the weight it put into his own hand. Kaidan smiled at her. "Come...Dinner is waiting." He didn't know what to say, how to say it. Maybe he could find the words somehow. Or just show her.

Irimsaya followed him silently. She had really only thought ahead to about where they might have some privacy but not beyond that and she felt lost. She hated not being in control of things but this was something she thought that perhaps Kaidan had a bit more knowledge of. She sat down across from him at the table and noted that he shifted ever so slightly so he couldn't see the Asari dancers, only her and she raised her eyebrows in surprise at that move... not that she would complain. She only *wished* she looked as good as those dancers.

"I'm sorry.. I don't know what came over me."

"So am I. I have the most beautiful woman sitting across me and here I was admiring _that_ view," he nodded towards the dancers. "They can't beat you, Shepard."

Irimsaya looked at him in surprise. She definitely was not used to this... but she was certain it was something she could learn - quickly. His comment had her blushing, she'd never even been called pretty before and here he was calling her beautiful. It felt... nice.

"Kaidan.. thank you. And do me a favour? Call me Saya, it would mean a lot to me, please."

Kaidan smiled at her. "Saya," he repeated softly. What a wonderful and unique name. "If this was the Flux I'd ask you for a dance." Now he hoped this was just the start of a wonderful evening out.

"I'm kind of glad you can't ask that here... I can't dance. Trust me. You'd have your feet in bandages for a week."

"I could teach you," he offered. Though he didn't want to spoil the mood and added jokingly, "At least I'd have happy feet then. I mean I got to dance with the great Commander Shepard. It's like getting an autograph from you."

Irimsaya gave him a mock glare.

"Alright then LT, prepare to call the med bay." She took his hand once more and let him lead her to a spot.

Kaidan guided her as best as he could, taking it slow. She just needed to move with him and he was sure that once Saya would relax it wouldn't be too bad.

"Slow and easy. Move with me Saya," he whispered.

Irimsaya nodded and did as he suggested, surprised at how easy it was to follow him. Taking a chance she leaned in and snuggled against his chest, tucking her head under his chin and praying she didn't make a fool of herself for doing so.

"That's all right, Saya. See, it's easier than you thought."

Her hair was soft and smelled like flowers, Kaidan moved his head a little and placed a kiss on it. He knew this wouldn't go on forever, but at this moment he wished he could store this memory away and dive into it whenever he needed to, feeling it was a perfect moment.

Irimsaya closed her eyes and just stayed there against his chest until the music ended and she moaned quietly when he pulled away gently.

"That was amazing Kaidan. Thank you so much for that." She smiled a bit again and raised an eyebrow. "Do we dare trust the food here? Or do you want me to make you something?"

"Let's trust the food here. I'm sure you're a great cook, but ... I'm paying tonight," he hooked her arm under his, leading her back to the table, "means you aren't allowed to cook."

Irimsaya laughed lightly.

"When I say cook I mean the term loosely. More like eating rations. I seem to burn everything I touch." She sat down again but this time right next to him instead of across. She needed to be near him for some strange reason and she didn't know why.

"Oh," Kaidan laughed at this, "this food should be a lot better than our rations."

The evening seemed to go well for them. He certainly hadn't hoped for a date three days ago. Never did he ever consider them sitting here, together, next to each other and enjoying their food. Out of a silly idea he even started to feed Saya. At one point he thought they were behaving like two lovestruck teenagers. In a way they were. After the table was cleared he just sat there with Saya, his arm around her and cuddled a little with her. He hated the thought of leaving, but he was sure they'd have to leave soon for the Normandy.

"You realize we can't really tell anyone about us."

Irimsaya pulled away at those words.

"Damn the brass and their stupid regs! You can't help who you fall in love with Kaidan. But yes," She rubbed her face, her hand started to throb from where she punched the railing. Too bad the railing wouldn't bruise. 

"I know.. which is going to make it even harder for us to be together." She turned her eyes back to look into his. "But I don't care. I need you. I want you so badly that I don't care who accidentally finds out."

"We'll deal with the gossip when it goes around. There's always some going around anyway."

Irimsaya leaned in and kissed him deeper than they had kissed earlier.

"You want to go back to the Normandy and get some rest?"

Kaidan wasn't sure if this was an invitation or not, either way, he decided to let her set the pace and nodded. "It was a long day, Saya. Whatever you have in mind."

Irimsaya walked as close to him as she dared as they made their way back to the Normandy.

"Kaidan.. I want to be with you as much as possible.. but I don't know how we're going to manage it on the ship." Her voice began to crack a bit, not wanting to let go of what she just found.

"Saya, we will be fine. We are together in this," he smiled at her, while stepping away further when they entered the ship. The Normandy was silent and most of the crew was already asleep.

"Good night, Commander." Kaidan said to her, knowing they had to part ways for now.

Irimsaya watched with a silent pain in her eyes as Kaidan turned and left her side. After he had vanished from her side, Irimsaya went to her quarters and tried to sleep. After a couple of hours of tossing and turning, though, she got up and went down to the mess. Once there she grabbed some tea and sat down at one of the tables, alone.


	9. ME1 - Chapter Eight

Going with Williams seemed to create more problems than Jase had anticipated at first. For starters, he had no credits. Not a single credit chit. In this reality he was hopelessly broke. Which meant, he couldn't pay for any food they might order. Which also meant he'd probably end up pissing off Williams even more than he intended to.

Actually, he never wanted to piss her off in the first place. But once he had agreed, the whole thing just took a completely different turn than what he had in mind. It was already a problem when she had grabbed his hand to basically haul him off to haven knows where. Now asking her to pay for their possible food and having to tell her that the attraction she seemed to feel towards him won't be returned... No, he needed to come clean with her first. He wanted to get to know the person behind that face and not get into her pants.

Obviously Williams had others ideas though, she sure wanted to get into his pants. At least that's what he thought and it was about time that he tried to steer her gently away from the idea. The plan was to become friends and to get to know her. Nothing more, nothing less.

Ashley grinned broadly at Jase as they walked next to each other. She managed to get as close to him without touching as was humanly possible.

"Well.. what are you in the mood for?"

He stopped, looking at her for a second before he stood at the railing, taking in the incredible view the Citadel presented them with. The five wings were huge, it was hard to imagine how a city this big could be maintained. Yet everything seemed clean and calm. Jase found himself drawn into steady but calming sounds the city seemed to create, the lush of the water gently splashing around in front of them only added to it. Water always had a calming presence and even Ashley seemed to be calmer now. 'But,' he figured, 'you could never know.'

"I could die for a chance to go swimming." Shepard commented. "But, there's a problem. I have no trunks."

Anticipation set itself on Ashley's face as she openly attempted to undress him with her eyes.

"Yeah... ok let's get you some then." She waggled her eyebrows at him. "Maybe some nice... tight... ones..."

Jase started to grit his teeth. But he had to be honest, the idea of teasing Williams just started to become fun.

"Williams, get your mind out of the gutter. Besides, trunks tend to be tight. There's another problem, I don't have any credits."

'Damn it,' he thought, 'I should have asked Saya to help me with this credits problem.' After they were back on the Normandy he should talk to her and see about his financial situation. He crossed his arms, watching Williams with a grin. He should start taking bets now, he could make some credits with this.

Ashley shrugged a bit.

"So? I'll get you whatever you need." She smiled, enjoying this already.

"All right. Let's go. But we'll go swimming, got that?" Which would just mean, Williams would need one herself. He could live with that.

Ashley took him to the closest store and advised the clerk to put whatever Jase wanted on her bill. Then she went and picked out the most skimpy bikini she could get her hands on. She was going to take full advantage of this.

 

Sitting on something that passed for a chair, Jase sighed and rubbed his neck, looking utterly bored. His eyes followed some customers, but he didn't pay them too much attention as he was more focused on Ashley and her shopping skill, which obviously seemed to lack greatly. With a flick of his wrist he fired up his omni-tool and checked the time, for the fourth time now, and realized that about thirty minutes had passed since Ashley started her hunt for a bikini.

One item. Thirty minutes.

His eyes followed Williams once more when she started ruffling through the many bikinis a woman could buy again - he groaned softly, shaking his head. Why was it that women always seemed to take so long to buy some clothes. They only needed to be comfortable and practical anyway. He had chosen something not too fancy, light blue color. It had taken him not even five minutes until he had found the right size. Why he actually picked the light blue trunks was beyond him. It just felt right. Jase yawned and checked the time again. Ash was digging through even more bikinis now, after going through the first patch several times and he was glad when she finally found something that seemed to appeal to her.

"Finally," Jase muttered under his breath, "about bloody time."

He nearly spluttered when he saw what it was. Tiny pieces of fabric. The most ridiculous colors. And Ashley seemed to look like she had just scored a victory with that thing, holding it up and grinning at him madly. For all the time spent here, the woman could have gone stark naked, it wouldn't have made much of a difference. He had to cough at the thought and patted his chest gently, cause he nearly swallowed something wrong.

Ashley strolled back to the clerk and bought the items then turned to Jase.

"Shall we?" Her smile nearly too eager now.

Jase nodded and trailed along, he was glad to know they were actually going swimming and not doing anything else. "Ash, we need to talk."

Ashley dragged him along to the area she had in mind for their little excursion.

"Talking can wait. You want a swim so let's swim. Talking isn't swimming and it can wait til later. Unless of course you want to invite me somewhere else."

Now Jase was really getting worried. 'No talking?' But Commander Shepard wasn't afraid of anything, unless it came to his personal life and privacy which he liked to keep quiet about. While he had no problems with himself and felt very comfortable in his own skin, he was suddenly a bit afraid of Williams. He didn't want to ruin the mood though and he wanted to go swimming, badly. Besides, it always offered interesting views and maybe he could take some of them back to his own bunk.

"All right. Talk later. Got it," he rolled his eyes, knowing she couldn't see it since she basically hurled him along. Granted, the woman had just bought him his swimming trunks and was going to pay for the entry.

"We **will** talk later, understood?"

Ashley just smiled at him and shrugged. He could talk but she knew there wasn't going to be much listening involved. Once they were changed into their swimwear and back together, Ashley openly gawked at him. He was the most handsome man she had ever laid eyes on. And she was going to make him hers no matter what it took.

"You.... you look good... sir...."

"Thanks," he replied, being polite. Now he felt really naked and refused to return any statement that maybe she looked great too. She did, but he wouldn't say it at all and he wouldn't drop the sir matter too as it would break down too many borders.

Jase slipped out of his borrowed slippers, placed the towel into a safe spot and went for the water. The sooner he got away from Williams the better.

Ashley watched him as he all but ran into the water. Okay, so he wanted to play hard to get, well she could play that game all too well. She just smiled to herself in anticipation.

One row, two rows, three rows. He counted them. Counted his strokes. At least Williams seemed to be off his back and he started to relax, slipping into a dream like state where nothing existed but his own heartbeat. Jase didn't know where she was, nearly everything around him forgotten. Just the numbers in his head, his breathing and how his body worked the water. And Kaidan. He missed the other man, but pushed the thoughts away.

Ashley just sat on one of the chairs and watched him silently. She was amazed at what he could do and started to wonder just how similar the two Shepards were.

Eventually, when he was satisfied with his little workout, Shepard dived under the water and came back up to float around in the water, watching the ceiling. His ears were under water and he couldn't hear a lot, everything was muted and muffled sounds only. That's when he realized that Ashley still had to be around somewhere. He changed his position and looked around, finding her in one of the chairs and he felt instantly bad. She looked like a lost puppy and he had just left her sitting there. Didn't help though that he knew he needed to talk to her. Jase swam over to where she sat. Fearing she might mentally undress him again if he was to get out of the water he decided to stay in it and rested his arms on the border of the huge pool and studied her carefully.

"Ashley. I need to tell you something." He hadn't done this very often, one or two times if he remembered correctly and he surely didn't want to hurt her.... more.

Ashley nodded then sighed and rubbed her face.

"Okay, how much of a fool have I made myself out to be?"

"Depends. I'm into guys," he stated.

There. He'd said it. Now he was waiting on how she'd take it.

Ashley stared at him with raised eyebrows.

"Dammit why are the good ones always gay." She smiled at him. "Don't worry Commander, I'll back off like a good girl."

"Thanks. Appreciate it. Now Williams get your ass into the water." he jerked his head towards the pool. "Gonna chase you down," he laughed.

"I swear if you pull off my bikini while you're chasing..."

She hopped in next to him nonetheless and promptly splashes him before swimming away faster than she's sure he expected.

Jase laughed, splashing back at her.

"Only in your dreams, Williams."

He dashed after her with powerful strokes, intend on catching her. It was hard though, because he was chuckling and tried not to swallow any water. Jase laughed even harder when he reached her and tried to wrap his arms around her middle wanting to lift her out of the water and throwing her back in.

Ashley screeched and laughed as she was lifted out of the water and dumped back in. She broke the surface and laughed with him then grew silent and watched him.

"Commander.. I really am sorry. I'm kind of hoping that perhaps we could become friends at least?"

Jase crossed his arms shortly, watching her for a second before he decided in a heartbeat that yes, friends sounded really wonderful. The woman was snarky, sarcastic, knew how to handle herself and a gun. Alone this qualified her as a friend in his books. He nodded and thrust out his hand.

"Friends, Ashley. Call me Jase, when we're off duty."

Ashley grinned and shook his hand.

"Aye aye sir... uhm... Jase..."

He had a little surprise for her though, once she took his hand he drew her into a hug and placed a kiss on her cheek. A first time for Jase too, he couldn't remember ever kissing a woman before. Women could be creepy, at times.

"Thanks. I mean it."

Ashley sighed softly in pleasure as he held her then kissed her, even if it was just on the cheek.

"What are you thanking me for?" She asked and smiled at him.

Jase just shrugged.

"Everything. This." He waved his hand. He knew, aside of feeling like being chased and dragged around half of the time, he had a good time and nice evening. And for once he was looking forward to hit his bunk, the day had been long enough and he knew he'd sleep like a baby.

Ashley reached over and patted his shoulder gently.

"Well then you are most welcome. Even if I did act like a complete idiot. Want to go back to the Normandy for a break then?"

"Yeah," he looked around the pool area. It was nice here. Maybe they could repeat this another time.

On the way back to the ship they chatted like old friends. She was easy going he found and he could laugh at her comments. Ashley Williams was a funny person, after all.

"Next time, I pay for you." Jase smiled at her.

Ashley laughed.

"With what money? Last I checked you were broke." She winks at him.

"That will change."

He was sure it would. In time. Maybe there was a way back home though. But for the moment he needed to adjust and just move on with his life as best as he could. Jase wondered how his people were doing. Were they searching for him? Did they miss him? What a stupid question actually. Of course they missed him, they'd be searching everywhere. Kaidan was probably going insane. But they had no idea what was about to happen now with him being gone. Having no way to warn them at all. Shepard lowered his head and decided to call it a night.

"Night, Ash."


	10. ME1 - Chapter Nine

Jase sat up in his bed with a muffled groan, rubbing his face as he tried to get his breathing back to normal. This dream just felt too real with these visions. Horror visions. He slipped into his shoes, knowing he couldn't go back to sleep anytime soon. He quietly left the crew quarters and went to the mess table, yawning and scratching his head, nearly bumping into Saya.

"Shit, Saya! Didn't see you. What you doing here, in the middle of the night?" he yawned again, rubbing his eyes now to see more clearly. Before he sat down on the table he grabbed a bottle of water and gulped half of it down.

Irimsaya nodded to him as he joined her.

"Don't apologize, it's ok. I couldn't sleep, nightmares. You?"

"Guilty," he rubbed his face again and went on to study the bottle. "Never had one so intense. Says something."

Irimsaya silently agreed as she sipped her tea with a grimace.

"I keep forgetting our chef can't make tea or coffee... at least good tasting stuff." She looked at him. "Let me guess - you were in the middle of some kind of battle against a foe you couldn't see and you were losing. And losing bad."

"I could do his job," he shrugged a little, looking at the small kitchen station. He could cook, do coffee too. It would be boring though. He shrugged and waved his hand. "Those kind of dreams I've left behind. It's this vision from Eden Prime."

Irimsaya nodded.

"That's what I was talking about. That damned vision." She rubbed her face. "Yeah that's what my problem is too."

Jase nodded too, taking another sip from his bottle sitting in silence. 

"Wonder what we're in for."

He could relate to that without any problems. It was weird though, here they sat in her reality, discussing their nightmares. Somehow he felt glad they were together in this, he imagined what it would be like to go through this alone with no one else there who could understand.

"Had a good time with Kaidan?" Jase asked, remembering the desperate expression Kaidan had on his face when Ashley was about to drag him off.

Irimsaya looked startled at his question. But then she shouldn't be surprised. After all he was technically a part of herself.

"Yeah..." she smiled coyly. "A very good time. The best I've ever had actually."

"Huh," he studied her now, trying to get behind this and nodded eventually. "Good." But there was more to it, he saw it. While there was a certain glow and twinkle in her eyes, there seemed to be a shadow too. "I'm a good listener."

Irimsaya bowed her head, staring into her tea. Could she trust him with this? Yes, she decided, she could.

"Kaidan and I.. well I think we're in love. But not being able to be with him all the time, it's almost killing me. We never know when one of us might.. " She choked up a bit. "Might die. I'm not sure I can lose him. I already watched my former squad die around me. I was the sole survivor. I don't think I can watch him die too."

Nodding, Jase took the time to empty his bottle, sorting his thought. Yeah, he could relate to this, not being with him. The other half was missing, his soul bleeding. And here? 'Kaidan and Saya. Damn it.' She deserved it though. He placed the bottle back onto the table and started to play around with it, pushing it from one hand to the other, trying to come up with something that could help her. Basically, he already knew what he wanted to say, just not how.

"I'll watch his back."

This was not what he wanted to say at all, but it seemed more logical than, 'Make use of the time you might have. Whatever happens, take what you can get. We are soldiers, people die. It happens. Just look at me.' Basically, this would do because frankly, he would do it anyway.

Irimsaya smiled a little at Jase.

"Thanks."

She trailed off when Kaidan entered the mess, looking like a mess himself. She watched him go over and get some water, obviously having issues sleeping too.

"Speak of the devil..." She muttered to herself, unable to keep her eyes off him.

"If I were you I'd go and spend the night with him."

He knew who she was referring to. It wasn't necessary to turn around and see who walked up behind them, he could feel his presence already. The hair on his neck stood up, his body tingled slightly, there was the rush of energy. No other biotic was able to do this to him.

Irimsaya glanced at Jase then looked back to where Kaidan was standing with his forehead against the wall.

"I think you're right." She answered in a soft voice then got up and went over to where Kaidan was. "Are you alright?" Her voice still soft because she didn't want to startle him.

"Yes, ma'am," he answered softly, eyes darting to the other Shepard and back to her. "Just the touch of a headache."

Irimsaya put a hand on his arm.

"I might have something in my quarters to help you with that LT." Her voice was very soft as she made the invitation.

"Ah, I would appreciate any help you could offer..." he trailed off, waiting for her to lead the way.

Jase sat at the table and couldn't help overhearing them, his hearing was pretty good. The bottle in his hand started to change its form slightly from his hardening grip on it. He forced his hand open to release it, the situation was bad enough for himself. No reason to let Saya know at all. The image of his naked foster parents replayed behind his eyes and he forced it out of his mind, listening to the retreating footsteps of Saya and Kaidan, knowing what they were about to do. _Kaidan_. His fingertips tingled as energy rushed through them, his soul revealing him how upset he really was.

"Fuck this."

Jase stood up, placed the bottle back to where he had taken it from, fetched his training clothes from his locker and went down to the cargo hold's sparring area. The heavy sandbag was about to get a good workout from him. 'Kaidan.'

Irimsaya smiled a bit and led him to her quarters, making sure to lock the door behind them so they wouldn't be walked in on, then she turned to him with a small frown and put her cool hand on his forehead.

"You do look pale.. was it a dream?"

Kaidan leaned into the touch, closing his eyes and he sighed softly.

"Not really. I've been thinking too much... about us."

Irimsaya gently pulled him against her and held him, moving her hand to the back of his neck, knowing it would help ease his head.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

The touch at the back of his head was incredible and Kaidan wasn't sure what to say. Suddenly his biotics fired up a bit, engulfing him into the familiar blue aura and he gently lifted Saya off her feet. He was aware it might tire him out more than he wanted to, but the effect it had on Saya was worth it.

Irimsaya gasped as she lost touch with the ground and she looked at Kaidan with amazed wonder.

"Kaidan.. I..." She fell silent and closed her eyes as he brought her in for a kiss.

At first he was gentle, but it didn't take Kaidan too long to become more bold and demanding. He never realized when exactly they had made it to her bed, but he didn't care. Kaidan's own t-shirt was long gone and he looked down at Saya, kneeling over her form on the bed. Kaidan grinned a little and pushed her shirt up a bit, caressing the bare skin gently before he leaned down to kiss her belly. This was going to be a good night, after all.

Irimsaya groaned quietly as he kissed her bare skin, aware some of the kisses were going along some of her scars as if he were trying to make them disappear for her. She reached down and grabbed his head, bringing him back for another kiss, her breathing heavy and she met his eyes and gave him a small nod, not wanting him to stop.

This was all it took and Kaidan got them out of the rest of their clothes. The mild headache was already forgotten and he knew he wouldn't have one the next day. But now, his attention lay elsewhere.

  


A few hours later he woke up, finding Saya was wrapped around him and holding him in place. Kaidan grinned a little and gently caressed her back. He could already hear the chatter outside from their other crew members and knew they had to show up soon.

Irimsaya groaned quietly as she was dragged out of her sleep by the voices outside. She opened her eyes when she realized Kaidan was still there, stroking her back gently, and that she was basically pinning him down. She grinned at him sleepily.

"Morning already? Damn..."

"Time to face the day and.. breakfast." He was hungry. But the thought of the food didn't really appeal to him. That's when he realized those voices out there were actually talking about food and breakfast.

" _Did you see him? Can't believe he can cook."_

" _Yes and it's got taste, not that junk we usually get."_

" _Do you think he's gonna keep it up?"_

" _Who knows. Ask the Captain to make him our new chief?"_

Kaidan looked at Saya. " Please tell me I'm not going insane and you heard that too."

Irimsaya groaned quietly, nuzzling back into Kaidan's warmth.

"I heard it too... I suppose you want to go see what it's all about?"

"I'm hungry. Share your shower?"

Irimsaya laughed a bit.

"If we share the shower I don't think we'll get to breakfast. You go first." She kissed him gently.

Kaidan laughed and commented that she just wanted to sleep a little longer.


	11. ME1 - Chapter Ten

The sand bag looked slightly deformed. Jase stepped back and studied it, pulling a face. Hopefully it would hold together and not fall into pieces. But those things actually could take a good beating. He shrugged, took off his gloves and bandages and removed his sweat soaked shirt, bundled it up into a ball and let it fall down to the floor with a thud. Sweat dropped down his face and Jase reached for the towel to dry his face and chest. It was a good time for a shower and breakfast later. Coffee sounded good too. Would help him to get through the day. 

After he was dressed in fresh clothes, hair was washed and he'd been having a shave, Jase went to the mess and sat down at the table. Datapad in hand, he wanted to see if he could find a way back home and was studying articles and the database for some time. Since it was early it was still empty Jase noticed someone walking past him and straight to the kitchen. Obviously it was the guy responsible for the food. The datapad still in hands, Jase pretended to read and was peering over the edge of the pad watching the man. Who apparently tried to do his job. That's when he knew he had to step in, the poor lad really didn't know what he was doing. Jase laid the pad down after closing it and went to help.

  


Two hours later the mess was buzzing with people. Jase had went shopping after he grilled the chief for the list and credits. There had been several flaws in the guy's tactics of how to create decent food. Wrong spices for starters and worse. Tea too thin, same for coffee. Jase knew a decent meal could be messed up by using the wrong spices, the flavour would break it literarily apart, making it hard to stomach. Let alone the taste. Luckily they had no aliens on board, he mused. 

"Hey Salvar, how come you can suddenly cook?" Fredricks asked. The kid was always too full of himself, Jase thought when he watched the young man. It seemed to hold true on this Normandy, too. 

"Had some help." The chief replied, trying hard to follow the instructions he'd been given. But he liked having people praise the food he, no - they, created. And he had to admit, the Commander had been nice to him. Never once Shepard had scolded him for doing things wrong and patiently explained how to do it right, even if it was a second or third time.

"He just needed a helping hand, private. He'll do better now. Right?" Jase looked at their cook and slapped his back playfully, causing the man to 'oof'. "Besides Fredricks, doubt you could cook any better," Jase laughed and then watched Salvar, wondering if he'd hurt the manwith the friendly slap. Sometimes he could hit harder than he thought.

"I'll do my best," Salvar mumbled, hoping he could remember all of the tips the Commander had given him. 

Jase picked up on that single mood change and tried to reassure him. "You're doing fine. Just ask for my help if you need it." The guy really seemed to have some self esteem problems and he wasn't surprised, considering the teasing the man seemed to receive. Then Jase spotted Saya and smiled at her.

"Morning sis. Coffee, tea?" Jase asked, wondering why Saya went for tea. He never liked tea much. One of the few differences he figured. Alenko showed up next to her and Jase didn't even ask what the man wanted. Out of instinct he poured him his coffee, added some sugar and handed him the cup. It was something he'd often done back home. 

"You don't have a migraine, do you. You don't look like it." Just now he realized how foolish he actually might look and watched them go to the table. Jase turned to Salvar. "Be back in a bit, gonna help you clean up this mess we made," he motioned around and then went ahead to the table and sat down, eyes on Saya.

Irimsaya tried hard not to blush when Kaidan sat down next to her. She still wasn't quite in control of herself after last night.

"He did have a headache Jase." She looked at Kaidan for permission and saw him nod. "Kaidan uses L2 implants and he tends to get the headache or migraine side effect, which is a lot better than some of the other ones that Dr. Chakwas mentioned to me the other day."

Kaidan was now staring at her in surprise. "You were checking up on me?"

Irimsaya winced a bit. "I was concerned about you, I had seen you rubbing your forehead a lot and I wanted to make sure you were ok. And at that point you weren't talking to me as much as you are now. Please don't be mad."

Kaidan shook his head, his eyebrows raised. "I'm actually more surprised that you even did that. And it's a nice surprise. No one has ever understood about my implants before."

Irimsaya looked back to Jase after sharing a smile with Kaidan. "So, I take it you were busy after we parted ways last night?"

"Uh, yeah. Went swimming with Williams." Jase's eyes still darted between Saya and Alenko, he nearly had said that yes he knows about Kaidan's L2 implants too.

Irimsaya choked on her food when the swimming comment came up.

"You... went swimming? With Ashley??" She was still coughing, Kaidan rubbing her back now in concern. She turned a bit, feeling eyes on her and saw the Captain watching Alenko's hand. "Oh crap..."

"Sorry, didn't expect that revelation would set you off so bad." Jase laughed a little and noticed Anderson walking away. 'Phew', he thought. 

"Yes, I went swimming with her. I take it you want to hear the full story."

Irimsaya nodded silently, aware that Kaidan was looking a bit scared now as he had seen the Captain's look as well.

"Yes, please do tell, now I'm worried about how full of herself Ash is going to be.." She glanced at Kaidan. "Relax, I'll take care of it." She smiled a bit when that seemed to calm him down somewhat.

"Now why would she be?" Jase leaned forward, he wanted to tell her she didn't need to worry about the Captain, it was just a hand on a back, trying to help after swallowing something wrong. He'd done it plenty of times before too.

Irimsaya watched Jase now.

"Oh come on, she was undressing you with her eyes. I swear that woman is a vulture waiting to strike."

She sighed heavily when she heard the comm announce for the XO to report to the Captain.

"Okay boys I'll be back - you two behave yourselves."

She got up and walked to where she knew the Captain would be.

Kaidan was watching her leave then winces when he felt Jase gently kick him under the table.

"I was staring at her wasn't I..."

"You're too obvious at times, Kaidan." Jase commented, watching the crew leaving the mess hall. "I wouldn't worry too much about the Captain."

  


"You wanted to see me sir?"

"Yes Commander. Udina has finally managed to get us into a meeting with the Council. I want you and your squad to meet me in about two hours at the Citadel Tower."

Irimsaya looked relieved.

"Aye Aye sir. I'll assemble my team."

She headed back down to find Kaidan and Jase.

"Okay boys, suit up, I'm choosing you two to come with me to the Council."

On the way to the Tower Jase wondered why he should go with her. He hadn't been on Eden Prime with them. Well, he had been on Eden Prime but here he hadn't. Jase rolled his eyes at himself. This wasn't helping. The elevator rides proved to be long and the music was playing softly in the background. Rocking back and forth on his heels Jase watched the numbers flying by, feeling bored, but he didn't want to think about the Council yet and what they would say. He wanted to keep an open mind. Maybe they would see reason.

"Don't worry about Williams," he told Saya, thinking she should have taken Williams along instead of him.

Irimsaya nodded acknowledgement of his comment and tried to relax. This was one meeting she hadn't been looking forward to at all. Why would the council even believe a word she had to say? There was no proof. They could just throw her in some kind of hospital and claim she was insane. She shuddered at the thought of that but she had hope. At least Anderson believed her and would stand up for her. That was why she had wanted Kaidan and Jase with her, they both would back her up if she needed it.

"There's no way they are going to believe us about Saren." She said softly, both men listening to her. "He's a Spectre. They going to want proof and we have none at all."

"We have the witness." Jase pointed out. "And we saw that ship leaving the colony." He knew he wanted to sound optimistic, but he knew it was going to be very hard.

Irimsaya shook her head.

"The witness isn't credible, not even in my eyes. At least not credible enough to get Saren's privileges revoked."

She stepped out of the elevator with them and saw a Turian C-Sec officer arguing with another officer.

"Well now this looks interesting.."

Jase stopped next to Saya and Kaidan and watched them arguing. Saya was right, this should be interesting.

"Saren's hiding something! Give me more time. Stall them."

"Stall the Council? Don't be ridiculous! Your investigation is over, Garrus."

"Commander Shepard? Garrus Vakarian. I was the officer in charge of the C-Sec investigation into Saren." The left turian turned to Saya. Jase had to bite his tongue to keep himself from answering. Instead he watched the other turian walk away. And a question formed in his mind. Saya beat him to it.

"Who were you just talking to?"

"That was Executor Pallin, head of the Citadel Security. My boss. He'll be presenting my findings on Saren to the Council."

"Sounds like you really want to bring him down." 

Jase kept his tongue between his teeth, mentally saying the same as Saya. This was odd.

"I don't trust him. Something about him rubs me the wrong way. But he's a Spectre; everything he touches is classified. I can't find any hard evidence."

"I think the Council's ready for us, Commander." Jase looked at Kaidan when he said this. He really had to get used to this. 

"Good luck, Shepard. Maybe they'll listen to you."

Irimsaya nodded to Garrus as he left and slowly went up the stairs towards the council. They met with Anderson halfway up.

"The hearing's already started." Anderson stated and went up with them.

Irimsaya closed her eyes for a second, hearing Udina argue a bit with the council and winced when she saw the holoprojection of Saren there as well.

At this moment, Jase was glad they didn't know about him. Especially Saren.

"The geth attack is a matter of some concern. But there is nothing to indicate Saren was involved in any way."

"The investigation by Citadel Security turned up no evidence to support your charge of treason."

"An eyewitness saw him kill Nihlus in cold blood!"

"We've read the Eden Prime reports, Ambassador. The testimoney of one traumatized dockworker is hardly compelling proof."

"I resent these accusations. Nihlus was a fellow Spectre. And a friend."

"That just let you catch him off guard!" Anderson said. Jase could tell their captain was angry too. And from there things went downhill pretty fast.

  


Irimsaya shook her head, glaring at the Council, not believing any of this. When the meeting was over she looked at Anderson.

"So that's it? I want to take Saren down."

Jase nodded. "I agree. We need to deal with Saren ourselves." He had the feeling this was going to be a long day.


	12. ME1 - Chapter Eleven

"I can't believe they just cut Captain Anderson out of this investigation." Jase said while walking with Saya and Kaidan towards the entry of the wards. "And keep a scum bag like Harkin in their ranks for so long. Disgusting."

Irimsaya sighed softly.

"I'm not surprised by anything they do anymore to be honest Jase. But to cut Anderson out like that... well that really ticks me off."

Jase turned to look at her and opened the door towards Chora's Den when he heard a distorted voice coming from the entry of Chora's Den. "That's her!" He quickly drew his pistol and took cover. "Ambush!" Jase's omni-tool flared into life and he successfully overloaded the shield from one of their assassins.

Irimsaya swore and took cover, aware of Kaidan following her closely.

"Take them down!" She yelled then hissed when one of the shots grazed her arm as she got up to fire her rifle at the enemy. It only took about 2 minutes and the attackers were down.

"Well... that was fun..."

"That must have been Saren's people." Kaidan commented.

Shepard sighed and holstered his gun. "Just proves we're right. Let's go talk to Harkin."

Upon entering Chora's Den Shepard's eyes grew wide. "You can't be serious."

"What? You don't think they're here because of the food?" Kaidan replied, grinning at Saya, knowing the food wasn't that bad.

"Yeah, right." Jase commented, hands on his hips, taking in the scenery. "Didn't know strawberries and cream qualify as food." He shook his head.

Irimsaya turned and looked at both of them, disgust on her face.

"Okay you two can it. And actually the food's not bad." She winked at Kaiden and saw him looking at her arm. "It's just a scratch, wipe that worry off your face Alenko." She looked around the room. "There he is, let's go."

"Don't look at me sis, it's not my tongue hanging out here." Jase replied, narrowing his eyes onto Harkin. The man's table was filled with bottles and shot glasses. Something he really disliked.

Irimsaya approached Harkin, trying to hide her disgust.

"Are you Harkin?"

"Hey there sweetheart, looking for some fun? 'Cause I gotta say that soldier getup looks real good on that bod of yours. Why don't you sit your sweet little ass down beside old Harkin? Have a drink and see where this goes?"

"I'll pass."

"Suit yourself, princess. You know if more marines looked like you I might've joined … ooof!" 

In a heartbeat Harkin was hurled out of his chair and shoved against the wall. One arm locked into his throat and the other hand pointed a pistol at his belly.

"Might have joined what. Exactly." He's had enough of the disrespectfulness this drunken stupid son of a bitch was hurling towards Saya. "Now, Harkin. I've got one question. Where's Garrus Vakarian. Choose wisely. If I don't like your answer I'll cut off your balls and feed them to a varren!"

Irimsaya was staring at Jase in shock, her mouth hanging open. Kaiden had his weapon out as well only pointed towards Harkin's head.

"You take the stomach, I'll take the head Jase." Kaiden growled out.

"Hey, guys, enough! He can't talk if he's dead!" Irimsaya finally found her voice, still shocked at the protectiveness of both Jason and Kaidan.

Jase was holding up his 'I-am-royally-pissed-off' stare towards Harkin and he hoped that idiot wasn't going to piss his pants. Tightening his grip a little and tilting his head, Jase made sure Harkin knew he was waiting for an answer.

"Okay, okay. Just relax. Garrus you say? Heh. You must be Anderson's crew. Poor bastard's still trying to bring Saren down, eh? I know where Garrus is, but you gotta tell me something first. Did the Captain let you in on his big secret?"

"Just tell me where Garrus is before this gets really ugly. Remember. Balls. Varren." This guy really was nuts. The pressure of his pistol increased a little to make sure Harkin knew he wasn't bluffing. 

"But it's all related, don't you see?" Harkin grunted out. Jase figured the drunk just loved hearing his own voice. He narrowed his eyes dangerously, finger twitching on the trigger.

"The Captain used to be a Spectre. Didn't know that, did you?" Harkin swallowed audibly, "It was all very hush-hush. The first human ever given that honor. And then he blew it. Screwed up his mission so bad they kicked him out. Of course, he blames Saren. Says the turian set him up."

"Why should I believe a drunk like you." Jase growled.

"Fine, ask Anderson. I bet he tells you. He's too stupid and proud to lie right to your face."

"You said they covered all this up. How did you hear about it?" Saya asked patiently. 

If it had been up to Jase he'd have shoved his knee up into his groin to drive home his point. But she had a good reason to ask and now he wanted to know it as well.

"I spent twenty years working cases here on the Citadel. People on this station love to talk. Secrets are like herpes. If you got 'em you might as well spread 'em around."

"One more chance. Tell me where Garrus is. Now." There went his knee to the groin. "I'd hate creating a bloodbath here."

"Okay!" Harkin whined after finally catching his breath, "Okay! Settle down! He went to speak to Dr. Michel. Over in the med clinic of the other side of the wards." Jase released him, finally having gotten his answer and hurled him back into his chair. But Saya didn't seem to be done with him yet.

"What do you know about Garrus," he heard her asking while he holstered his pistol.

"Damn hothead is what he is, just like your friend here." Harkin motioned towards Jase. "Still figures he can save the world. Always bucking heads with the executor."

Jase leaned onto the wall and crossed his arms, then he looked at Kaidan and nodded towards Harkin, letting him know he should keep his gun trained at him. That guy really couldn't keep his mouth shut, people like Harkin just screamed trouble. 

"He'll pay for it soon enough though. The executor loves to put us lowly field agents in our place. Just look at what happened to me."

"You need to look into a mirror. Just sober up and take some responsibility for yourself!" Jase answered angrily, people like Harkin really upset him. Drunks.

"Save your sermons. This ain't no church."

Shepard was about to punch him, but his fist wouldn't move when he looked at Saya. He nodded a little at her, letting her know he understood.

"I'm outta here." Jase said, hoping they were done with the scum bag.

"Yeah. Good. Go. Let me drink in peace."

Jase just shook his head and left. On the way to the door Shepard snarled something unintelligible after he realized some men were openly touching the asari women in inappropriate places. 

Irimsaya watched as Jase left, her eyebrows raised and she looked back at Harkin.

"You better hope I don't have to come back here to find you." She nodded to Kaiden and he holstered his weapon. "Let's go LT. We have work to do."

Outside, Jase stood at the railing watching the many lanes below them, wondering just how deep this was going and how many lanes it actually held. He was amazed. The footsteps behind him told Jase Saya and Kaidan had caught up with him and he turned around. "That place is disgusting." He nodded towards Chora's Den. "Did you notice the men fondling the Asari? Can't they.. just go somewhere.. private?"

Irimsaya shook her head at him.

"They don't care Jase. Chora's den is a Gentleman's club.. though personally I thought those had died out a long long time ago." She said slowly and looked at her arm when she felt Kaidan's fingers on the scratch to get a closer look at it. "Kaidan... I'm fine, I've had worse." She trailed off at the look he gave her though and she sighed, relenting to him to quickly press some medigel onto it.

"This will do it, Saya." Kaidan smiled at her a little.

"So shall we head for the med centre and see if we can't find our Turian?"

Jase nodded, knowing he needed to get that picture out of his head. "Let's go. Saren won't wait for us."

Irimsaya led the way to the med centre and opened the door, seeing Garrus already in cover and she looked at him oddly. He motioned for her and the others to take cover which they did very quickly.

"What's going on??" She whispered to Garrus.

"Looks like a hostage situation to me ma'am." Kaidan stated softly in her ear so the attackers wouldn't know just how many of them there were. Jase nodded at Kaidan's statement and narrowed his eyes at the scenery, if they weren't careful this situation could get out of hand.

"Alright, let me handle this." She said, nodding once to Garrus and she stood up, putting her hands away from her weapons and ignoring Kaidan's silent protest.

"Hi... can we talk about this? Do you want something in particular?" She's well aware of the doc's panicked eyes staring at her, also aware of the back-up arriving that wasn't theirs. "Hmm, no talking mood huh." As the man holding the doc turned his gun towards her own head. "Okay then, you asked for it."

She lowered one of her hands, giving Garrus the shot he needed then she tackled the doctor down while Jase and Kaidan took out the reinforcements. Once that was done she helped the doctor back to her feet.

"Perfect timing Shepard, gave me a clear shot at that bastard."

"Glad I could help" Jase answered, eyes on Saya. 

"Dr. Michel, Are you hurt?"

The Doctor was upset and it wasn't surprising, considering one of those thugs just had used her as a shield while Garrus actually shot her kidnapper in the head. Jase was glad the Turian had a clear and good shot.

"No, I'm okay. Thanks to you. All of you."

Jase sighed in relief and nodded a little. "Why were they threatening you. Who do they work for."

"They work for Fist. They wanted to shut me up and keep me from telling Garrus about the Quarian."

"Does this have anything to do with the investigation about Saren?"

"I think it might. Dr Michel, tell her what's happened."

"A few days ago, a Quarian came by my office. She'd been shot, but she wouldn't tell me who did it. I could tell she was scared, probably on the run. She asked me about the Shadow Broker. She wanted to trade information in exchange for a safe place to hide."

"Where is she now?" Jase asked, the quarian was in real trouble too, he was sure about it.

"I put her in contact with Fist. He's an agent for the Shadow Broker."

"Not anymore. Now he works for Saren. And the Shadow Broker isn't too happy about it. That quarian must have something Saren wants. Something worth crossing the Shadow Broker."

"What else can you tell me about the quarian," Jase prodded. There surely was more information to be had.

"I'm not sure... Like I said, she wanted to trade information for a place to hide. She didn't ... wait a minute! Geth! Her information had something to do with the Geth." Locking eyes with Saya, he knew they'd go after the quarian now to hunt down this information. That's exactly what they needed to make the Council see the truth. 

"She must be able to link Saren to the Geth. There is no way the Council could ignore this!"

"Time to pay Fist a visit." Jase stated.

"This is your show Shepard, but I want to bring down Saren as much as you do. I'm coming with you."

Irimsaya nodded to Garrus. "Welcome aboard indeed. Alright, let's move out!"

With a small sigh she nodded to Kaidan and Jase, she had a feeling this was going to be a very long mission.

"So, Chora's Den.. again... more trouble than I thought after all."


	13. ME1 - Chapter Twelve

"Thanks for getting me some credits, Saya." Jase leaned down and kissed her cheek before he opened the bottle of red wine he'd bought for her.

"First human Spectre." he said, while filling their glasses. There was another bottle close by, one for Turian's. Jase just didn't know how Quarians actually managed to eat with that mask of theirs. He briefly wondered what life is like having to live in such environment suits all the time. 

Irimsaya nodded and smiled a little.

"My creds are your creds as far as I'm concerned. But you didn't have to go out and buy wine. Not that I'm complaining of course."

"You got Spectre status," Jase grinned, while raising his glass a little and started to repeat what the Council said.

"Spectres are not trained, but chosen. Individuals forged in the fire of service and battle. Those whose actions elevate them above the rank and file.

"Spectres are an ideal, a symbol. The embodiment of courage, determination, and self-reliance. They are the right hand of the Council, instruments of our will.

"Spectres bear a great burden. They are protectors of galactic peace, both our first and last line of defense. The safety of the galaxy is theirs to uphold."

"To Commander Irimsaya Shepard." Jase downed his glass in one big gulp. Still, he was wondering a little about the my creds are your creds thing and if he had become a Spectre too in his world. 

'Kaidan,' he thought, as he studied the empty glass before he put it down, 'I miss you.' He quickly poured himself another drink, taking it slower this time, watching the liquid. 

Kaidan was sitting right across him and yet so far away. He could smell it, they were in love. And Jase himself was standing here, forced to watch, trapped in another world with a lot of feelings in his chest, feelings of heart break and loss, of yearning and longing. Of love.

Under the table Kaidan reached over and took hold of Saya's hand, giving it a light squeeze.

Irimsaya took a sip of the wine and smiled to herself when she felt Kaidan's hand on hers and squeezing lightly. Unfortunately it also had the effect of turning her hormones on high and all she could think about was getting him back to her quarters. But she also wanted to just sit there with Jase and Kaidan, being with both of them as a friend as well was important to her.

"Thank you both. And in truth I couldn't be a Spectre without you two. You guys made it possible."

"Thanks." Jase said and sat down across them, watching the pair. But truth be told.. "You'd have gotten it even without me being here."

"Ah, Commander. Thank you for letting me join you, but I'll just go and set myself up down at the Mako if you don't mind." Garrus said, ready to leave and get some quiet place of his own.

Irimsaya nodded to Garrus.

"Of course, please do. You have free reign on this ship Garrus."

She watched him leave thoughtfully then turned back to her wine and sipped it again, fully aware of Kaidan's hand still on hers.

"I really do appreciate the wine Jase, it's not often I've had cause to celebrate," she looked down at the table, trying to hide the sadness in her eyes.

"More reason than ever to enjoy this." He replied with a smile, trying to encourage her. He's had his share too. This was an evening to celebrate, but what else could he say? In such situations he often needed more time to think to find a coherent sentence which wouldn't hurt the other person he was talking to but would actually lighten their spirits. The pressure on a commanding officer was always high, even higher now on Saya as she was a Spectre, he figured. They couldn't afford to fail their people.

"You aren't alone. You have Shepard, myself and the crew of the Normandy. I know you won't fail us." Kaidan looked at her while gently caressing her fingers.

Irimsaya looked up at Jase first and saw her own pain reflected in his eyes and she sighed softly, wondering what she could do to help him. When Kaidan started stroking her fingers her breath hitched a bit. She wondered if he even realized what one little touch from him did to her.

"Thanks again guys... but I think I'm going to go to my quarters and do some reading. I have so many things I need to work through."

She slowly and reluctantly pulled her hand from Kaidan's grasp and stood up.

"You guys should get some rest too.."

Her eyes rested on Kaidan's for a moment, a silent invitation being sent to him, then she retreated to her quarters and searched for the book she wanted.

Once Saya was out of earshot Jase needed to comment with a dry chuckle. "You guys really have it for each other."

Kaidan glanced at Jase with raised eyebrows.

"I just hope it's not that obvious to everyone." He cleared his throat a bit. "So how are you doing? I mean this isn't your reality and we all know that so I want to make sure you're adjusting ok."

He knew he had to ask but it was all he could do to not run after his commander and tackle her into her bed.

"No. But I know where to look." Jase took the bottle and poured himself another glass. The fourth now? 

"I'm... adjusting. Been thrown into bad situations before where I was forced to adjust rather quickly. But this," he waved his hand, "is different." Jase sighed softly and he looked back at Kaidan. "I noticed a few differences."

Kaidan forced himself to keep his eyes on Jase though the rest of his body was distracted by the thought of Saya.

"I can tell what one of those changes are Jase. Contrary to popular belief I'm not blind and I'm sorry... but in this reality I prefer women." He smiled sadly at Jase. "And I know it's hurting you to watch me with her and for that I'm sorry but I can offer you one thing at least and that's my deepest friendship."

Jase just looked at him dumbfounded as this wasn't what he expected to hear, let alone to tell. But now he'd all but forgotten what he wanted to say. True, he had figured as much already though. Just hearing it really made his head swim and his heart seemed to speed up, doing funny beatings and hurt even more. Kaidan. For a while he was at a loss on what to say as his brain refused to engage. Alenko just shouldn't have brought it up at all, not like his. Instead he poured himself another glass. The fifth?

"Accepted. Just go to her. She's waiting for you."

Kaidan watched him for a minute longer then stood up but before he left he put a gentle hand on Jase's shoulder.

"Just remember, you're not alone."

Jase just closed his eyes, resisting the urge to lean into the touch and bit his lip.

'But I AM alone... Kaidan.' Jase thought as he closed his eyes, forcing back the wetness in them.

Once he was alone he took the bottle and emptied it before he went and made a last round through the ship to check up on the crew. While he wasn't completely sober he at least had an idea what he wanted to do. At the end he decided to go and check up on their food supplies, realizing they had a few other races on board now. It was fortunate that Garrus, Tali and Wrex had joined them while they were still docked on the Citadel. It had given him time to round up some food for them after he'd checked up on it with Salvar. Their cook at least knew what they needed for them and he was glad he didn't have to look it up himself.

  


Irimsaya sat on her bed with the book she finally found. Something that always seemed to calm her down.

Kaidan pressed the door button, knowing she wouldn't have locked it as she was waiting for him and quietly slipped inside. The lock was quickly put into place and he walked over to the bed, sitting down next to her.

"Mmh. What are you reading?"

Irimsaya put her book down and closed her eyes. He was so close to her.

"An old love story - Romeo and Juliet. I find it always relaxes me."

She groaned in quiet delight when his hands found her shoulders and gently massaged them.

"Tell me more about biotics..."

Kaidan shook his head no though, he really didn't want to spoil the mood with his past. "You just really like what I'm doing Saya," he grinned. "I'll tell you another time if you are still interested. For now, I have other plans."

Irimsaya turned to face him, his hands still on her shoulders.

"What did you have in mind LT?"

"It doesn't involve reading Romeo and Juliet."

Irimsaya smiled at him and pulled him in for a deep kiss just as the comm went off in her room and she groaned, leaning her forehead against his and licking her lips.

"Yes Joker?"

"Sorry to disturb you ma'am but we're approaching Dr. T'Soni's dig site."

"ETA?"

"5 minutes ma'am."

"Acknowledged. Thanks Joker." She closed the comm and saw the annoyance on Kaidan's face. "Let me guess, you're not that fast." She grinned at him.

"I like to take my time, ma'am." Kaidan replied teasingly.

Irimsaya kissed him again.

"I'll make it up to you after we get that Asari scientist on board, I promise. And no calling me ma'am when we're in my quarters." She smiled at him and caressed his face. "Kaidan Alenko... you are a wonderful man."


	14. ME1 - Chapter Thirteen

Jase was pacing behind Joker, rubbing his hands and listening to the video feed. At least Joker was able to watch it but he just didn't have the patience. He should have been down there with them.

" _Of course. What good is a hallucination if it can't offer false hope."_

"She thinks she's hallucinating? Poor girl. They're down there and getting her out."

"Stop pacing! You're worse than my mom!"

"Sssh. I wanna hear that." Jase replied, he nearly had chuckled at Joker's comment. He was glad his legs and feet weren't giving him a hard time, after having emptied that bottle of wine. To make matters worse, he knew he shouldn't have had wine at all, they hadn't been off duty. The luxury of command on Saya's part had been his saviour.

" _Listen. If you're real, find some way past the barrier curtain. Find some way to deal with the geth. Then use the control panel to release me. If you're not real, leave me alone. I'm tired of talking to myself."_

"All right, they'll get her out. Joker, be ready to pick them up, the place is crawling with geth."

  


Irimsaya looked around and saw the mining laser and an idea struck her, if she could just figure out the code.. She walked over to it quickly and started playing with the code, nearly cheering when it finally went off.

"Come on you two let's move out!"

She led the way through the hole and into the chamber behind Liara. Irimsaya went up to the field holding the scientist and spoke to her.

"Okay, we're here."

She watched Liara turn her head.

"How did you... Nevermind, see that control panel there? If you press that button that should deactivate the field."

Irimsaya turned and saw what Liara was talking about. She immediately did as the Asari asked and soon they were on the elevator on the way up when the cavern started shaking.

"What's going on?" Kaiden yelled over the rumble.

"The mining laser must have done more damage then we thought - this structure and the cavern were seismically unstable!" Liara yelled back to him.

Irimsaya reached for her comm.

"Normandy, we're going to need an evac, how soon can you get here??"

_"Already on our way ma'am. We should be there in about 8 minutes."_

"Not much room for error on this one." Kaidan muttered.

"Make it happen Joker!"

When the elevator finally stopped Irimsaya was shoked to see a Krogan with a couple of Geth.

"You do know this whole place is about to come down right?" Irimsaya said to the Krogan after they debated about who would take Liara and Saya refused to give her to them.

"Yes, exciting isn't it?" He answered

Irimsaya swore as the firefight ensued. It took quite a bit of effort but they managed to kill the Geth and the Krogan. She looked at her team and at Liara.

"MOVE IT!"

She led the way to the stairs, clinging to the railing as the ceiling started collapsing around them.

"GO GO GO!"

She motioned for Liara and her team to go first and she brought up the rear. It took everything they had left in them to make it to the ramp outside the complex and Irimsaya doubled over to catch her breath as the Normandy flew in and hovered near them.

  


Jase was on his way to the comm room, meeting up with the crew for the debriefing. The door opened and he saw they were already seated and talking. He took the last chair on the left side and listened while studying the asari. Saya was asking questions and Jase felt no desire to jump in, she had everything covered. His interest perked up when Dr. T'Soni told them about the beacon and the vision. He just hoped the nightmares would go away and not bother him for a few nights.

"Ash, knock it off," he shook his head at her when Ashley sounded as if she was about to start a fight with the aliens on board. "We know you mean well." he silently added, 'but not like this.'

"Sorry. Sir," she replied and looked at him. Jase just shook his head at her a little.

Saya dismissed the crew and was ready to talk to the Council, Jase left the room since he had no business or right to stay. But he wished he could have stayed, instead he decided to wait outside for her. It was weird. It should have been his place. All of this wasn't happening at his 'home'. And Kaidan...

Irimsaya came out after a bit, rubbing her face tiredly. She smiled at Jase.

"Hey... thanks for being there to handle Ash, I was ready to slap her."

"Don't know what's gotten into her. Should catch her for a chat."

"You go ahead and do that Jase. I need to see if Kaidan and Garrus are alright. That was too close for comfort."

She smiled at him and, after checking on Garrus, she went to Kaidan's quarters and knocked gently, entering when she heard his tired voice.

"I just wanted to make sure you were ok, you looked really pale during the debrief."

"I'm fine, thanks for asking. Very tired, I wore myself out down there." Kaidan replied sleepily from his bed, eyes already closed.

Irimsaya gently felt his forehead, grateful he was alone for the moment.

"Alright, get some rest." She smiled a bit. "I'll make good on my promise to you when you can take advantage of it."

She gently pulled the covers up around him and stroked his hair a few times before leaving.

Kaidan wanted to reply that he's really looking forward to it, but the soothing hand stroking his hair was enough to make him fall asleep. The last clear thought was how lucky he was to have such a caring woman at his side.

Irimsaya made her way back to the CIC and looked at the galaxy map, trying to figure out their next move. It was almost like playing a game of chess. No matter what move you made your opponent made a counter-move. Staring at the map she settled on Noveria for their next stop and sent the message to Joker.

  


Ashley wasn't where he thought she would be as her place was empty and Jase grunted out his disappointment. His eyes fell on Garrus and he shrugged. 'May as well talk to him,' he figured, it was time to get to know their newest crew members, including Wrex. 

Tali'Zorah was on his list too, but not today anymore. Tomorrow would be another day and then they'd talk. Jase liked her name and kept repeating it in his head like a mantra. 

'Tali'Zorah nar Rayya'

He smiled a little, why couldn't his own name have such a nice ring to it. His was plain and simply. Even Saya had a nice, but very unique, name. Why was his so boring? 

'Call me Jase.' 

Yeah. Nice one. 

'Jase Shepard.' 

He shook his head. It wasn't even Jason. Just Jase. Were his parents really so boring? Or was the name given to him after the accident, by someone who just needed to give the upset kid a name and be done with it. He shrugged, he'd never know, couldn't remember anything at all before the accident. He figured he should, others were able to remember more of their early childhood days. But it was something he wouldn't waste more time with, having tried to come up with an explanation before. At the moment, he had other problems to deal with. Like his very existence in this reality. One that wasn't his. Jase yawned and went back to the crew quarters, only to be surprised to find his bed occupied.

"Ash, what are you doing here?" he whispered, not wanting to wake up the others.

Ashley sat up on the bed, watching him.

"I was bored down there and thought maybe you might need someone to talk to. A friendly ear so to speak."

"Uh...," he sighed and squeezed himself onto his bed. "Not sure I want to talk about it. Our realities are different and I'm trying to deal with it." 

Ashley merely raised her eyebrows.

"Commander... Jase... I think you do need someone to talk to. I might not be as blind as the LT, I can see your feelings. Call it a woman thing."

"That's just bad. You'd be the second person to notice," he whispered back. "Not gonna cry on your shoulder chief, if that's what you're waiting for. But," he paused, thinking about it, realizing his inner feelings actually felt more like completely messed up, "letting go of a two years on and off relationship is a hard thing to do."

Ashley reached over and patted his arm.

"Yeah, tell me about it. Look, I don't expect you to just open up and share all your feelings and get all emotional on me, but I want you to know I'm here if you want someone besides the LT and the Commander to talk to. I might come off as a bitch, but honest I used to be nice once a long time ago. You bring that out of me and it's nice to have someone who's willing to see past that aspect of me. I had to be tough, especially on Eden Prime. How Commander Shepard deals with being the only survivor from Akuze I'll never understand, cause I sure as hell am having a hard time with it."

"You move on and promise yourself not to fail them again, but to honor their deaths by doing better. If you don't, it will break you, if you let it." Jase explained, hoping she might understand since she lost her whole squad on Eden Prime.

Ashley slowly looked at him and met his eyes.

"Thanks Jase... I appreciate your advice." She kissed his cheek as a friend only. "You should get some rest, I hear the commander is getting ready to plot a course for Noveria."

She got up to leave and smiled at him before exiting the room.

"Thanks, chief," he whispered after her. He wouldn't cry, not yet. But he sure as hell often felt like it. Once changed Jase fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.


	15. ME1 - Chapter Fourteen - An unexpected interruption

" _Wake up Commander, we've received a distress call."_

Jase sat up in his bed right away. Was it a dream? No, it had been Saya's voice, he knew it wasn't a dream. He touched his comm for a reply, "On my way," got dressed quickly and hurried to the CIC. 

"What's going on?" he looked at Saya questioningly, but the distress call was repeating itself and he listened to it. 

" _...repeat... we are under... geth... this is...we... under attack.."_

Irimsaya looked at Jase.

"Joker, do you have the coordinations?"

" _Yes, Commander."_

"Plot a course Joker, get us there as fast as you can. If we're lucky maybe we'll run into Saren. I've been itching to try my new rifle against him."

She looked back to Jase.

"I'll go get Alenko, I want you with me on this one. Suit up."

Irimsaya all but ran to Kaidan's bunk and was surprised to see him up already and looking totally refreshed.

"Glad you're up and about. Distress call came in, suit up."

  


"What the hell have they been doing here," Jase wondered when they had hit the ground. The colony was a complete mess. Houses were destroyed, every possible technology seemed to have been ripped out and taken away.

"Joker, any readings for survivors?"

" _...can't.. anything.. Commander...we.."_

"Damn it. Looks like we're on our own." Jase commented towards Saya and brought up his omni-tool, trying to get any readings. Maybe someone was still alive and could tell them what happened.

Irimsaya brought out her rifle as soon as they landed, automatically expecting trouble.

"Stay together - something's not right about this. Let's move out."

She walked at point, scanning everything as they moved to make sure there wasn't any sign of the enemy when they came across a field blocking their path.

"Oh great... ok boys, thoughts on how to get past this?"

"Second," Jase replied and set his omni-tool to scan for energy readings. The whole area started to light up. "There must be a massive energy source to feed this field," Jase said and followed the orange lines in the ground. His skin tingled and he started to feel cold - a clear sign danger was lurking around.

Irimsaya watched him then turned, a weird feeling on the back of her neck and her eyes widened.

"Take cover!"

She dived behind a rock just as a blast landed right where she had been standing. She didn't pause to see if the guys had made it to cover instead she started firing at the incoming husks.

"Dammit! Here they come! Open fire!"

Jase let Saya take care of the husks, he couldn't even count how many came at them. Instead he focused on the group of the approaching geth which were firing at them. One of the husks exploded into a soup of slime next to him and he had to wipe the junk off his helmet to keep a good sight of the geth destroyer as he could hear its chatter and snarl, clearly communicating with the other geth. Jase turned and ran for the other cover as they were closing in on him, he could feel the bullets hitting the ground behind him. As soon as he was close to his cover Jase thrust forward his omni-tool, overloading the shield of the closest geth again and took it out with two shots of his pistol. 

"One down!" he yelled and saw something flying past him. Quickly he raised his pistol, killing a husk that had been sent flying. "Good job, Kaidan. Watch your back." Jase grunted and nailed a husk into its head.

Irimsaya managed to destroy most of the attacking husks then focused her attacks on the destroyer, knowing it had to be taken out and fast.

"Die already!"

She kept firing, not noticing her barrier was nearly gone as were the others.

Kaidan and Jase killed off the two remaining husks before they turned onto the last geth. It too went down fast, only the destroyer was left. Jase narrowed his eyes, the thing was suspicious. It was moving directly into the middle between them and he spotted the blinking on it.

"Take cover! It's rigged to explode!" Jase yelled, but it was too late as he felt the force of the explosion pressing into him, driving the air out of his lungs and tossing them backwards.

When the destroyer exploded Saya was thrown back into the rock she had previously used as cover and passed out, not even having time to check on the others.

  


Irimsaya opened her eyes slowly awhile later. The concussive force of the blast had knocked her cold. She looked around with blurry eyes and saw both Kaidan and Jase not far from her but not moving.

_No,_ she thought to herself, _they can't be dead... please don't let them be dead..._

When she saw Kaidan twitch one of his fingers she felt the relief flood her and felt as if she would burst from it. But when she saw the two Geth approaching them she hoped and prayed that both Kaidan and Jase would remain still. Her eyes widened slightly as they came directly to her and each one of them grabbed her arms in a steely grip.

Saya gasped in pain as they squeezed her arms ever so slightly to prevent her escape or her fighting them. Knowing her struggles would be in vain, she tried anyway as they dragged her away from her team mates.

"What the hell do you damned things want??" Irimsaya demanded, her voice shaking a little. She had been captured alive once before and had made a vow to herself never to let it happen again.

There was no answer from the two Geth that dragged her along with them. A third one had arrived and was taking her weapons from her as they walked to a damaged building. Irimsaya watched in silence as one of them moved a table over and gasped, her eyes watering a bit from the pain, when they squeezed her arms again and made her move to the table.

"I don't know what you want from me but you will NEVER get it!! NEVER!"

Irimsaya groaned as the third one came back to them and grabbed her ankles then the three of them lifted her into the air and onto the table on her back then secured her to it with some of the wires that were lying around from destroyed electronics. Now she was starting to feel a bit scared. She'd never been so totally helpless as she was now. The wires cut into her wrists where they were secured to the table, other wires ran over her body creating little criss-cross patterns over her body like a net, making it so that she could barely move.

Afraid to say anything she just raised her head a bit off the table to see what they were doing and saw that the Geth were setting an ambush for her team. Her eyes widened in shock as she realized that they were using her as bait to flush the others out into the open. She put her head back on the table, breathing hard, and started trying to free herself but soon found it was impossible. When one of the Geth put it's 'hands' on her face, clenching her jaw shut in such a way that if she moved she knew it would break, she had no way to warn them. No way to tell them it was a trap.

She was going to get them killed.

  


'Ugh,' Jase thought when he woke up, 'I had too much to drink.' But then he remembered. They weren't on the Normandy. No. A geth destroyer just had exploded right next to them. He rolled onto his side and sat up slowly. His eyes scanned the area to figure out what damage had been done to them. At least he himself wasn't hurt.

"Kaidan!" Jase quickly scurried over to him, their LT was lying still on the ground. "Come on, Kaidan. Wake up."

Kaidan groaned quietly as he felt someone shaking him gently. His head was pounding and his ears were ringing but he opened his eyes slowly and looked around.

"Jase?" He groaned out then realized that there were only two of them. "Where's the Commander...???"

Jase helped him up and handed him his lost pistol. He looked around, hands on his hips. 

"I don't know...." he replied thoughful and tried to contact the Normandy again, but there wasn't any kind of a reply. Jase looked at Kaidan, studying him for a few seconds and then back onto the ground which … seemed disturbed. He narrowed his eyes. "See that?"

Kaidan knelt down to look at the marks.

"Yeah.. Geth tracks.. and they were dragging something.." He trailed off and his voice became a whisper. 

"Or someone."

Patting his back gently Jase replied softly, "Come on, let's find her." 

He drew his pistol and led the way around the building, following the tracks. But at some point they just stopped and he didn't know where Saya would have been taken. There were two obvious options, to a ship or to a building here. The third option was she was dead, but he refused to believe that. The chatter of a nearby geth group stopped that train of thought and he nodded at Kaidan. They both lacked the heavier fire power Saya had provided but they were two good soldiers too. Now it would just prove how good this Kaidan and he himself were able to work together. Jase just hoped in this aspect they were the same person. But he didn't need to worry. One geth was already in the air and Jase aimed and fired, killing it in mid air. On the next Geth Jase sabotaged its gun right away, preventing it from firing at them. 

Kaidan did what he could, feeling another headache starting that told him perhaps he was doing too much. Thankfully he and Jase were able to get through the Geth attack - albeit a lot slower than if Saya had been with them.

He looked around at all the buildings then paused when he thought he saw movement.

"Jase, that one. I saw something move."

Jase nodded and started to move towards it slowly, creeping along the wall and peered into the room. Jase motioned for Kaidan to look into the room for himself while he backed off, wanting to know what the other man would think of this.

"Thoughts?" he whispered, once they were away and hopefully out of ear shot.

Kaidan was pale after seeing Saya bound tightly to the table the Geth had placed her on. He looked at Jase.

"They're holding her prisoner?? Why? I thought the Geth didn't take prisoners."

That's when he heard the tapping and he held a finger up to keep Jase silent.

\- .-. .- .--.

"That's morse code...."

\- .-. .- .--.

"I think she's trying to tell us it's a trap."

Kaidan's eyes widened in horror when he heard the crunch of bones and Saya scream in agony.

"No.." He started to run for the door.

Jase grabbed him from behind, wrapping his arms around him to keep him place and shoved him onto the wall. "You wanna get her killed?!" he whispered angrily. "Then go ahead, run in there and die with her."

Kaidan closed his eyes and shook his head but Jase could see he was having a hard time focusing now that he knew Saya was in pain.

"We have to get her out of there. She needs a doctor now."

He could still hear her muffled whimpers of pain and realized the Geth must be keeping her from talking somehow.

"Yes, and I need you to stay focused. Letting your personal feelings interfere isn't doing her any favours," he shook him a bit. Jase knew he'd done the same mistake before too, there was a reason why this wasn't allowed. Strong minded people wouldn't have a problem to follow orders, but the passionate ones did. And Kaidan was one of them. It was the reason why it had taken Jase weeks of gentle persuading of his Kaidan before he'd finally agreed to start something with Jase. But at least they hadn't been serving together at that time.

"You won't help her by getting yourself killed, Alenko." Jase sighed and let go of him. 

Kaidan rubbed his eyes and nodded.

"Okay... I can do this... I can do this... I saw something, when I peeked in before... the area on the floor around the table had been disturbed, like the Geth or someone had put something there."

Jase narrowed his eyes at Kaidan, if he could choose another squad member right now he would. But Kaidan had to do for now. He shook his head and concentrated on the problem at hand.

"Let's see what this something is," Jase said softly and brought up his omni-tool, remembering all these energy readings and the barrier they had seen before. The ground beneath their feet lit up in orange lines, who all seemed to lead into the house Saya was in, intensifying in color. It seemed like one barrier was bleeding into another one.

The chatter of approaching geth interrupted Shepard's train of thought and he quickly shut it down and took cover with Kaidan. For once he was happy the geth actually communicated, otherwise there was hardly a chance to tell where the synthetics were.

  


Irimsaya just lied there trying to focus on anything except the pain in her hand but it wasn't working. There were more Geth coming into the room and she had no idea if her message was heard or not. Although she was certain her scream had been heard, unfortunately. If Kaidan had heard it... she closed her eyes as the 'hands' on her head tightened a little, squeezing her head a bit. She took a deep breath, determined not to scream again no matter what they did to her.

  


Kaidan watched in silence as more Geth marched past them and into where they were holding Saya. It was going to be nearly impossible to destroy them all without at least grazing Saya with their weapons fire. There had to be another way. Something he and Jase hadn't thought of yet. Jase was right though, Kaidan knew his emotions were getting the better of him. The thought of losing Saya was a painful one.. but if they had to sacrifice her then Kaidan knew they had no choice. His brain was going a mile a minute despite the growing headache he felt. Once the Geth had passed he let out the breath he had unknowingly been holding.

"Okay, say we manage to get in there without getting blown to pieces by their weapons. As soon as they realize their plan worked, that they have us there, they'll kill her."

"We create a distraction, scatter them apart, take them out in small groups. We won't stand a chance facing them all at once." 

Jase knew that even this distraction could endanger Saya. If they realized they'd be attacked who knew what they were about to do to her. But it was the only way, hoping the geth would stick to their plan, or order, and wait for Shepard and Alenko to enter the building. Those barriers needed to go first though, and shooting their way through it wasn't an option either. He knew he could try to overload their barriers but he was sure it wouldn't be enough at all. And then Saya would be in even more danger, while the two of them walked into their very own trap created by shortsightedness and the inability to analyze the situation correctly. Because the point was to take out all hostiles and free the hostage, alive.

Jase motioned Kaidan to follow him, he wanted to see where these Geth had come from and if there were more. And indeed, there was more. Shepard signaled Kaidan to stop and pointed at the ground. Never before had he seen something like this. Green lines embedded, leading to another building. Considering the distress call had been just twelve hours old, Shepard figured whatever this was had been built up pretty fast. If this was Geth made, they were in for some more serious trouble. These Geth seemed to be more organized than those he had seen on Eden Prime.

Kaidan was staring at the green lines thoughtfully then looked back to Jase.

"Tripwires? Alarm units maybe? If we walk on those we could be telling them we're here and they'd come."

Shepard nodded, just as he feared. But, alarms could be disabled. 

"They must be getting their energy from somewhere, there are no drop ships around." 

Cutting off their energy supply could also solve another problem as well - the jammed communication to the Normandy. 

Kaidan flinched when he heard another scream.

"They really want us in there don't they. But why? To eliminate the opposition to Saren?" He felt sick to his stomach, leaving Saya alone with those things went against everything his heart was telling him. "Okay... energy source... well what about whatever the colonists used? I'm sure they could have adapted it to their needs."

"Think about it Kaidan. Taking us out puts an end to every investigation we're doing. Now and in the future." 

And he knew there was the possibility that they even could get the Normandy too, he just hoped they weren't attacking her yet. Jase motioned to move on, leading the way. Most colonies were built alike, following a pattern and Shepard headed straight for the house with the generators. The energy readings on his omni-tool told him he was right. That's where the mainpower was. But, he stopped, what the hell was that?

"Straight ahead," he nodded towards it. "Geth hubs?"

Kaidan nodded in agreement.

"Probably. I just hope destroying them will be enough. They might have guards there and if they do they can relay that they are being attacked to the ones with the Commander. I almost feel like we're in a no-win scenario here."

Shepard sighed and rubbed his face. Only one option left.

"We take out their energy and those things there.. go offline. They'd still attack us. I don't know what these.. hubs do. Come on." He lead the way to the building, tiptoeing around the green lines and peered inside carefully. There were two geth groups in there, made up of three geth each and two destroyers. Their energy source was the colony's generators. Wires came out of it and lead outside to the hubs. From the hubs came the green lines. Jase wished he could blow that building into hell, without having to attack the Geth at all.

"You still got some grenades on you?"

Kaidan searched himself then pulled out a couple.

"I have two more besides these. Saya asked me to hang onto them."

"All right. Hold onto them, we might need them later."

This was going to be an insane plan. There was a gas container. Three grenades, a biotic, the ability to overload the gas container and getting eight Geth killed at once. Jase knew this could put a heavy strain on Kaidan and also the chance to have him fall into deep exhaustion, but as far as he saw it, there was no other way. Blowing inside and killing them at once with their skills and weapons could work, if they knew what these green lines meant. Killing off the energy source in one swift motion with a makeshift bomb would take care of that funny business and give them breathing room. He just hoped it was good enough for Saya. Shepard look at Kaidan and explained his plan. "... This is what we're going to do."

Kaidan winced but nodded agreement, knowing he might pass out when this is done.

"Then let's do it and save her before they kill her."

Shepard nodded and got his three grenades onto the gas container. "We've done some crazy shit before Kaidan, I know you can do it. All right, let's fly." After checking the area again for any other geth, Jase got into position for a clear path, ready to let the container explode once it was close to the Geth and their main energy source.

Kaidan focused himself and created some biotic fields around them then did a couple of throws. He used every skill at his disposal. It felt like minutes when it was just seconds later that Jase got the explosion to work. Kaidan collapsed to the ground on his knees, leaning against the wall and breathing hard, sweat pouring down his face.

Jase grabbed him and hurled him down onto the ground, shielding him with his body, before they were hit with a rain of debris and the audible sound of energy going offline. The green lines vanished promptly and no alarm seemed to be triggered. Jase fumbled with his pockets, ripped out an energy bar and handed it to Kaidan. 

"Eat that." 

Jase got up and drew his pistol to see if there were any geth closing in on them.

"Hurry."

Kaidan ate the bar quickly, felling a bit better as soon as he was finished. He ran alongside Jase to the building where Saya was being held and peered in again.

"They're still in there.. one still holding her head... there's blood on the floor."

Shepard winced, just at that moment his radio crackled and he could hear Joker's voice.

" _Shepard, do you copy? Commander, anyone, do you copy?"_

Shepard activated his radio so that Joker could listen in to them.

"Kaidan, can you put that geth holding her head into a stasis field?" he asked quietly. It could give them the edge to take out the other geth. But before that Jase fired up his omni-tool, checking for any other traps. The orange lines were gone. Good. 

Kaidan was staring at the blood slowly pooling on the floor beneath her, an anger Jase hadn't seen before slowly building in his eyes. Kaidan slowly took on a blue glow and he held out his hand.

"Your wish... my command."

Kaiden let loose with the most powerful field he could muster.

"H...hurry... can't hold it for long..."

Jase rushed forward, rendering the left Geth's gun useless and overloaded the right geth's shield, firing several shots on it until it dropped dead to the ground, then he took out the left one which was closing in on him. Jase was tempted to throw a grenade onto the one in the stasis field, but knew he couldn't. Instead he hurried forward and freed Saya quickly so she could move once the stasis field was gone. Knowing it was risky, Jase decided to go into close combat with the Geth, something he hadn't done before and he wasn't sure at all if it was working. But better him getting a few scratches then Saya, who was already hurt. 

"Lower it." And as soon as it was down, Jase tackled the Geth away from Saya.

"Get her out of here!" he ordered quickly.

Irimsaya moaned quietly when Kaidan ran in and gently picked her up. She reached down with her good hand and grabbed his pistol, shooting behind him at an approaching Geth and hitting it right in it's 'eye'.

"Turn around Kaidan." Her voice made Kaidan wince as it was laced with pain but he did as she asked and she shot the one Jase had tackled in the 'eye' as well. "Stupid machines.." She mumbled then holstered Kaidan's weapon.

"Joker, it's time to pick us up. Commander Shepard is hurt." 

" _Aye aye."_

Jase gave the dead geth a good shove and walked past Kaidan and Saya, checking the area outside.

"All clear," he told them, but knew they had to stay focused and alert. "Come on, let's get you to the Normandy," he said and led the way to the landing area. 

As soon as they were back on the Normandy Jase made sure they were leaving this planet. 

"Take us out of here Joker, we don't need any more ambushes. I'm at med bay." 

  


Irimsaya hid her face in Kaidan's chest as they entered the Normandy. It was all she could do to stay conscious as Kaidan ran with her to the med bay and Chakwas. 

"Doc! She's hurt bad!" Kaidan shouted to her as he gently lied Saya on the closest bed. He looked down at himself and saw he was covered in her blood and he went extremely pale.

Chakwas went to work right away but the way Alenko fussed over Shepard made it hard to work on her. 

"Lieutenant, please go and wait outside. I'll call you when I have news."

Kaidan looked at the doc and slowly backed away, his eyes on Saya's face until he left the med bay and sank to his knees again as Jase ran over to him.

Irimsaya looked at Chakwas as she did her exam. "Right hand is shattered doc." She was gasping in a breath. "They put some kind of blade in my stomach, missed all major organs... went right through..."

"Please stay calm, Commander." Chakwas said softly, wondering where Shepard's armor was. Apparently it had been ripped off and the rest of the suit had been damaged. But luckily the inner suit had still been able to apply some medigel. Chakwas was glad, otherwise the Commander would have been dead by now.

"I will give you a sedative Commander. I'll have you patched up in no time," she assured her.

"Kaidan, come on. Sit down." Jase was carefully leading him over to the table of the mess. "She's gonna be okay," he tried to reassure him. She had to be.

Kaidan looked at Jase, his eyes a bit haunted.

"I... I've never seen that much blood.. and it was all hers.. and it's all over my armour." He closed his eyes. "Well if the crew didn't know before I guess they do now huh."

"Are you really worried about them knowing?"

Kaidan shook his head no, staring at the table, then put his forehead in his hand.

"She **has** to survive... she **has** to."

Jase placed his hands on Kaidan's shoulders, forcing him to look at him.

"She's a Shepard, Kaidan. She will." He motioned with his head towards the crew quarter. "Lay down, get some rest. I'll get you when she's good enough to see you." 

With that Jase stood up, ready for a little mission of his own and started to walk away, but he stopped and looked at Kaidan, "That's an order. Bed, now." 

Then he walked off and went to clean his own armor. Once this was done and everything was back in order Jase went and collected Kaidan's armor and got it cleaned and sorted too. It was a weird feeling though, but he didn't allow himself to think about it. He was doing Alenko a favour, nothing more. The man had outdone himself down on the planet. (But he was quietly wondering if their LT would do the same for someone else.) At the end it was one thing less to worry about for Kaidan though. And it helped Jase to focus, to keep his thoughts in line. Another colony had been lost, many people had died again. Many condolences had to be sent out and there we no bodies to recover which could be buried. The evidence was right there in front of him too, all the gore on Alenko's armor and Saya's blood. They could have lost her too, they still could. He shoved the thought away, as it nearly made him gag. Kaidan. Saya. 

Not knowing if Saya would be up and about once they reached Noveria Jase went ahead and checked the locker for Liara T'Soni. She would want to go with them to see her mother, Matriarch Benezia. Jase picked the armor for her and made sure her weapons were loaded and in good shape. As Saya was a pure soldier and without her they'd lack any decent fire power, Jase went and opened Ash's locker. Her armor and weapons were in perfect order and he smiled. There was nothing to do for him here. Just in case he continued with Tali'Zorah's, Garrus' and Wrex' locker too. They had to be ready whenever needed.

The next point on his agenda was to get a cup of coffee and go to Saya's room to write the report, which he did. Saya wouldn't be able to do it right away and he wanted to get it done as long as his memory was fresh. It made him feel like he was slipping back into his role, the one he was supposed to fill. Jase left the report unsigned, Saya would have to read it and add her signature. 

He sighed in frustration at this and leaned back in Saya's chair, eyes traveling along her quarter. They came to rest on the shelf which was filled with books and the holo picture of "their" parents. There was a book which seemed to have been read recently and Jase wished he could pick it up and bring it to her. But he was sure she wouldn't like that, him going through her things. The idea of reading a book was appealing though, the touch of paper held something special.

Checking his report one more time he felt satisfied with it and looked at the time. Jase realized their crew would soon be invading the mess hall, demanding their next round of food. He shrugged. He had nothing better to do at the moment than to wait for their arrival at Noveria and since it was still a few hours until they reached the planet he could make himself useful and give Salvar a helping hand again. Hopefully by that time they'd know how Saya was doing. It also gave him the opportunity to observe the reaction of the crew to the tragic events and possible outing of the relationship between their Commander and Alenko. And if needed, he could steer the discussion away from them.

Which brought his thoughts back to their cook, Salvar. The man hadn't been on his Normandy and he basically knew nothing about him. Jase leaned forward and looked through the files of Saya's terminal. He was tempted to pull up his own and Saya's but decided against it. Salvar's was more interesting. There it was, he opened it. But the console beeped at him.

_**Classified** _

Jase's eyebrows rose. 

'Interesting.' 

He punched in his access code, hoping that it might grant him access, but he doubted it.

_**Access Denied** _

Well, it had been worth a try though. Jase turned off the console and left the room. Time to go and spend some time with their mysterious cook.


	16. ME1 - Chapter Fifteen - Noveria

Irimsaya weakly opened her eyes to find Chakwas standing over her.

"How do you feel Commander?" Chakwas asked quietly, concern in her eyes.

"Tired... weak...sore..."

"That's to be expected. Get some rest, you're out of the woods now but that was a little too close for comfort."

"Kaidan.. Jase?"

"They're both fine physically. Kaidan was pretty worn out when they got back, apparently he went all out with his biotics to save you. And you don't have to worry about the crew knowing anymore. I think it's safe to say after he carried you in here they all figured it out."

"But what about Jase?"

"I don't really know. He looked ok but was very quiet. Would you like me to get one of them for you?"

Irimsaya blinked a little, her head still feeling weird.

"Maybe Jase? I'm sure Kaidan is sleeping and I don't want to disturb him."

"I'll have him paged for you."

Chakwas went to the intercom.

"Attention crew, would Jase Shepard please report to the medbay. Thank you."

 

"Was nice chatting with you, Tali. Talk to you later." With that Jase practically ran out of the engine room and into the elevator. The thing was always too slow for his liking and he punched the button twice to make it move. Finally it set into motion and slowly brought him up to the crew deck. Jase jogged to the med bay and hit the door button to have it open up.

"Doc??"

Chakwas smiled when he came in.

"Commander. You've been asked for." She nodded to where Saya was lying and Jase could see her eyes were open.

"Hey bro." Her voice greeted him really weak.

"Thanks, Doc." Shepard gently touched Chakwas arm before he looked at Saya. His eyes travelled over her form and came to rest on her face. She looked even paler than he had remembered when Kaidan had carried her in. But there she was, awake and looking at him, which was good. He smiled at her and with long strides he reached her bed quickly, to stand at her side. The red hair was a mess but he didn't care, he reached out and gently touched her head.

"Hey sis. How are you feeling?"

Irimsaya closed her eyes as he stroked her hair, it was soothing.

"Just so weak. I don't think the doc is gonna let me outta here by the time we reach Novaria... I want you to go in my place. We have the same DNA - tell them you're the Spectre and they should let you in with no problems. Take whoever you want for your team..."

Chakwas went over to check on her patient and shook her head at Jase, letting him know that Saya was right. She wasn't leaving the med-bay for a couple of days yet.

"Understood. Honestly, I figured as much." Jase watched her for a second, then decided to give her a quick run down. "Your ship's running smooth, the crew is worried. Don't be surprised if a few drop by to say hello. I kept the gossip at bay."

Irimsaya smiled a bit and took his hand in her good one.

"Thank you... for everything. You risked your life to save me, don't think I'll ever forget that. How's Kaidan holding up? Were either of you hurt?"

Jase shrugged, "That's my job. We're fine. Speaking of, I should go and wake him up. Ordered him to sleep."

Irimsaya gently released his hand.

"Okay." Her voice was sounding tired and strained. "I'm sure he can come here if he wants.. but can you make sure you both eat something please?"

"I will. Rest and get better. That's an order." Jase smiled at her gently. Time to give Kaidan the promised wake up call.

 

Kaidan had fallen into a fitful sleep, dreaming about what happened as if it were a movie that kept replaying in his head. Now he was sitting on his bunk, his head in his hands, when Jase came to find him.

Jase watched him sitting there and with a sigh he realized his own emotional feelings started to kick in when he looked at Kaidan. Not good. He grit his teeth a bit and tried to push away those now unwelcome feelings.

"Kaidan," he adressed him softly. It took all of his will not to reach out and touch him. Instead he folded his hands behind his back. "She's awake."

Kaidan looked up at him, a glimmer of hope in his eyes.

"She is? Is she ok? Will she be ok? How bad is it?" The questions seemed to just tumble out of his mouth as if he had no barrier between his mouth and brain.

"Err." Jase backed off and leaned onto the wall. Better to get away from him. Before he did something really stupid like trying to get him to shut up with the only option he had ever used. No way.

"She'll be fine, in time." Jase pushed himself away and started to walk towards the door. "Eat something! I'll round up Ash and T'Soni. We're heading out to Noveria. Talk later, Alenko."

Since they were already docked it wasn't a problem to head out right away. He just needed to pass for Shepard. Jase practically ran to get Liara, figuring it was best to get her first since Kaidan wasn't really there yet. He had no intention to run into Kaidan once more, there was a mission ahead of them and he needed a clear head. At the moment, Kaidan was too much of a distraction and reminder of what he had lost.

Liara stared at Jase as he moved quickly to her.

"Is there a problem Shepard? Would you like me to come with you to Noveria?"

"Yes." This really threw him off for a moment. "Thought you might want to be there when we meet your mother."

Liara was thoughtful for a moment.

"I would like to think I could help you stop her. Perhaps even remind her what we are fighting for. Very well, I shall accompany you with thanks."

Liara had a point. But he couldn't be sure to trust such a powerful Matriarch, after all she was working for the enemy. He just hoped he could trust Liara. Then he round up Ash and got changed himself.

 

Kaidan figured he'd find something to eat first. Saya would ask him about it. He just wanted to see her so badly. There were some snacks to be had and he quickly ate them and grabbed a cup of coffee and took it with him to the med bay.

Irimsaya opened her eyes when she heard someone else enter the med bay, someone who was talking quietly and fervently with Chakwas.

"Kaidan..?"

Kaidan quietly nodded to Chakwas and went over to Saya.

"Saya? I'm... I don't think I can find the right words. I'm just.. so happy to see you awake." he leaned down to give her a soft kiss.

Irimsaya smiled a bit and closed her eyes as he kissed her.

"I hear you went all out... to the point of exhaustion." Her eyes watched his face. "I want to thank you for saving my life. You and Jase did a wonderful job down there... and I love you." She didn't care anymore who knew it.

"I love you too, Saya." He didn't know what else to say, still too shocked about what had happened. Kaidan went and got himself a chair from the mess, planning on spending his time there at Saya's side.

Irimsaya watched him go then smiled a bit when he returned with the chair and placed it next to her bed. She glanced over at Chakwas.

"Doctor, is there any way we can get a feed in here so we can hear what's going on with the team on Noveria when they arrive?"

"I'll see what I can arrange for you Commander." Chakwas went to her communications terminal.

Irimsaya returned her eyes to Kaidan's face.

"You look tired still, should you be sleeping instead of drinking coffee?"

"I'm fine Saya," he replied and took another sip of his coffee. "I've been sleeping long enough. You really want to.. spy on him?"

Irimsaya shook her head a bit, still watching him.

"Not spy. Be there if he needs me. It doesn't feel right, not being able to go down there when I know it's my mission." She closed her eyes. "And knowing the hell I put you two through during that last stop..."

Kaidan snorted. "It was a distress call. We were obliged to respond and investigate."

" _Commander, you should be able to listen to Shepard's feed now."_ Joker's voice sounded over the comm of the med bay.

Irimsaya watched Kaidan silently for a moment when Joker's call came through.

"Thanks Joker!" She returned her attention to Kaidan who was staring at the hand that Chakwas was still fixing. "Don't worry, it'll be as good as new in no time. And so will I."

Kaidan just nodded, now he was listening to what was going on.

 

Both Ashley and Liara were waiting for him when he finally got to the airlock. Ashley was watching Liara with what could only be described as hate but when Jase showed up her eyes softened.

"Hey Jase, thanks for letting me come to stretch my legs."

"Figured you could need some fresh air. Gets old pretty quick being stuck on the ship all the time." Jase eyed the flying drones wearily.

Now it was time to put Saya's suggestion to test and he was more than surprised when it actually worked and they were allowed to enter the building, and could keep their weapons. He wouldn't have handed them over anyway. Also, their findings proved to seem true, Benezia was here.

Jase knew he should go to Anoleis but he didn't, instead he looked at his squad, stating, "Let's check this place out first, ladies." He wanted to get a feel for the layout, not trusting the peacefulness. There were turian guards all around, who knew when Anoleis or anyone else would decide to attack them. Better to be safe than sorry.

The hanar he'd found wanted to him to smuggle a package. Jase snorted and crossed his arms, watching the alien. The way they spoke was interesting. 'This one' they kept saying. He liked them. Jase remembered having helped the preaching one on the Citadel, after getting Ash to pay for the license. That alone had been worth a chuckle. So. 'This one' wanted a package. All right, he would do it.

"Wait here," he told Liara and Ash and jogged back to the dock to pick up it.

Ashley sighed as she waited with Liara for Jase to be finished. She really did not like aliens, especially ones 'claiming' to be on their side. She didn't trust this Asari at all.

It wasn't hard to find either and Jase soon was back with it. For a second he even considered keeping the package, as he wanted to know what was in it. But the Hanar was..., well. He had a weak spot for aliens and so the package ended up in the Hanar's possession. Since he was even getting paid, Shepard thought he should try to squeeze a bit more out of it and the Hanar willingly complied. Now, this had been fun.

 

Kaidan just nodded, now he was listening to what was going on and he snorted.

"He actually smuggled it to the Hanar? Would you have done that? It's illegal."

Irimsaya was thoughtful.

"You know.. I think I would have, yes."

Kaidan raised his eyebrow at her.

"You surprise me every day, Shepard."

Irimsaya smiled slightly.

"Is that a good or bad thing, Alenko?"

"A good thing," he grinned and gave her a kiss, then he listened again. In case Saya would fall asleep he wanted to tell her what was going on.

 

Now it was time to speak to Anoleis. Just hearing his voice already made Jase think the guy was too full of himself.

Meeting him proved his feeling to be true and he kept it short and to the point after it was clear he couldn't count on any help from him to reach Benezia.

Ashley gritted her teeth as they walked out of the administrator's office.

"How the hell has that guy managed to stay in his position for so long??"

"Bribery? Sure sounds like an ass."

Back out of his office, his assistent chatted him up. And her suggestion actually proved useful. Lorik Qui'in. Things clicked into place in Jase's mind and he was about to pay Anoleis something back.

He'd help Qui'in.

 

Irimsaya just held his hand in her good one, taking comfort from his presence. Just him being there with her was soothing her more than she could have dreamed possible.

"My...biggest worry... is Benezia..." She mumbled, fighting to keep her eyes open.

"Mmh yes, it has me worried a bit too."

"Meet me at the hotel for a drink?" Kaidan repeated and chuckled when Parasini invited Shepard.

Irimsaya brought his hand up to her face to cuddle it while she went in and out of sleep, trying to listen to what was going on, but his voice was too soothing.

Kaidan realized Saya was asleep and he made himself more comfortable in the chair, listening to the chatter, fighting and orders. He just had to be careful not to fall asleep too. Unfortunately, he failed at it too and awoke later to listen to some conversation, a voice he hadn't heard before. It also seemed to lead to some kind of argument between Jase and Ashley.

 

" _This one. Serves as our voice. We cannot sing. Not in these low spaces. Your musics are colorless."_

"Musics? What?" This was just too weird for Jase and he rubbed his neck. What was this asari talking about?

" _Your way of communication is strange. Flat. It does not color the air. When we speak, one moves all."_

"This is gonna be a fun conversation." Ashley commented dryly and Jase wanted to nudge her a little, if the situation wouldn't be so solemn he'd have laughed. Instead he just looked at her quickly.

" _We are the mother. We sing for those left behind. The children you thought silenced."_

Sounded a little like a riddle and Jase hated riddles. It had been enough having to repair the core to get Mira back online. The tank and the Rachni Queen in there was interesting. The rachni Queen used the dead asari as her voice. He'd listen to this very old alien. He walked forward and peered into the tank again, looking at the queen directly.

"The krogan wiped the rachni out a thousand years ago." He had a feeling she wanted something from him and he didn't like it. He knew his voice sounded harsh.

" _The sky is quiet now. Our mothers' songs are lost. And those who slew us now walk to meet the same fate."_

Jase turned back to his team, wondering what they were thinking about this. He wished he'd have more insight into all of this.

" _The children we birthed were stolen from us before they could learn to sing. They are lost to silence. End their suffering. They cannot be saved. They will only cause harm as they are."_

Jase sighed. Of course they were dangerous, he'd taken out quite a few to reach Benezia. They were hostile. But why did they attack?

"I don't understand. Why are your children killing people?"

" _These needle-men. They stole our eggs from us. They sought to turn our children into beasts of war. Claws with no songs of their own."_

'Shit,' Jase thought, 'they were breeding soldiers here.' He shook his head, disgusted.

" _Our elders are comfortable with silence. Children know only fear if no one sings to them. Fear has shattered their minds."_

"I understand. A child left alone in a closet until she is sixteen would not be sane." Liara said. Shepard had to agree, it was basically the same for human children. They all needed care, love and attention. A voice leading them gently, directing them, even.

"If you're sure they can't be saved." He said thoughtfully. They were still children, after all. Misguided, but dangerous as well.

" _It is lamentable. But necessary. Do what you must. Before you deal with our children, we stand before you."_

'Here it goes,' Jase thought, 'now we're talking about the real question this rachni has.'

" _What will you sing? Will you release us? Are we to fade away once more?"_

"Commander, I don't trust this thing. We know its kind are killers. The tank is rigged with acid. I recommend using it."

Jase sighed inwardly. Ash was right, they were killers, but this rachni was different. It was talking to them, him, told him to kill their children because they were evil and..misguided. Would she do it if she only meant to kill them? Perhaps, to save her own hide. But then again...

"They made a mistake. They let the krogan go too far. This is a chance for us to atone. She has done nothing to us." Liara said, offering her advice. Well, Jase knew she was older, but still considered as a very young asari, yet she had more knowledge than he had. She had a point too.

" _Your companions hear the truth. You have the power to free us, or return our people to the silence of memory."_

Jase groaned inwardly, he needed to know what she would do if he let her free. "If I let you live, would you attack other races again?"

" _No. We- I do not know what happened in the war. We only heard discordance, songs the color of oily shadows. We would seek a hidden place to teach our children harmony. If they understand, perhaps we would return."_

'Harmony,' he thought. But he was curious.

"Are you a survivor from the war? A clone?"

" _We do not know. We were only an egg, hearing Mother cry in our dreams. A tone from the space hushed one voice after another. It forced the singers to resonate with its own sour yellow note. Then we awoke, in this place. The last echo of those who came out from the Singing Planet. The sky is silent."_

'They are all dead. She's the only one left. Last of its race.' Jase crossed his arms, considering his decision. 'And when I kill it, they all are gone. This would be genocide. I can't do that.'

"I won't destroy your entire race. You'll go free."

"There's a reason their kind were hunted to extinction. It's better to be save than let a dangerous race loose."

Jase listened to Ash, but he knew he'd made his decision. Their songs had been soured.

"Are we any better if we kill them all?"

"If this had happened in Tokyo, or Armstrong, or on the Citadel, the death toll would be..."

" _You will give us the chance to compose anew? We will remember. We will sing of your forgiveness to our children."_

Irimsaya woke up with a start, hearing that part of the conversation.

"Is he insane?? He's letting the Rachni Queen live???"

Kaidan was fully awake now as well. "I'd have killed her myself. It's not up to us to decide about them."

 

Jase didn't need to hear more. Ash had good points, she was right, but he couldn't go and wipe an out an entire race. The rachni queen seemed sincere. There was no lie he could detect. He would give them the chance. Jase went to the terminal and released the queen, watching the tank being lifted and she was able to go. She looked at him one more time, he wondered if that was a warning or a thank you, and left. Free.

"Come on, let's go and deal with those children."

Irimsaya struggled to sit up as Chakwas rushed over to prevent her from doing just that.

"Where do you think you're going, Commander?" Chakwas asked in a stern voice.

"I need to get to the CIC." Saya grunted out.

"No, you need to stay in bed. Don't make me sedate you."

Irimsaya glared at Chakwas but saw that the other woman was not about to back down.

"Fine." She grumbled a bit to herself as Kaidan rested his hand on her forehead gently as he tried to soothe her.

 

"These rachni are beyond saving. It is a sad thing, but they must be euthanized. I am thinking that the neutron purge must be set off."

'She didn't lie, after all.' Jase thought. The queen had been honest with him.

"I'm not familiar with the purge system."

"It creates burst of neutron radiation. Kills everything within the station. Things beyond get genetic damage of varying degree."

"How do we set off the purge?"

"Arming controls are nearby. All you do is insert the key. Then I will give Mira the destruct co.... UH!"

A rachni came out of the ground and impaled Tartakovsky with its fang from behind. Blood and other things Jase didn't want to think about sprayed all over him and his armor. He quickly reached for his gun as the body was hurled away to kill off the beast. He wanted to get off this damn base, now.

Jase jogged to the next room and activated Mira.

"Connecting. I have full access to the facility, and am at your disposal."

At first he needed to know if the station was clear and if the scientists and everyone else he had been able to help had made it off the base by now.

"Are there any survivors in here?"

"Lady Benezia, an executive secretary of Binary Helix, is on the operations deck. There are no other living crew members within the lab structure."

'But Benezia is dead,' Jase thought. At least all the others seemed to have made it off base by now. Good.

"Activate the neutron purge."

"I'm sorry, but I can't do that without proper code authorization."

Shepard groaned a little.

"Uh... sic semper tyrana...," he coughed, maybe that would work.

"That is not the correct code. Please report to security for arrest and interrogation."

'Arrest and interrogation?' he snorted. Oh shit, no. That meant he had to go and search that mauled body. He rolled his eyes and jogged off, considering for a second to order Ashley to get it. But it was his job.

'Great.' He leaned down, ignoring the blood and gore and.. uhem... other things. 'Pockets,' he told himself and pushed his hand into the man's trousers. He actually winced. But then his hand found the sought for information and he ran back to Mira.

"Online. How can I help you?"

"Activate the neutron purge," he ordered again.

"I'm sorry, but I can't do that without proper code authorization."

Jase wondered if there wasn't a key he could push to make her skip some dialogue. He wanted to get off this station and have a shower. Being covered in that man's blood ticked him off at the moment.

"Code input: 875 020 079. Code Omega local execution."

"Verified. Code Omega execution in 120 seconds."

Oh hell. 120 seconds? Couldn't she have asked him for a time frame? Worse, as soon as Mira said this they could hear rachni screeches from everywhere. The room they had come from was crawling with them and they had no time to take them out all, nor the manpower. But there was an elevator and it had doors.

"GO GO GO!" he ordered, rushing ahead, thrusting forward his omni tool to clear a path and shot some rounds into the rachni ahead of them. He dashed into the elevator and could hear the clunk from Ashley's and Liara's boots hitting the elevator and Jase pushed the button. The doors closed and they made it out, riding up to the station. Once the door opened he rushed them to the train station and ushered them inside. Just as the train set into motion the purge took place.

"Ugh," he sighed in relief and slumped down into a seat. "good job, ladies."


	17. ME1 - Chapter Sixteen

Jase was glad when he finally set his boots back onto the Normandy. His body screamed exhaustion by now, he felt shaky and his eyes were burning. Liara's mood was solemn, understandably, griefing for her mother. It had been hours since they'd left the Normandy and he hadn't had anything decent to eat since then. Just an energy bar. It never filled out the spot in his stomach though.

Passing by Pressly Jase nodded at the man then went down to the med bay. He needed to see how Saya was doing and maybe he could fill her in on what had been going on. Aside of this, he'd been able to make some purchases for the crew.

Jase ripped off his gloves and pushed the button for the med bay door to opened. He was careful not to make too much noise in case Saya was asleep. But she wasn't.

Irimsaya saw him come in and her eyes narrowed with anger.

"Doctor, Kaidan, would you excuse us please?"

Kaidan winced at her tone but led Chakwas to the office behind the medbay. Once the door had closed Saya looked at Jase again, seething.

"What the HELL were you thinking?? You let a QUEEN Rachni LIVE???"

There was nothing in his brain for a moment, he just kept staring at her for a while. 

Great, he'd done her job. He couldn't have gone and asked her for permission for every single decision he was going to make on that goddamn icehole of a planet.

"I had to make a decision," he replied calmly. Only his eyes narrowed slightly, giving away his inner anger, which seemed to increase into a rage at the moment.

"Well let's just hope you didn't just cost us the whole galaxy," Irimsaya growled out, knowing she was probably going to majorly hear from the council about this decision of his. 

Jase was angry, at himself, at Saya. And at the world, he realized. He took several deep breaths to get his emotions back under control, steeled himself once more and walked over to her bed. After all he had come down to see how she was doing.

She gasped and closed her eyes as he gently looked over her shattered hand with very gentle fingers.

"Jase... I'm sorry... I owe you so much and here I am yelling at you for a decision that I probably would have made too... depending on the circumstances."

"She's the last one of her kind, all alone and lost her children. I couldn't.. kill her."

Irimsaya nodded thoughtfully, watching as he looked at her bandaged stomach next.

"Do I pass inspection "doctor"?" She laughed a little bit then grew serious. "I take it back... genocide of any species, no matter what their crimes... is heinous. I think you did the right thing after all."

Jase wasn't sure about anything now. She successfully had rattled his self-consciousness for the moment. He blamed it on being tired though, but somehow he started to consider leaving the ship now. He nodded at her, feeling the need to pour himself out a little. If only they could help him and get him back home. To Kaidan.

"Things are different. The keepers are different. Being here is.. difficult. Salvar wasn't on my ship. His file is classified. What's up with him." 

He knew he was rambling now all of the sudden. He was angry, tired, hungry, didn't know where his place was at the moment. Shepard knew he'd done a hell of a job on Noveria. He'd been able to create a cure after getting Mira back online. Had gotten the OSD from Benezia and information about the MU-Relay and the conduit. Only Liara's mother was dead, but he'd brought them back home and alive, without any major scratches. Now all these things popped into his mind suddenly.

Irimsaya carefully tried to sit up and nodded thanks to Jase when he helped her.

"Classified? I didn't know that. I never looked him up before. Here use my access code.." she gave it to him, knowing he would remember it. "That should get you full access to all the crew files. And Jase? I'm really glad you ended up in our reality. I know it's still weird, but if you hadn't been here I probably would have been dead or at the very least a failure to my crew."

"Tell that the people I left behind," he replied, still feeling slightly angry. "But you know what, I'm so tired...," he rubbed his face, "I can't think straight. Gonna get cleaned up. Uh, here," he tossed her the OSD, "Mu-Relay."

He didn't really feel like eating once the door from med bay closed behind his back. But, how many hours had it been exactly since he ate last? Shepard couldn't remember. Not that it mattered much anyway. Eyes traveling to their small kitchen he quickly walked to it and opened the fridge to fish out a snack. Anything would do now. Just something to fill his belly for a while, allowing him to sleep without a rumbling stomach. Shepard rummaged through it a bit until he found a sandwich he thought he might like. It was a luxury he allowed himself for the moment. But he knew he shouldn't. As a child he was glad whenever something like food crossed his way and he never had the luxury to be choosy.

"Hungry, Commander?"

The voice startled him from behind and he quickly straightened up and nudged the fridge close with his knee, looking at Salvar. He'd been caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

"Yeah. Do you mind?" he asked, unwrapping the sandwich. The smell assaulted his nose, making his mouth water and he dove right into it, taking a huge bite off it.

"N..no. Sir." Salvar stammered, watching the Commander eat.

"Relax, Salvar," Shepard mumbled, mouth full and swallowed down the bite. "Thought we were past this." The man always seemed to be nervous, why was that? Salvar even had slight troubles with the crew and was prone to their teasing. Shepard didn't like that and when he was there, cooking with him, things at least were better for Salvar.

"We are, Sir." Salvar nodded at him, trying to be encouraging but kept his eyes lowered. He had work to do.

Shepard watched the cook's hands spur into action and he was soon busy with his tasks. He kept watching him though while finishing his sandwich and brushed his hands off on his armor and winced. Yuck. He needed to get out of this dirty armor and his eyes fell back onto the cook.

"Something happened to your hair?" He was tired, he shouldn't have asked. The mouth of his was faster than his brain catching up with it and he growled inwardly at himself. But it was different. The hazelnut brown hair looked indeed different.

"Huh? Ah, yes. Haircut, sir."

"Uh-huh." Shepard squinted at Salvar's hair, trying to figure out the haircut now. His eyebrows rose. "Oh. Yes." Shorter, of course. Stupid. 

"I should go. Talk later." He really was tired and walked off to get a shower. The reaction he'd shown towards Saya also unnerved him. He'd been dressed down before, but this had rattled him deeply. It needed to be figured out though. But maybe Ashley had been right and Shepard needed someone to talk to. Maybe he needed help. Jase groaned, he didn't want to go and see a shrink, he's had his shares after Akuze and knew how his mind worked. Only this seemed different and everything he tried wasn't really working out in his favour. While he'd gained one family member he had lost his whole universe... He got out of his armor to get ready for the shower while thinking about it.

"Shit," he swore softly, remembering what he had said and turned on the water, letting it spray onto his face. 

'Tell that the people I left behind.' He heard his voice say in his head and took the soap. 'Kaidan.'

'Letting go of a two years on and off relationship is a hard thing to do.' 

Shepard scrubbed his hair and the rest of his body clean, while thinking about this. Two years. Was never easy to get past one. He'd been through it twice already.

'It will destroy you, if you let it.' 

He stood there, head bowed, while watching the swirl of soap water flushing into the drain. 'If you let it.'

'The people **I** left behind.' The water was shut off and he reached for his towel, drying himself and rubbing his face dry first.

"Shit," he muttered into the towel, knowing he had a problem. He felt responsible. Shepard reached for his off-duty clothes and slipped into his sweat pants. Maybe he really should take up Ash's offer and talk to her. But he wouldn't know where to start. He hardly did, he realized, while he put on his t-shirt. Talking wasn't his thing. Give him a gun and an omni-tool and he would solve problems. 

Bare feet padded softly along the floor while walking to his bunk. Solving his own problems was another matter, always. His blanket rustled a little when he drew it up, settling into his bed. Utterly exhausted Shepard was asleep as soon as his head hit his pillow.

... _a little while ago ..._

Irimsaya closed her eyes at the anger and pain in Jase's voice, catching the OSD with her good hand.

"Jase..I..." But he was gone before she could form her apology and she felt Kaidan come up and then hold her shoulders. "Oh Kaidan.. what do I do now..." Tears welled up in her eyes as she closed them again and leaned into him.

"What happened?" he asked while gently caressing her back.

Irimsaya buried her face in his chest, wincing as the wound in her stomach pulled a bit.

"I hurt him. How could I... you two saved my life and I go around and berate him for taking a mission that I should have been on and making decisions I should have made in his place!"

Chakwas came over silently and put a hand on Kaidan's shoulder and whispered in his ear so that Saya couldn't hear her.

"I pulled something out of that hole in her. And you're not going to like it. Come and see me when she's calmed down a bit." She walked back to her desk to wait, watching the two of them in silence.

  


"Dr. Chakwas, what have you found?" Kaidan went to her, after Saya had fallen asleep.

Chakwas watched him warily.

"Do me a favour and don't go all biotic on me when you get angry and I know you will because I did." She showed him a sample container with a piece of metal in it that had a couple of blue veins running through it.

Kaidan looked at it and then at her. "Impossible!"

Chakwas shook her head a bit.

"It was inside her Kaidan. Just be grateful you got to her before she....changed."

"Is she still in any danger, Doctor?"

Chakwas looked at the specimen container.

"I wish I could give you an answer to that Kaidan. But I don't know."

Kaidan nodded, but they needed to tell her anyway. "She needs to know."

Chakwas shook her head a bit.

"I can't tell her this... how would she feel. If it came from you, maybe, just maybe, it would be a softer blow."

Kaidan just stared at her, she was their doctor, it was her job to tell her patience things like this. And now she wanted him to bring Saya the news? He shook his head a little.

"I'll tell her, Dr. Chakwas."

Chakwas looked relieved. "Thank you Kaidan."

  


Irimsaya stirred on the bed, moaning quietly, and opened her eyes as Kaidan went to sit at her side. He kept her company for some time, arguing with himself about what he should say and how. Eventually he gave in.

"I need to tell you something Saya. Dr Chakwas found something... disturbing. She says you are doing fine though. You were showing signs of .. ah.. becoming a... husk."

Irimsaya just stared at him, shock in her eyes and written all over her face.

"They...I..." She blinked hard, trying to clear her thoughts. "How... if they were doing that to me I should have been dead before you got to me..."

"Uh.. a test? Testing some new kind of a weapon? Or just to make sure there was enough time to lure us into their trap."

Irimsaya was staring at him as she gently felt her stomach then she slowly sat up despite his protests.

"They want a fight?" She growled out, wincing a bit. "Then they've got one. Kaidan, get me to the CIC."

"Uhh, lay back down Saya." 

Irimsaya shook her head no.

"They are not going to win this. I'll kill Saren myself."

"After you're fully healed. Saren would enjoy killing you in this state!" Kaidan kept his hand on her shoulder. This woman really needed to learn when to rest and heal.

Irimsaya closed her eyes and slid off the bed to try and stand up. She gripped the bed tightly with her good hand, determined not to give in to her wounds.

"If you won't help me there I'll get there myself." She was breathing hard as she tried to focus on just standing there. "Ok... maybe not..." She fell against Kaidan and felt herself lifted back onto the bed very gently.

"Stubborn, just like your brother." Kaidan sighed while tucking her back into the bed. This woman was a handful. "Do you want me to bring you something to eat for later."

Irimsaya was looking quite frustrated with her situation.

"As long as Chakwas will allow it... I honestly wouldn't mind something now to be honest Kaidan."

Kaidan excused himself then, checked up with Chakwas and went to get Saya some food. Since Saya's quarter was close by he figured he should get her the book she had been reading. It might help to keep her in bed and heal. Book tucked away under his arm, he snatched two sandwiches and got her a cup of tea as well and went back to her.

Irimsaya had managed to sit herself up in the bed again and that's how she was when Kaidan finally returned.

"You were gone awhile.. I missed you."

"I have been searching for your book," he replied while giving her an unwrapped sandwich and placed the cup of tea onto the chair, for the moment it would have to do. Kaidan took the book and waved it at her a bit. "You've been reading it the last time we were alone."

Irimsaya nibbled thoughtfully on her sandwich.

"Thanks Kaidan, I appreciate all of this... just wish it was my quarters instead of here."

Kaidan snorted. If he could convince her to stay put and convince the doctor to let her go it might work. "If you weren't such a bundle of energy and actually listened to the people around you, there might be a chance for you to stay in your quarters."

Irimsaya sighed softly.

"Alright, what if I promised to behave? Would that work?" As she finished her sandwich and sipped on her tea.

"You better do, Saya. Or I'll put you myself into a statis field."

Irimsaya stared at him, nearly dropping her tea.

"You wouldn't dare..."

Kaidan grinned at her. "I would, to make sure you don't hurt youself. The crew and the galaxy need you."

Irimsaya sighed softly.

"The crew and the galaxy huh. No pressure." She was a little confused when he didn't say he needed her too. "Alright, I'll behave if I'll allowed to go to my quarters."

It didn't take long for him to arrange the moving with Chakwas. Kaidan just had to promise her to not let her out of bed and that she got enough rest until she was able to stand up without any pain. 

Saya was back in her bed and Kaidan tugged her in and sat down on the edge, watching her. Eventually he reached out and brushed the hair out of her face to lean down and kiss her gently. 

"We are finally alone."

Irimsaya did her best to lean up into the kiss, not wanting to break the contact.

"Good, get your ass down here then. I'm warmer when you're with me." Her eyes were slightly mischevious.

Kaidan just chuckled at this and got rid of his shirt and pants. "Aye aya, ma'am," he said teasingly and slipped under the covers, carefully curling up against her.

Irimsaya cuddled against him, shuddering a bit at the thought that the Geth had tried to turn her into a husk. The thought was... repulsive and scary beyond belief.

"Kaidan I want you to promise me something." She whispered. " **Never** let me get captured alive again. Please."

Kaiden frowned. "You have weird wishes."

Irimsaya shook her head.

"Kaidan.." She hissed as she got up and leaned on one elbow. "I don't want them to turn me into anything they could use against you. I don't want to end up working for them and killing you!"

He nodded, understanding her wish. But he didn't want to think about it.

Irimsaya leaned down and kissed him deeply.

"Mmmm... maybe I won't behave after all..." She started kissing his neck gently.

This earned her a moan, the area was sensitive. "Saya, we shouldn't..."

Irimsaya didn't answer him, moving down to his chest despite the twinges her stomach wound was giving her with such movements.

"Should or shouldn't, don't care. I need you..." She looks up at him and meets his eyes. "but only if you need me..."

Kaiden shook his head in amusement, having endured enough teasing already and moved around. "Enough evidence?" he asked with a grin.

Irimsaya smiled at him. "Oh indeed enough evidence Mr. Alenko."

A couple of hours later, Saya woke up to find Kaidan getting dressed in a hurry.

"What's wrong??"

Kaidan sighed. So much for trying to get her breakfast without her waking up. "I'm hungry and I thought I could bring you some breakfast too."

Irimsaya smiled a little.

"Really? You are the sweetest man... I could come with you. I mean I'd just walk there and sit down and stay put while you get the food..."

Kaidan slipped into his shoes and watched her. "The crew would certainly like it to see you and know their Commander is back onto her feet. Besides, we could get caught up with the latest gossip on the ship, breakfast is the ideal time."

Once he was dressed, he went and helped Saya with it. Outside the mess was buzzing with their crew. Garrus and Tali had their heads stuck together, talking quietly. Williams and Jase were leaning onto the nearby wall and appeared to be deep in conversation. Mostly Ash seemed to do the talking, Kaidan observed, while Shepard nodded from time to time. From the corner of his eye he noticed Ash giving Shepard something small. Then his attention was drawn back to the table while he helped Saya along to find a chair for her. 

The chatter abruptly stopped and Liara stood up, offering her chair. "Commander. It is good to see you looking better, and I am certain your crew feels the same way."

Irimsaya smiled at the Asari scientist as Kaidan helped her into the chair.

"Thank you Liara."

She blushed however when the crew that was in the mess hall with them started to applaud quietly and then it got louder until absolutely everyone was applauding her for being alive. Saya raised her hand just enough to have them stop and tried to acknowledge everyone there.

"Thank you all. This crew is without a doubt the best crew in the Alliance. You have done your jobs so far with remarkable skill and finesse and I have no doubt at all in my mind that you will continue to do so until we make Saren pay for what he has done!"

  


When most of their crew eventually left one by one Jase touched Ash's arm gently. "I'll go and eat. Join me?" he asked her. He'd been waiting for that moment since Saya's little speech.

Ashley looked surprised. "Yeah... yeah I'd love to, thanks."

Jase nodded his thanks at her and sighed softly while he went to grab something to eat and a cup of coffee, went to Saya and Kaidan and sat down across of them. "You're looking better," he commented towards Saya, after contemplating for a while what he was going to say. 

Irimsaya watched him silently for a minute.

"I am feeling better, thanks... and Jase... I'm sorry about last night." She felt Kaidan's hand on her leg as he silently gave her his support. "I didn't mean anything by it. I think I was just in shock about what had happened."

"Yeah, then she finds out that the Geth were trying to make her a husk... she's not had the best of days." Kaidan stated, wanting Jase and Ashley to know.

Jase's eyebrows rose up. A husk? He shook his head and narrowed his eyes, mulling this over for a minute, pictures coming back. There wasn't one second where he'd have guessed what they were trying to do.

"For what's worth it, I'm sorry too." Shepard rubbed his face a little. Hell, he hadn't had any sleep since they had received the distress call and then he'd run off to Noveria. At least in the last night he actually had a decent sleep without any nightmares of the vision.

"A husk. But you're fine now." He hoped she was.

Irimsaya shrugged a little.

"Chakwas seems to think so even though she pulled a fragment of whatever the jabbed me with out of me when we got back. She only told Kaidan last night which surprised me.. that she waited so long to tell any of us... but yes, I'm on the mend. Was able to spend last night in my own bed which was nice."

She tried hard to keep the smile of pleasure of her face as Kaidan's hand began rubbing her leg. She reached down and slapped it gently to tell him to wait until later.

"You look better too Jase, did you finally get some sleep?" Concern was dominant on Saya's face now.

"I did," he answered her truthfully and started to eat, considering if he...'Screw it,' he thought and swallowed down the bite. "Got a minute to talk after breakfast? Alone."

Irimsaya watched him eat as she tried to eat as well.

"Of course, I always have time for my brother."

"Thanks. Appreciate it."

Later on, Jase was pacing slightly while he waited for Saya. The idea had been good, but now he wondered what he was going to say. He crossed his arms and tapped his foot slightly in annoyance with himself. Saya had enough problems of her own at the moment and here he was. "Damn it," he muttered, biting his lip.

Irimsaya limped to where Jase was pacing.

"What's on your mind?" She leaned against the wall, glad she was able to walk on her own again.

"A lot. Too much. I'm.. sorry. Just wanted to say, you'll always have my support."

Irimsaya raised her eyebrows.

"I know I will Jase, you've already proven that to me. And the same goes to you from me." She kept her hand against the wall to keep herself steady as she walked right up to him. "You are my friend as well as my 'brother' now. I will look out for you like you are family - which you are. And I won't question your decisions because I'm pretty damned sure we'd both make the same ones."

Jase walked past her and back again rubbing his hands together. Then he stopped and looked at her for a second before he wrapped his arms around her, hugging her carefully. "Means a lot to me," he whispered, lowering his head carefully towards her shoulder.

Irimsaya holds him against her, aware this is what he needed.

"Anytime Jase, anytime. Is there anything else I can do for you?"

He shook his head no, but then again. "Tell me if it affects the mission. Can't have that. We should leave for Feros. Figure out what Saren's after now and where this MU-Relay is."

Irimsaya nodded her agreement and opened the closest comm.

"Joker, set a course for Feros. It's time Saren realized we mean business." She smiled at Jase and patted his arm. "Jase do me a favour? Watch over things for a little bit longer while I get a bit more rest? But make sure you get some more rest too, I don't want you falling over in a fight. When we get there you and Kaidan are going to be my squad again."

He nodded while letting go of the embrace, "I've got a book to read. Just need a quiet place for it." He grinned a little when he knew where he could go to. "I think I know where."

Irimsaya grinned at him.

"Then go and enjoy it." She was surprised when he gently took her arm and helped her to an anxiously pacing Kaidan. "Okay you two, I'm not an egg, I won't break that easily. Relax."

"Enjoy it while it lasts, Saya." Shepard grinned at her and padded Kaidan's shoulder while passing by him.

Kaidan eyed her, and he hated having to ask about it. "Is everything alright between you and him?"

Irimsaya leaned into Kaidan as they walked back towards her quarters.

"I think it is actually." She smiled. "Will you be up for joining us on Feros?"

Kaidan nodded his agreement. "Of course. I'll be ready for it."

Irimsaya sighed as Kaidan led her back to her quarters.

"Kaidan I can't stay in bed much longer... I need to make sure things are running ok, I need to see how the crew is managing... I need..."

She groaned when he kissed her once they got into her quarters and shut the door.

"Ok yes I need that too but..."

She groaned again when she was kissed again. "I take it you want me to shut up..."

"I wanted to give you something to think about. Shepard, I know you can't stay in bed, we both have our duties." One last small kiss and he left her in her quarters, he couldn't afford to let his work suffer, Kaidan knew where his loyalties were and one of them was his duty.

Irimsaya watched him go with a sigh and sat up in bed, holding her stomach when it twinged a bit.

"Yeah." She said softly to herself. "Well I have duties too...."

She took a deep breath and stood on her own, closing her eyes for but a moment to focus herself and brace herself against any pain that may or may not come.


	18. ME1 - Chapter Seventeen

"Boy am I glad to be off Noveria. I don't know which was worse: the cold or the corporations. One will freeze your balls off, the other will sell 'em out from under you."

Jase eyed their pilot, a small smile playing on his face. "They nearly did. Heard Feros' supposed to be warmer."

"Won't hurt if they're a bit more friendly than on Noveria, too. Just saying."

Reaching into his pocket Jase pulled out a small book he had with him. He'd managed to convince Ashley to borrow him one of her poetry books. He eyed it and considered his options, never before he'd been interested in poetry but was willing to give it a try. Ash seemed to like it and here he was. Just needed to find a good place where he could stay without being constantly disturbed, be it noise, walking by crew members or getting distracted by, well, good looking bottoms to look at. After all, he was forced to be single now. By the looks of his scarce study, there wouldn't be a chance to reunite with Kaidan. It was a terrible heart ache by now and Jase was trying to deal with it.

"Do you mind if I...," he kidnapped the seat right next to Joker and sat down, "just stay here for a while?"

"Uh, just don't get onto my nerves." Jokers fingers stopped flying over the panel, giving Shepard **that** look.

He grinned at Joker, "I won't," and opened the little book. Brows furrowed he started to read. The first page was interesting. A few words. Little sense. Lots of white space. He rubbed his eyes, stretched a bit in his seat, turned the page and focused on the second site. His right eyebrow rose. More words. Little sense. Less of white space. 

All right... 

Jase sniffed a little, turned the page and started reading. He sniffed again, eyes shot up looking straight ahead in thought and … He dropped the book into his lap and turned around in his seat to look at Joker.

"If you don't want me to stay here, just say so." 

"What?!" Hands dropped into Joker's lap, he leaned to the right and stared at Shepard.

"You know what it's called, right? Air contamination." Shepard stared back, coming halfway nose to nose with Joker, wondering who'd win this staring match.

"I didn't! Maybe it's been you." Joker glared at him and blinked. Shepard grinned inwardly.

"Not guilty. The smell comes from **your** side." He picked up the book, waved it around towards the left to get rid of the smell and turned his nose to the right. "Bah.. Joker, what have you been eating?" He needed to have a word with Salvar about what he'd been feeding their pilot.

"Ah!" There went the book from his hands. Joker had snatched it and held it up in triumph and Shepard twirled around, glaring at the pilot.

"I knew it!" Joker grinned at Shepard, who wasn't grinning now.

"What? Hey! Give!" He reached over to get it back. His hand got batted away rather quickly. "Dammit."

"Come on, it's not like no one knows that you and Ash are an item. You're always hanging around each other. You're reading her book. Poetry, Shepard?" Joker laughed.

Grand. "Who's spreading that around?" He snorted while Joker kept ruffling through the pages. 

"Gossip. Gossip also says, Liara's head over heels into you too. God you are such a lucky guy. Two hot chicks to go with. Care to share?"

Jase laughed now, eyes darting between Joker's face and busy hands. Hopefully he wouldn't tear apart any pages. Ash would have his ass, literally. But no, he wasn't interested in anyone of the females. Especially not Ash and Liara? That thought was kinda creepy.

"Joker, Ash and I are just friends."

"Yeah, right." Joker replied, having found a page which was apparently interesting enough to read it.

"Ship. Pilot. Joker." Shepard waved his hand at him. "Give it back," and hold out his left hand for Joker to place it onto his palm.

"No, I like this." He kept reading. "Are you having sex with her?"

"What? Hell, no! Book!" Jase demanded, feeling a little bit frustrated. Why was everyone thinking he and Ash had sex? He thrusted out his hand again and waited, no way he'd rip it away from Joker.

"Why not? She's hot! Nice ass..." Joker still was reading, having just turned to the next page.

"That's all you ever think about, sex?" Shepard cut him off. He wanted to read and not have a discussion about sex. So much about a quiet place and wanting to think about something else than Kaidan. Next time he knew better.

"I'm a guy. Got hormones. Last time I checked you were one too." Joker looked at Shepard and Jase just stared back at him, demanding, "Book."

"Well, are you going to have sex with her? Everyone knows she's got it hot for you."

'God damn it,' Jase coughed and moved around in his seat, eyes squinting at Joker, assessing the situation. "Won't ever happen. I'm gay."

"Right, now I'm laughing. See me laugh? Hah-hah! You and gay. Good joke. Gotta remember that."

Eyes slightly narrowed, he wiggled his fingers for the book. "Give. I'm not joking." 

Silence.

Joker tried to say something but his mouth wouldn't work and he gaped. Now Jase had his attention and he quickly snatched the book easily away. Shepard's eyebrows rose in amusement. "I should take a picture. Joker and speechless." He reached over and closed his mouth gently. "All the ladies are yours, Joker."

"Damn, you're not kidding."

"No. Now fly that ship of yours. Watch out! Asteroid!"

Jase started to chuckle, moved lower into his seat and opened the book again. 'Damn it.' he thought, 'I don't need a shrink, teasing Joker is good enough.'

"Jackass!" Joker growled.

"I love you, too. By the way, it still stinks here." 

  


When he had actually fallen asleep he didn't know. The book rested in his lap, having fallen from his hands when the voice of Joker startled him awake.

"Shepard, stop snoring!"

His eyes snapped open and he rubbed the sleep from them. "Sorry," he muttered, grabbed the book and took off to give it back to Ashley. But maybe he should keep it, it was a sleeping pill after all. What the woman saw in this poetry was beyond him. 

Ashley looked up when Jase came over to her and she smiled when she saw the book in his hand.

"You finished it already? Did you like it?"

"Aah..," he scratched his neck, "I think Joker likes it better. He kind of stole it. I'm sorry Ashley," he chuckled softly, "I tried."

Ashley groaned and shook her head. "Joker? Really?..... Great...."

Jase just laughed and padded her shoulder, giving her the book. "He's a nice guy, give him a chance. Catch you later."

  


Commander Shepard slowly left her quarters and headed for the CIC. Saya honestly didn't think it was possible to sneak up on Joker but she managed it with a few "shh" signs to the rest of the crew on that deck then grinned when she put her hand on his shoulder and he yelped in surprise.

"Hey there Joker."

"If you want me to crash the ship just keep this up!" He looked around to glare at her. "You're as bad as your brother. Uh, ma'am."

Irimsaya patted his shoulder gently.

"You won't crash the ship Joker, you love her too much - please tell me you're not reading poetry to her now..."

Saya sat in the chair Jase had been using earlier and watched her pilot thoughtfully.

"So Jase was here? How did he seem to you?"

Joker raised his eyebrows a little and kept himself busy again. This was weird. Why would she ask him about her brother. Weren't they talking?

"Besides getting onto my nerves, again? Fine. Was reading a book." He didn't mention he fell asleep though.

Irimsaya nodded thoughtfully and watched Joker handle the controls.

"How long until we reach Feros."

"About five hours, Commander." Joker looked at her from time to time. "It's hard to tell what you people are thinking, with the," he mimicked, "'I'm Commander Shepard, I have to keep up the morale' attitude. Lot's of chest pounding." Joker smirked at her a little.

Irimsaya stared at him for a minute.

"You've been alone too long up here Joker, you know that right?" She smirked.

Joker huffed, she had a point. But it was his own mistake too, he knew that. Staying away from people and not socializing with them was his specialty. 

"Can't leave my baby alone," he gently padded the console.

Irimsaya shook her head a bit.

"How's she handling? Any complaints I should know about?"

Joker glanced to Commander Shepard from time to time, not really trusting this peacefulness. If she was anything like her brother, he figured he needed to stay alert to detect any upcoming teasing right away. Now she was asking him about the Normandy. Safe territory, he figured.

"She's fine. I know how to handle her, ma'am. And she's not complaining," he grinned a little to himself.

Irimsaya put her face in her hands with a groan.

"Please tell me you didn't just say that... well you two play nice and behave yourselves... and maybe consider closing the door when you're....'handling' her." Saya giggled a little.

Joker glared at her a little. "There is no door," he pointed behind himself. "What were you thinking, Commander? I just answered your question." Joker realized he probably had just run into another trap.

Irimsaya laughed and reached over to pat his arm.

"Thanks Joker... thanks. I needed that. I promise I won't tease you anymore though about your... preferences." Saya was trying hard to keep a straight face and knew it wasn't working.

"Preferences? It's a ship!" he protested, looking flustered, trying hard not to sink lower into his seat.

Irimsaya smiled at him.

"Relax Joker. I won't tell anyone, I promise."

"I'm not even talking to her!" He stopped. 'Foot in mouth.' Great. "Uh. Forget I just said that."

Irimsaya raised an eyebrow at Joker.

"Why aren't you two talking? Did you have another fight?" She laughed when Joker turned to glare at her.

Joker's eyes went wide for a second, huffed at his Commander and looked straight ahead at his panel, pretending to work. He so would not get into this, again! But the silence was deafening. And he wasn't trusting it. Against his better judgement he kept glancing at Shepard, squinting his eyes at her and bit down on his lip to keep himself from talking. It was hard to fight himself.

Irimsaya was watching the stars go past, seemingly deep in thought.

"Joker, if something goes wrong on Feros... I want you to make sure the Normandy stays safe. That means you do whatever the hell you need to do to keep her in one piece."

"Understood, ma'am." Joker hoped it wouldn't come to this though. They had heard about the geth problem on Feros, the Shepards surely would wipe them out. "I'll do what I can."

Irimsaya nodded a bit, biting her lip in silence. Her experience with the Geth had made her wary but she was also pissed beyond belief. All she wanted to do was get rid of them and make sure they never returned. She rubbed her forehead a bit and saw Joker glancing at her again.

"What? I like keeping you company what can I say."

Joker nodded. "Uh-huh. Must be a Shepard thing. Ma'am," he figured. Only, they seemed to like to make him nervous and play pranks with him. Shouldn't it be the other way around? Maybe with her brother, but with his Commander, he wasn't too sure, having too much respect for her.

Irimsaya turned her eyes back to Joker

"I take it you and Jase hit it off pretty good then? And if you want me to leave please just tell me and I will. It's just quiet here and I can see why you like it."

Things were definitely going weird now. 

"Mhm." 

He needed to think about that. Had they hit it off pretty good? He wasn't sure. But he was sure that as soon as the male Shepard showed up he needed to be on alert. Even when the man promised he wouldn't get onto his nerves he ended up getting onto his nerves nevertheless. Joker figured she wanted to know something and was beating around the bush. Was she maybe embarrassed to ask? He couldn't figure out what she wanted to know, though. He sighed and gave in. 

"No ma'am. I don't mind. But is there something you want to know? I swear you are dying to ask me. I won't tell anyone." He wouldn't tell. But gossip is gossip and he liked hearing good gossip.

Irimsaya shook her head a bit.

"For one thing, stop calling me ma'am... it's annoying. As for the other... how do you feel about him?"

Joker didn't know what to think. He'd been prepared to hear about Alenko, the crew, Saren, anything else but not this. 'What kind of question is this anyway?' he wondered. Did it mean what he thought it meant? He looked at her, wondering if this is some kind of another joke, but the pointe never came. Which meant, she was serious. If she was talking about what he thought.

"Are you asking me what I think you are asking?"

Irimsaya kept her eyes on him, wanting to gauge his reaction.

"Yes, I think I am asking you what you think I'm asking you."

Joker still didn't trust this peacefulness. 

"Has he set you up to this?" 

He watched her and shook his head no after a little while. 

"Guess not. I don't know." That was the truth. He didn't. Wasn't even sure about himself. Hadn't had any feelings towards a male before. A male! Not that he had some now, anyway. Did he have some? Joker sighed and his shoulders sagged a little. The day just seemed to go weirder and weirder.

Irimsaya winced a bit.

"Sorry Joker, just from the way you sounded when you told me he was here earlier.." She stood up and put a gentle hand on his shoulder. "Let me know when we reach Feros I'm going to check how things are running in the rest of the areas." Saya turned away to leave.

"Uh, yeah, I will." He had some serious thinking to do now as she had opened up a can of worms in his mind. "Do you think he'd be.. ah.. interested in me?" Joker wasn't sure at all, did he even like that idea? He needed to concentrate on his job but now he kept thinking about this.

Irimsaya just turned her head back to him a bit.

"I don't know Joker but how will you know unless you ask? And I know he's lonely..and so are you..."

Nodding, Joker turned back to his panel, deep in thought.

Irimsaya left him in silence and toured the rest of the ship, not really paying attention to where she was going as she too was deep in thought.

  


Jase knew that look. He'd done it himself very often too and he knew what it meant. Thinking. Too much thinking. So much, that his brain started to hurt. Leaning onto the wall he crossed his arms, watching her walking towards him. Before she would walk past him though, he reached out a hand to stop her.

"Saya."

Irimsaya stopped, looking startled, and turned to him.

"Jase.. hi.. sorry I wasn't ignoring you, honest."

This earned her a slight frown. He didn't feel ignored at all. "You aren't. Why are you thinking so hard?"

Irimsaya shrugged a bit.

"I guess just a lot going through my head.."

"Can relate to that. I've got time." 

Jase did have time, having made his round, checked the ship and the status, spoke to the crew members, took care of their weapons and armour. And now he felt like having to protect his sister, a strange new emotion he had first discovered when Saya had been a hostage of the Geth. If he wouldn't be here in her reality who else would ask her, aside of Kaidan perhaps? A commander was supposed to keep the morale up and not to show any signs of weaknesses. The crew would hardly follow a weak Commander and wouldn't trust the decisions which were to be made. He was here, he would help.

Irimsaya raised an eyebrow at him then nodded slowly.

"I would never ask it of you but thank you." She smiled. "Where do you want to talk?"

"Med Bay. Dr Chakwas can take a break. You've been there for me, too."

Irimsaya looked startled.

"The med bay? Uhm... alright..." She followed him there and watched as he told Chakwas to go get some coffee. She fidgeted a bit as unpleasant memories of this room came back. "Okay... why here?"

Jase shrugged and hopped onto the bed. He waved around. "Listen. It's quiet. Hardly anyone comes willingly to the med bay. So, what's up."

Irimsaya crossed her arms and leaned against the wall, not wanting to be on one of these beds again so soon.

"I'm worried about the mission, Kaidan..... you...."

Jase nodded, watching her. He felt fine, had gotten some good sleep, had teased Joker. Once this Saren business was done he'd deal with any demons that were left. "I'm fine. What about Kaidan?" 

Irimsaya started pacing, limping a bit as she walked.

"Something's bothering him and I have no idea what it might be. He... it's almost like he's closed down a little, like he doesn't want me to see what might be going on in that head of his." She paused and looked over at him. "And I'm not worried about you physically, I'm worried about you mentally. I can see how..... alone... you still feel and that worries me."

"Ugh..." Jase hung his head and closed his eyes for a few seconds. He wanted to help, not deal with his own problems right now. Instead he focused back on the problem at hand. 

"Kaidan does that from time to time. If he's anything like the Kaidan I know, he doesn't want you to know when he's got a headache. Does his job without complaining. When you're in a relationship with him he'll push himself even harder. Kaidan doesn't like the idea of being favoured when you share your bed with him. Talk to him. He'll come around."

Irimsaya nodded thoughtfully at Jase's advice but it didn't escape her notice that he didn't mention himself at all.

"Is there anything you need to make your stay more... comfortable?"

Trying hard to come up with an answer Jase failed at it. Aside of getting his old life back altogether, there wasn't much she could do. And getting him back to Kaidan, well. He'd love to, yet it wasn't possible. When Saya asked him like that, Jase knew she had something in mind.

"I've got a friend. I've got you." Jase stated slowly, adding some other important facts he had learned to cherish early on, "A place to sleep. Food. A purpose to fight." He watched her, rolling his shoulders. "You do have something in mind.... don't you." 

Irimsaya started pacing again.

"I heard you and Joker were getting along quite well.."

His eyebrows rose. Saya was on a roll and he knew what she was talking about. 

"What? Where did you hear that." 

He couldn't help but be somewhat amused by this. Yet it was unsettling, where did she get this from? They had been alone on the bridge and then he was having a good time with Joker, teasing the pilot. Aside of that, he fell asleep. The man had a calming presence, which was funny on its own.

Irimsaya raised her hand a bit to forestall any complaints.

"I didn't 'hear' it from anyone, relax. I just... well I know you. I know how I would be if I were in your shoes. And I want you to know that if you decide to do something about it then you have my full support."

Jase bit his fingernails. A habit long forgotten but it made itself known here and there. "Uh-huh." Eyes unfocused Jase started to think. Joker. The guy was easy to tease, was fun to be around, but had a beard. Yuck. Jase shrugged. When there was a beard it could mean... Well. He'd like that. Was he ready to move on? Starting something with Joker would mean acknowledging his relationship with Kaidan was over. That he wouldn't be able to go back home. Home. Again. Another home lost, once more. Jase knew he needed someone, someone to hold him, share a bed, someone to care about. The way Joker had asked him made him wonder if the other man was indeed interested, he hadn't picked up anything. Jase's eyes went back to Saya. 

"Actually, he was just interested in my harem and asked if I could share."

Irimsaya merely raised an eyebrow.

"Yeeeah I don't think so but like I said - anything you need you have my complete support."

"Gossip. Set him straight though," he shrugged, "or in that matter, not. Anyway, thanks. So. What about the mission."

Irimsaya finally sat down on the bed across from him.

"It's hard to explain, I almost feel like something is going to happen... something bad..."

Jase nodded. "We're in for a hard fight. Saren won't back down easily. And if Sovereign is what Benezia said it is, it's not gonna be any easier, either." He stopped and shrugged a little. 

"Saya. You have me here now. You. Us. Here. We have less to worry about than my people. They don't even realize what Saren's up to, or the vision. They.... I...," The headache was setting in again. He couldn't afford to think about this scenario at all.

"I can't think about this...." He started again, arms and fingers tingling with energy. Why did this always happen when he felt upset? "We're soldiers, we've been trained for this. We'll do our best. And we will succeed."

Irimsaya went to him and hugged him gently,

"If I could get you back to your people I would in a heartbeat." Her voice was very soft. "I would miss you but they need you, I know that... I just wish I could help you get there."

"Saya. Damn it." He sighed. He had been here to help her and not that she would do all these things and pushing his buttons in a way where he knew he couldn't resist and fall into the pit he so didn't want to fall into in the first place. He always was hanging half into it anyway, one foot always being trapped in there. 

"Kaidan was my boyfriend. Partner."

Irimsaya pulled back abruptly and nodded a bit, it confirmed what she had already pieced together.

"I know. It was in your eyes every time you looked at him, at us when we were together. He really likes you too I know that. But I won't ask him to choose between us, I won't put him in that position. Right now I just want you to be happy and if you're happy doing what you're doing then that's fine." There was a sadness in her eyes now, knowing she couldn't give him what he really needed.

"He wants only you. He told me." Jase told her, not looking at her.

Irimsaya put a hand on Jase's arm.

"Look... I trust you with my life, that much has to be obvious to you. And I know you've earned the trust and respect of pretty much everyone on board. So go and enjoy it before we get to Feros."

She winked at him before walked out of the med-bay and smashing right into Kaidan.

"Kaidan.. I am so so sorry!" She looked up at him and saw his pale face. "I'll get Chakwas for you, go lie on one of the beds - Jase is in there right now. And don't tell me no either cause that's not going to work. Get in there and consider it an order."

Saya watched as Kaidan reluctantly went into the med bay then she went to find Chakwas.

Kaidan nodded to Jase as he entered and then he slowly lay down on one of the beds, putting a hand over his eyes to block out the light.

It was clear what was going on and Jase knew he had to do something. First he went and switched off the lights. It was cruel to leave them on especially when having a migraine. Jase couldn't stand the lights himself.

"Kaidan, do you trust me?"

Kaidan groaned quietly and put his hand down when the lights went off.

"Thanks for the lights... and yeah... uhm why?"

He was normally pretty good at disguising pain in his voice but this one was a killer and some of it seeped through a bit.

Jase sighed softly and started to walk around Kaidan's bed, taking in the form and how he laid on the bed. 

"The other you. **We** figured out a way to lessen the pain when it hits. I need to touch you a bit. It also helped in the field." Jase took Kaidan's boots and removed them. 

"Kaidan," he said softly, not too loud, "a dark but warm room. Listen to my voice..."

Kaidan felt his boots being taken and he was breathing a bit harder.

"Wh...What are you doing?"

Jase took each ankle in one hand, "I'm holding your feet," felt the pulse of them and let the warmth of his hands seep through his socks. 

"Warm, comfortable and dark." 

Then he started to move his legs a little, adjusting Kaidan until both feet touched his belly a little, a sign that Kaidan's hips lay in the correct position too. Jase pulled a little more, knowing his back would lie flat out then too. He needed to teach that Saya. Next step was Kaidan's arms and shoulders. 

"Relax Kaidan, let yourself fall."

Kaidan was breathing hard, not really sure what was going on. Each breath he took was a bit shaky.

"Jase... as much as this is helping...I just... " He groaned as the pain in his head lessened considerably.

"Ssh. Don't talk." Jase knew exactly what he was doing and usually it always had the same effect on Kaidan. Warm hands adjusted his shoulders and neck gently and he knew Kaidan had worked himself nearly into the ground again. The man was as stubborn as usual. Eventually he reached the face and proceeded to adjust his body. "Sleep a little." Usually five minutes had proved to be long enough. Jase stepped back, sighed softly and crossed his arms, watching Kaidan.

Kaidan closed his eyes again already feeling better. When he woke not 10 minutes later his headache was completely gone and he sat up.

"How... how did you do that??"

Jase shrugged and shook his head. "I don't know. Only know it works."

Kaidan was staring at him then shook himself a bit. Jase's hands on his body had felt right somehow but they weren't Saya's. He focused on that thought more than anything else.

"Thank you, seriously... it's nice to be rid of that pain. Even if it is only temporary."

"You're welcome Kaidan. I'll teach Saya. Good to know it's helping you, too." He turned around when he heard the door. "Sis, he's fine."

Irimsaya's eyes went wide.

"Fine?? How..??" She went to Kaidan and gazed into his eyes intently then nodded as if satisfied. "So I see.." Saya turned to Jase. "Now, how?"

"Well," Jase started and scratched his head. He could tell her, but she wouldn't really understand all about it. "I'll show you. Better we take this to your quarter. Privacy." 

Kaidan looked uncomfortable with the thought but he nodded his head slowly. As long as Saya was there maybe these other feelings would bury themselves.

Irimsaya led the way to her quarters and let them in then shut and locked the door behind them.

"Alright," She said. "If it helps him, let's see what to do."

Jase agreed and told Saya what to do. He took her hands and hoped she would feel the connection with Kaidan. "Doesn't hurt to go by instinct." Jase explained everything in detail until they reached Kaidan's head. "That's about it. Well. Usually he needs some sleep, or something else. Either helps, depending on the situation."

Irimsaya was watching Kaidan's face as they got to his head and she saw the conflict in it.

"Kaidan? What is it?" 

"Nothing! I...I'm great!" He forced a smile to his face but he couldn't lie to himself... having two Shepards nearly on top of him was quite........ appealing to him.

Jase kept a straight face, knowing what Kaidan needed right now. They had some little time left before reaching Feros. "I better go. Er, Saya. Unlock the door please."

Irimsaya glanced at Jase then moved to the door and unlocked it. Just as it closed and locked again she felt Kaidan's arms around her and he was kissing her neck from behind.

"Kaidan! What's gotten into you??" But she leaned into him when he pulled her closer.

"I'm sorry," he muttered against her skin, "but your fingers on me...enduring that twice.."

Irimsaya's eyes went wide as he turned her quickly in his arms and she found his lips nearly crushing hers with their eagerness. She pulled away as gently as she could.

"But your head? It's ok??" She reached up and gently ran a hand through his hair.

"More than fine. Whatever he, you, did with your hands...." he leaned in, stealing another kiss. Maybe he should slow down though, not wanting to push her at all.

Irimsaya let him have his kiss then gently pushed him back towards the bed.

"So you don't think you should be resting then hmmm?" She made him lie down then she joined him.

Kaidan chuckled at her. "If any migraines would end like this, I can't wait for the next one."

Irimsaya woke some time later and found Kaidan fast asleep next to her. She smiled to herself then slowly tried to free herself from the way he had pinned her to the bed after he fell asleep.

Joker's voice startled Kaidan awake. "Commander, we have reached Feros." In the background Jase's voice could be heard muttering something.


	19. ME1 - Chapter Eighteen - Feros

Shepard looked around wearily not trusting the peacefulness of the moment. He was sure some more geth would show up anytime soon. Sharp eyes scanned the area once more, occasionally resting on one colonist then moving on to another, while Saya was making some purchases in Zhu's Hope. His right boot nudged a little stone lying around, he needed to do something after having checked his guns twice already. His eyes scanned the area again and narrowed slightly in thought. Something was off. 

After talking to the colonists, learning about their problems he couldn't shake off this feeling that just screamed wrong wrong wrong at him. These people were hiding something. They wanted to help, but these people didn't trust them, which made helping even harder. 

His focus was drawn back to Saya who seemed to be in deep discussion with the salarian merchant. Jase wanted to go and get that varren meat, fix those water pipes and perhaps find a battery. This colony needed their help. When this was fixed he wanted to focus his attention back on the geth attack and wipe them out for good. Boot kicking out and up, the stone went flying into the air, landed with a 'ding!' on the roof of one of the living containers and slowly tumbled down Ding-Thud-Ding-Ding! until it landed in the dirt. He winced and stole a glance at Saya. No reaction. He looked at Kaidan. Ah, yes. A glare, but a friendly one. He grinned at him, shrugged and looked away. 

While he's never been the playful type before, he discovered some changes in his personality since he basically had switched realities. It was unnerving and somewhat scaring though, finding himself suddenly cracking smart-ass jokes, teasing crew members, helping their cook and opening up to other people. He was changing. Was it for the better? He shrugged mentally, he honestly couldn't say. 

Since Saya didn't seem to mind his sudden playfulness and the 'dings', he walked around some more, found himself another stone and gently kicked it around. Yes. He was that bored.

Irimsaya thanked the merchant then went over to her squad.

"Easily amused right now are we Jase?"

"Maybe," he drawled, eyes sparkling in mischief. "Heard the hunting season is open on the geth." Shepard straightened up, the playfulness gone in one swift motion. "Thoughts?"

Irimsaya rubbed the back of her neck, aware that both men were watching her.

"There's something else going on here. They're not telling us everything but I'll be damned if I can figure it out."

"Come on," Jase nodded at them, "let's fix their problems. Suggest getting rid of the geth transmitter first."

The transmitter wasn't hard to find for them. Taking it down was another matter. Jase always hated those Krogan warlords. While having a Krogan on your team proved to be very useful, having them as enemies was often painful. Shepard silently thanked Kaidan when one of those Krogans was kept in stasis. This gave them the option to move positions, focus on the rest of the geth and he watched Saya destroying the transmitter. 'No more geth here,' he thought, before turning to the Krogan. Singled out, faced by three enemies, the Krogan never stood a chance.

Still crouched in cover behind a bolder Jase panted softly, pulled a face and grimaced. This had been too close. It was one downside of carrying only light armor. It usually made him carefully considering his options in the battle field and he had learned early on that taking cover and staying in cover meant he'd pull through just all right. But here and there he had to take certain risks, it was the experience to know when the shields would fail, how many hits they could absorb before they would go down. Today it was one of those situations again. Small corridor, not much room to navigate and geth rapidly approaching. Taking down their shields as fast as possible was his priority. Saya could rip them to shreds with Kaidan's help. It only took one second to overload their shields and he had their full, but unwanted, attention. Damn these geth. 

Jase rubbed his shoulder, knowing he'd be sore later on when he felt the medi-gel clamping down on his skin. The familiar tingle sent shivers down his spine, but he sighed softly in relief when it started to work, taking off the pain. Holstering his gun he waited until his shields were completely loaded again, stood up and watched Saya activating the last water valve. They could hear the rush of water flowing. One problem solved, two to go.

"Leaves us with the varren meat and batteries."

Irimsaya put her rifle away slowly, her eyes roaming the area, frowning a bit. Something was still off but she couldn't place it. She turned to the two men.

"Alright, let's get moving. I don't want to linger here any longer than we have to."

  


Jase stared at the dead alpha varren at their feet, while Kaidan was busy tinkering with the crashed Grizzly, extracting the batteries from it. "You sure the batteries will do?" He asked him and nudged the beast with his boot again. It was dead. It stayed dead.

Kaidan glanced over at him, "I'm sure they will."

Irimsaya was pacing again. Her eyes roaming everywhere and taking in everything.

Once Kaidan got the batteries Jase bent down, gripped the dead varren and hoisted it over his shoulders with a grunt. He had the vain hope that perhaps now the colonists were more open about what was going on. But his instinct told him not to expect anything. Jase sniffed a little, varren never smelled pleasant but gave good meat. He stole a glance at Saya, knowing she was somehow nervous. "Ready to move out."

Irimsaya glanced over.

"Alright, let's go. I have point." She led the way back to the camp.

  


"Damn it!" Jase swore, holstered his gun and walked to the railing, resting his hands on it. 

"Damn it!" 

He had just killed Ethan Jeong. As soon as he saw the man's finger twitch on the trigger he knew Jeong would fire. It was either them or him. Jase punched the railing in frustration. Damn this Lisbeth Baynham. If she just had stayed in cover things could have happened differently. But no, she had to run out, risk her own life too. Civilians. He shook his head to clear it and focused instead on listening to the conversation between Saya and the Baynhams.

"So, what now, Commander?"

"I'll deal with the Thorian, then make sure you're safe."

Jase thought of Joker, who was trying to keep the crazy colonists away from the Normandy. Their pilot had sounded distressed. He turned around, crossed his arms and watched Saya.

"The colonists won't let you near the Thorian. They'd die first. They're under its control."

Which meant they'd have to kill them. Jase shook his head at this.

"What else am I supposed to do?" he heard Saya reply.

"There's got to be another way." Jase's eyes darted to Lizbeth and narrowed slightly. 

"I think there is. You could safely use a nerve agent to neutralize the colonists."

"Like a gas grenade." Lizbeth added. Jase stepped forward, while it might sound like a good idea this was presenting them with a little problem of its own. "Releasing clouds of nerve gas doesn't seem like a particularly good idea."

"It's not like it's weapon grade. The insecticide we use in the gro-labs contains trace amounts of Tetraclopine, a neuromuscular degenerator. If their nervous systems are already weakened, it may act as a paralyzing agent." Dr. Baynham explained.

Jase looked at Saya, she needed to agree to this too. "What do you think. I could take the grenades."

Irimsaya rubbed her face and sighed.

"Alright. We'll do what we can. But I'm also not going to let them kill us."

Jase nodded his agreement and looked at Kaidan who also seemed to be pleased with this idea. 

"Understood."

  


His armor was.. green. Green. Coated in that slime from those thorian creepers. At least it was something he could focus on and he could have sworn Saya was faced by the same problem by the look in her eyes. The images which were pressed into his head felt like a stampede running back and forth, the brain trying hard to bring them into an order to make some sense of them. To no avail, though. Jase rubbed his head a little and focused on green again. Green. Everything but these images. Everything to finish this mission and going back to the Normandy eventually. 

Inwardly he was grateful for Kaidan's display of concern for them. But Shiala was here, was willingly answering their questions and they would ask her out until she had told them all she knew.

Saren knew Shepard was hunting him. He didn't seem to know it involved two Shepards, though. Good. Apparently he was also aware Shepard was searching for the Conduit, too. What amazed him most was that Saren had trouble to understand the vision from Eden Prime as well. It confirmed another suspicion they had: Saren had been using the beacon too. 

Jase sighed softly to himself and nodded at Saya, Shiala was nothing more than another victim of Saren and Benezia. He wouldn't kill her. They had enough casualties already. Ethan Jeong was dead. One colonist had died, despite his careful acting. Who gave the fatal shot? No one could say. It had happened too fast while trying to fend off those green thorian creepers. And Fai Dan had shot himself. If Shiala was willing to spend her time here and help the people of Zhu's Hope, it was enough reason for him not to kill her.

Irimsaya leaned against a wall while Shiala was speaking to them. She closed her eyes and tried to focus on anything except the images storming through her head. Eventually she nodded to the Asari and turned to Jase and Kaidan.

"Let's get out of here. I seriously need to get these images sorted out."

"Relax Kaidan, we just need time." Jase felt him hovering around as they walked quietly back to the ship. His mind felt like demanding him to go find a dark spot, close his eyes and think through the images. They couldn't though. Not yet anyway. Jase glanced at Saya quickly. Hopefully the debriefing wouldn't take too long.

Irimsaya rubbed her temples as her staff all started talking at once. Now she knew how Kaidan must feel during his migraines.

"Liara..." Her voice shut the others up quickly. "Can you please help both of us try and make sense of this." 

She turned hopeful eyes to their Asari friend who bowed her head in agreement then helped Saya first then Jase. By the time she was finished, she was clinging to the nearest chair.

Jase took pity on Liara and helped her to her quarter. Doing it once was straining enough apparently, but twice seemed to be bad. He thanked her quietly for the help. The way Saya had looked wasn't encouraging either. Apparently she had more problems to adjust than he had. Now Jase just needed to get his own head sorted and he lounged for a quiet and dark place. There was one and he slowly walked to the comfortable chair, sat down, huddled a bit up, closed his eyes and just let his mind do the thinking, ignoring their pilot.

  


Kaidan was watching Saya after she had dismissed the crew, figuring she needed some rest. The way she looked and held herself in the chair was very different from what they'd usually seen of her confident striding around.

Irimsaya sighed heavily and bowed her head when the others, except Kaidan, left the comm room. She looked up when she felt a gentle hand on her shoulder and she smiled tiredly at Kaidan.

"I need to brief the council..."

Kaidan nodded and waited for her outside, hoping.... Well, what was he hoping for anyway? Maybe they'd see reason this time. Apparently talking to the council went fast since the door opened already.

Irimsaya stormed out of the comm room and stood next to Kaidan.

"Remind me again why I said I'd work for them." She sighed and made a call to Joker. "Joker, we're going to the Citadel. I think we deserve a small rest before going for Saren."

"Yes, Commander." To his right side hands flew up in frustration and a groan was muffled. "I can understand you now Joker. Just when you think it's calm and quiet someone's gotta call you." Jase slouched down a little more. It was unnerving, being forced to watch a movie over and over again without it making little sense.

  


"They didn't like saving the colony?" Kaidan was guessing.

Irimsaya just shook her head.

"I need to lie down..." She walked off the CIC and knew Kaidan was right behind her and she led the way into her quarters.

"Kaidan.. I'm just going to rest... but I wouldn't mind some soothing company.."

Kaidan wondered briefly if he was coming across as something else. "Uh, I don't think about sex either when my head's killing me. Soothing is fine."

Irimsaya put a gentle hand on his chest.

"I know you don't... I'm sorry." She sat down on the bed and found him right next to her and then his hands were gently massaging her temples. She groaned quietly. "Okay that's nice."

Kaidan smiled a little and kept it up a little longer. But his body realized that lying on a bed also meant sleep. The mission had been exhausting and he yawned softly, cuddled up to Saya from behind and laid his arm around her waist, drawing her close. Eyes closed he kissed her neck gently. "Sleep well."

Irimsaya smiled to herself and let herself drift to sleep, comforted by Kaidan's arm around her waist. A few hours later she rolled over and smiled when she saw Kaidan was still sound asleep next to her. She moved herself a bit closer to him and sighed softly.


	20. ME1 - Chapter Nineteen - Shore leave on the Citadel

Well, spending all the night in the chair next to Joker hadn't been a really bright idea, considering the stiffness of his neck, but it also answered some other questions. Joker never left his chair, as far as he was aware of it. Jase knew about Joker's medical history as the man had told him about it, but he felt their pilot needed to spend some time away from said chair too. Being away from the ship would be another matter, but as far as he was concerned Joker needed a break from time to time as well. Now Jase had that plan in mind to get their pilot off the ship once they reached the Citadel. Maybe Ash could help too.

"Ever been on the Citadel?"

Joker turned his head a bit to glance at Jase.

"Me? On the Citadel? Nah, I like it riiiight here."

"Mmh." Not the answer he'd hoped for and eyed the pilot some more after moving around in this chair. 

"What does it take, pizza? Beer?" He could order him though....or make Saya ordering him. Jase kept watching, guessing Saya was still asleep, or more or less hoping she had a good night.

Joker shrugged a bit.

"It would take a lot actually. Especially with my bones the way they are. I enjoy just sitting here on my ass all day... every day... 24 hours a day...okay when I say it like that..."

"That means your ass is pretty bored." He replied quickly without much thinking.

Joker coughed at that and raised his eyebrows, trying to focus on the controls.

"You uhm... you could say that..."

"Good." Jase crossed his arms, feeling satisfied. "Means we're going to hit the Citadel. Together." 

Some time later, after more intense thinking, Jase yawned and stretched and got up to leave. He stopped though, considering if he should offer to bring him something to eat but wasn't sure if Joker would like that actually, figuring the man would probably feel offended, or if he would be willing to join him at the mess. 

"Joker? Breakfast?"

Joker actually looked surprised.

"No one's asked me before... yeah could you bring me something please? I'll even let you eat up here with me if you want....... just don't tell the Commander...."

"What, that even you have a soft spot somewhere?" he grinned at him. 

Joker snorted.

"Me? A soft spot?? You're kidding right?"

Jase crossed his arms, watching him for a few seconds. "Could have fooled me." He reached out to pat his shoulder but stopped himself and touched it gently instead. 

"Be back in a bit. _With_ breakfast."

Two sandwiches in his hand Jase stared at the already half empty plate of sandwiches in the fridge. What to take for Joker? He had no idea what the man liked or didn't like. Either way, this wasn't a date but a normal breakfast. Jase reached out, snatched two other sandwiches and kicked the fridge's door close. Well. Four sandwiches now and two cups of coffee were needed as well.

Irimsaya was right behind him when Jase turned. She eyed the sandwiches with amusement.

"Hungry today Jase?"

'Caught. Damn.' 

"Yes." He quickly tried to change the subject. While he would love to tell her about that breakfast deal, he didn't want to break his unspoken promise to Joker. "Had a good night?"

Irimsaya smiled slowly.

"It was.. nice yes. Kaidan's still sleeping, I thought I'd take him some food. You doing ok?"

"Yes. Breakfast in bed? Sounds good. I..," the coffee was surely starting to get cold by now. And Jase knew she knew something was up. He sighed and massaged his stiff neck, picking up the two mugs of coffee. "Talk to you later?"

Irimsaya grinned.

"Go. He's grumpy without a morning coffee."

Joker and grumpy? He hadn't been grumpy to him. Jase leaned forward and quickly placed a small kiss on her forehead and took off, sandwiches stuffed away and carefully carrying the two cups of coffee upstairs to Joker. The sounds coming from the cockpit made him pause a little, wondering what the pilot was doing. It sounded like he was playing games. Jase shook his head and rolled his eyes. Boys. 

"Attention, LT Moreau!"

Joker jumped and winced.

"Owww jeez don't do that. Do I smell coffee?"

"Delivered in perfect condition. Maybe a little colder though." He handed him the cup and placed the two sandwiches on his console, then went to his chair, carefully sitting down. It would be a shame to spill some coffee. "Hope you don't mind me being here."

Joker sipped his coffee and sighed in pleasure.

"He who brings me food and drink can stay as long as he wishes."

Jase snorted and grinned a little. "Full of surprises."

Joker ate his sandwich in silence contemplating Jase's words.

  


Irimsaya slowly opened the door to her quarters and saw Kaidan sitting on the bed, only the blanket covering his modesty and he was looking very confused.

The smell of coffee had assaulted his nose and he slowly woke up from a wonderful dream. He had spent the night with Saya, cuddled up together. Eyes opening slowly, Kaidan sat up and scratches his head, realizing the coffee part was a dream and the incredible smell came wafting in from the door. But, no. Saya was the reason for the coffee. Kaidan smiled at her. "A wonderful dream which turns out to be true, after all. Mmh, coffee," he inhaled deeply.

"I'm sorry I should have left you a note." She shut the door behind her. "I thought maybe you might like to be treated to breakfast today."

Irimsaya giggled a little, something which was unusual for her.

"Wasn't a dream but it was definitely good. Great even. You have a very soothing presence you know." She handed him the coffee and sat down in the chair across from the bed.

Kaidan took the warm cup of coffee into his hands and inhaled again before he took a careful sip. "Mmh... There's nothing in this galaxy which beats good coffee. Well, except you."

Irimsaya sipped her coffee and watched Kaidan over the rim of her cup, a small smile on her face.

"You really mean that don't you?"

"I do, Saya. These words shouldn't be said unless they are true."

Irimsaya's eyes showed her delight at his comment.

Joker groaned. "Wow, we're already nearly almost there. Better buckle up." He got on the comm. 

"Commander, we are approaching the Citadel."

  


Irimsaya looked surprised and grinned at Kaidan as she replied. "Acknowledged Joker." She looked Kaidan over and threw him his shirt. "You might want to consider getting dressed Mr. Alenko."

Kaidan chuckled when he caught the shirt. "Leaving me without my pants?" he teased her.

Irimsaya looked thoughtful then got up and took his shirt from him and gave him his pants instead.

"I'd rather leave you without your shirt." She grinned as he tried to grab his shirt and she kept it out of reach.

Kaidan slipped into his pants and grinned while walking to the door. "I think the female crew would appreciate my walking around, half naked."

Irimsaya walked over to him and turned him around then pinned him against the door and kissed him deeply.

"Hmmmm not sure I can compete with the rest of the crew." She gently put his shirt in his hand and stole another kiss.

Kaidan just chuckled, his plan had worked just fine. "What do you have in mind after talking to Anderson and Udina? Don't forget Admiral Kahuko, he deserves to know his marines are dead." Kaidan shook his head at this.

Irimsaya sighed and broke off the kiss then backed away from him.

"Way to ruin the mood. I really don't want to talk to Udina and as for the Admiral... I don't relish the idea of telling him..."

"I'm sorry. I was just wondering if we could spend the rest of the day together. You could send Jase to the Admiral. Does he have clearance by now?"

Irimsaya rubbed her face.

"He does but this isn't his responsibility, it's mine. Will you come with me?"

"Of course. You'll always have my support."

Irimsaya turned to him as he put his shirt on and kissed him gently.

"Thank you... I better get to the CIC."

Kaidan nodded, returning the kiss. "I'll be right behind you in a minute."

Irimsaya went past him and jogged up to where Joker and Jase were.

"Are we there yet?" She had been dying to say that.

"Right on time, look." Jase pointed out. "No matter how often I see this, it's always amazing." Jase crossed his arms and watched Joker flying them to the docks. 'Are we there yet?' He had no idea Saya liked those very old vids.

Irimsaya watched out the window as Joker brought them into their berth.

"Well done as always Joker." She turned on the comm. "Attention crew of the Normandy, this is Commander Shepard. We will be staying at the Citadel for at least one day, maybe two. If you need anything while we're here please make sure you get it."

She turned the comm off and looked at Jase and Joker.

"That goes for you two as well."

"Uh-huh." Jase grinned at her. He needed to go shopping anyway and now that he knew Saya liked some very old movies he wanted to get her that one. Of course it possibly meant she was more often going to say that very line, but he liked it, too. It wasn't a problem either that Salvar was tagging along too, he'd just promised their cook to give him a hand with the supplies. Besides, some time ago he'd promised to pay Ashley back by inviting her for a swim. There was a lot to do. As his eyes rested on Joker's cap he wondered if he could get him to take a swim as well. Either way, he needed to do some reading and perhaps ask Chakwas about the dont's and do's concerning the pilot's health.

"Promised Salvar to go supply hunting with him. Anderson wants to see me," he shrugged, eyes resting on Joker. "Then I'm free."

Joker smiled a little to himself, he knew Jase was up to something.

"Ask the Commander, Jase, she knows I don't get out of this chair too often because of this stupid disease. Sorry to dash any hopes you might have had but I don't think I'll be going anywhere."

Irimsaya was eying their pilot and shook her head a bit then looked at Jase.

"Use a crowbar if you have to. Get him out of that chair and onto the Citadel one way or the other." She ignored Joker's protests about the ship missing him as she left the CIC.

Jase squeezed himself between the console and Joker's chair to have a better view at him. "Joker, you can't just stay in here all the time. Fresh air... is out there."

"Seriously, do you two think this ship just looks after itself? She needs my attention all the time and..." He trailed off when he saw the look on Jase's face and he sighed heavily. "What is it with Shepards. You are both so damned stubborn. Not to mention really good at sticking your noses where they don't belong."

Jase snorted a little. "That's why we have bullets flying after us." Watching him for a few more seconds Jase carefully extracted himself from the narrow room. "All right. Let me know when you change your mind."

Joker put a hand on his forehead.

"Alright, alright, you win. Maybe a change of scenery **would** be good for me.."

"I know it would be good," Jase replied from behind, "just had to convince you." 

Truthfully, he was hoping he wasn't pushing him too far nor did he want him to get hurt. Whatever Joker was comfortable with would have to do. Was he himself willing to risk that? To learn about Joker's illness and what could be done and what couldn't? Only one answer was in his mind: Yes. And Kaidan? Jase wasn't just out of town, or on another planet. He was in a different reality with no way back home. And he could do with some love.

"What would **you** like to do? Aside of gushing over your ship." Jase rested his arms on the back of Joker's chair, watching the hat.

Joker sat there thinking hard about all the things he would kill to do.

"Swim... I've never been...I hear water is good cause it helps with mobility."

"It does. More like floating, though. There's a place here on the Citadel. Ash and I went to it last time we were docked."

Joker started looking a bit nervous.

"I...how public is it..."

Jase wondered a little. It had been late in the evening and not many people had been there. He couldn't remember all, but it had been very empty. Staring at the cap again Jase narrowed his eyes in thought. There was a lot more to Joker that the eye couldn't see apparently. And things Joker didn't want others to see, too....

"Place was empty, it was late in the evening."

Joker shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

"If you can promise there won't be many people there... I don't like it when people stare at me."

"I can be very convincing. They won't stare at you." He gently patted his shoulder. Behind him he could hear Saya and Kaidan talking, apparently they were leaving the ship. At the moment, Jase didn't feel like joining them though he figured Salvar would show up soon.

"Look. I have to run some business errands first. Is there anything you need?"

"How about a hefty dose of confidence.." Joker mumbled.

"Let _me_ be your confidence."

Joker looked at Jase when the man patted his shoulder.

"I'd appreciate that to no end... I'm really lacking in that department."

"You don't give me that impression though. Why is that now?" He frowned down at the other man.

Joker busied himself with the instruments.

"Oh sure when I'm sitting here I'm fine... but out there... well that's a different story."

Jase wasn't buying this at all. The man had made it to LT and was a damn good pilot. He let it slip though. 

"Talk later, Joker. Be ready in... two hours."

  


Joker managed to get himself ready so that when Jase came back he was standing there looking impatient.

"Well... that was a long two hours..." He grinned at the surprise on the other man's face. "What? Didn't think I was this tall?"

This earned him a grin. "I like it. You haven't been waiting too long?" Jase said while letting Joker set the pace. It had taken him a little longer than expected to find some off duty clothes.

Joker just shook his head to answer Jase's question. It was taking all of his effort just to focus on putting one foot in front of the other.

Walking next to him Jase kept an eye on Joker, not wanting him to trip or to fall. While watching he realized having Joker agree to go with him to the Citadel actually meant a lot. Halfway to the elevator Jase gently touched his elbow and motioned towards the Normandy. 

"Joker. Look. That's your ship."

Joker turned and when he did a smile lit up his face.

"Damn she's beautiful..."

Jase nodded, eyeing the ship. Every time he came back from a mission he would stop for a few seconds and just take in the sight the Normandy was. A part of him was in love with the ship as well. 

"You and the Normandy make a good team."

Joker grinned at him. "You're just saying that cause I keep saving your ass."

Jase chuckled at this and but shook his head eventually. "We're a team, Joker. You wouldn't leave us hanging anywhere." He knew he could always count on him to pick them up, no matter how bad the situation would be. "I know you're somewhere out there, ready to pick us up."

Joker turned to him, a bit of pain in his eyes.

"Damned straight. Can we find that promised water soon?"

"Come on then. Don't play a hero Joker, if you need to sit down or take a break, just say so."

Joker looked at Jase. "Do you have any idea how much I wish I was like you? Or the Commander? How much I wish that it didn't hurt just to take a piss?"

Jase sighed and watched the ship some more, trying to sort this through. He hadn't meant to insult him. 

"I'm sorry." He felt more worried now and scratched his head, trying to think of a way to express what he felt. After going through several weird sentences in his head he settled on the last ones. 

"I think you're great! Look at yourself. Anyone else would have said no to me, but here you are."

Joker grinned.

"I could still say no to you but... I dunno you're turning into a good friend." He put his hand on Jase's shoulder. "And a tall one.."

"You like that, don't you." Jase chuckled. "Come on, the water's waiting for you, little friend."

Luckily, there were taxis around. Luckily, too, the taxi had a stop very close to their target. After paying the fee Jase got out first and waited for Joker to emerge from the car.

Joker was trying desperately to appear strong in front of Jase, just like he would have in front of his commander. He looked around with wide eyes.

"I never knew this place was even here."

Jase nodded as he looked around. "Surprise. Ash knew it." 

He held out his hand for him to make it easier getting out of the car. If there was any indication Joker was in pain Jase saw it in his eyes. They didn't seem to stand still, always darting around, as if he was hoping for something. "She brought me here in the vain hope to jump my bones." Jase chuckled, hoping to distract Joker a little.

Joker chuckled a bit. "I'll assume she didn't know you swing the other way then huh."

He shook his head. "Wanted to tell her. Couldn't get through to her. Did though, eventually. Since then we've been friends. So." Jase looked at him. "You got some trunks, right. In case you don't, got a spare one for you."

Joker grinned. "I got em under my pants... erm.. in my pants... whatever."

"Joker...," he laughed, shaking his head at him. Jase paid for their entry and held the door open for Joker. A little while later he was changed, the towel hung over his shoulder and Jase waited for Joker to emerge from his cubicle.

Joker's voice came from behind the walls.

"Ok, no laughing, I'm not as muscular as you marines are." He walked out slowly and looked at Jase.

Jase crossed his arms, his eyes taking in Joker and he understood why he was so freaked about seeing in public. To his own surprise Jase didn't mind at all. In fact it showed him what a man Joker actually was. A strong person. Stronger than some other soldiers he had met. 

"I would never laugh just because you're different." He shook his head. "What kind of leader would I be? Diversity, Joker. You are who you are, be proud of that." 

Joker grinned.

"Oh don't get me wrong, I don't mind being who I am. After all that's what's so terrific about me as a pilot. But... well... you know."

Jase nodded a very little. "The water, oh terrific pilot, is back there," he chuckled and walked next to him. 

Joker followed him slowly, not letting on how nervous he was. This would be the first time he'd ever even attempted to swim.

The tiles were wet and possibly a little slippery too, Jase stopped and watched Joker walking carefully on them. Something was going on though. 

"Joker, is something wrong?"

Joker winced that he'd been caught.

"Well... see the thing of it is... we might have a little glitch in your plan. I've never been swimming before."

Was he baffled, surprised, or something else? Jase just looked at him for a few seconds before he pulled himself together and rubbed his face. Time for plan B. If there had been one before. Kid's pool? No. Insulting to Joker. Some part of his brain figured Joker wouldn't like that at all. Which left them with the shallow water of the big pool. He sighed mentally, considering their options. If he agreed, it would be good for Joker. He could learn how to swim and his body would benefit as well. At least he hoped so.

"I can teach you. The water only reaches my hip there," he pointed towards the other pool.

Joker bit his lip.

"Alright... lead the way bossman."

Jase nodded and stayed at Joker's side, just in case. But he had no idea how to teach him. He was able to teach a lot, like how to shoot, how to kill, how to use an omni-tool, or even to cook. But swimming? 

"Let's stay close to the wall. I'll stay close to you. Maybe get a feel for the water first."

Joker clung to the wall until he realized the water was actually helping him walk.

"Wow. This is amazing. I can walk and not hurt."

Jase smiled at the surprised look, but he hadn't thought how painful walking for Joker was. That it hurt yes, but he figured it had to be a lot more painful. It was no surprise to him now that Joker barely left his comfortable chair. "Glad you like it. Tell you what, only do what you're comfortable with. I'm here, at your side."

Joker met his eyes and his smile lit up his whole face.

"Are you kidding me? Only what I'm comfortable with? I LOVE THIS!!!"

Well, their eyes had met and they had been holding the gaze. Apparently the pilot was really interested in him. And so was Jase. It felt a little bit like betraying Kaidan though, but he had to move on, as painful as the thought was. Joker was different from Kaidan, just not by looks but also by personality. 

Jase chuckled at the pilot, Joker was a little like someone who's just found his first candy. "Glad you like it. Beats your chair I bet."

Joker frowned a bit.

"Man, nothing beats my baby. Noth-ing."

Or not. "I was talking about your chair, not your beautiful baby," he watched him, searching for the eye contact again. "I know I can't compete with her," he said teasingly, hoping to look once more into the green eyes.

Joker was staring at the other end of the pool.

"Holy crap... who woulda thought she'd wear a bikini..." He saw Jase's confusion. "Your uhm... sister is here."

Jase swore inwardly as the little spell was broken. Why couldn't he get away from them just for a little while? He quickly cast another glance and focused back on Joker instead, who was gaping at Saya. 

"Stop ogling my sister." This was annoying, upsetting. Reminding him of who he'd left behind back at home.

Joker's eyes left his target and went back to Jase and saw he looked annoyed.

"Hey man relax, there was no way she could have known we were here. It's cool. We ignore them they ignore us and we're all happy. To be honest I'm really enjoying spending time with you."

"Yeah. Okay. You're right." Jase nodded and tried to rub the frustration off his face, focusing on Joker instead. Figuring Joker won't go deeper into the water he moved closer to the wall to rest his back there, positioning him so he at least didn't have to see what Kaidan and Saya were up to. There was no reason to know it anyway. It wasn't his business. Right. Not his business. But Kaidan was there. Kaidan.

'Focus. Joker,' he told himself and really looked at the man now. The green eyes were smiling as they locked eyes, the cap was gone and he tried hard not to ruffle the hair. It was longer than his short military haircut. Granted it had grown a little since he'd fallen into this hellhole of a new life but Joker's was still longer.

"I'm glad you do." And if he was honest, he knew Joker had made him forget about many things that had lingered in his mind. As soon as they had taken off those thoughts and worries had vanished. "So am I."

Joker was trying to focus on the movement now. He let Jase help him and support him when needed since the place was empty now except for them and the Commander with Alenko. He grimaced as he tripped over his own feet and fell into Jase's waiting arms.

"Damn it. I'm sorry."

"It's okay." He didn't want to let go of him though, it felt way too good. But Jase carefully helped him back onto his feet, yet his eyes never left Joker's. 'What's happening here with him?' he wondered.

Joker bit his lip as he watched Jase, then he realized he would indeed be interested if Jase ever asked him. That was a new thought to him and might take some getting used to... but he was open-minded about it.

A laugh coming from Alenko was enough to distract them. Jase looked at Joker, wondering if they should do something about it but he figured he shouldn't and shrugged.

"Let me know when you've had enough of the water. It's nice to go into it but walking out is harder. Gravity and all." But he didn't want to leave just yet, only it was Joker who set the pace with the water experience and at some point he knew he had to get him out of the water, it would tire him without him realizing it too.

Joker was holding the wall again, but not as hard as he had been before.

"Okay I think I need a break, getting a little tired here."

Jase nodded his agreement. Better to help him out now before he was too tired and would be ready to go for a nap. He held out his hand for him in case things got difficult. Better to fall into him than onto the hard floor. 

"Do you want to sit down somewhere?"

"Only if you don't mind." Joker responded.

Why would Joker think he would mind? Somehow, Jase figured, Joker was trying to do more than he could. Probably not wanting to disappoint him. Jase knew he never would feel that way, it was just the way Joker was, no reason to fret about it at all.

"I don't." He let Joker decide where to go and just followed him. The man would know what he needed and where.

Joker led Jase to a secluded corner where they could hide from the others then he sat down with a groan.

"Wow this chair feels different..."

"It's a Hanar." Jase laughed at him while sitting down. Sometimes he just couldn't help himself and these chairs looked a little like a Hanar too. "Sorry Joker, forget I said that," Jase sighed softly with content when he sat down. Joker was right. "These chairs **are** comfortable."

Joker snorted a bit and relaxed in the chair.

"I should get the commander to make this my new chair... though I might fall asleep if she says yes.."

"Mmh. Ask her. Or I'll buy you a cushion or two." After he moved around carefully to be even more comfortable, Jase rested his head on his arm. 

"Why piloting, Joker?" Jase asked softly.

Joker cocked his head at Jase.

"Why a pilot? Cause I like flying. I love flying. And it's all I can really do."

"Mmh." Jase thought differently, though. "It wouldn't matter what you were doing Joker, you'd push yourself to the best." The reflections of the pool were playing at the ceiling and Jase watched them, feeling pretty content at the moment. "Bet your room was full of little ships, planets..." He could imagine that easily.

Joker grinned broadly at him.

"Now how'd you guess? Yeah, it was, cause growing up I didn't exactly get to play with other kids. Actually I was pretty lonely until I started learning to be a pilot."

Jase turned his head to look at Joker, while his other hand lazily scratched his stomach. "Joining the Alliance made a big difference." 

Joker looked over at him.

"Huge difference. Massive difference. It finally gave me a purpose in life."

Jase nodded at this, it had been the same for him. "I know what you mean." His gaze rested on the ceiling once again and he actually felt sleepy. Joker's presence was so relaxing, made him forget everything else and he just could be himself. Without any strings attached.

Joker glanced over at Jase after having a look around then noticed the other man was starting to drift off. With a small smile, Joker made himself comfortable.

  


Irimsaya double-checked her gear then looked at Kaidan.

"You ready then?"

Kaidan nodded towards her, his eyes were on Jase standing behind Joker. "Sometimes I wonder why we need all this gear here on the Citadel."

" _Let me be your confidence."_

They heard Jase reply and Kaidan wondered why Joker was missing any confidence at all. He frowned and looked questioningly at Saya.

Irimsaya just shook her head at Kaidan, trying to tell him silently that she would fill him in later as she led the way off the ship.

"Honestly Kaidan, I believe in being prepared for any eventuality. If we have our gear nothing will happen. If we don't have it... well hell you were there when we were ambushed outside Chora's Den. If we hadn't had our gear then we all would have been dead."

"Of course, you are right. It would be nice to be able to walk around freely without having to worry about an ambush every time we round a corner." Once outside on the docking bridge Kaidan stopped and actually stretched. It was good to leave the cramped space of the ship behind.

Irimsaya raised an eyebrow at him.

"Mmmh stop giving me ideas... that armour doesn't do much for showing off your muscles..." She sidestepped when he tried to smack her arm and laughed quietly. "Come on Romeo." 

She led the way to Udina's office. "Wait here Kaidan, I'll just be a minute."

Once inside the office she crossed her arms and tried the endure the unthankful wretch that was their ambassador.

Outside, Kaidan leaned against the wall and watched the door patiently. He never really had come to like Udina, but he figured the council was actually worse. At least Udina wasn't hostile towards humans. The door opened and Saya was back at his side. Kaidan raised his eyebrows at her, not asking her out. 

Irimsaya waited until the door slid shut.

"That man is a complete... IDIOT!..." She took a deep breath. "Glad we came to see him first... let's get the other duty done."

Nodding, Kaidan reached out and gently rubbed her shoulder a little to calm her down and followed her.

Irimsaya smiled at him when he rubbed her shoulder.

"Thanks Kaidan, really." She mentally braced herself for the next task as they approached the Admiral. "Sir... it is with my deepest regrets that I have to inform you that your men did not make it..."

  


Irimsaya walked along the Presidium with Kaidan next to her, as close as either one of them dared to get for who knows what eyes were watching the Spectre and her escort.

"What would you like to do Kaidan? Besides maybe finding some off-duty clothes..."

"Something tells me you already know what you want to do, besides finding off-duty clothes," he smiled a little at her. Whatever she had in mind, Kaidan figured he was fine with it. 

Irimsaya rubbed her face for a second then looked at Kaidan.

"Honestly I have no idea what to do right now Kaidan. I don't know if I can stand much more of having the weight of all our existences riding on my shoulders. Even if I don't carry that weight alone."

"Then let's do something crazy, something you haven't done before which helps you to blow off some steam. You sound desperate." And if it meant to spend all day long naked in her quarter, so be it, he shrugged mentally. Whatever she needed.

Irimsaya frowned a little bit, the question had caught her off-guard.

"Well... I honestly don't know. I don't really know what people do for a good time - other than dinner and sex of course." She grinned at him.

Kaidan laughed. Okay, the woman had a dirty mind. Not that he was complaining, but he too had some limits. "How about watching a play. Or a movie? Ice cream. Swimming. Dinner of course." If she were a guy he'd even offer her a friendly sparring round.

Irimsaya thought over the options Kaidan had given her.

"To be honest... I wouldn't mind seeing how you fight sans weapons." She grinned at the surprised look he gives her. "What? You don't want to spar a bit? It would ease tensions we both have."

"Where to? Back to the Normandy?" He was surprised. But he wouldn't go and use his biotics. They had a whole day and he wanted to make use of the time they had instead of powering out himself .

Irimsaya watched Kaidan for a moment.

"No... we came to the Citadel to get away from the Normandy for awhile. How about the pool. Sparring in pools can be... interesting." She grinned at him.

"In the pool? Naughty woman. All right, let's do it."

Irimsaya led him to the pool area and went to get changed. When she came back to him she was wearing a nice bikini that showed off her muscles quite nicely, as well as everything else. She smiled when Kaidan's jaw dropped in awe.

"You like?"

"You need to ask me?" He could think of a few nice words. "Hot!" Would do it too.

Irimsaya touched Kaidan's face gently and hopping into the deep end.

"You coming Alenko?"

"Right behind you." Kaidan took his chance to jump into the pool, diving under the surface for a few seconds and came up a little later. 

Irimsaya watched Kaidan warily as he broke the surface. 

"Alright LT. Give it your best shot." She grinned at him.

Kaidan grinned and attacked. After a while he found it was fun. She had been right though, being in the water made this a lot more interesting. Movement was slower. The impact of any possible punches never really hurt. And he often felt her skin on his, her foot kicking out at him. Kaidan laughed when something tickled him, dropped down to avoid it, but he never saw the punch coming from her. The world went black for a moment.

Irimsaya's eyes widened in shock when she realized her punch had hit, and hard, as Kaidan went limp in the water.

"Kaidan!!"

She grabbed him and turned him over so his face was out of the water then dragged him back to the poolside and got him out. When that was done she gently lay him on his back on the floor and stroked his wet hair hoping he would forgive her when he woke up.

Kaidan just groaned softly when he came to, brielfy wondering where he was. **Then** he remembered. He turned over onto his side and started laughing. Damn it. He'd been knocked out by a woman. Good that no one else was here, he'd never live this down otherwise. Especially the puzzled look on Saya's face was priceless too.

Irimsaya cocked her head as Kaidan laughed.

"What's so funny?? Are you hurt? I am so so so so sorry... I didn't mean to knock you out at all. Please just tell me you forgive me."

Kaidan grunted out another laugh and got up. "Saya. Don't ever tell anyone that you knocked me out. Or I won't live this down." He grabbed her in a hug, gave her a quick kiss and hurled her back into the water. 

"Ready for round two."

Irimsaya gasped as she hit the water, not having expected a move like that from Kaidan. She broke the surface and glared at him.

"Suuuuure I show you concern and this is how you repay me huh? Oh don't worry, I won't tell anyone - if you win."

She grabbed his arm and pulled him back in.

"Oh! Haha. If I win?" This time, things got a little more heated and Kaidan didn't want to loose. Alright, he had to win against Shepard. Who could say that anyway, having beaten Shepard in a match. He wanted that title and grinned at her.

Irimsaya gasped as he hit her in the stomach then side with a speed she didn't know he was capable of.

"Damn it.. How the hell did you do that."

Grinning, Kaidan found this was fun. He just had to be careful not to hurt her. He shrugged. "Motivation," he panted slightly, the water making it easier and harder, too.

Irimsaya focused on blocking Kaidan's attacks and grabbed his arm the next time her tried to get her and twirled him in the water then pinned his arm to his back.

"Gotcha... again."

Kaidan got the idea he wasn't going to win this. "All right. You win." Better to acknowledge defeat than getting defeated over and over again.

Irimsaya relaxed her hold, hearing the disappointment in his voice.

"You really wanted to win this didn't you." She turned him to face her. "So let's try again, think about what I just did and how I did it and prevent it from happening."

Kaidan nodded, it wasn't every day that he got a private lesson by Commander Shepard. He needed to block her and got ready for the next round.

Irimsaya concentrated on Kaidan's efforts and smiled.

"You're a quick learner Kaidan, I'm impressed. Now... take me down."

"Aye, aye." Kaidan was sure they were in for a good fight now. And he was hoping to at least achieve a draw between them.

Irimsaya was soon sweating despite the cool water they were in - and one of the reasons she wanted to do this in a pool was to stay cool. Kaidan was getting a lot better at hand-to-hand and she was impressed. He was a very quick learner and wasn't even using his biotics. She gasped when a little bit later she was pinned against the side of the pool, her arms secure in Kaidan's hands behind her.

"Well done Kaidan. Well done indeed."

With a smile Kaidan let go of her. "Thank you. Is there anything else you want to teach me?"

Irimsaya turned to face him then kissed him gently.

"You are very welcome. As for anything else... I think you have a good grasp of everything to be honest."

"Thanks." Kaidan sighed softly and just hugged her briefly then. It had been a lot of fun. "We have to do this again in some time," he chuckled softly.

Irimsaya hugged him back gently.

"You are very welcome. And yes, I would love to do this again. Although personally I think you're just in it to see me in this bathing suit."

It earned Saya a wicked grin. Of course Kaidan liked to see her in it. "Busted."

Irimsaya raised an eyebrow at his grin.

"Wow.. ok so you actually do like it. I wasn't sure about the colour on me."

"If I had focused on your suit only I would never had a chance, Saya." He eyed her again. "You could wear anything and it still looks good on you."

It was the first time in a long time that Irimsaya had remembered actually blushing from a compliment.

"Thanks Kaidan. What would you like to do now?"

"How about we relax a little before we find us something to eat?" 

Irimsaya floated herself closer to him.

"Hmm I like the thought. What'd you have in mind marine?"

"We could," he got closer to her, "swim around like this. Those chairs over there look very inviting. Then we could," he stole a quick kiss, "treat ourselves to some food." He was thinking of Chora's, but every other restaurant would do, too. "And after eating, we could retire to your quarter."

Irimsaya's eyes were bright.

"My my you are in a good mood now aren't you. I like all of those ideas."

Kaidan grinned at her and nodded. "Apparently we have a plan."

Irimsaya swam with Kaidan for awhile then got out, feeling her skin starting to wrinkle from being in the water too long. She turned and watched as Kaidan got out after her, eying his body with a little smile.

"I think you might have a couple of bruises.. I'll treat them when we get back to the Normandy for you."

Kaidan was sure he would have some and surely Saya ended up with a few, too. "I'm looking forward to it." He eyed the area, it wasn't busy at all. But he didn't want to just stretch out in the front of everyone who would happen to go for a swim. Instead he followed Saya, who seemed to think the same, which made him grin a little.

  


Irimsaya went and got changed into a tight fitting mini-dress which she had bought just for being with Kaidan. It was the same red colour as her hair and very easy to move in just in case a fight came their way. She stood outside the change area and waited for Kaidan to come out, wanting to catch his stunned look when he saw her. She tried to hide her smirk as she waited.

When he came out Kaidan at first wondered where Saya had gone to. But when it registered in his brain that the woman in the red dress actually was Saya, he gaped a little. "Wow... Stunning. I'm certainly underdressed now," Kaidan commented, offering her his arm.

Irimsaya took his arm with a grin.

"You're not. But I'm glad you like it. I wanted to impress you and show you that I am a woman too... despite being this 'hero' everyone keeps calling me." She shuddered a little with the word hero. She hated it.

"People need others they can look up to and they've chosen you." For Kaidan she'd always be his woman, but also his Commander. "I'd follow you everywhere."

Irimsaya went quiet, not sure how to take what he said. Yes it was a compliment but... would he follow her because she was this hero? Did he love her because she was this hero? What if she hadn't been. What if she had just been a normal person. She didn't even realize they had stopped walking until Kaidan turned her towards him, a frown on his handsome face.

"I was talking about you, Shepard. There's always two things I have to keep in mind. One, you are my Commander - which comes first. Two, you are my woman. I'll follow either of you. If it would be just you, Saya," he watched her, and nodded, "Yes. I'd follow you, too. It's the woman I love, not the soldier. Or hero for that matter, but the person behind all of this." But yes, he admired her skill too. It's why she made it to Commander after all.

Irimsaya smiled at Kaidan.

"You really have no idea how much that means to me Kaidan."

Kaidan smiled at her and drew her in for a quick kiss. "Now, how about we put that lovely dress of yours into a test and go out for dinner today."

Irimsaya raised an eyebrow then gently took his hand.

"One condition. No more hiding. I don't care who knows anymore."

Kaidan squeezed it gently and nodded. "Understood."

Irimsaya pulled him to a stop again and pulled him close.

"But only if you're okay with that. I want you happy. I want you to be the happiest man in the universe."

"I am happy. But yes, on the ship I'd prefer to continue the way we handled it. Sadly, our jobs come always first." He gently rubbed her back.

Irimsaya pulled away gently and went to stand by the railing that looked down into the pool area.

"I don't know if I can Kaidan. I don't know if I can *not* rescue you if you're in trouble."

Saya looked down and laughed a bit when she saw Jase with all those women and Joker.

"Poor guy..."

  


Voices and soft giggles were drawing Shepard back into reality and away from the pleasant dream he had.

"Look at him, isn't he adorable?"

"So cute!"

Jase didn't open his eyes, kept silent and didn't dare to move, wanting to hear this.

"Those muscles..!"

"And the eyelashes!" 

"Aww, he's so sweet when asleep."

  
Jase knew those voices, had heard them before on the Normandy.

"Yeah, he is. Come on, let's hit the pool before you wake him up and embarrass yourselves even more."

'Ashley.'

Damn it, he'd forgotten she was going to hit the pools too with the ladies. He remembered that now. The soft slap-slap-slap of several bare feet on tiles told him they were leaving and he carefully cracked an eye open, looking around. Joker's chair was empty. Shit. Where was he? The crutches were gone too.

Jase sat up and rubbed the sleep from his face, he hadn't meant to fall asleep. But Joker was.. he didn't know what he was, just that he felt good when the pilot was around him. A trip to the bathroom was in order anyway and perhaps Joker was there.

Well, the bathroom had been empty. Where was his pilot. Jase checked the area and figured having a look at the pool can't hurt. The far away chatter, laughter and squee! told him the pool was busier now. The closer he got the more he realized nearly all of their female crew must be in the pool and they were the reason for the chatter. Which meant Ashley had to be the leader of the chick squad.

Rounding the corner he saw that, low and behold, Joker was indeed in the pool, hanging onto the wall easily though, not as fearful as before and was surrounded by their female crew, including Ashley lingering around. Jase's eyebrows rose in amusement at Joker, who seemed to enjoy it. Or was he trying to hide from sight?

Refraining from making a very noisy and wet entry by jumping into the pool for Joker's sake only, he took in the sight. The man reminded him of a rooster surrounded by six hens. And they all had eyes for Joker until one of them caught sight of Shepard and gasped softly. The noisy chattering suddenly went silent and several pairs of eyes looked at Jase, checking him out from head to toe and back up. He hated it and yet he didn't. It was nice and it was not. But at the end of the day he enjoyed the attention very much.

"I see everyone's enjoying the pool," he commented and walked into the water, straight ahead to Ashley, gave her a quick nod and smile and settled into the water next to Joker. For a second he considered giving Ash a little peck on the cheek just to drive off the rest of the apparently interested harem, but decided against it. Well, Joker had asked for a harem, now he was in the middle of one.

  


Kaidan wanted to reply something but the answer got stuck in his throat when he followed Saya's eyes and instead he chuckled at the sight of a male Shepard surrounded by women.

"Poor man, you say? Look at him Saya, he seems to enjoy it. It doesn't surprise me given how handsome he is."

Irimsaya kept her eyes on the scene below them and shook her head a bit.

"He looks uncomfortable.." She turned back to Kaidan. "And you're handsome as well, never forget that. But you are handsome inside and out Kaidan. You are a wonderful person who deserves probably far more than I could ever have hopes of giving."

"Uhm, thank you. But you're missing something. I don't need more, not at the moment. Maybe when all of this is over we could.. plan for our future." While saying this, Kaidan was watching Joker and Jase, trying to figure out if the man was really uncomfortable. He couldn't tell though since he was all smiles, but trusted Saya's judgement as she probably understood him a lot better than he did.

'Plan for our future,' Irimsaya thought, a small smile playing on her lips, 'he actually said that.'

"You really want that? A future together?" She didn't dare look at him with the hope she knew was already in her eyes.

"Yes," Kaidan answered, studying the scene below them. Jase seemed to scare off two girls by splashing water at them. "I could, no... I **can** see us together for years to come. Maybe, even growing old together." 

He didn't know what she would make of this. Maybe he was too pushy or something too, but Kaidan wondered if they could actually do this, a house, kids maybe. Getting married first. He sighed, figuring he had it really bad for her.

Irimsaya fully turned to him with that and watched him, a pleased smile on her lips.

"I'd like that so much it hurts."

Kaidan nodded at her and hold out his hand for her to take it. "That makes two of us then."

Irimsaya took his hand and let him lead her to Chora's Den where they both knew they wouldn't likely be disturbed. 

"At least here we can be ourselves."

"Yes, that's true." Kaidan ordered them each a drink and knew they were in for a good evening and night afterwards. He felt very at ease in Chora's Den, not even one of the dancers were interesting, as he was ignoring them completely.

Irimsaya sat with Kaidan and ate their dinner. She was enjoying herself thoroughly and being able to forget about Saren even for a little while was nice. Problem was she knew it couldn't last forever.

Kaidan figured he should get Saya dancing with him again, since his feet had been fine the last time. And after this, then he was hoping for the promised massage.

Irimsaya laughed as she danced with Kaidan then when a rare piece of slow music came on she pressed herself as close to him as she could and tucked her head under his chin, leaning her cheek against his chest.

To Kaidan Saya was amazing. A woman, a soldier, a Commander. Not too tall, didn't look strong but was. Anyone who would mess with her would be in for a big surprise. Sometimes Kaidan didn't know what came first. The commanding officer or his... girlfriend. The line was very blurry most of the time and he often was on alert, not wanting to do things the wrong way. Now at the moment, his life was a whole lot easier as it meant dancing with Saya and just being a man and a woman. He didn't need to worry at the moment, bend his head a little and kissed her hair.

Irimsaya snuggled closer to Kaidan, a smile playing on her lips but she sighed when the slow song ended and they went back to the fast music.

"Damn it." She muttered and gently pulled away from Kaidan. "That was wonderful, thank you so much."

Smiling, Kaidan leaned down to whisper into her ear. "How about we take this back to the ship. You must feel sore too."

Irimsaya closed her eyes at the thought and grinned at him.

"You are just full of wonderful ideas.. lead the way."

Kaidan did and once back on the Normandy he headed right away to Saya's room. "We could rent a vid over the net."

Irimsaya thought about it for a minute then shook her head.

"Maybe after. I owe you a massage I think. That is, if you're still interested of course." She waggled her eyebrows at him.

Kaidan grinned and nodded, he would never say no to a massage. Especially when it came from Saya. "I'd like it, if you..."

Irimsaya gently peeled Kaidan's shirt off, biting her bottom lip when she saw the bruises forming where she had managed to strike him during their little duel.

"Oh Kaidan.. oh I am so so so sorry..." She looked at him and there was a pain in her eyes that was indescribable.

"I've had worse. I'm sure you need a massage too," he grinned a little, trying to ease the situation by shifting the focus back onto herself.

Irimsaya shrugged a bit, her eyes lingering on the bruises on Kaidan's body and he could tell she was mad at herself for them. Gently she lay him down on his stomach on the bed and started massaging his back, closing her eyes as she felt his bare skin under her hands again.

"Mmmh..," Kaidan murmured, enjoying the caresses coming from Saya. Eventually, he turned around and tackled Saya onto the bed, having different ideas now. Movies and everything else were forgotten.

Irimsaya giggled when she found herself pinned to the bed and saw the playful look on Kaidan's face.

"I knew a massage was a bad idea." She kissed him soundly.

Another splash of water made sure the two women who really had it in for him were scared off and Jase grinned, splashing again at the rest of them. He would have gone for a swim, but he didn't want to leave Joker alone in case he slipped, or something. Maybe it was more the 'or something' that kept him close to Joker, a part of his brain figured the pilot enjoyed it and wouldn't need his help at all. 

One of the woman, Jase thought hard about her name - Talitha Draven, suggested the ladies go for a little rest and to his surprise they all agreed and the two of them suddenly found themselves being left alone. Of course after Jase had declined going with them. He grinned at Joker to see what his reaction would be.

Joker watched silently as the women dispersed with Ashley in the lead and then he turned his eyes to Jase to find the other man watching him.

"Thank you for getting rid of them. Some days women just make me... well want to hide. I'm more comfortable.... surprisingly... with you."

Jase snorted softly, somewhat amused. He hadn't expected this at all and shrugged a little. "I got used to it. Doesn't mean I like it. I'm surprised you think that way," he smiled a little, feeling flattered actually because he hadn't heard this since a long time. "I kind of thought you'd enjoy that. Them." He pointed towards the women.

Joker raised an eyebrow.

"You thought I'd enjoy all that attention? Why do you think I'm a pilot? I prefer to be alone with one or two people not a whole gaggle of girls. And at least you have a nice calming effect on everyone... well except when you're shooting things up."

Jase snorted in amusement at the shooting up comment. He scratched his neck a little while he kept looking at Joker thoughtfully. 

"Unfortunately people can be very unreasonable....How about we flee from this scene before they decide to come back?" There was more in his mind that he wanted to say, but often words just failed him. Besides, getting away from the chick squad was a good plan. 

"Fleeing is a damned good idea actually," Joker answered. "Last thing I want is all those women wanting to help me anywhere I want to go. Ah the hazards of being the universe's greatest pilot!" As he followed Jase out of the water.

Jase chuckled softly and shook his head. Big ego as ever. Once he was dressed he waited for Joker patiently, aware Joker needed some more time. 

Joker came out of the change room stiffly and was glaring at Jase.

"Tell me again why I let you talk me into this."

"Change of scenery? Thought you had a good time in the pool." He watched him carefully. 

"Oh don't get me wrong, I did have a good time. I just keep forgetting that there are always aftereffects. How about some grub? My treat."

Jase nodded at him and the idea of food sounded pretty good to him as his stomach was empty. "What do you have in mind? I don't think they have Pizza on the Citadel."

"No pizza? Well damn. Okay uhm.. hmm.. I dunno what would you recommend?"

Making a mental note to himself, Jase's eyes narrowed in thought. He needed to tell Joker this world was different than what he remembered. But first he needed to check this with Saya though. He knew it was to be kept secret but if he was... was he even considering something more with Joker, he suddenly wondered. 

He liked the man, yes, but was that enough to start something if Joker would agree to it. Jase scratched his chin thoughtfully. He was confused, about himself. Utterly confused, no clear plan laid out anymore. No route to follow. And what about Kaidan, his own world? Would Kaidan wait and hope for him to come back? He would, wouldn't he? Jase felt like an ass for a few seconds, for considering starting something with Joker, if the other man wanted it. If he had the option to fly back, he wouldn't even have dragged the pilot out, onto something like a date. Instead he'd have gone back to Kaidan. But as usual, his life was very complicated and people he held dear were ripped away from him. Joker on the other hand, was a nice distraction and someone to like for who he was. Someone he could even love.

Jase looked at Joker, focusing back on the food problem. "I honestly don't know. Let's hit the closest place we can find."

"Okay, great, first place we find. Sounds awesome." He grinned at Jase.

"Yeah, right. Come on." Jase joked back, returning the grin.

Luckily, the restaurant they found seemed to serve good food. Jase realized he was very hungry when the plate loaded with plenty of food arrived on their table. But he was also interested in getting to know Joker.

"Tell me a little about yourself. What do you like, dislike. What makes you, **you**. I know you like coffee."

"About me?? Well... not much to tell really. What do you want to know?"

Since this was about asking questions and Jase figured if Joker would share something he should share a little too, he started by giving an example of himself.

"I like to read. Not poetry, obviously. White wine, a little bit on the sour side..." 

Joker was thoughtful for a few minutes.

"Okay.. well.. give me action to read any day of the week. Hmm as for wine I prefer it a little on the sweet side. I've never had a real relationship or anything like that cause nobody is ever interested in the pilot."

"No one? Hard to believe. Their loss." Jase shook his head and picked up his water to drink some more. "I had two, three actually. Last one was forcibly broken off. Won't ever see _him_ again." Jase picked at the table cloth thoughtfully. Yes. Definitely moving on. And he had been thinking of spending the rest of his life with Kaidan. Not anymore. 

"Anyway, I enjoy blowing things up ." He grinned a little at Joker.

"You enjoy blowing things up... must be one of those Shepard traits. I swear you two have a self-destruct on you."

"Maybe. Find the switch, Joker." Jase chuckled softly at this reply. "As long as it's bad guys only.... I don't enjoy losing civilians in the progress."

"Oh no way I'm not going looking for the switch, last thing I want is your insides on the outside if you get my meaning. And no one enjoys losing civvies Jase, it's just an unfortunate hazard of the job."

"Who said the switch was inside me," he laughed a little. "Well Joker, anyone not wanting to be around you doesn't know what they're missing." Jase leaned back, watching Joker thoughtfully. 

"You see? You see? All they gotta do is sit down and talk with me one on one but nooo. I mean I really can be a nice guy and not such an ass all the time. Not one person has ever asked me to go with them **anywhere**. Not even the Commander. Now don't get me wrong, she's a great lady, but I'd like to be asked every once in awhile, ya know?"

'Wow,' Jase thought, aware that Joker was opening up to him. But he had to think about that little speech before he started to reply something. Actually, he found himself to agree, but.. wow. 

"Some people aren't able to look past a facade, Joker."

Joker sank down in the chair he was sitting in.

"Well maybe they should try. I'm just glad I finally have someone who understands, you know?"

Jase smiled at him a little and nodded in understanding as their eyes locked again. After some comfortable silence he asked, "Speaking of, anything else you'd like to do today?"

Joker just shook his head.

"I have to be honest Jase. This has been one of the best days of my life. I can't think of much that can top it."

'Aside of flying the Normandy,' Jase thought and leaned forward with a little smile. "Likewise, Joker. Tell you what. When we have some free time again, let me know and we've got a date."

Joker grinned at him.

"Does this make this our first date then?"

"Are you.. interested? I'd hate forcing something onto you. We could just be.... friends." Jase knew he'd be fine with this too, but Joker hadn't really given him any real other hints on what he preferred. 

Joker just raised an eyebrow at him.

"Do you seriously think I'm not? Would I still be here if I wasn't? Are you blind?"

He sighed softly at this. Maybe he was, especially lately. After all he started it without expecting anything in return, aside of maybe just having a good day and not thinking about, well, other things.

"When it comes to my private life I sometimes am." He smiled at him. "I'm glad we got this cleared, though."

Joker winked at him.

"Buuuut I'm fairly new to this type of thing so I'm hoping to get me some kinda education. If you get my drift."

'So,' Jase mused, 'my impression hadn't been that far off then.' 

"Understood. You set the pace. Everything else we just deal with one step at a time."

Joker grinned at him.

"Thanks for understanding, I appreciate that. But... maybe you could hint at it. Remember, never been in a relationship before.."

Downing the last of his water Jase thought about this and tried hard to remember when he was in his first, kind of, relationship. Things certainly had been interesting then and also very exciting. Trial and error had been the key. Well, he mentally shrugged, they'd find out.

"There are some basics. But aside of all that talk about the birds and the bees. Go with the flow and what feels right and what not." Jase eyes sparkled suddenly, he grinned at Joker and added with a low, suggestive and teasing voice, "Ever wanted to scream in a good way?"

Joker raised his eyebrows at Jase.

"Ahhhh uhm... yeah kinda... but problem is being careful cause of my bones.."

"Yes. That's where you need to teach _me_. I promise, I'll be careful." 

The last thing on his mind would be hurting him. There was enough pain in the galaxy already. Jase checked the time and sighed softly. 

"Guess it's time to head back." He grinned a little at Joker. "Bet your ship's missing you already."

"Oh I'm sure she'll survive. Thankfully she doesn't nag me though." He grinned at Jase. "So..." He stood up carefully. "Lead on... honey."

Joker laughed as Jase glared at him.

"Guess that's your payback, huh," he thought quickly to add, "sweetheart." Then he shuddered and laughed. He never liked those sweet love dripping words. Besides, hearing the word 'honey' and being addressed with it brought back a dark memory. Jase didn't show it though, not wanting to ruin the good day he's just had.

Joker snorted with amusement.

"Just do me a favour. Never, ever, call me that again and I promise to not use those drippy, sweet, lovey dovey names that women always come up with."

"Deal. Good thing we agree on that, flyboy." Jase flashed him a toothy smile, clearly teasing him now, while they walked to the taxi station.

"Flyboy huh. Mmmh.... how many nicknames do you plan to come up with for me exactly anyway?"

Joker waited with Jase for the taxi to arrive.

"Better yet... why? Joker **is** my nickname..."

Jase just grinned while he opened the door for Joker to get into it and climbed into it after him. "Relax. Joker's just fine."

"Good. Cause if not then this whole thing just won't work." He teased and laughed. "You gonna tell your sister?"

"You'd be ok with that? 'Cause if she asks..." he shrugged. There weren't many people he could talk to anyway. Ash, _maybe_. But Saya made more sense to him though.

Joker looked out the window of the taxi, silent for a moment.

"Yeah... you know I think I would be ok with it."

He wanted to kiss him right there, but didn't. There was some stretch of silence as Jase was thinking while he kept watching Joker. Clearly Joker wasn't very comfortable with the thought of telling and he had the feeling it was bugging him. 

"It's no one's business but our own," he said strictly, as a matter of fact. "No one needs to know. Saya is the only other person I'd talk to. Are you.. afraid of her?"

"Afraid of her? Let me think about that... have you SEEN the guns she carries? Any sane person would be afraid of her." He grinned to let Jase know he's been joking.

Keeping his hands in check, Jase grinned at him, otherwise he'd have punched him lightly on the arm.

"Yeah right. And look at the guns I carry. Are you scared of me too?" The car stopped, Jase paid the fee and hopped out, ready to give Joker a hand if needed.

"Nah your guns aren't as scary." Joker laughed and got onto the ship before Jase could retaliate.

Jase frowned a little in thought, formed a silent 'oh' eventually and wondered which guns Joker was actually talking about now. There were guns, _guns_ and **guns** apparently. He shook his head in amusement and followed him inside, stopping after the airlock. "Hey Joker. It's been a great day. Enjoyed it."

"You uhm... don't have somewhere private do you..?"

"Sadly, no. Just a plain bunk." Jase sighed and motioned for Joker to follow him back to the airlock. Once inside, Jase used his omni-tool to override the locks of the doors, effectively locking them inside the small corridor. 

"That's as private as it can be."

Joker slowly went to him and kissed him gently, as if afraid of what might happen.

In an instant Jase's face and features softened as he let his guard down. The sometimes cold but calculating gaze was gone and replaced with a calm and caring expression.

"Ah, Joker," he whispered against his lips. One hand found the side of Joker's face, while the left crept up his back. Jase exhaled deeply when he rested his cheek against Joker's. A lot of tension left his body and he was surprised about his own level of stress. It had been sky high apparently. Jase pulled back and watched Joker's face while his index finger was carefully scratching along Joker's beard. He smiled a little, leaned forward and kissed him.

Joker closed his eyes and groaned quietly, not realizing how much he needed this but he could feel the stress draining from Jase's body and knew this was what he needed.

"Be gentle..."

After a while Jase carefully pulled back, pupils clearly dilated, but he kept himself in check. Normally he'd have enjoyed to push his partner up onto a wall and claim his mouth in a kissing frenzy, or to be pinned onto the wall himself, but this was Joker. No such thing was possible, aside of the kissing. And yet it felt, very fine, too. Jase felt a grin forming on his face, one he couldn't control at all. Since there was no way for Joker to sit down somewhere, he knew it would be just kissing. He was okay with this and gently held his pilot. 

"So. That's a nice way to end our first date."

"Mmmm... Who said it was over?" He leaned in and kissed Jase again, very much wanting every part of him that he could get.

Jase just groaned softly, Joker surely was full of surprises. Now he hoped no one wanted to enter or leave the Normandy. A small part of his mind envied Saya for her quarter. That thought was being pushed away, focusing on the feelings Joker managed to stir within his mind and body. The warmth coming from the other man, the scent and feel of the beard. Jase happily answered Joker's demands.

  


It was early morning when Jase woke up from another stupid dream. The night had ended very pleasant and he fell asleep with a grin plastered all over his face. Now he sat on his bed, rubbed the sleep from his eyes and got rid of his sweat drenched shirt. The dream had been a mix of his world, this one, Kaidan and Joker. Of geth and those.. things. He had no word for them. Probably a husk was the most fitting. There was no use to go back to sleep now and Jase stood up, leaving for a shower.

The whole thing was becoming a routine apparently. Wake up way too early, shower, make a round on the ship, sit in the mess drinking coffee, wait for Salvar to show up and fix the crew's breakfast. Despite the nightmare today he sat in the mess, warming both hands with his mug of coffee and had a shit eating grin on his face he couldn't seem to get rid of. It just kept creeping back all the time. Eventually he shrugged and thought, what the hell.

  


Irimsaya reluctantly got out of bed, aware of Kaidan's eyes following her every move.

"I'm going to go get us some food." She turned and smiled at him. "I'll get you something too. And before you complain, when I get back I'll ease that headache that I can see is already starting. Go back to sleep sweetie."

Kaidan raised his eyebrow at her a little, hearing the 'sweetie', he nodded with a small grin and laid back down, trying to ease the pain in his neck and shoulders.

Irimsaya saw him smile then she slipped out and went to the mess. She saw Jase who seemed to be stewing over some coffee and she slid in across from him.

"You look like you had a good night." She signaled to Salvar when he came in for an order of two breakfasts to go then turned her eyes back to Jase. 

That stupid grin was back, plastered all over his face and only Jase's eyes looked up at her, which held a twinkle. "Evening, rather. But hell, yes." He had a hard time to keep a straight face, the grin grew into a real smile. 

Irimsaya raised both eyebrows and grinned.

"Okay now you know you have to tell all the sordid and gory details."

Before he answered Jase drank all of his coffee. If it had been alcohol he could have used it as excuse to work up his courage. 

"Well..., he's a good kisser." Jase grinned, remembering how good it had felt. "And it's like... I don't know. I had no idea I was so worked up. He just... takes it all away." He paused and added, "Just like Kaidan used to." And yes, he was damn glad Joker made him feel the same way.

Irimsaya reached across and took his hand then gave it a small squeeze.

"I'm happy for you. I have been so worried about you."

Jase just watched her for a minute, still feeling her hand on his and he liked it. Had he been broadcasting his misery? He hadn't even been aware of it until now. "I guess. I was afraid I couldn't feel anything for him, but he's changed that, too. I want to tell him...no. He needs to know who I really am."

Irimsaya squeezed his hand again.

"What makes you think he doesn't already know? Joker tends to pick up on things the rest of us don't see, Jase. I think he knows you more than you think he does." As Salvar put two trays on the table for her. "I have to get this to Kaidan before it gets cold. Just do me a favour - don't be too hard on Joker. He's fragile."

She grinned at him then got up to go back to Kaidan.

Jase nodded at her with a grin and watched her leave. He'd be careful, last he wanted was to cause Joker any pain. Jase got up and went to see Chakwas, needing advice. After he was done asking her out it was time to bring Joker his breakfast, too.

Kaidan cracked an eye open and listened as the door opened and Saya was back. For a moment he wished he could just stay in bed the whole day. He wondered what he had done to deserve the pain in his head. But yes. Implants. But waking up with a thudding head in the morning was not anything pleasant at all.

Irimsaya put the trays down as quietly as she could.

"Oh Kaidan.. ok stay put, I can see how much you're hurting." She all but ran to him and started the technique Jase taught them.

And again it worked, to Kaidan's amazement and to top it off, Saya was getting better at it every time. He sighed and relaxed. "I'm surprised they figured this out. Not that I'm complaining," he yawned. Staying in bed for a day still sounded good, he really felt lazy today. Or maybe it was because he liked getting pampered from time to time.

Irimsaya snorted a bit.

"Why _would_ you complain. You get a woman's hands alllllll over your body."

A small part of his brain decided that maybe it was a good idea to get more headaches when he would always end up with.. well. Kaidan snorted softly and grinned. "You know, I'm just an ordinary guy at times."

Irimsaya brought the tray over for him.

"Ordinary? Oh my dear sweet Kaidan, there's nothing ordinary about either of us." She grinned. "That's why we fit so well with each other."

He nodded with a grin. "Galaxy saved by the biotic and the super soldier. I just can see the headline."

Irimsaya laughed and shook her head.

"You're in a good mood now. Eat your breakfast Mr. Alenko and then... we spend one more day here before we go after Saren." Her voice shook a little bit then she sat down and started to eat.

Kaidan heard the little quiver in her voice but didn't comment on it. He'd already stated it more than once and there wasn't any need to tell her again. Instead he got up and kissed her hair before he sat down and ate. At least now he could enjoy the food since the pain had gone down to a lingering background pounding. 

"What's the plan for today," he asked between bites.

"I don't know. I was wondering if you just wanted to relax again with me - but if you want to get back to your duties I understand."

Her mind had wandered back to Saren as she wondered what he might have in store for them.

"Mmh," Kaidan thought about that while eating. He felt like wanting to stay in here all day but there were a few things which needed to be done. But. "Actually, your brother is nearly running your ship anyway. Where he takes his energy from, I don't know."

Irimsaya stopped eating and looked at Kaidan, shock on her face as she thought he was inferring she wasn't doing her job.

"I... oh... uhm..." She closed her eyes and pushed her tray away, no longer hungry.

Kaidan looked at her a little dumbfounded. He considered this a good thing, somehow they ended up having a bit more time for themselves. And it showed how similar they actually were. "What's wrong?" 

Irimsaya bit her lip and looked at him.

"Do you think I'm neglecting my duties??"

"What? Of course NOT! You and he have settled into a routine, without realizing it even. Or did you..."

Irimsaya shifted in her chair.

"Did we what?"

"Agree to the routine you two have adapted."

Irimsaya shook her head no.

"I've always just let him do whatever he wants. Kind of like I let you do, especially in bed."

She watched as he tried not to choke on his food, a glimmer of mischief in her eyes as she sipped her coffee.

Surprised, Kaidan's eyes darted around the room, thinking in light speed. "What? And what would you do if you were in lead?"

Irimsaya raised an eyebrow then put her coffee down and took his tray from him. She wandered over to the bed and gently pushed him back, a smile on her face.

"Well.. if you **really** want to know..."

"Uh, yes. What I meant before was.. you don't have to worry about your ship... and.. I was hoping to spend.. the day in bed." Kaidan watched her red hair, she looked like a predator ready to jump on its prey. 

"This is going to be a good day..."

Irimsaya grinned at him then straddled his waist gently before leaning down and gently kissing his neck.

"You sure your head is ok with this?" She mumbled between kisses.

"Yes." Kaidan was sure he could handle it, he could always take a painkiller later on. Aside of this, it was a good thing Saya's room was a little on the dark side with the lightning. And whatever she had in mind right now for him, it felt very good to him.

  


This time, Jase took a tray and placed the two coffee mugs on it. Today's breakfast offered more variations of food since he had gone shopping with Salvar the day before. It still didn't offer anything like pizza though. But maybe he could just get all the ingredients needed and make one himself. Actually, when he thought about this, it wasn't a bad idea at all. Jase knew if he was to do this, it would attract all of the Normandy crew and he'd end up catering to the whole crew. After all, baking pizza generated a delicious smell. Not that he minded though. Idea filed away for later, he took a plate of scrambled eggs and bacon for himself and grabbed two bagels and a sandwich for Joker and headed off to the bridge.

Joker was looking slightly annoyed when Jase entered the bridge.

"C'mon sweetie be nice. Just because I left you for a day doesn't mean you can give me the silent treatment. I know you're jealous but we're still friends, honest.." He trailed off when he realized he wasn't alone. "Hey it's my favourite food delivery service!"

Chuckling softly, Jase handed him the mug and placed the plate for Joker onto his lap, while leaning down he stole a quick kiss. Then he went to his chair. "What's with her. Giving you trouble?"

Joker sipped the coffee with a satisfied sigh.

"I think she's jealous of you. She doesn't want me to do any diagnostics."

"She doesn't have to be, I know she'll always come before me," he grinned at Joker and gently patted the console in front of him. "I love her as much as you do."

Joker laughed as the console beeped.

"Suuuuure NOW you believe me. Silly ship."

Jase thought this was a little creepy. Could they be sure the Normandy didn't have an AI? He chuckled a little at the thought as he knew it wasn't the case.

"Glad I could help." 

His food was gone pretty fast, he'd been very hungry and he eyed Joker. Some people had second thoughts the night after. Well, not that had happened that much anyway, but still, it had been good enough. Joker didn't seem to give him the impression though, which was good.

"You feeling okay? Didn't hurt you last night, did I?"

Joker turned his head to look at him.

"Am I ok?? Really? Of course I am! I'm **wonderful**! You were amazing."

Jase grinned at him, Joker was so full of flattery. "You were too," he paused, wondering if he should say more, especially that he was in this for a long run but figured it needn't to be said. He also considered telling him about his past, but right now, it suddenly didn't matter anymore. There was a future to look forward to now.

"So. Heard we're here for another day. Anything else you'd like to do?"

Joker shrugged a bit.

"I really have no idea you know. I'm up for pretty much anything."

"I have an idea. Just need to do some shopping. It's kind of a surprise for you, though." He got up, ready to make this plan work. Maybe he could even get some beer, but he'd hide it until they were alone. 

"But I _could_ need your help later." He really wanted to include him, Joker might end up having a good time and the playful nature the man was... Jase snorted softly to himself, already picturing him with a white nose and playing around with the dough. Things could be messy **and** fun.... 

  


Darian Salvar looked at him as if he'd just grown another head. 

"Pizza? For all of them? You're aware that this means we will have to bake a lot and have you even considered thinking about the non-human crew?"

Jase shrugged a little. "Bought them some food. The clerk assured me it would qualify as special food."

Salvar just shook his head, eyed the bags on the floor next to the Commander and figured by the size of them he' had bought half a store. "You are insane.., sir."

Chuckling, Jase playfully slapped him on the back. "Maybe I am. Who's to say we'll still be alive in a week or two? Let's do this. Most of the crew will love you even more." 

Jase considered this an act of insanity too, but once he had thought about his plan he couldn't stop himself. They were off-duty at the moment and who knew when this time would be over? Better to make most of it.

"Or you. Haven't you noticed, when you aren't cooking they ask me when you'll cook again." Darian walked to the bags and started to sort them out. Apparently Jase had bought a lot, including vegetables, mushrooms, onions, cheese. He dug around some more and sighed. "You've really been thorough."

"Yeah. No point in NOT doing it right." Jase looked at him while he busied himself making the dough. 

"Listen. You're a good cook. Don't think any less of yourself."

"Says the guy who's done most of the cooking." Darian sighed, got a plate and knife and set them aside to get the bag with the veggies. Once emptied he began to wash them.

"I didn't. Just gave you directions." Jase commented, starting to see just how much dough he had to produce for the whole crew. A lot. Salvar had been right. This was going to be a long evening. "Could just stop giving you a hand. They'll realize their faulty thinking."

"You are really confident about my cooking skills," Darian said while shutting off the water and left the veggies to dry and began to create the sauce by chopping the fresh herbs Jase had bought.

"I am." With a loud blob the pile of dough landed on the counter and Jase started to work it through with his hands. He loved doing this, it reminded him of the better days of his teenage time when he started to work for real money at a bakery. The time between the gang and the military. A time where he started to see there was more to life than robbing and blackmailing people. Or killing them.

Darian was staring at Shepard's hand, how confident they worked the dough. "Where did you learn that," he asked, nodding towards the pile.

Jase shrugged. "It's been a long time. Apparently I haven't forgotten how to do it." Jase got another bowl, placed the dough inside and wrapped a towel around it and set it aside, hoping the warmth would be enough. One down, three to go. He started working at the next one right away. Looking over at Darian he saw the man watching him and Jase gave him a small grin. "You want to know more?"

"I thought we're friends. If you don't mind."

"That we are," he paused and thought about how old he had been. "I was sixteen, nearly seventeen." 

Jase wasn't sure how much more he wanted to tell Darian. That he could barely read at the age sixteen? That the guy he worked for offered him a bed in a small backroom where he could stay, made him buy books from the money he'd earned and taught him what he knew? At that time he knew more about how to handle a gun, could dismantle it and put it back together in his sleep, knew more about how to kill someone than he knew about basic math. How he managed to make it to Commander was still sometimes a surprise to him, considering his background. While thinking about this, the second dough was done and he looked back at Darian who was watching him with open curiosity. Jase gave in eventually, after he started with the third. 

"Was working in a bakery. Bought books from the money I earned, educated myself, signed up with the Alliance." 

That was about all he was going to say. Jase fell silent again and just focused on his task. He was hoping Joker would show up soon, it would take some time for him to walk down the stairs though.

  


Irimsaya sniffed and stirred in Kaidan's arms then opened her eyes. She was sprawled across Kaidan, his arms tight around her. She sniffed again and frowned. Something was smelling really good and it was coming from the mess hall.

Kaidan hummed softly when Saya moved. "What's wrong? I don't smell, do I?" All he could smell was Saya and it wasn't a bad smell at all. How she managed to smell like flowers all the time was beyond him. 

Irimsaya shook her head at him.

"Of course it's not you... I could swear I smell pizza..."

Kaidan tried to see if there is anything else in the air than Saya. "I only smell you," he grinned. "But pizza? Here on the ship?"

"Mmmh... maybe I was dreaming." She put her head back down and snuggled deeper into his chest.

Kaidan lazily caressed her back and drifted off a little because it was so nice being together like this. Then he smelled it too. "I think you are right."

Irimsaya kissed his chest gently.

"Should we go investigate?"

"Play good cop bad cop?" Kaidan chuckled softly. "It's hard to resist."

Irimsaya laughed lightly and pulled herself reluctantly from Kaidan's warm embrace.

"Well I think that could work."

Kaidan slowly got up after Saya gave him room to move and he inhaled. "It does smell like pizza." He shook his head and got quickly dressed. "Maybe we should hurry. Don't want to be the last one and only get the left overs."

Irimsaya swore, knowing he was right. As soon as they were both decent she grabbed his hand and ran with him to the mess hall, searching for the source of the delicious smell.

When Jase saw them, he tried hard not to chuckle at the picture. But he had to admit it, they were … cute. "You're looking for something?" He grinned, knowing he looked a little messy himself, but at least he had a towel wrapped around his waist where he could brush off is hands.

Irimsaya stopped and stared at him, Kaidan bumping into her because of her sudden stop.

"Are you the reason for that delicious odor wafting through my ship?"

"Odor? You're insulting my cooking skills," he tried to look hurt, but failed miserably. 

Irimsaya shook her head.

"Not at all, it smells absolutely wonderful!!"

Jase grinned at her and just caught his hand in time before he could scratch his head. "There's plenty to choose from. Last one's still in the oven." He looked around and got two plates for them, loading pizza onto them. "There you go," and handed her the plates. 

Garrus and Tali just showed up and Jase excused himself, going to them. They surely wanted something to eat as well and since he had bought something special for them too, it was better to give it now than later or even forget about it. He was especially surprised when Garrus spoke up.

"Shepard, I wanted to thank you for helping me find Dr. Saleon."

"Hell Garrus, that's what friends are there for." Jase quickly replied. He was more than happy that freak had given them a good reason to kill him. Turned around and fled. Dr. 'Heart' should have known better. Still, he would have liked to see him rotting away in a prison cell though. 

Once Garrus had left he looked back at his sister who seemed to study the area while eating. "Don't worry, I'll help cleaning up this mess." But he only wondered where Joker was. Looked like he had to bring him something to eat. The idea wasn't that bad though, at least up there they had some time alone.

Irimsaya grinned at Jase.

"Damn right you'll help clean it up mister. But - this is damned good pizza. Thanks - and I'm sure the crew is thanking you too!"

Jase eyed them and shrugged. "You could order them to clean up," he winked at her. The oven dinged, the last pizza was ready and he took it out, carefully placing it onto the counter before slicing it into pieces. Once this task was done he got two plates and loaded it with pizza for Joker and himself and took off to his favourite pilot.

"I take it you were busy."

"Are we sure this ship doesn't have an AI. I swear she keeps me busy on purpose so I don't go anywhere... and what the hell smells so damned good?"

"Maybe she's just bored." He quickly hold Joker's plate in front of him. "Surprise." 

Joker's eyes widened and he grabbed the plate before Jase could tell him if he was dreaming or not.

"Pizza.. It can't be.." He takes a bite and groans. "Ooooh but it is! How did you get our cook to make this??"

"Easy. I left him with little to no choice. Second...." After placing his plate onto his own seat Jase hurried off and retrieved the two bottles of beer he had hidden away. "There you go."

Joker laughed in amazement.

"How did you... wow... Jase I don't know how to thank you. You just made a dream come true!"

"That was the whole idea. The crew's just lucky I decided to share it with them. Can't be such an ass." He quickly got his own plate and sat down to eat.

Joker chuckled softly and ate his pizza, savouring every bite and making each bite as small as possible in order for the slice to last even longer.

The way he ate nearly ticked Jase off, he couldn't peel his eyes off Joker and barely suppressed a groan. Watching him eat like this really had been worth all the hassle with the pizza making. "You know, I can get you more. Pizza. I mean."

Joker seemed startled at that.

"What? Really? There's more?" He wolfed down the rest. "Please!!"

"Yeah, be back in a minute." And just like he had promised, he was back, plate heavily loaded, figuring the way Joker inhaled the pizza it was best to bring even more. Jase sat back down and slowly ate his pizza, while he kept watching Joker. 

Joker sighed in absolute delight as he ate.

"My knight in shining armour."

Jase snorted and chuckled. "Flattery. Glad you like it."

"You think I like it? HELL NO!!! I LOVE IT!!"

Jase took the bottle of beer and drank from it. It looked like Joker was on a pizza high and the way he licked his fingers... 

"You aren't going to lick the plate clean too, are you." 

The picture of his old dog suddenly came to mind when he just kept licking his bowl and it was empty already, but apparently still tasted after _something_. He took another sip.

"Oh don't worry. I don't plan on licking the **plate**." He waggled his eyebrows at Jase. "After all, it doesn't know how to reciprocate..."

Jase nearly spewed his beer out, instead he swallowed it down pretty fast only to end up coughing. How the man could go from overly excited about pizza only to talk about licking and reciprocate.... 

"Jeez, Joker.." Jase chuckled while he wiped his watering eyes. Looking over at Joker he licked his lips. "I like that thought."

Joker chuckled at Jase's expression then his comments.

"Well then... perhaps later today we can make good on that hmm?"

Jase quickly emptied his beer and got up. "Need to clean that kitchen. Fast." Before he left he leaned down at Joker's side and watched his eyes while clearing the crumbs off his beard. "You're damn sexy when eating pizza."

Joker grinned at him.

"Aw hell and I thought I was damned sexy at everything I did."

Before anything more was going to happen than using his thumb to trail along Joker's lips Jase straightened up and went to get the kitchen sorted out.

  


Kaidan leaned back with a groan, he really was stuffed. "This was good." And judging by their crew they thought so too.

"It will definitely boost morale." Saya responded, her voice quiet and her eyes thoughtful as she studied his face.

Kaidan rubbed his stuffed belly a little and looked at her. She was thinking about something. "Saya, you know you can share your thoughts with me," he said softly to her.

Irimsaya sipped her third cup of coffee.

"I was just wondering how I ended up being so lucky as to have you in my life."

"Do you believe in fate? Maybe it was that."

Irimsaya smirked a bit.

"Fate... not something I've even had a chance to believe in. Being a spacer doesn't give you much time for anything."

Kaidan shrugged a little and saw Jase jogging in and he thought the man looked like he was in hurry. "Maybe it was fate for us. I won't question it though," he replied thoughtful.

Irimsaya grinned.

"Neither will I... dear..." She laughed at the glare he gave her.

Kaidan shrugged, grinning then. He didn't mind the names but they were on the ship. "I suppose we should help him," he nodded towards her brother. "He does make a good cook when you think about it."

"I'll give him a hand, he looks like he's in a hurry." She got up and took her plate over. "You alright there Jase? You seem to be rushed.."

Jase looked at her, somewhat hopeful. "I've got someone waiting for me up on the bridge." He grinned a little at her and busied himself by getting all the plates together.

Irimsaya smiled knowingly and started to help him clean up.

"It gets done faster with two people doing it."

"Or three," Kaidan spoke up from behind. If Saya was helping he would do the same. Just watching her wouldn't be right at all.

"Thank you, both of you. I appreciate it." At this point Jase thought it felt like starting a little family. Comradeship was something he was used to, but this felt closer, a lot more closer.

Irimsaya finished up with Kaidan next to her then she turned to Jase.

"Go to him. Everything's fine here. Shoo."

Jase didn't need to be told twice. He nodded, cast one last look at the kitchen and left, jogging back up to Joker.

Kaidan rubbed his hands dry. "I think this means he has found someone?"

Irimsaya wiped her own hands dry and smiled.

"I think so. Considering he's acting like a kid in a candy store who can't get enough of what he loves most."

Kaidan snorted at her softly, he really looked amused now. "I believe the same could be said about us, too."

Irimsaya put her hand on his forearm, where no one who was around could see.

"Are you complaining?" She grinned.

Kaidan shook his head no, there was no reason to complain. "Not at all."

Irimsaya looked amused. "I was teasing you Kaidan.."

Kaidan grinned a little back. Sometimes he found it hard to read Saya right. It was easier when she just gave orders. He thought about what she had said earlier. "Being a spacer doesn't mean there is no fate involved."

"Maybe it doesn't. But I didn't really ever have much chance to think about it to be honest. Moving from starship to starship all the time was hard. Especially when there weren't too many other children around. I felt like it would take forever to grow up and be able to do what I knew I wanted to. Of course I never knew I'd be trying to save the universe..."

Kaidan nodded at this, none of them would have expected this. "Saren is going to pay for what he did on Eden Prime. I know you won't let him get away with it."

Irimsaya's eyes grew cold as her memories of Eden Prime came to the forefront of her mind, followed by when Saren had his Geth take her prisoner and torture her.

"Damn right he'll pay. For all those lives he's taken... for trying to turn me into some kind of new Husk... oh he's going to pay alright."

"And I'm right behind you," Kaidan said. Just then Joker's voice could be heard over the com.

"Commander, I'm receiving a signal from the Council. They want to speak to you."

Irimsaya groaned, having been enjoying her time with Kaidan.

"Alright Joker, I'll be there in a minute." She met Kaidan's eyes. "Back to work I guess."

Kaidan nodded and watched her leaving the mess area. He shrugged inwardly and got back to his own duties.


	21. ME1 - Chapter Twenty - Virmire

'Wow,' Jase thought while calming himself to get rid of his inner shaking, 'it always pays off to be friendly and helpful to alien squad members.' 

Good thing they had gotten Wrex' family armour. While he hadn't been afraid of the krogan, he knew it _could_ end deadly, at least for one of them. They way Wrex had looked and acted hadn't made him very confident that he actually _could_ deal with it and convince him to destroy the breeding facility. Saren's work wasn't going to help the krogan's and their genophage problem. Wrex had accidently overrun him once before, when they had been sparring and he only remembered it too well. But the sparring session had been friendly. This situation had been completely different. Wrex had been on edge.

"Nice job with Wrex. He's totally changed his attitude," Ashley told him and he nodded at her. He didn't feel like talking, he could feel the tension lying in the air. While the planet appeared to be quite beautiful, looks could deceive. Jase eyes traveled along the coast once more and came to rest on the Normandy. Joker was sitting in there, waiting for him. It was a small but comforting thought. He turned back to see Saya talking with Kirrahe and waited until she was done. Over the time he had gotten used to her giving the orders, somehow they just had adapted and without even saying anything Jase knew where he had to butt in or when he had to take a step back. Yet, it felt weird to him sometimes. Once she was finished he walked up to her. When looking into her eyes he knew she felt the same unsettling feeling.

Irimsaya turned to Jase and then to the others.

"We have to destroy that facility.. I need someone to lead a battalion as a distraction on the outside gates." Saya's eyes met Ashley's and she saw the woman nod once. "Ash.. I trust you. I want you leading them. Do whatever you have to and stay in contact."

"Yes, ma'am." 

Jase felt Ashley's sigh and he looked at her, knowing she wanted to say something more. 

"Well, this is it. Don't do anything stupid while I'm gone, LT. You too, Commander."

"We'll be fine. You'll see," Kaidan replied, not liking the idea very much to break their team apart, but he understood why it had to be done and looked back at Saya. "Whatever you need, Commander. I'm right behind you. Saren can't hide forever." He knew he'd been saying it more than once to her privately, but saying it out here in the open felt even better.

Jase felt Ashley inhale a little and he looked at her once more. Gently touching her arm a little he let her know that she could talk freely. "Talk to me, Ash."

"I don't know. It's just weird. Going under someone else's command. I've got used to working with you... all of you."

A small smile was playing on his lips, he understood how she felt. 

"Don't worry, we'll see you on the other side." He heard Kaidan's reply before he could say something. Jase just wished he could share Kaidan's optimism. But that's what he always had liked about the man, Kaidan just knew when to lift his spirit. And the man knew how to lead, too. One day he'd make a fine leader, Jase was sure about this.

"I know. I, ah... it's been an honor serving with you, Commander."

"It doesn't matter if we're not in the same unit, we're still a team. Watch each other's back, keep your eyes open and fight like I know you can. We'll all come out of this in one piece."

Jase couldn't tell her he shared her worries. But he could tell her he believed in her skills, which he did. She was one hell of a good soldier.

"You bet, Commander."

Irimsaya looked to the others and nodded to each of them.

"We will do what we came to do here. And we won't let Saren win this one. Alenko, Jase. You two are with me. Let's move out people."

Another beacon. Jase couldn't believe it. Or didn't want to. But here it was, standing right in front of him as he watched Saya being drawn into the air, knowing there were more images being pressed forcefully into her mind. The last time he'd seen a beacon was in his own world. Jase winced in sympathy as she fell down and forward onto her knees. He knew the pain, knew how it hurt. Before he could help her though, she struggled to stand up and walked towards them. 

Irimsaya rubbed her forehead as she tried to process the images. But damn did she hate these beacons. Her head would be pounding for hours now.

"I can't wait until this is over."

Jase nodded at her comment, he too felt the same way and eyed the beacon. It was his turn and he slowly walked towards it. From the corner of his eyes he saw Kaidan going towards her, saw his hand reaching out to support Saya silently and he found himself smiling inwardly at them.

The images of the pair were forgotten once he was being lifted into the air himself. His eyes suddenly opened wide and he wanted to scream at the sensation, but found he couldn't. Feeling the shift of air and color he could barely wonder what was going to happen now. A small voice in the back of his mind reminded him of Eden Prime.

Kaidan let go of Saya as soon as he saw the beacon starting to pulse in white light. This was not good. The light change reminded him of Eden Prime. He wanted to tell Saya about it but as soon as he opened his mouth to speak Jase dropped to the ground, grunted and scurried away from the beacon, panting heavily.

"This was the same light we saw on Eden Prime." Kaidan looked at Saya, worry on his face. A small part of him was actually glad they still had Jase with them. He didn't dare to consider what would happen now if the beacon had acted as a way back home for Jase. He knew it was selfish, but they needed him here and now.

Irimsaya ran to Jase and knelt next to him and gently put an arm around his shoulders in support, concern in her eyes.

"Jase? Can you hear me? Are you alright?"

This was worse than hell. The burning ants in his brain were bad but these white flashing pictures behind his closed eyes made him feel sick. He could hear his heart hammering away and someone was panting very far away. The voices he heard didn't make any real sense for a minute or two, he couldn't say how long it took as his sense of time was screwed up. Then his body finally started to calm down and he began to relax. Hands helped him getting back onto his feet and to his surprise he didn't even mind. 

He pressed his palms into his eyes for a moment and heard Saya's voice. But he was fine, he was going to be fine. He's had worse. Straightening up he removed his hands and opened his eyes, looking at the two.

"I'm fine."

Irimsaya shook her head watching him.

"Like hell you are. What did you see?"

He wasn't even sure what he'd seen, aside of the beacon vision. "The vision."

Irimsaya was frowning the minute he said that. She knew the light had been different, thanks to Kaidan telling her. Which meant, to her anyway, that something different happened to him.

"Are you sure that's what you saw? Kaidan said the light colour was different for you."

"There's no time for this." He knew she wouldn't be satisfied with this. But at the moment he just saw the damn vision and nothing else.

  


"I get the feeling something bad is about to happen." Kaidan said as he pointed at the big red hologram which just had appeared in the middle of the room and walked towards it.

"You are not Saren."

Jase winced at the booming voice and saw Saya flinching. Surely her head was still hurting, too and the loud boom of this voice wouldn't help matters.

"What is that? Some kind of VI interface?" Kaidan guessed. It sure looked like one but here something had been added, and it looked like the ship they had seen on Eden Prime.

"Rudimentary creatures of blood and flesh. You touch my mind, fumbling in ignorance, incapable of understanding."

"That's not a VI...," Jase said, watching the red hologram beast wearily.

"There is a realm of existence so far beyond your own you cannot even imagine it. I am beyond your comprehension. I am Sovereign!"

Irimsaya went a little pale. 'Oh crap...' She thought. 'Now I understand...'

"Sovereign isn't just some Reaper ship Saren found. It's an actual Reaper!"

"Reaper? A label created by the Protheans to give voice to their destruction. In the end, what they choose to call us is irrelevant. We simply are."

"Liara said the Protheans vanished 50000 years ago. It couldn't have been there. It's impossible!" Jase commented from behind.

"Organic life is nothing but a genetic mutation, an accident. Your lives are measured in years and decades. You wither and die. We are eternal. The pinnacle of evolution and existence. Before us, you are nothing. Your extinction is inevitable. We are the end of everything."

Jase screwed his eyes shut. 'We are the end of everything....' and an image flashed into his mind. One from where? The vision. One of those things looked like that reaper here, attacking... a planet.. chaos..

Irimsaya shook her head, not believing this was actually happening.

"There is an entire galaxy of races united and ready to face you." 

"Confidence born of ignorance. The cycle cannot be broken." 

"Cycle? What cycle?" Kaidan thought this odd, what kind of cycle would this be, did he even want to know?

"The pattern has repeated itself more times than you can fathom. Organic civilizations rise, evolve, advance. And at the apex of their glory, they are extinguished. The Protheans were not the first. They did not create the Citadel. They did not forge the mass relays. They merely found them, the legacy of my kind."

Irimsaya was watching the image intently now.

"Why would you construct the mass relays, then leave them for someone else to find?"

"Your civilization is based on the technology of the mass relays, our technology. By using it, your society develops along the paths we desire. We impose order on the chaos of organic evolution. You exist because we allow it. And you will end because we demand it."

Things started to click in place. This was a lot bigger than just hunting Saren. Jase said slowly, "They're harvesting us. Letting us advance to the level they need, then wiping us out." Another image came, one with a burning planet. Ships were battling. He frowned. Alliance ships?

Irimsaya glanced at Jase then looked back at Sovereign.

"What do you want from us? Slaves? Resources?" 

"My kind transcends your very understanding. We are each a nation. Independent, free of all weakness. You cannot even grasp the nature of our existence." 

"Where did you come from? Who built you?" Jase asked, if they just could know more about them, find a way to destroy them.

"We have no beginning. We have no end. We are infinite. Millions of years after your civilization has been eradicated and forgotten, we will endure."

Jase screwed his eyes shut and grabbed the railing to steady himself when more images hit his brain with a burning fierce. Soldiers running away from an incredible huge bolt of fire, looking scared to death, being vaporized. Images of tech he had never seen before in between those of fighting. Destruction, everywhere, earth burning. More tech and ships, like Sovereign, in the sky. Star systems vanishing one by one. 'God...,' he thought, suddenly feeling the overwhelming urge to weep. 'God no!', his mind screamed mentally in agony. He understood now. It was over. _He_ had failed. Failed.

"Where are the rest of the Reapers? Are you the last of your kind?" Saya asked and Jase thought she sounded so far away. Another part of his brain screamed at him, 'Go on! Keep moving! We are on a job!' and it worked, albeit slowly. They were on a mission. No time to break down now. Finish it. Then see about the fall out. Pushing his feelings violently away, Jase straightened up and listened to Sovereign droning on. 

"We are legion. The time of our return is coming. Our numbers will darken the sky of every world. You cannot escape your doom."

"You're not even alive. Not really. You're just a machine. And machines can be broken!" Irimsaya's voice barely contained the anger she was feeling. She could feel herself shaking but she refused to let this being win. 

"Your words are as empty as your future. I am the vanguard of your destruction. This exchange is over."

Just then the windows of this room exploded around them.

" _Commander? We got trouble!"_

The sound of Joker's voice was like an anchor for his soul and he wondered briefly why this was. But he couldn't complain at all.

"Hit me, Joker."

" _That ship, Sovereign? It's moving. I don't know what you did down there, but that thing just pulled a turn that would shear any of our ships in half. It's coming your way, and it's coming hard! You need to wrap things up in there - fast!"_

"This console is shot. Orders, Commander?" 

"Let's head to the breeding facility. Joker can pick us up after we set the nuke." Irimsaya ran with the others out of the room where they were talking with Sovereign before.

  


Deep growling over their heads made Jase looking up. "Damn it! Reinforcements. We better hurry."

" _Heads up, LT. We just spotted a troop ship headed to your location. Commander, set that nuke and get out! We can't hold them... Damn it!"_

"It's already here. There's geth pouring out all over the bomb site." Kaidan replied. The place was practically crawling with geth by now, approaching him fast. If he was waiting any longer now he wouldn't be able to get this bomb activated. He needed to do it now. Decision made, he turned around and flicked open his omni-tool and started with the sequence.

"Can you hold them off?" Irimsaya asked, feeling her heart beating harder as she thought of Kaidan with the bomb and the Geth.

"There's too many. I don't think we can survive until you get here. I'm activating the bomb." Kaidan knew he was doing the right thing, he just hoped Saya would understand, he did it for her, too. They had come this far, he couldn't allow the geth to sabotage it now, and especially not Saren. Whatever was going to happen now would happen, no matter what. The wheels were turning and he knew it.

Irimsaya felt her face draining going white as she realized what dangerous direction this was starting to head in.

"What the hell are you doing, Alenko?" Jase yelled at him in anger over the comm. Things were slipping out of their hands, fast.

"I'm just making sure the bomb goes off. No matter what. It's done, Commander. Go get Williams and get the hell out of here." Kaidan silently hoped Saya really understood and this was also his way of saying 'I love you', too.

Irimsaya closed her eyes and stood there, her heart dropping into her stomach as Kaidan's words hit her.

"Screw that! We can handle ourselves. Go back and get Alenko."

Kaidan groaned inwardly, he wanted them to get Williams out of there, he'd made his decision for himself. Of course the stubborn woman had to speak up against it and was putting Saya into the uncomfortable position of having to choose between him and Williams.

"Commander, we can't hold them off much longer. Get Williams and get the hell out of here!" Kaidan yelled at them.

Jase kept looking at Saya's face, waiting for a response. It was clear now they couldn't get both of their crew members back. One had to be left behind. 

Irimsaya closed her eyes, trying hard not to make this a personal decision but one that would be most beneficial to the crew.

"We're on our way back to you Alenko, hang tight."

  


Jase briefly closed his eyes, it was this part of having a command he had been scared of, having to order someone to die. The longer it took Saya to answer the more Jase knew she was having problems. Exactly this was the problem of having an affair, or relationship in this matter, with a crew mate and serving with them together in the field. 

Jase inhaled deeply, while Saya's decision had probably more to do with her thinking of her lover, he knew it was the right choice though. Ash was a soldier, ready to fight for their cause. Kaidan was with the bomb. The bomb needed to go off, no matter what. Ash provided them with the option. She'd hold the line, giving them the breathing room they needed to fight off any Geth that came in on the bomb site. The team was needed at the bomb. 

"Alenko, radio Joker and tell him to meet us at the bomb site." Jase radioed Kaidan, eyes still on Saya.

"Yes, Commander. I..." Kaidan's voice nearly betrayed him. He felt relief flooding through him. There was more though, Kaidan couldn't say what exactly at the moment. He only knew Williams was going to die.

"You know it's the right choice, LT." Kaidan heard her voice over the comm, as did the others.

"I'm sorry, Ash. We had to make a choice." Jase told her, they were sending his friend off to die. Feeling his hands shaking a little he gripped the railing hard and stared off into the distance for a while, wondering how peaceful this planet looked and still, they were in the middle of hell. He'd lost a lot today. A whole galaxy, people he loved and cared about. His own past and life. Eradicated by the Reapers. Now they were going to sacrifice one more... what did it matter... A lot.

"I understand, Commander. I don't regret a thing."

'But I do, Ash.' 

He'd mourn her later, after the mission. But, he didn't even know what he'd feel after it was over. The head was aching, his soul felt empty and he was functioning on pure anger and hatred now. Saren had to pay for this. If there was anything left for him to do at the moment, it was revenge. The bomb was going to blow and if he had to stay right next to it. He looked at Saya and nodded at her, eyes piercing at her in understanding but also showing a coldness he hadn't been able to muster before.

  


Saren was getting away, again. Jase growled in anger and emptied his pistol after him, but he knew it wouldn't stop him, yet it made him feel somewhat better. The drone of the countdown blared into his ears and he saw Saya running to Kaidan, who was holding his side. Jase holstered his gun and ran to them.

Irimsaya looked over Kaidan quickly, assessing his injuries then looked at Jase.

"He can't walk, not fast enough. Help me!" She gently put Kaidan's right arm around her shoulders, her anger at Saren obvious in her words as well as her concern for her lover.

A quick nod came from Jase and he hurried over to Kaidan, getting his left arm around his shoulder. "Come on, let's go!"

Irimsaya helped run/drag Kaidan to where the Normandy was coming in fast. Her mind was spinning with emotions as they approached the ship. And the foremost in her feelings was guilt. She just sent a woman, a friend, to her death.

Kaidan grunted as he felt himself being dragged through the water and towards their ship. Instinct told him to keep up with his feet as they would be faster. Only his stomach hurt like hell. Luckily the medigel had taken off the worst of the pain, but there had been too many geth firing at him. Kaidan figured he was one lucky bastard on this day, but he also felt very guilty to be that one. 

When they had made it to the med-bay he couldn't really say. Just that Jase got him up onto a table with Saya's help and Dr. Chakwas began to remove his armour, sending the two of them out.

Irimsaya looked at Jase as she paced outside the medbay, not wanting to leave Kaidan.

"I'm sorry.. I'm sorry I sent her to her death. I know you two were close but I had to choose. A medic or a soldier. A biotic or a soldier. We can't afford to lose either, but most definitely not a medic. I just hope one day you can forgive me."

Jase rubbed his brow and wondered what he should say. Instead he shook his head and grabbed hold of her, dragging her into an embrace. It had been such a shitty day. There was no right or wrong, but he wasn't sure if this was true. It was wrong to let someone die and right to rescue the other. "I came to the same decision."

Irimsaya closed her eyes as Jase held her. She couldn't hold it in anymore, she began to weep softly.

"It's all right." Jase let her pour it out and just kept holding her. Command could be such a bitch at times. Eventually they should go and get changed though.

Irimsaya gently pulled away after a few minutes and wiped her eyes as she sniffed a bit.

"I..I should let you change. I guess I probably should too." She glanced at the closed door to the medbay, worry in her eyes.

"We both need to clean up." Jase followed her eyes then. "He'll be fine. In time." Jase stopped, thinking of something else. "I'll be waiting in the comm room."

Irimsaya watched Jase go and closed her eyes for a moment, trying to centre herself. It didn't work though. Losing a team member was hard enough but having to order one to her death... Saya wasn't sure it was something she would ever forgive herself for. She gently put a hand on the door to the medbay and left it there for a moment before turning and leaving to get changed.

When she was done, Saya went back to the medbay to wait for news on Kaidan. The debriefing could wait as far as she was concerned.

Kaidan set on his bed and got slowly dressed, while Chakwas had done a good job he knew he'd be sore for a day. It wasn't something he'd fret about though, as he was the one being alive. That alone made him feel … guilty.

Irimsaya started pacing outside the medbay as time slowly ticked by. If Chakwas didn't let her in soon she would just go in, something that she was about to do when the door opened and Kaidan stepped out.

"Kaidan..." Saya went to him and very gently took him into her arms and held him.

"Saya," he sighed softly and blurted out, "why me?" 

Irimsaya pulled away gently and saw the look in his eyes, the guilt.

"Because this *crew* needs you. You're both a medic and a biotic - a rare combination that we can't afford to lose." She didn't dare mention that her love for him was also the deciding factor.

Kaidan narrowed his eyes a little at her, searching her face, but nodded eventually, letting it go. He didn't feel like digging too deep at the moment, but he had the feeling it also had something to do with their relationship. A small part of him really hoped he was wrong about this.

Irimsaya watched his face and saw his eyes narrow.

"Kaidan you have to believe me. Jase agreed with my decision because he knows you are too valuable to lose." She looked away so he couldn't see the tears that were threatening her once more. "We....we should get to the comm room..."

The idea that Jase had agreed gave him some comfort and he nodded eventually. He knew he'd talk with her later, when there was a little time.

When Jase entered the comm room the rest of their crew was already waiting there patiently. He briefly updated them on Kaidan's condition, assuring them he'd be fine. The very least thing he could also do was explaining how he and Saya care about their crew and that, yes, sometimes hard decisions needed to be made but only if there was no other way out. He went on to explain what kind of soldier Ashley was, that it had been thanks to her they all had made it out alive. He concluded it with stating that he'd give his life gladly for anyone of them.

Jase watched when Liara 'helped' Saya to make sense of the vision. The more he was surprised to learn about Ilos, but finally they knew where Saren was heading to. Finally! And he knew they'd be there and stop him now.

  


Liara T'Soni wasn't stupid, quite the opposite. While she wasn't even considered an adult yet she was smart enough to put two and two together. There had always been something weird about this Jase Shepard, something she couldn't put her fingers on. Shepard had been friendly and welcoming towards her but always kept her at arms' length. 

Liara couldn't help but fall for the smart and handsome man, having found him to be compelling. She just never understood why he seemed to avoid her and never discussed anything personal. The man was something like a riddle, which needed solving. Melding her mind with him for the second time offered a chance to dig a little deeper, but she found she should not invade his privacy. The more shocked she was when she found different pictures in his mind than those she had seen in Commander Shepard's vision. These pictures were of pure violence and destruction, but not a warning. The warning was there too, but these additional pictures spoke of complete eradication. And not just of one planet or race. No, the galaxy was being eradicated in front of her inner eye. While this made no sense to her she felt concerned now and carefully dug a little deeper, drawing forth recent memories and set them together like a puzzle. The result was not pleasant and she gently, but quickly, let go, ending the melding.

  


"By the goddess!" he heard Liara's voice, heard the shock in her voice, saw her compassionate eyes, "Your reality has been destroyed! I am so sorry, Commander."

Jase looked into the round, watching their faces one by one. How the hell did this happen and T'Soni put the pieces together?! He hadn't wanted them to know and she just blurted it out. He couldn't find the words to say it aloud, or even acknowledge it at the moment. As far as he was concerned, they all were actually dead. And yet they were here, staring at him. 

Without saying a word, he turned on his heels and left the room. 

Irimsaya had watched Jase go, shock on her face as Liara's words hit them all. She saw her own feelings reflected on the faces of the others as well. 

"I think we better call this meeting to an end people. Dismissed."

  


He needed to think, think this through, but he had a hard time to actually think clearly. They were dead but weren't. It made his head hurt, his nose started to tingle and he practically ran to the airlock, locking himself into it and slid down to the floor, took his pistol and laid it next to him. Maybe he just should kill himself. 

'No!' 

He couldn't, he was the last one. Last one left. Of a whole galaxy. Genocide. But he shouldn't be alive now. Jase drew up his legs to rest his arms on it, he eyed the gun lying on the floor next to him. Should he, should he not. He grabbed it and dismantled it, throwing the pieces of it onto the floor but kept the trigger in his hand. 

'Click' It was easier to think like this, knowing he wouldn't do anything stupid. 

'Click' He felt so tired. 

'Click' And slid down even more, his boots pushing the broken gun around. 

'Click' Head resting on the cool surface of the wall behind him he briefly thought he should have gone to Joker. Joker. Everything was gone - but not. Jase shook his head and closed his eyes, gun falling from his fingers and into his lap. He just wanted to curl up and die, but was too strong willed. There was a reason perhaps. Maybe. There was Joker. Maybe. A reason to come here and save this galaxy. Maybe. And his Kaidan?

  


Joker got up as quickly as he could manage, wincing in pain as he did. He had heard the whole conversation in the comms room and he refused to let Jase be alone. He stopped at the airlock when he realized there was someone in there and he sighed softly, having a feeling.

"Jase, let me in."

For a few moments Jase thought about denying him entrance. After all he didn't want anyone to see him like this. It was private, nothing there to see for others. It was bad enough the whole crew knew it now. But this was Joker. Jeff, even. Jase sighed eventually and gave in, unlocking the door.

Joker went in and closed the door behind him, pausing when he saw the gun there.

"Oh please tell me that's not loaded. You really think I'll let you end your life? I can't do that. I won't do that. I...need you. I know what you lost, I understand the pain you must be feeling. But you need to see that you have a place here with us too. You're not alone and you never will be again."

For a guy Joker had to say a lot. And Jase didn't know what to say at all. There was a reason why he kept people away when he had problems to solve. For starters, it was a private matter, no one needed to see him in a state like this. It wasn't about his image though. It was about the need to work things through in his mind, letting his guard down completely and just feel for a moment, before slipping back into the uniform of command. 

Jase eyed the broken gun, remembering he did the same after Akuze. Too strong minded to give up, but too weak to go on without scars. He had been irritating and his _boyfriend_ at the time hadn't taken it well. In fact he got dumped. And now here was Joker, talking to him, saying so many things at once that he actually had trouble following him, mind not really working well. Aside of the accusation of considering killing himself, the words 'I need you' lingered.

Blinking at Joker's feet he wished for a second the man could sit down, here right next to him and just be there. But that Joker was standing in this narrow room, having come from the bridge by walking on crutches to be there for him, told him a lot more. Jase struggled to get up and by god he felt pathetic for actually feeling weak or drained. Or both. He should be strong and lead by example, but here he was, hiding away in a corner. 

"Joker, I... Jeff. Gun's broken." Jase said and pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to will the darn headache away, it was already crawling along his neck and caused his shoulders to become stiff. He considered slipping back into the Commander mode, but a small voice told him not to. Let Joker see what was going on right now and find out if the man could take it. Better to find out now than later.

"Jeff, I really...," he paused, what was he going to say again? "Thank you." 

While 'Thank you' usually also meant dismissed, Jase kept looking at him to make sure it actually meant something else. But Jase himself didn't understand it completely, not yet anyway and perhaps later he could deal with it. There was Ilos now and Saren. He had to deal with this at first.

Joker smiled a little bit and wobbled on his crutches so that he could reach out and gently touch Jase's face.

"I will always be here for you. Please never, ever, forget that."

Leaning into the gentle touch Jase sighed softly. 

"How are you holding up. I'm sorry about Ash."

Joker shook his head a bit.

"Honestly? Didn't really know her except to know she was a good soldier. But I would've made the same choice the Commander did to be honest. Alenko is a damned good biotic and we need his skill set."

"Yeah. I know, I came to the same decision." Jase sighed and gave him a kiss, having pushed away his emotions for the moment. "That chair next to yours is still free?"

Joker nodded a little.

"It is and it's yours for however long you want it." And then he kissed him back.

Some time later Jase crashed into "his" chair, totally worn out. His bunk would have done it too, but he needed some company right now and Joker was the best.

  


Kaidan sat on the last chair in the comm room. He felt pretty stupid now for feeling guilty, considering what they just had learned from Liara. Once Saya had finished speaking with the council he looked up at her. 

Irimsaya turned and watched him silently for a minute then went and sat in the chair next to him.

"How's the wound?"

"Sore. It'll heal." He leaned back slowly.

Irimsaya kept her eyes on him, noticing that he was still pale.

"Come to my quarters when you're ready, I might have something to help you with the ache." She stood up and held out her hand to help him up if he needed it.

Kaidan nodded and accepted her help. There was some doubt though if this was the right thing to do. But they needed to talk. "I'll be there."

Irimsaya left him then and went to her quarters. She dug around for awhile until she found what she was searching for. Saya set the bottle on the table then found two glasses she kept with it and put them on the table next to the bottle. Then she waited.

It took Kaidan a while to come to her, on the way he stopped several times and spoke with the crew, letting them know he'd be fine.

Irimsays leaned back in the chair she was sitting in. She was starting to wonder if he would indeed come to her as he said. This was something she had to do for him. She knew he still didn't quite believe her about the choice she made and the reasons behind it.

Kaidan stood outside her door and hesitated a little before he opened it.

Irimsaya raised her head when she heard the door open and smiled a very little bit when Kaidan came in.

"Hey... I thought maybe you'd like a drink of something most people don't get to carry with them..." She reached for the bottle and poured him a glass. "It helps numb things for awhile... you won't forget but it'll help."

Kaidan smiled a very little bit at this, the idea was good and he carefully sat down.

Irimsaya slid a glass across the table to him then filled one for herself.

"I'm guessing you want to talk."

Kaidan nodded and took a big sip, he grimaced a little and put it back down and shook his head. This stuff really hit the spot. "I don't know if I should. My worries seem small compared to your brother's."

Irimsaya bit her lip then sipped from her glass again.

"Get it off your chest Alenko."

Kaidan sighed and emptied the glass and put it down. "Why me? I didn't want you having to make such a decision!"

Irimsaya knew he would ask this of her again.

"Kaidan, it wasn't just because I love you and would die if I lost you. It was more than that. And sometimes... sometimes there are no choices besides hard ones."

Kaidan nodded, he knew that of course. One day he'd be a commander himself, he was sure of that. "I just.. Ash is gone and I'm sitting here when she could be sitting here instead of me."

Irimsaya looked away from him, not sure what to say now. She silently poured him another glass then another for herself.

"I'm really not sure what you need to hear Kaidan."

Kaidan took the glass and drank slowly this time. "It's done and I understand you had to decide. I think I feel guilty for being here." He paused and then looked at her and shrugged a little. "Actually I don't think I should load all of this onto you. I should be there for you instead."

Irimsaya moved her chair so she could look him straight in the eyes.

"I want to know how you feel. I want to know everything that hurts you. And I want to know if you're going to be okay and what I can do to help you. I don't care about me right now Kaidan, I only care about you."

"At the moment or forever? What about the others. Will you always choose me over them? If the stakes are too high, will you risk everything to save me or will you make the right decision and leave me behind."

Irimsaya stared at him, shock in her eyes and a nasty feeling forming in her stomach.

"I can't... I can't lose you Kaidan.. can you not see that? I'm complete with you near me. I fight better with you at my side than I ever fought before. You have to believe me. I'll always do what I think is right for the crew... but I don't know how I could ever handle losing you."

"That's the point, Commander. I do believe you. Does that mean you would actually sacrifice the greater good of your crew just to rescue me?"

Kaidan felt more than confused now, he wondered what she actually saw in him and if he hadn't judged her completely wrong, he trusted her to make the right decisions but at the moment he wasn't sure at all. But he shouldn't even force her to justify her decisions in front of him. This was not right. Not at all. And absolutely wrong. He should show respect and not question her.

Irimsaya stood up and grabbed her glass, downing the rest of the contents.

"Think what you want then Kaidan. If you can't trust me then fine."

She went to her bed and sat down heavily, then threw her glass to the wall, letting it shatter. Saya put her face in her hands and closed her eyes.

Kaidan got up from his chair, it was time to go, he already felt the alcohol in his head. "I think I've had a bad day too. I want to trust you, but I can't be in a relationship with you.. if you... if you favour me over the others, risking their lives. I need to know you're making the right decisions in the field, despite following your heart."

Irimsaya couldn't believe this was happening,

"Fine. Then get out."

The words just seemed to tumble from her mouth, as if she couldn't stop them no matter how hard she tried. Saya didn't wait to see if he actually left, she lied down and buried her face in her pillows.

Kaidan heard the door closing behind him and he had to steady himself for a moment. Drinking and his meds clearly didn't agree with each other and he trudged off to his old bunk. This was clearly not what he had in mind when he entered her quarters. They had to talk, but it suddenly felt as if he'd broken up with her.

Irimsaya just lied there, she didn't know how much time had passed and really didn't care. She felt more alone now then she had ever felt in her whole life.

  


Rubbing his aching head Jase got up from his comfortable chair and thought it was best to ask Chakwas for a painkiller. These vision sessions were taking its toll on his head again. "Jeff, I need a painkiller. Keep the chair warm," he gently touched his shoulder and left for the med-bay. 

Convincing Chakwas was easy, but convincing her not to keep him in was harder. At least with the promise to go and sleep for a whole night made her let him go. When entering the crew's quarter he heard a quiet groan of pain and he knew it came from Kaidan. Which made him frown. Usually Kaidan was with Saya. Kaidan being here was... not right. Jase went to his bunk and saw him carefully sitting there. If he hadn't known the man as good as he did he would have shrugged it off. Instead he went and stood in front of him.

"Kaidan."

"Commander," Kaidan replied. Was it just his luck today? He all but wanted to lay down and forget about what happened. This included NOT talking. To anyone. He was off duty and needed some rest.

Jase figured something was definitely wrong and it could have to do with today's mission and decision. It all came down to it today, decisions.

"Listen. I know you probably don't want to hear it. There is no right choice for something like that. Ash died a hero today, for all of us. She's the reason we're here and yes, that includes you too, Alenko. If it had been my call I'd have done the same. If you hadn't been at the bomb but Ash, bet your ass I'd have gone and saved Ash." He moved away a little and thought of something else. "And that applies to my sister as well. We are the same person. Understood?"

"Yes, Commander." His night just kept getting better and better, first the argument with Saya, now Jase was on his case too. Kaidan groaned and laid down, settling into his bed. 

Jase left and went to Saya's room. The rest and some sleep had to wait.

Irimsaya didn't answer when she heard the knocking on her door. She felt so empty at the moment. She sent a woman to her death, she had quite possibly lost the man she loved, and the rest of the crew probably blamed her for Ashley as well. Saya curled up in the fetal position and ignored the incessant knocking.

Things were worse than he had thought. Saya ignoring anyone at her door was not something easily done as a Commander. This was bad. Jase sighed and rubbed a hand over his face before he pushed the button and went into the room. 

It was dark inside but he knew she was there and once his eyes adjusted to the sparse light he slowly walked to the bed and stopped shortly when something crunched under his boot. He shoved it a little to the side and realized it was shards of glass. He didn't want to consider that it had been Kaidan using his biotics to throw it onto the wall. Jase carefully sat down and nearly sighed in bliss at how good this bed felt.

"Saya." 

Irimsaya didn't move from her position.

"I didn't say you could come in." Her voice sounded harsh but not from anger, more from other emotions.

Jase shrugged a little but knew she couldn't see it. "I'm here."

Irimsaya kept her eyes closed.

"Why? You probably hate me even more than Kaidan does at the moment."

"Why would I? Because of Ashley? You and I know me better than that."

Irimsaya finally sat up on the bed and Jase could see, even in the dark, that her eyes were swollen and red.

"Why are you here Jase..."

Jase looked at her for a moment. "Because right now you need a friend."

Irimsaya watched him.

"So do you... and I'm not as good as Joker is for being a friend..."

Oh yes. So. She was irritating too. "Meaning?"

Irimsaya looked away again.

"Meaning I'm glad you have someone who would never walk away from you for a decision you make or for anything that might or has happened."

With a sigh Jase moved a little closer to her. "Kaidan doesn't like being favoured." He fell silent for a moment. "It felt like I had to dance around him, very carefully, letting him know my decisions had been made as part of the job."

Irimsaya bowed her head and bit her lip.

"I tried to tell him that but he wouldn't listen. He kept hearing what he wanted to hear and it drove him out. I mean yes, okay, my feelings might have had something to do with it, but I know if I'd been wrong you would have told me. We need him because of his abilities..."

Jase nodded. "Yeah. All right. There isn't a lot you can do. Give it time." Jase padded her back a little, he knew he wasn't making that much sense either. "Give _him_ time."

Irimsaya nodded a bit then sighed and turned on the comm.

"Joker, set a course for the Citadel."

_"You got it Commander."_

She switched off the comm and looked at Jase again then put a gentle hand on his arm.

"I'm sorry about what's happened to you Jase. I really am. I don't know how you can keep so... steady."

Jase nearly snorted, knowing he had a damn good facade going. If he would show his true feelings people would probably run scared. Often he felt like a volcano ready to explode. Only his sheer determination allowed him to keep it all inside and sorted.

"I need a new gun," Jase simply stated instead.

Irimsaya shook her head and patted his knee.

"How did you break it?" She stood and went to her locker then turned to him, a gun in her hands. "This was my... our... father's. I'd like you to have it."

Jase took it and was in awe, this one was old and he carefully hold it in his hands, feelings the metal and the weight of it and aimed before he gave it back to her. He already loved the gun, but having one right now wasn't a good idea. "Saya, I shouldn't be wearing one at the moment."

Irimsaya shook her head.

"You're stronger than you think Jase. You have a purpose here. And people who care deeply for you. If I didn't trust you not to use this on yourself I wouldn't be giving it to you now."

Jase leaned forward and rubbed his eyes. He knew he didn't want it right now but she was pushing him, again. Even testing him. There wasn't a reason why he could use it and yet there was enough reason to use it. He just didn't want the temptation. And Saya just pushed him towards it. A test. 

"You're right. I won't use it. Doesn't mean I wasn't thinking about it."

Irimsaya sat next to him and put the gun between them.

"I know you are and were. I would be too. We're the same person Jase. What you feel I know I can feel. And right now I know you feel like the fates are against you, that you were thrown here so that you could suffer. But I don't believe that. I think you were thrown into our universe because someone somewhere knew I couldn't do this alone. They knew I would need help. And who better to help me than myself?"

"I'm here. Won't go anywhere else anytime soon." He looked at her. "I'm not sure I want to understand this 'dead but not dead' thing either."

Irimsaya watched him then nodded slowly.

"Then don't understand it. Grieve them. But also know you do have people here you can talk to about it."

Jase nodded slowly then got up. "Jeff is probably waiting for me. And Kaidan, give him some time. It's your first.. argument."

Irimsaya looked at her hands now.

"It wasn't an argument Jase. It felt like it had some sort of...finality... to it."

He turned abruptly to look at her. "Then don't let it happen."

"I don't know how to stop it from happening." Irimsaya smiled sadly.

"All right." Jase sighed at this. "Approach him. He's probably going back to the LT/Commander thing."

Irimsaya stood up and hugged Jase gently, holding him for a minute.

"Thank you... my brother."

"Anytime." Once she let go Jase leaned down and picked up the gun, eyeing it for a moment. "Thanks. Try to sleep. You need it."

Irimsaya sank back down onto her bed and tried to sleep.

  


As soon as Jase was back at the bridge he flopped the gun into Joker's lap and sat down in his own chair. "Isn't that a beauty?"

Joker stared at the gun, his eyes wide.

"Holy crap! Do you know what this is? Where did you get it? How? When?"

"Just got it from my sister. Apparently it was our father's gun." Jase stiffled a yawn, the headache was finally down to a dull throb, but now he was paying the price by feeling extremely sleepy. "How much longer till you can leave this chair?"

Joker chuckled a bit.

"I'm here until we dock at the Citadel. Though I'm kind of wondering why we're going there.."

There went the idea of sharing his bunk with him. Jase just grunted a little. "I don't know either. We should be heading to Ilos."

Joker made a little face.

"I could theoretically put her on auto-pilot for the duration. As long as I'm here for the docking procedure of course..." He glanced at Jase. "That is if you're thinking what I think you're thinking."

"You are." Jase sighed, he didn't want to risk anything. Everyone else was off and he was the only one there, aside of Pressly of course. He could get Kaidan to take helm but the man was battling his own demons. "Get someone to watch the controls. I don't want to risk anything."

Joker did and then followed Jase.

"Where to then? Your bunk or mine?" He chuckled softly.

The attempted humor by Joker didn't go unnoticed. But Jase didn't feel like smiling and he just laid his hand onto his back. He knew he might disappoint Joker by falling asleep on him too.

"Depends. My bunk is at the wall. Might be better for you."

Joker smiled when he felt the hand there.

"Yours it is."

While his bunk was narrow, it was at least comfortable. But he actually was a little afraid of hurting Joker. Jase removed his shirt and changed into his sweat pants and tossed his socks aside.

"You want the wall? Makes it easier if I'm needed." Last thing on his mind was to break his bones by accident when having to crawl over him.

Joker nodded in agreement.

"That sounds good to me, would hate to get in your way if someone needs you."

Jase nodded and made room for him to settle in. He waited a little for Joker to get comfortable before he laid down on his side facing him and got the blanket wrapped around them. Jase reached out and played with his chesthair a little. "This is nice."

Joker grinned at him. "This is very very very nice."

Jase tensed when the door opened and someone came in, but walked the other way to where Kaidan was. The usual sound of someone going to bed was missing too. While trailing his finger across Joker's lip he strained his ears, but everything was just silent.

Irimsaya went and silently stood and watched Kaidan sleep. She had no idea what she would say to him now or when he woke.

Irimsaya closed her eyes for a moment then left the area and went to the CIC to try and keep herself occupied.

  


Kissing Joker was nice, it was slow and gentle this time. Things got a little heated as well, but Jase was so worn out from everything he didn't want to push things further. At the moment, not being alone but being loved as well was more important than anything else. It didn't take long and Jase rapidly fell asleep on Joker.

  


Kaidan awoke slowly. This time from a pleasant dream and not from being under fire by the geth all the time. Or from being blown into pieces by the bomb. Or.. whatever else it was before. Like Saya mourning him. Kaidan grit his teeth when he sat up. The soreness was nearly gone, thank the powers that be, or Chakwas in this case, but his head had it in for him today. And the room was dark. He was getting aware of the soft voices coming from... somewhere and he listened a little. Someone was distressed, very distressed and.. he frowned. Joker? What was the man doing here? He shook himself out of it, listening to a side of Joker he wasn't aware the man even possessed, as he was comforting and calming down, oh... Shepard. Kaidan grabbed his clothes and went to have a shower, ignoring the two of them. It made him think though. Joker and Shepard. And Joker was there for him, helping him through a bad time. 

Kaidan should do the same. The memory of their 'talk' came back and he groaned, rubbing his temples, hoping the headache would lessen. What would Saya say to him. The things he had said.... he shouldn't have said anything at all. Should have swallowed it down, shouldn't have questioned his Commander. Shouldn't have gone to her quarters in the first place. Kaidan knew he'd never have questioned her in such a way if they hadn't been together. It made the line blurry, very blurry. But he didn't want to be someone special. He didn't want her to always choose him over the others. Shutting off the shower he took his towel and carefully dried himself. His stomach looked good, lightly bruised and he carefully touched the area. It would always be a reminder. 

Figuring he should take the helm for a while since Joker was "busy", Kaidan went up to the CIC and stopped for a second when he saw Saya. But then he quickly made up his mind and thought he should face the music, question only was how good or bad the music would be. 

"Ma'am."

Irimsaya stiffened a little bit when she heard Kaidan's voice.

"Lieutenant. I trust you're feeling up to being here after your injury." She didn't dare turn to look at him, afraid of what she might see in his face. Saya knew she could not bear it if there was hate there.

Kaidan carefully kept his voice steady. "Yes, Commander."

Irimsaya nodded, still keeping her back to him.

"Please assume the pilot's chair while Joker is resting, Lieutenant."

There wasn't a lot he could do besides saying, "Yes, ma'am." Kaidan walked past her, wondering how, or if, he could talk to her again.

Irimsaya closed her eyes as she felt him go past, trying to control her emotions. It took every ounce of strength she had not to turn to him and say something, anything. But she wasn't sure how he felt about her now.. and if it was the hate she suspected then she would rather shove herself out the airlock than deal with something like that.

Kaidan sat down in Joker's chair and stared at the controls. He soon set to work, but his mind was occupied with Saya and their problem at hand, he couldn't concentrate at all. And it became annoying to him as his work was suffering. Kaidan pushed the comm button, giving up. He needed to apologize, destroyed relationship, career or whatever.

"Commander, I …" Kaidan realized he didn't know what to say... "I could use your help up here." He really wanted to smack his head against the console now.

Irimsaya sighed and left the console she was studying. Taking a deep breath she walked to the cockpit and stood behind the pilot's chair.

"Yes, Lieutenant?"

Either he was getting a real smack from her now or not. Kaidan took a breath and started.

"I wanted to apologize... for last night and.. not trusting your judgement. It was uncalled for and... And I'm sorry."

Irimsaya crossed her arms and stared at him.

"Damned right it was uncalled for. That whole time all you did was think about yourself Kaidan. Did you ever wonder how making that decision felt for me? Did you even think about how I felt sending someone to their death - *ordering* someone to their death? I needed a friend last night, not a lover, a friend. And the one person I counted on for that... left me alone to pick up the pieces. If Jase hadn't come along to talk to me... I don't know where I would be right now."

Kaidan looked down at his hands for a while before he spoke up again. "You.. are right of course. I'm sorry I let you down. I guess, I just feel guilty too of having to put you through such a decision."

Irimsaya's face softened a bit.

"No one could have foreseen what would have happened there Kaidan. I made a call that I thought was best for the crew of this ship, not me. But it's your choice what to believe. If you hate me for it..." She stopped and cleared her throat against the lump there. "I would understand."

Kaidan looked irritated now and turned around to see her face. "I don't. I would never... hate you."

Irimsaya watched him silently then nodded.

"Good to know, thank you. Now, it seems, the choice is yours."

All right, she was asking him if he trusted her judgement or not. If there was any distrust he couldn't work under her anymore. But that was the point, wasn't it? It all came down to this. Kaidan didn't need to think twice now though.

"I trust your judgement." And it wasn't even a lie, that much he knew.

Irimsaya bowed her head, it wasn't what she had been asking at all. She was trying to ask him if he still wanted to be with her. Maybe he had known that and this was all he could promise her now.

"I...I'll try not to let you down..." She took a steadying breath then turned to go.

Looking around the seat once more Kaidan stared at her back. Something didn't add up. He just told her he trusted her and she acted as if he'd slapped her again.

"Irimsaya, wait! Was there.. something else you wanted to ask?"

Irimsaya just turned her head a bit and when she spoke there was a sadness in her voice.

"I think I already have the answer... Lieutenant."

Kaidan left his seat, carefully, and went after her. Luckily the area was deserted and they were alone. He reached out and touched her by her arm.

"If I knew the question I'd give you an honest answer. However, I don't think I do."

Irimsaya pulled her arm away gently.

"You trust my **judgement**... you didn't say anything else." She shook her head a bit. "It might be easier if you just told me you don't want to be with me. Then I don't have to keep guessing."

Kaidan was about to ask if she was kidding him, but he caught himself. Of course she wasn't. After all he had the same fear since the last evening. He sighed softly.

"I.. No. I mean, I want to be with you."

Irimsaya looked up at him with a sudden hope in her eyes that he'd never seen before.

"Really? You're... You mean it?"

Kaidan just nodded at her. "I thought maybe.. after what I have said.. you would break up with me."

Irimsaya shook her head no.

"How could I when you're the only person who ever made me feel... complete? The thought of you not needing me.. not wanting me..." There was no way she could even attempt to finish that train of thought.

"I.. understand. I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression, it's not true."

Irimsaya smiled at him.

"It's..ok.. but we'll have to talk about it more later - looks like you'll be docking us."

She moved her eyes to the window.

"We're here."

Kaidan nodded and got back into the seat and began with the docking process. There was no sign of Joker and he wasn't surprised, considering what he'd overheard before.

"Joker should be pleased, not a scratch on his ship."

Irimsaya patted Kaidan's shoulder gently.

"Good job LT." Saya turned on the comm. "Jase Shepard report to the CIC. Joker, report back to your chair - we need you."

Joker groaned into Jase's neck when he heard the comm.

"Damn it, I was comfortable too.."

"Yeah, I know what you mean," Jase sighed and slowly moved his arm. "Jeff, thanks." He felt pretty embarrassed though and slowly got out of his bed. 

Joker yawned and grinned at him.

"Hey, what're friends... and lovers... for if not that?"

There was something more going on now for Jase too, but he wasn't sure if Joker would ever feel the same or if it was already too early. He couldn't tell, but he knew he started to get very... attached. A word he didn't really like. Guys just don't get attached to someone. Jase leaned down to him and gave him a lingering gentle kiss while thinking the words 'I love you.'

Joker sighed happily into the kiss.

"Better not to let her wait. Need a hand?"

"Mmh... nah I'll meet you up there. Don't want you to see me struggling just yet."

"Jeff," Jase sighed and moved his one boot around, "it's part of you. I really care about the _whole_ you." He bent down fishing for his other boot, set it onto the floor and retrieved a fresh t-shirt and a fresh pair of socks from his drawer. "But I understand you wanting to manage on your own." Even Joker had his pride. Especially Joker.

Joker was watching him.

"I appreciate that. Did you know you have a cute ass?"

Jase nearly snorted. "You haven't _seen_ it naked yet." He turned and grinned a little at him, pants in one hand, boots carefully being held in the other. "I'm in the bathroom. See you later." He snatched another quick kiss and was again surprised about himself. He really was getting attached.

Joker sighed happily then got up, dressed, and made his way to the CIC and his chair.

"One pilot, reporting as ordered Commander. Hey.. out of my seat Alenko!"

Irimsaya couldn't help herself, she chuckled quietly when Joker spied Kaidan in his chair.

Kaidan nearly sprang out of it. "Of course, I just borrowed it for a ride." He frowned at Joker, the man looked different. "Where's your hat?"

Joker touched his head and swore.

"Guess I put it down somewhere. Damn. Ah well.." He sat down in his chair. "Hmmm well doesn't look like any harm done. Nice work LT."

"Did I miss anything? Sorry, got caught by the crew." Jase jogged up from behind, wearing Joker's cap, but the other way around. It reminded him of his old gang times.

Irimsaya raised an eyebrow at him.

"Since when do you wear a hat?"

"Since today, finders keepers," he gently teased Joker, watching his head.

Joker grumbled under his breath then turned and glared at Jase.

"Hat. Now. Give."

Irimsaya smothered a giggle and saw Kaidan smirking as well.

There was a pout on his face and Jase didn't even have to try to look hurt. "But, I like it. Keeps my head warm."

Joker sighed at the pitiful expression Jase was wearing.

"Fiiiiine... I just broke that one in. Commander I need a new hat please."

Irimsaya could no longer keep it in, she burst out laughing and Kaidan soon joined her.

Jase grinned at him and adjusted the hat once more. It was like a trophy now and from Joker. Something important. "Thank you."

He then turned to Saya while his right hand lingered oh Joker's shoulder. "When is the Council expecting you?" He was very glad they finally saw reason.

Irimsaya wiped her eyes to get rid of the tears from her laughter.

"To be honest... pretty much now."

Jase looked at her, he was amused and touched the hat again. What such a little thing could do to people....

"Give them hell. I'll cover you here. With our hatless pilot."

"You want me to come with you?" Kaidan asked.

Irimsaya looked at him and smiled.

"It's ok, I think I can manage three little council members. But thanks for the offer Kaidan."

She left the ship, knowing it was in good hands.

Jase nodded and watched Kaidan giving Saya a lingering look. Jase removed his hand from Joker's shoulder and turned around. "I've got to go, clean out a locker," and left. This was something he didn't like to do. Last time it had been Jenkin's. Now it was Ash's. 

Luckily the hangar was empty. Garrus and Wrex were gone and Jase started his task. He wanted to get it done. Being docked gave him the chance to have Ash's things shipped to her family. The plan got interrupted when he saw the holopictures of himself and Ash. Jase grabbed a nearby box and sat down, staring at them. Eventually he uploaded them to his extra-net account. Back at the locker he found the little poetry book. Out of curiosity he opened it and began to read it again. This time he understood it.

  


Kaidan sat down in the left chair and glanced at Joker.

Joker turned and looked at Kaidan.

"So.. you and the commander huh? Sweet. But I'll warn you.. for some reason I have a really bad feeling about this council meeting the commander's gone to. Something's goin' on."

Kaidan gave him a careful blank look. "Yes. And you and Shepard?" He sighed at the council comment. "For the Commander's sake I hope you're wrong." But he feared Joker was right.

  


Irimsaya came back onto the ship sometime later and saw Kaidan and Joker watching her.

"We're grounded."

She walked to her quarters and opened her locker then closed it and kicked it then put her back against it and sank to the floor, face in her hands.

Kaidan looked at Joker quickly and then got up to go and search for Saya. "Excuse me please."

Jase was just finishing with Ash's belongings, he only needed someone now who would see it to the right hands. After a quick stop in the engineer room he looked once more at where Ash usually had been, it looked so empty. Jase shook himself out of it and went into the elevator.

Irimsaya just sat with her face in her hands, not acknowledging her chime when it rang.

Kaidan tried again and knocked too. "Commander?"

Irimsaya sighed softly.

"Come in."

Jase left the elevator and walked towards the stairs when he heard Kaidan say, "Are you all right?" and then the door closed. Jase frowned and hurried upstairs. Their crew members apparently were upset too, for whatever reason, but he'd find out. The only thing they knew were that they were grounded. All of them. He went back to the bridge, wanting to know more.

"Tell me what happened."

Joker shook his head a bit and looked at Jase.

"All I can tell you is that the Commander got back from the meeting, told us we're grounded, then she walked off. Followed by the LT. I have nooo clue as to what's goin on."

Jase shook his head, "Have they completely lost their minds?!?" and started pacing behind Joker. "After all the work we've done?" He punched the chair, he couldn't believe how .. stupid the Council could be. "Many lost their lives for coming this far!" Jase walked back to Joker and flopped down into the chair next to him. "Damn them...!"

Joker looked at him with raised eyebrows.

"Wow... now I know why Kaidan all but ran after the Commander..."

"We are basically the same person."

Jase rubbed his face, trying to come up with a solution to this mess. But with the Council successfully shutting them down.....

"You could at least tell me it'll be all right," Jase snapped, but then he sighed. It wasn't Joker's fault. 

"I'm sorry, it's not you I'm angry with." He took the hat and scratched his head and put it back on. "There has to be something we can do, I won't give up now. Not. Now."

Joker's face hardened a little when Jase yelled at him but he said nothing about it.

"It'll work out."

"That wasn't so hard now, was it?" Jase knew he really could be an ass sometimes, especially when pissed off. Just then he saw Joker's console blinking and he watched the pilot's face.

There was one thing Kaidan had learned over the last weeks. Let the Commander vent, then try to smooth out the anger. He held out his hand for her to help her up and was more than pleased when she took it. The pull was a little too much and she fell right into his arms. Opportunity there, he leaned in and gave her a kiss.

Irimsaya closed her eyes then pulled away slightly, watching him... and needing him so much in this moment. 

"I love you." She whispered.

"I love you too," Kaidan replied, playing with her hair a little, "since the first moment I saw you."

Just then they got interrupted by Jase. 

"Commander, you might want to come up here, Anderson wants to meet us."

Irimsaya sighed softly into Kaidan's neck, keeping him close.

"Alright, we're on our way Jase."

"I think that means something is going to happen." Kaidan looked at her, feeling a little hopeful.


	22. ME1 - Interlude - Leaving the Normandy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I started writing the first few sentences, I actually really wanted that Jase leaves the Normandy. But as usual, my friend made it hard to go through with some decisions and talked me "ingame" out of it. Plot bunnies, you gotta love them ;)

Outside of the Flux was Jase, pacing the floor. Anderson had an offer for him and he wasn't sure what to do. Usually he'd have sprung at the chance. The chance to work on his career, proof his skills, show them he could do what he knew he was able to do. But it felt like leaving all of them behind, at the heat of the battle, even. And yet he needed to do it, needed to go on with his life. But who was he kidding, it was set in stone apparently, apartment booked, appointments made. In two days he'd show them what being a N7 meant. 

And Saya would be able to take the Normandy and go to Ilos.

Irimsaya slowly left the Flux and looked at Jase, a hint of betrayal on her face.

"You're going to accept the offer aren't you. You're going to leave us."

"What else am I supposed to do. Tell me. You heard it yourself, they won't believe me anything unless I prove myself." Jase didn't like it either, he paced to the stairs and back, scratching his neck. 

"Oh I don't know - tell them you want to stay with US?? I don't think I can DO this without you! Not now!" Irimsaya knew she was being selfish but she didn't care. Her crew needed him and she knew it.

Jase glared a little at her, he couldn't believe she thought so little of herself. 

"Don't think of yourself like that. You know you CAN do it!"

Irimsaya just shook her head.

"No, Jase, I don't know that. Each time a mission has succeeded you've been there. I was captured and tortured by the geth and it was **you** and Kaidan who rescued me. With each success we have had - you were always right there. And I **don't** know that I can do this without you and I'm almost afraid to try."

Arms crossed, Jase rocked back and forth on his heels. "In other words, you're saying there's a reason why I'm here. To save your reality."

Irimsaya shrugged.

"Who knows? Maybe. I don't know." She rubbed her face

Jase gave himself some minutes to think about this. For one point, he surely did not want to find out the answer to this very question. Loosing one reality was bad enough already. Messing this one up would be even worse. He sighed at the weight of responsibility. The failure of the first reality was weighing on him heavily and now Saya managed to hand this one over to him as well. And when everything would fail, there was no job left for him anymore.

"So. After Saren's dealt with, perhaps I should retire. Go to Eden Prime, start a farm or something..."

Irimsaya smirked a bit.

"I can't picture Joker as a farmer..."

"He could watch the kennel....or the pigs..." Jase actually had to grin at the idea, Joker and watching pigs.... 

Mind made up, Jase turned and went back to Anderson. A minute later he was back.

"Let's get this bastard."

Irimsaya grinned at him then hugged him gently.

"For everyone we've lost. In both realities."

"For everyone," he nodded, giving her a gentle squeeze. If only he could have saved his. The thought was pushed away. This one still needed rescuing.


	23. ME1 - Chapter Twentytwo - Ilos

Hat back on his head, Jase sat in his chair, eyeing the red orb together with Saya and wondered what Anderson would do if Udina was there. Did he really want to know? But he hoped he gave him a good punch, knocked him out or whatever.

Irimsaya almost jumped when it turned green.

"Go Joker!!"

Joker grinned to himself and got them undocked and into the air.

"Buckle up everyone. Time to get this show on the road!" Joker stated.

Once Joker brought them to the Mass Relay Jase leaned back and tried to relax. They still had some hours to go until they would reach Ilos. The hope for a complete fleet against Saren had been destroyed by the Council. Now they were on their own. Watching Joker's fingers dance across the panel, Jase knew he could trust their pilot to bring them in silently, thanks to their stealth system as well. And it would be a few hours until they'd reach the Mu-Relay to access Ilos.

"Jeff, I'm gonna get us something to eat," Jase said and stood up, letting his hand linger on his shoulder before he hurried off to get some food.

  


A small box stood at Saya's door, ready to be opened. Kaidan had left it there, he was on a mission. This mission included Saya, but he had to find her first. Maybe it was a new game, or hide and seek. But somehow the woman had managed to avoid him, or maybe she just had gotten herself a stealth cloak, or whatever new tech the Alliance could come up with.

Irimsaya rounded a corner and yelped when she ran right into Kaidan.

"Jeez... Kaidan I am so so sorry!"

"Ugh!" He was holding his nose. "Been looking for you.." Kaidan grimaced, testing his nose, but found it just hurt. Good. "I have been looking for you since a while."

Irimsaya gently touched his nose then caressed it.

"Sorry..." She smiled ruefully. "I was... thinking in a private spot."

Kaidan nodded. "Do you have some time? I... there is something I wanted to give you. What were you thinking about?"

Irimsaya looked surprised.

"You have something you want to give me? Why? And I was just thinking about strategies for taking down Saren."

"Oh. Well maybe we can think of some strategies together?"

Irimsaya smiled at him.

"I'd like that." She let him lead her to her quarters.

Kaidan smiled and followed her, then quickly picked up the box and waited until the door was closed. 

"I might have something which could help you to think." Kaidan opened the box and stood with his back to her, blocking the view. He placed the three items onto her table. A bottle of wine, a small box filled with chocolate pieces in different flavors and a bottle of massage oil. Then he pulled out a few little candles and carefully lightened them.

"Oh? What's that?" Irimsaya was watching him.

"I, ah, …" Kaidan didn't know how to say it right, he shrugged a little and picked up the box, removed a single red rose and went to her. "For you. For the woman I love."

Irimsaya blushed a bright red. Nobody had ever given her anything before, not like this.

"Kaidan... thank you so much." She whispered. "It's beautiful."

Saya smiled and leaned up, kissing him gently.

"It makes me wish I had something to give to you. I love you.. so very much."

"Right now I have everything I need." Kaidan moved a little aside so she could see the table. "It's not Chora's Den, but, I figured we could make the most of it."

Irimsaya stared in shock at the table, the candles... everything he had done. And he had done it for her.

"Kaidan... I don't know what to say. It's lovely it truly is. Thank you." She smiled at him then kissed him again.

Kissing Saya was very nice, and Kaidan truly thought of more too, but it would spoil his plans and he gently ended the kiss and smiled at her.

"You were always good to me. You always consider my feelings...if I feel well or not. For once I wanted to give you something special back." Kaidan nodded towards the table. "I wanted to let you know that I enjoyed serving under you. And.. I love you, Shepard. Whatever the galaxy is going to throw at you, us, I'll always love you."

Irimsaya smiled at him and squeezed his hand gently.

"You are an incredible man, Kaidan Alenko, and being with you has made me complete. For the first time in my life I feel like I have somewhere I belong. And it's with you. No matter what happens... I'll always love you too - forever."

Jase got up and stretched a little behind Joker's chair, they were close to the Mu-Relay. Pressly was busy crunching numbers. Behind them he could already hear footsteps and saw Saya, Kaidan, Liara and Tali joining them. For a second he took a closer look at Saya, she seemed to... glow. His eyes wandered to Kaidan and he looked pretty pleased and satisfied with himself. Jase grinned inwardly and went back to his chair, making room for the others. 

Joker's fingers flew once more over his panel and the Normandy jumped through the Mu-Relay.

"Uh.., Commander? We've got company." Joker said right away. Jase set forward, looking at his panel, since he sat in the chair he might as well give Joker a hand and look for himself. 

"Have their sensors picked us up yet?" Liara asked and Jase checked for any signs of attacks.

"Stealth systems are engaged. Unless we're close enough for a visual, they won't have any idea we're here."

"They'd have to look out of their windows to see us, if they had any." Jase replied. While he did not dislike Liara, her standing behind him made him feel uneasy.

"Picking up some strange readings from the planet's surface," Pressly spoke up from behind.

"Take us down Joker, lock in on the coordinates." Irimsaya ordered.

"Negative on that, Commander. The nearest landing zone's two clicks away." 

'Why can never something be just easy, just for once?' Jase thought at Pressly's reply. They needed to get down there.

"We'll never make it in time on foot. Get us something closer!" Kaidan knew they had to get down there, find a way. Something, anything - but closer. Or Saren would be slipping out of their reach.

"There is nowhere closer! I've looked!"

Jase leaned out of his chair and watched the two man. Pressly sounded pretty pissed off, and now was not the time for an argument. 

"Drop us in the Mako." Jase offered. It was smaller and they'd be faster with additional firepower.

"You need at least a hundred meters of open terrain to pull off a drop like that. The most I can find near Saren is twenty."

'God damn,' Jase thought, 'so close and yet so far. There **has** to be a way!'

"Twenty meters? We'll never get in close enough for a drop." Kaidan knew he couldn't do something like that. It was just not possible.

"We have to try." Liara insisted.

"Find another landing zone," Kaidan replied, feeling a little angry.

"There is no other landing zone!" Pressly nearly yelled back. 

Jase had enough of this pickering, it really ticked him off. "Enough! We either work as a team or this mission is a failure!"

"The descent angle is too steep!" Tali said and Jase thought she was right, too.

"It's our only option." Liara proclaimed.

Kaidan thought the idea was insane. If they'd use this landing zone chances were high they wouldn't even make it down there alive. And a dead squad wouldn't be able to stop Saren. "It's not an option, it's a suicide run! We don't..."

"I can do it."

Jase looked at Joker, and while he couldn't see into his eyes, Joker's face told him all he needed to know.

"Joker...?" Jase asked him.

"I can **do** it." Joker replied and Jase saw the determination on his face. This was his man, and not without reason they said he was the best. 

"Gear up and head down to the Mako. Joker, drop us right on top of that bastard!" 

Kaidan nodded at Saya and let her pass, then he followed her. Jase was right on her heels too.

Irimsaya walked at a fast pace with the two men.

"Jase.. I have a favor to ask of you." She stopped and turned. "Kaidan, get Liara and head for the mako." She watched Kaidan go then turned to Jase. "I want you up here. Joker's going to need help and you're the best we have for that. I'm trusting you with my ship and there's no one else I would do that with."

Crossing his arms Jase watched her for a moment. He was here to hunt Saren and stop him. The bastards had killed his reality and he wanted to hunt them down, pay them back. But maybe it was too personal though, he knew. He wouldn't endanger the mission but... And Liara, he knew for sure, wanted to see Ilos. 

"You're letting me sit in a ship while you're going to kill Saren?" It didn't sit well with him and Jase sighed, but he could see why and he held up his hand before she could reply. 

"All right, I'll do it."

Irimsaya hugged Jase tightly.

"I'm sorry to do this to you.. and I know you want to be there... but somehow I feel like this is the way it's supposed to be." She sighed. "I don't know if any of us will survive down there Jase and I'm counting on you to warn as many people as you can to save them if necessary.. if we fail..."

Jase stopped her train of thought despite knowing the risks very well. "We won't. I have the Normandy and a good crew. I'll find a way to stop them, if I have to."

Irimsaya tried to smile.

"Good... don't scratch my ship." She put a hand on his cheek then headed to get her armour.

Jase called after her. "Saya! I'm happy to have you as my sister. Give them hell!" He watched her leave then hurried back up to the bridge and sat down in his chair.

"You've got a co-pilot." He looked at Joker. "You can even give me orders." 

Joker nodded, his face was tight as he flew the ship even harder than he had anytime before.

  


Irimsaya smiled to herself as she had heard Jase's parting comments. She got into the Mako with Kaidan and Liara and looked at them.

"I'll drive. Trust Joker. Trust me."

Kaidan nodded at her. "Yes Commander." Then he waited for the door to open.

Jase checked his panel once more, sure as hell they were about to drop them off right on the top of Saren. Just like Saya had said. It was risky, the space to drop the Mako was narrow and small, without much room to maneuver. There wasn't any doubt in him though while he opened them the hangar door, Saya would do it and get them down safely. Hell, he knew he'd have done the same. Not a minute later and Jase felt the Normandy's nose going up towards the sky in a very steep angle. And the Mako had landed in one piece.

"Good work, Joker."

  


Kaidan was surprised to learn that Saya understood the prothean language, whereas all they could hear was a foreign language which made no sense to them at all. Back in the Mako and searching for the conduit Kaidan wondered about something.

"What are all those things in the wall, some kind of containers?"

"They look like stasis pods. The protheans probably tried to keep themselves alive through cryogenic freezing. Something must have gone wrong. This bunker became their tomb. The pods are dead, as well as anyone inside."

"All of them? There must be hundreds of those pods." Kaidan stared at all these pods while they were driving along the roard. So many dead here, they were practically driving through a graveyard. "What was Saren expecting to find here? There's nothing left but corpses..." 

Irimsaya was focusing on driving as they went through the stasis area.

"Saren was probably hoping to find the key to everything here. And I don't know... something in the back of my mind is telling me it **is** here. If we can only find it."

"I'm sure you're right." Why else would Saren be here otherwise, Kaidan thought.

  


Jase came back from having briefly spoken with Pressly and sat back down, listening to the feed coming in. 

" _What is happening?"_

" _It's a trap. Saren must have set an ambush!"_

" _I do not think Saren is behind this."_

" _I have studied the protheans for decades but I never felt this sense of forboding. What will we find down there?"_

" _I don't know. But let's hope whatever's down there is friendly. We've got enough enemies at the moment."_

  


Irimsaya was staring at the VI, feeling as if she knew it somehow. It's voice felt familiar in a weird way. She didn't share this with the others as she didn't wish to alarm them. All she did was continue to listen.

"You are not Prothean. But you are not machine either. This eventuality was one of many that was anticipated. This is why we sent our warning through the beacons."

"Looks like some kind of VI program. Pretty badly damaged." Kaidan said thoughtfully.

"I do not sense the taint of indoctrination upon any of you. Unlike the other that passed recently. Perhaps there is still hope."

  


Jase set straight up in his chair and hit the comm. "Garrus, Tali, Wrex. Join me on the bridge, you have to hear this...." 

Everything they heard was of importance and it answered many question they have had. Jase himself understood the vision even better now, including the images he had received from his reality. It was heart crushing though.

" _I still don't understand what's going on here. Why is Saren trying to find the Conduit?"_

" _The Conduit gives him access to the Citadel and the keepers. The keepers are controlled by the Citadel. Before each invasion, a signal is sent through the station compelling the keepers to activate the Citadel relay. After decades of feverish study, the scientists discovered a way to alter this signal. Using the Conduit, they gained access to the Citadel and made modifications. This time, when Sovereign sent the signal to the Citadel, the keepers ignored it. The Reapers are trapped in dark space."_

" _Saren must have some plan to undo everything you did."_

" _The one you call Saren will use the Conduit to bypass the Citadel's defenses. Once inside, he will transfer control of the station to Sovereign. Sovereign will override the Citadel's systems and manually open the relay. And the cycle of extinction will begin again."_

" _Is there any way we can stop them?"_

" _There is a data file in my console. Take a copy when you go. When you reach the Citadel's master control unit, upload it to the station. It will corrupt the Citadel's security protocols and give you temporary control over the station. It might give you a chance against Sovereign."_

" _Wait. Where's the Citadel's master control unit? I've never heard of anything like that."_

" _Through the Conduit. Follow Saren. He will lead you to your destination."_

Jase looked at Joker who looked back at him, knowing they couldn't just sit here and do nothing. They both said in unison, "Admiral Hackett," and Jase nodded.


	24. ME1 - Chapter Twentythree - Citadel

Irimsaya was staring at Saren's body, both surprise and shock in her eyes. She ran to the console to check on the stuff that Vigil had given them.

"Vigil's data file worked. I've got controls of all systems."

"Quick, open the station's arms. Maybe the fleet can take Sovereign down before he regains control of the station."

"See if you can open a communications channel."

Irimsaya did so as quickly as she could.

" _... the Destiny Ascension. Main drives offline. Kinetic barriers down to 40%. The Council is on board. I repeat, the Council is on board."_

" _Normandy to the Citadel. Normandy to the Citadel. Please tell me that's you, Commander."_

"I'm here, Joker."

" _We caught that distress call, Commander. I'm sitting here in the Andura Sector with the entire Arcturus fleet. We can save the Ascension. Just unlock the relays around the Citadel and we'll send the cavalry in!"_

"Are you sure about this, Shepard? Human casualties will be very high if you send your fleet in now."

"This is bigger than humanity. Sovereign's a threat to every organic species in the galaxy!" Kaidan's voice was adamant. 

"The Council must be sacrificed for the greater good. Don't waste your reinforcements. Hold them back until the Citadel arms open up. Save the human fleet to attack Sovereign." Kaidan couldn't believe Liara actually considered this, especially after Vigil told them their leaders had been killed without them realizing it.

" _What's the order, Commander? Come in now or...."_

Jase cut Joker off, _"You heard Vigil. We have to save the Ascension."_

"Opening the relays now, Jase. We need to save the Ascension, no matter what the cost!"

"The noble choice. I just hope it does not also turn out to be the wrong one."

  


" _Alliance ships move in! Save the Destiny Ascension!" Hackett nearly yelled into his comm._

" _Destiny Ascension, you are all clear. Repeat - you are all clear." Jase stated_.

" _The Cidatel's opening! All ships move in! Concentrate on Sovereign!"_ Jase heard Hackett's order and Joker flew into the Citadel and what he saw was.. even impressive. The Reaper was huge. He had seen it briefly on Eden Prime but he hadn't imagined it to be this big. 

"Damn! Sovereign's sitting on the Citadel Tower!" 

  


Kaidan stood behind Saya when the console disappeared and they all peered down to where the body of Saren was. Kaidan wasn't sure if he was really dead, part of him was afraid the turian would soon stand up and be alive again.

"Make sure he's dead." Irimsaya said, glancing from Kaidan to Liara.

Kaidan nodded at her and jumped down to where the body was. Liara was right behind him and he took his pistol and fired at his head. 

"He's dead." 

Just then the room started to shake madly and Kaidan had to work hard not to loose his balance. What he then saw made his stomach turn. Saren's body was engulfed in red, transforming in front of their eyes. A shockwave sent them both flying and Kaidan felt as if he'd been hit by a missile.

Irimsaya felt her feet losing position then felt the bridge she had been standing on crumble beneath her, taking her with it. She groaned a bit as she stood up and looked to her left. Saya paused when she saw that Kaidan seemed to be having a hard time getting up. She glanced over at Liara and saw she seemed to be okay then her eyes went back to Kaidan as she silently urged him to get up and be okay. When she looked back to where Saren was transforming, shock was in her eyes. He was one of them - more than even he probably had even known.

"I am Sovereign, and this station is MINE!"

Irimsaya swore and wasn't quiet about it. She took cover quickly and made sure Liara and Kaidan did the same as Saren started jumping around and firing at them. Saya looked at her biotic friends and nodded for them to do their thing. If they could just keep Saren occupied for her then she could easily take him out. Saya smiled then as Saren was enveloped in blue energy and she brought her weapon up, beginning to fire.

  


Outside, the 5th fleet battled Sovereign and Jase was holding his breath when he saw how Sovereign teared through their ships. One shot was enough and their ships were torn into parts. 

" _Sovereign's too strong! We have to pull back!"_

" _Negative! This is our only chance. Take that monster down, no matter the cost!"_

  


One last warp from Liara, Kaidan fired his pistol again at the Saren puppet and it finally lay dead. He was holding his breath, not really trusting this as it already had fooled him once. But then the dead body fell into ashes and disappeared and Kaidan slowly began to feel the effects of going all out with his biotics. Never before had he fought as hard as he had done here, firing one biotic skill off after the other. It was well worth the price. Saren was dead.

  


"Something's happening. I'm getting weird energy readings. Shield's are going down!" Jase said quickly and saw Joker nod.

"Its shields are down! Now is our chance!" 

" _Hit it with everything we've got!"_

"Hard on my flank! We're going in!" Joker said and Jase felt the Normandy buck and turn, adding to the feel of adrenaline. They were going to take the bastard down and he hit the panel, setting loose the canon, hitting Sovereign right into the middle, ripping it apart.

  


Irimsaya felt the station rumbling under their feet and she glanced at the others.

"Let's get going, I'm sure there's still some Geth to clean up while the fleet takes care of Sovereign."

She led the way back up to the console, glad to see Kaidan was able to keep up with her and Liara.

"You guys did amazing down there. I'm impressed."

She frowned when the console started beeping madly and her eyes went to the window and widened.

"MOVE IT!"

Saya saw Kaidan and Liara both turn and start running as they, too, saw what was coming right at them. Sovereign. Irimsaya tried to keep up with them but when Sovereign smashed through the window she felt the room caving in around her and soon she knew nothing but darkness.

Kaidan used what energy he has left to use his biotics and get the debris off himself. He looked around and his eyes widened when he saw the amount of rubble where Saya had last been standing.

  


"Saya was in there! Joker, find a way to get me down there, fast!" Jase couldn't believe their bad luck, parts of Sovereign had been hitting the Citadel Tower pretty hard, he had seen the cloud. He left in a hurry to suit up.

"Alright, hang on, we going in hard and fast." Joker gunned it and got Jase as close to the remnants of Sovereign as he could. 

"Use it like a bridge when you leave the airlock. I'll keep the Normandy right here until I hear from you. Make sure she's ok!"

Jase nodded and put on his helmet, then touched Joker's shoulder briefly. "You got it Joker."

Once the inner door of the Normandy was closed behind Jase he opened the outer door and stared into the wide space of the Citadel. Jase eyed the part of Sovereign, it was still a little away. He took one step back and pushed himself out of the Normandy, landing with a heavy thud onto the piece, his boots keeping him steady. 

"I'm on it, Joker."

He eyed his surroundings, debris was floating around, the Alliance ships were cruising around, the Ascenscion was slightly drifting. Jase focused on taking one slow step after the other to reach the Tower. He could see the barrier. The piece slightly lurched beneath his feet and he began to walk more careful, considering his steps and if it would set the piece into more motion.

Once past the barrier Jase could see the fires burning, the room was a mess. The alarms were blaring and he jumped from debris to debris, hoping it won't crumble beneath him. One last jump and he hit the ground with a grunt and scanned the area. Just as he wanted to bring up his omni-tool his eyes caught a boot and he hurried to it. He knew the boot. But everything else was covered under Sovereign's parts and he started to dig.

"Saya!"

Irimsaya opened her eyes slowly, hearing someone calling her name. But for some reason the voice was muffled.. distant. She had a hard time focusing her eyes but she knew she had been buried in the rubble. 

"Saya!"

Saya had actually thought death had claimed her but she refused to give in to it. There was no way in hell it would win after they had done so much, come so far. Very slowly, Saya began trying to move some of the rubble that was around her.

Jase heard the movement, the creak of metal, he quickly removed more of the rubble. And there she was. Throwing off his helmet Jase quickly knelt down next to her, checking her over. "Saya."

Irimsaya winced as the light hit her eyes then she heard Jase's voice.

"Jase?" She could hear distant talking, someone asking what was going on, where she was.

Irimsaya let Jase help her up and she held her ribs, feeling them twinge as she moved. She slowly climbed over the rubble with Jase and saw Anderson talking with Kaidan and Liara. The relief at seeing the man she loved in one piece was nearly overwhelming. Especially when Anderson saw her and Kaidan turned to see what he was looking at.

Jase couldn't help it, he grinned at them. Especially the look on Kaidan's face was priceless, going from defeat to surprise to happiness. He carefully led Saya to the little group and handed her over to Kaidan. Jase knew Kaidan would shield his emotions, at least he tried to, but he saw the defeat in the other man's eyes when he just let go and hugged Saya tightly. 

Jase asked Liara if she was alright, which earned him a nod and then he took in their surroundings once more. At one point he found himself standing at the railing, looking down to where the bridge had crumbled to and remembered to give Joker an update. "They're alive, Joker."

"Good to hear Jase! I'll spread the news!!" Joker let his happiness show in his voice.

Anderson was watching Kaidan holding his Commander and he frowned. Then he smiled a very little bit and walked away.

Irimsaya was very glad to be in Kaidan's arms again. She could feel how tired he was and knew he was hurting too. Then she felt him gently touching where her armour had actually cracked under the pressure of the rubble she'd had on top of her. Saya reached up and touched his face gently.

"Don't worry, we'll all be as good as new soon enough." Her eyes moved to Jase. "Thank you **so** much for everything you have done. We all appreciate it more than you could ever know."

Jase nodded his thanks at her. "I was only part of the team." Which was true, they couldn't have done it on their own, all of them working together, sacrificing themselves had made this possible. And yet, he knew it wasn't the end of it. They had heard it. Sovereign was only a vanguard. One of many Reapers. But the truth was out and now they'd be able to fight them. They had to, he had seen what the Reapers would do if they fail. 

"Come on, let's go." They all looked tired, but happy.

Irimsaya nodded and let Kaidan hold her as they walked so they could support each other. She kept glancing at him and could tell he was hiding the pain he was in. Saya gently put an arm around his waist and squeezed him every so slightly, trying to tell him that it was okay to show how he was truly feeling.

Stifling a soft grunt caused by the squeeze, Kaidan knew he wasn't doing too well. He was exhausted, painfully tired and his side and left leg hurt. Saren had done a number on him when he'd been transformed into the monster and the debris coming down just finished it. If Liara hadn't shielded them with her biotics... he shook his head a little and winced instantly. They were alive, had made it. Now they would get some rest. 

Jase was walking right next to them and he felt as if he still had some unfinished business here. Maybe he could go and give anyone who was in need a helping hand. But first he had to get Saya, Kaidan and Liara back to their ship and who knew when this would be.

Irimsaya closed her eyes as they walked, her chest starting to ache with the couple of broken ribs she knew she had.

"Jase.. get Kaidan and Liara to the ship. I need to sit for a few minutes but I'll be behind you."

"Joker, Kaidan and Liara need to go back to the ship. Were you able to dock yet?" Jase kept an eye on Saya, he didn't like to leave her behind. The Security guy who had been there with Captain Anderson glanced at him from time to time, question only was if they could actually reach the docks at all.

Joker raised his eyebrows when he heard Jase's question.

"What do you think? This is me we're talking about... we just docked."

Jase smiled a little and nodded, then he turned to the Security man and asked him to take Liara and Kaidan to the Normandy dock before he took a good look at his sister.

"What's the problem, Saya."

Irimsaya looked a bit relieved when Jase sent Kaidan and Liara on ahead. Kaidan didn't need more worries.

"I think some of that debris was stronger than my armour - pretty sure I have a couple of broken ribs."

"Come on then, let's get you to the Normandy." Jase replied and scanned her over once more. Broken rips were extremely painful and made it hard to breathe. "Medi-gel is working?"

Irimsaya nodded.

"As best it can." She stood up and let him lead her towards their ship.

  


Jase felt restless. The crew had been taken care of, Garrus, Tali and Wrex had gone to the Citadel helping out. Kaidan and Saya were in the med-bay and he had some free time on his hands, for the moment.

Joker tapped his console restlessly then switched on the comm.

"Jase Shepard please report to the cockpit."

Jase snorted softly when he heard Joker's voice. The man was clearly ordering him to the cockpit, he wasn't going to let him wait though.

"Joker?"

Joker turned his head.

"Took you long enough, was getting lonely in here.."

Jase sighed softly and squeezed between himself between Joker's chair and his. It wasn't comfortable, but he could be closer to Joker and actually see his face better. "Sorry..."

Joker looked at him in surprise.

"Sorry for what? What's bugging you Jase? Talk to me."

"For letting you wait." Jase sighed and crossed his arms, trying to figure out his befuddled mind. The mission was over, it had been a success. And now that it actually was over, for the time being, he found he had too much time on his hands, which left him thinking, exploring. 

"Sovereign was just one, you've seen how he was tearing apart our cruisers."

Joker stopped fiddling with the controls when Jase said that.

"You're worried that they're on their way despite the conduit being destroyed.."

Jase just nodded. "There are many of them, Jeff. I've seen them." If there was anything good from the vision, it was knowing the truth. But it was brutal knowledge and he didn't want anyone to see it.

Joker gently put a hand over Jase's closest hand.

"I'm glad you're here."

After watching his hand for a long time and thinking about Sovereign, the Reapers, Saya, his own world, Jase eventually nodded. Maybe they even were selfish, wanting him to be here. But he knew they cared about him and yet he still knew they were the very reason why everyone else was dying. There was nothing he could do but accept it. Jase sighed and went to his chair and sat down. They had free time and he could share it with Joker.

  


Kaidan carefully walked over to Saya, limping slightly. Thanks to Dr. Chakwas he was already feeling a lot better, but he still needed a good dose of sleep after exhausting himself.

Irimsaya saw him coming and sat up on the bed Chakwas and Jase had put her on.

"Should you be up and about? How badly off are you?"

What should he tell her...? 

"For some time I thought you were dead." Kaidan leaned down carefully, he just needed to touch her. Then he'd go back and sleep.

Irimsaya let him touch her face and stroke it gently.

"I won't lie Kaidan.. I thought I was too."

After giving her a soft kiss, he nodded. "But you are here and alive. And we won, Saren is dead. The Citadel and the Council have been saved, thanks to you."

Irimsaya shook her head no.

"Not thanks to me - thanks to all of us. You and Liara were amazing, Kaidan, I have never been so impressed about anyone's abilities before today."

"I guess, I was still holding myself a little back, even after Eden Prime." And Kaidan knew he stopped holding back. He just never felt thought he could push himself even more. "Fighting Saren was … I don't know. We had to beat him, it was either us or him. Or Sovereign in that matter."

"You did good Kaidan, really really good. I'm proud of you." Irimsaya smiled shyly.

Kaidan nodded his thanks and limped back to his bed after giving her a kiss. He needed some rest now.

"So," Jase stated two days later, sitting in Saya's quarter, "what do you think about a party? Our crew would like that."

Irimsaya was staring at Jase with raised eyebrows.

"A party... interesting thought. What did you have in mind?"

"Don't tell me you never had a party after a dangerous but successful mission," he leaned forward, studying Saya's face. "I was thinking of taking the crew to Flux."

Irimsaya smiled at the thought.

"Go for it. I think they could use the break."

"Good!" Jase nodded and stood up."You didn't answer my question, did you ever do a party?"

Irimsaya shook her head no.

"Kaidan might be able to help you though.. I don't know for sure of course."

"Maybe. Just have to let the owner know. Why not? Not even once?" Jase stopped standing at the door, he found it really weird. Usually after a mission he and his team went to celebrate it. It was always helpful with morale and they had the chance to unwind.

Irimsaya shook her head again.

"I've never really been a party type of gal."

"Mmh," he looked thoughtfully at her, "it does help with stress though. Anyway, I'll get it started."

Irimsaya grabbed his hand gently.

"Thanks for everything you've done here Jase. _Everything_. You've not only become a great friend but also a brother. And I hope you know how much you mean to this crew now. All of us."

Jase smiled at her, he felt very grateful for this. Because he couldn't even remember any of his parents. Would it not have been for Saya and the picture of her parents, he wouldn't even know what they were looking like. 

"I think I like to have a family. It's something I have never known before."

Irimsaya grinned at him.

"I think you'll find I'm hard to get rid of, too."

"I'm counting on that." Jase nodded at her and thought of something else, Kaidan's and Saya's 'argument'.

"Speaking of Kaidan, I assume everything's good now?"

Irimsaya smiled shyly and bowed her head.

"Yeah... it's great now actually. Except for when he thought I was dead. If you hadn't found me Jase.." She shuddered at the thought.

Jase went back to her and he sat down once again. 

"Hey, don't think like that," Jase said and laid his arm around her shoulder. "I couldn't just sit up here and watch the tower burn, knowing all of you were in there." He paused a little. "I'm very happy, for both you. Looking at you.. and seeing you smile...the glow both of you have" He grinned a little and squeezed her gently. "Let me be honest though. A small part of myself will always love him. This doesn't mean I don't care about Jeff. I only regret never telling him how much I loved him." Jase looked away thoughtfully. "I should have known better."

Irimsaya watched Jase silently for a few minutes.

"Don't blame yourself for what happened. Any of it. I'm just glad you're here with us. And as for never telling him... tell this Kaidan if you want to..."

Jase laughed softly and shook his head. "I _am_ glad to be here, now." Feeling a little nervous he got up and started pacing. 

"I am, but I also know that if I wasn't here, I would have done the same as you did and saved my own people." 

"And Kaidan," he sighed and scratched his head. "As for telling your Kaidan. No. Really. That's like getting a new dog who looks similar and give it the same name as the old one. No, I can't do that. It's not right to put him through that, either. It's my mistake, I own up to it. I won't make it again."

Irimsaya smiled at him.

"You just answered your own thoughts Jase. Go organize your party."

Jase gave her a slightly puzzled look. But he shrugged it off, he'd already taken too much of her time and said too much. It had felt good, though.

"Thanks for listening. I'm expecting you to join the party, in your best dress." Jase turned to leave but stopped, having nearly forgotten it again. "I'm sorry, I wanted to give you this for a while, but never found the time." He grinned at her and gave her a little disk with the Shrek movie on it. "Enjoy."

Jase had shocked Irimsaya with the dress comment then when he handed her the disk but he was gone before she could thank him.

"Wow... ok... my best dress..."

Saya went to her locker and took out the dress she had bought especially for Kaidan. It was the only dress she owned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was also one point of the whole series where we thought... 'How are we going to do this?' 
> 
> It's sometimes funny in what kind of problems we can run when having two Shepards around.


	25. ME1 - Chapter Twentyfour - We won

Finally being done with setting up their party and freshly showered, Jase went to his locker to find some clothes to wear. Unfortunately the Flux was unavailable and he had to take them elsewhere. The new place wasn't bad. Actually, he found it even better. They could eat, dance and drink and it provided an upper floor with rooms to hang out in. Scratching his head Jase leaned down and peered inside, he didn't own many off duty clothes. At least in his old world he had a decent amount of around five pieces to choose from, here it came down to 3 pieces of shirts and 3 pants. Shrugging, he pulled out his black jeans and a white shirt. Luckily he had bought a black leather jacket too, it would go well with it. Smelling after soap and dressed up nicely he went to Jeff. The airlock was already busy, many of their crew were there and waiting to leave the ship. It was becoming too crowded. Jase wanted to wait for Jeff though and leave with him, together with Kaidan and Saya too. The chatter died away as soon as Jase spoke up.

"Listen up everybody. Before our ship starts to dip into one direction, why don't you go, get the music started and get a drink or two?"

The crew nearly jumped at the chance and before Jase knew it the airlock was empty.

Joker was standing behind him, chuckling.

"You do know how to empty a room don't you?" He laughed when Jase turned to him with a pretend scowl.

"You clean up nice you know."

"I have to agree with that." Irimsaya said as she strolled up to them with a nearly drooling Kaidan in tow, her short red dress still as tight as it was before to show off her feminine side.

Joker's jaw dropped at what his Commander was wearing.

Jase started to grin and even more when he saw Saya, he checked her over twice and felt pretty pleased with what he saw.

"Well sis. You look absolutely terrific."

Irimsaya blushed brightly and smiled shyly at him.

"You're just biased. But thank you."

Kaidan took her hand and whispered into her ear. "He's right."

That gave her just a snort from Jase. "Speaking of.." Jase turned to look at Joker and the man was a very pleasant view himself and Jase licked his lips a little. "Come on, handsome. There's beer waiting for us."

Irimsaya smiled as Kaidan whispered in her ear and her smile widened when she saw Jase help Joker from the ship. She glanced at Kaidan.

"Now that sight made me happy.. Alenko focus here - eyes front, not on the dress." She grinned.

"Yes ma'am," Kaidan teased her. Checking out Saya was more interesting anyway. But he'd obey and looked straight ahead. "What sight makes you happy?"

Irimsaya raised an eyebrow then turned and kissed him gently.

"I love you." She whispered in his ear. "Now let's go see just how good you can dance Mr. Alenko."

Kaidan chuckled softly at this. "I can't wait." It was even better, knowing she was all his and probably no one else would dance with her.

When Jase and Joker finally reached the bar the place was already nicely filled with their crew. The drinks were going around and the music was playing. Jase waved through the crowd to get Joker to a good place where he wouldn't get hurt. "Want a drink?" he nearly yelled over the noise and watched Saya and Kaidan going towards the dance floor before he focused back on Joker.

Joker raised an eyebrow at Jase.

"Do **I** want a drink... seriously? You really just asked me that? Of  **course** I want a drink." He grinned.

"Hey, despite any rumours I'm a considerate guy, I ask my dates." Jase looked over to his sis and now he really wished Joker could dance.

"Wow, jeez man, teasing. You need to lighten up a bit. So get my drink and get your cute ass in this chair before I lose you to one of those women out there." Joker waggled his eyebrows at Jase.

Irimsaya was glad when a slow song came on and she was able to be closer to Kaidan to dance. This was one night she would never forget.

Kaidan was in heaven, again. He felt like they were alone on the floor and whatever was going to be played next, he'd stay and dance the night away with her.

Irimsaya got as close to Kaidan as she could and closed her eyes as they danced together.

Jase chuckled softly and left, fetching them two drinks. Once back he sat down and laid his left hand onto Joker's leg, gently stroking up and down while he enjoyed his drink. He wondered if he could snatch someone for a dance. Or maybe he just should go and enjoy dancing by himself. He grinned as he watched his sister and Kaidan dance for a while. Maybe he should tell them the rooms upstairs had soft beds they could chill on and doors could be locked. When Joker swallowed something wrong he looked back at him.

Joker waved his hand at him.

"I'm fine.. I'm fine." But he actually looked disappointed. "Go, enjoy yourself. I don't want to stop you from having fun."

Jase gave Joker a weird look. "What's wrong."

Joker fidgeted with his drink.

"You look bored just sitting here. Go... have fun..."

Jase stared at him for a few seconds before he answered, "I've got you."

Joker raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah, you have me but you look bored stiff. Go, dance, have fun. It's ok, honest."

"I'm not bored, Jeff. Only itching to dance." He leaned in, whispering, "Love to dance. How about I dance for you." Jase grinned, he liked that thought, was a little wicked too.

Joker choked on his drink again then stared at Jase.

"Oh please, don't let me stop you. The table's nice and clean too..."

Jase leaned in even closer and nearly purred, "Watch me dance." He left his jacket on his chair, found himself a place on the dance floor. Just like a good swim, dancing felt natural to him too. And from time to time he looked back at Joker, ignoring most of the others.

Joker was watching Jase with a goofy grin on his face, not even seeing the other dancers.

 

After the fourth song Kaidan's eyes focused on Saya and he gave her a small kiss on the lips. "Would you like to eat something?"

Irimsaya watched Kaidan for a moment, enjoying him just holding her.

"Food huh. Well I suppose we could sit for awhile. Maybe just... talk a bit at the same time."

Holding out his hand to her Kaidan led her to a table. "Of course, what is on your mind?"

Irimsaya sat across from Kaidan and took his hand gently.

"Do you ever think about the future? Where we might be say... even two years from now?"

Kaidan started to think about this very question. Two years from now. There were many options he could think about. "I hope we are still serving together, perhaps married. A house or apartment somewhere..."

Irimsaya looked startled.

"You... you can really see yourself married to me? I mean... you would want to... crap this isn't coming out right." She rested her forehead on her hand, feeling somewhat tongue-tied.

Kaidan looked at her and smiled sheepishly. "Yes. The answer is yes."

Irimsaya raised her head and stared at Kaidan, shock and surprise on her face.

"Really? Irimsaya Alenko... hmm... yeah I could work with that." She smiled slowly.

Kaidan knew this was the most stupid way to ask her to marry him, he needed to do better though. "Please allow me to say it right. Irimsaya Shepard, do you want to marry me?"

Irimsaya looked as if she were ready to cry.

"Yes Kaidan, yes yes yes." She leaned across the table and kissed him passionately.

Kaidan sighed softly but happily into the kiss. While he had no idea when they would get married, knowing that they would was incredible. And Saya considering carrying his name filled him with pride too.

 

It was late in the evening and Jase was sitting next to Joker, arm around his shoulder and was drunk. Not in an unpleasant way though, as he had stopped drinking before it became too much. He listened to the others telling stories and laughed with them, cracked some jokes here and there, teased some of their crew members when he felt like it. Eventually his eyes fell on Saya and Kaidan and Jase excused himself, walking slowly over to them.

"Well there's my favourite pair of the evening. Wait, of the whole galaxy."

Irimsaya winked at Kaidan and looked up at Jase.

"You're too kind Jase. Great party you got going here. I trust you're enjoying yourself too?"

Jase sat down and watched them with a smile and shining eyes. "Very. It's been a great evening. Guys, you know upstairs are rooms ... with beds?"

Irimsaya grinned at Jase.

"I don't know.. I think something like that might be more special  **after** the wedding."

Jase's eyebrows rose up and he leaned forward, folded his arms and rested his chin on it, watching them. "Wedding? Should I hear … bells?"

Irimsaya glanced at Kaidan who nodded his head to her, letting her know she could tell him.

"Kaidan asked me to marry him... and I said yes."

"Congratulations, then!" He said happily. But he was also surprised and looked at them both, pondering if he should call out another round of drinks with this news, but thought it should be their call. "When?"

Irimsaya looked at Kaidan with a raised eyebrow.

"Well I think it damned well better be soon." She smiled. "I'd hate to be on a mission when he decides it's time.."

Kaidan shrugged a little and gave her hand another gentle squeeze. "Maybe we can try for this week? Before the Normandy leaves the Citadel."

Jase grinned even more now. "Need a best man?"

Irimsaya's eyes went back and forth between Jase and Kaidan.

"This week would be perfect. And I think you'd fit the best man bill perfectly Jase."

"It's a deal." Jase stood up and looked towards Joker. "Listen. I think I'll drag my guy upstairs and actually enjoy having a big bed."

Irimsaya laughed.

"Good, maybe he'll pipe down a bit then." As Joker started yelling for Jase to get his ass back there.

Jase shook his head a little, Joker really seemed to have a thing for his butt, and quickly went back to him before he'd attract more attention. "So. There's a big bed upstairs with our names on it."

Joker was grinning like a fool and very obviously drunk.

"Ooooh yeah baby ooooooh yeah."

Jase watched him for a while, then he shook his head and muttered. "Great.. drunk as a pig..." Obviously the last drink must have been too much for Joker and Jase leaned down to him. "Think you can stand up?"

Joker winced as he stood up.

"Yup, I'm up... I think. Do I look like I'm up? I feel like I'm up."

Jase eyed him, yes he was up but damn, Joker was totally out of it. "Crutches?" He looked around and grabbed them, handing them over. "Crutches.. there you go."

Irimsaya motioned to Kaidan that she was going to help Jase.

"I'll be right back Kaidan, looks like Joker thinks he has two left feet."

She wandered over to Jase and whispered in his ear. "I'll help you with him then leave you alone, but I don't think you'll get him up there solo my dear brother."

Jase sighed heavily but had to agree. Saya was a great help as they half-carried Joker to the beds upstairs and laid him down, then she quickly and quietly sneaked out and went back down to where Kaidan was with a couple of very attractive ladies from their crew and she raised her eyebrows at him.

Kaidan just shrugged quickly and picked up another drink for himself and joined up with Saya.

Irimsaya leaned provocatively against the wall and saw his eyes light up.

"Ah ah ah." She put a gentle finger to his lips. "This body's off limits until after a certain man says 'I do'.." Saya laughed as Kaidan got a determined look in his eyes.

Kaidan grinned at her then a little, trying another route. "I do."

Irimsaya groaned a little and watched him.

"Apparently Joker's not the only drunk one. Let's go upstairs shall we my dear husband-to-be?"

"I'm not as drunk as Joker," he smiled softly at her. "A last dance before we retire to our bed?"

Irimsaya looked up at the speakers when the first song she and Kaidan ever danced to started to play.

"My my you've been a busy boy.." Saya turned her eyes back to him. "One last dance then."

When the music ended Irimsaya sighed softly, not wanting to leave Kaidan's arms. But she pulled away gently and allowed him to lead her to one of the rooms upstairs where they continued their night together.

The next day she woke to find him dressed and leaning against one of the walls, watching her sleep. She raised an eyebrow at him.

"Like what you see?"

"Yes. This place is quiet, peaceful even and watching you sleep..." he smiled at her. It was something he hardly could do when on duty.

Irimsaya stood up from the bed and went to him.

"You have clothes on." She met his eyes and touched her nose to his.

Kaidan grinned and gave her a kiss. "We have a marriage to plan. I thought I should get started."

Irimsaya kissed him back and sighed, leaning against him.

"If you insist." She smiled. "I honestly can't wait."

"I do insist." Kaidan gave her a smile, figuring the faster the better, who knew when they would have time again and the way their life was going.

Irimsaya groaned and pulled away from him.

"Okay, let me get dressed and I can come with you if you want?"

"It involves us both, Saya. I can't do this without you." Kaidan replied while caressing her face gently.

Irimsaya closed her eyes as his hand stroked her face.

"Okay, you're making this harder for me to  **want** to get dressed..."

After chuckling softly Kaidan withdrew his hand, ending the caress. "Then I have no other choice but to stop."

Irimsaya smiled coyly then got dressed quickly back into her dress from the previous night.

"Well then, darling, let's get going shall we?"

Kaidan snatched her hand and together they left, feeling very happy. Life was good at the moment.

 

Joker groaned into the pillow as he woke up, Jase's arms and legs tangled around his body.

Nose buried at Joker's neck, Jase was snoring softly.

Joker made a face as Jase started snoring, but he also had no urge to get up or to make Jase get up.

The snoring soon stopped when Jase's lips discovered they are near Joker's neck. Without opening an eye and still nearly asleep Jase started to kiss a trail along the neck towards the shoulder.

Joker closed his eyes with a groan and shivered in pleasure.

Now Jase was fully awake, finally a big bed and Joker was not drunk. Time for some real serious fun.

 

Later on, Jase was lying on his side facing Joker and let his hand lazily move across Joker's chest, enjoying the fur. He was in heaven and kept kissing him lightly. "Good morning."

Joker sighed happily.

"If this is how you plan to wake me up every morning then I'll always have a good morning."

Joker grinned at Jase.

"I'm planning on it. Last I heard it helps with headaches too. You were pretty drunk last night." Jase chuckled. Remembering how Saya had to help him.

Joker frowned at that.

"Was I? I'm sorry. If I ruined anything you had planned..."

Jase chuckled at that. "No. Just how many drinks did you have? Saya and I had to drag your sorry ass up here." He felt pretty amused at that.

Joker looked thoughtful.

"Well let's see.. you got me one, a girl got me one trying to get me in bed, another girl.. another guy... a couple of girls.. you...I guess 5 or 6 in total."

Jase was staring at him with a goofy grin on his face, absolutely amused by this. "Wait a minute, another guy?"

Joker shrugged a bit.

"No worries, none of them even got my interest piqued. You're the one for me yessiree."

Jase laughed at this. "I'm not worried about that. Good to see people are interested in you too." He playfully slapped his belly gently, enjoying his time alone with him.

Joker snickered quietly then slowly took the hand on his stomach and just held it for a minute.

"I never thought this would be possible you know. With my disease and everything... I never thought I could be so utterly happy with someone like I am now."

"Surprise, I got thrown into your life." Jase grinned a little before he gave him several small kisses. "Happy to have you, too."

Joker started to breathe harder.

"Uhm... you **do** want to get up today right?"

Jase just shrugged and grinned at him. "If there's a reason not to get up.... I see there is one. And it's a big one."

 

Kaidan was looking at their rings, pondering which one he liked best. But he shrugged a little, figuring whatever Saya was choosing he'd be fine with it.

Irimsaya looked over the selection the shopkeeper had provided them with then moved her eyes to Kaidan.

"You choose." She smiled. "I've made enough decisions lately to last a lifetime."

"All right... They all look nice. There are just so many to choose from." Kaidan said, scratching his neck while staring at all those rings. Some where golden, some silver and Kaidan frowned a little, until his eyes settled onto a pair of rings which looked really nice with a small carving in the middle and a gem placed into it. He leaned forward a little to have a closer look. "What do you think of those?"

Saya put her hand on his shoulder gently.

"Subtle, elegant.. I love them."

"Then they're ours," he nodded and smiled at her.

The shopkeeper hesitated for a moment.

"Forgive me but aren't you Commander Shepard of the Normandy?" He asked in a nervous voice.

"That's me." Irimsaya turned to him.

The shopkeeper placed the rings on the counter in front of them.

"Let's get these sized up for you two. They're on the house." He said.

"We can't accept a gift like that.." Saya trailed off when he raised his hand to stop her.

"You saved a great many lives with your heroic actions. This is the least I can do to say thanks."

Kaidan didn't know what to say at first, but he was very surprised. He looked at Saya to see if she was fine with this.

Irimsaya was staring at the rings then at the shopkeeper.

"Please... let me pay for them.." Saya started to say.

"No. I will refuse your payment as I am certain most shopkeepers on the Citadel will. Please just accept them as a humble gift."

"...If you insist..."

"I do. I will not accept no for an answer."

"Then... thank you. Very very much."

Irimsaya held out her ring finger so the shopkeeper could take what measurements he needed.

Kaidan watched her, he didn't really like not paying but it was a noble gesture as well.

"Saya, how about we donate the credits for, I don't know, a charity?" There were many charities they could donate to and it just seemed right.

Irimsaya looked at him thoughtfully then nodded her agreement.

"I like the way you think Alenko."

She watched as the shopkeeper took Kaidan's finger and sized it next. Saya smiled a little to herself at how uncomfortable Kaidan looked with the shopkeeper touching him.

"Relax Kaidan, we're okay here."

Kaidan's other hand reached out and took hers, while he endured the measurement.

Irimsaya had never seen him actually nervous. He seemed so... vulnerable. Saya squeezed his hand gently as the shopkeeper finished up.

"All right, I'll have these ready for you in hmmm I'd say a couple of hours. Come back in 3 hours just to be on the safe side."

"Thanks." Saya walked out of the shop with Kaidan then pulled him to one side. "Talk to me Kaidan. What just happened in there."

"Just a ghost I have seen. Don't worry about it, Saya. It's nice of him to give us the rings for free," he smiled at her.

Irimsaya shook her head.

"Don't give me that crap Kaidan, I know you better than that. You nearly had a panic attack in there. Do all Turians affect you like that?"

"No. Garrus doesn't bother me. He just reminded me of him. I have left all of this behind."

Irimsaya studied him then sighed.

"All right. But if that happens again then you and I are going to sit and have a majorly serious talk."

She leaned in and kissed him gently to take the sting out of her words.

Kaidan nodded at her after returning the kiss. "He just looked a little like him Saya. But I understand, I wouldn't feel comfortable knowing every Turian is going to scare me."

Irimsaya kissed his ear gently.

"Want to help me pick out what to wear?"

Kaidan grinned at this thought, but... "Should I see it before saying yes?"

Irimsaya groaned. She had forgotten that he was traditional.

"All right all right. Go have a bachelor party then while I find someone to help me." She kissed his ear again.

Kaidan grinned at her. "I think I had that party last night. Why don't you ask Liara? Or Tali?"

Irimsaya pulled back and stared at him.

"Seriously. Liara or Tali. To go shopping with. I'd end up shooting one or both of them. I'll ask Jase I think."

Kaidan just gaped at her for a moment before he started to laugh softly, he wanted to reply something but swallowed it down and nodded. "While you are shopping for your clothes I should get some too."

"Take Joker with you. I'm sure he'd have some great insight." Irimsaya nearly grinned.

"You are kidding me. I probably end up wearing a hat and..." he laughed, shaking his head. "No, I will do it by myself."

Irimsaya kissed him on the lips this time.

"Just be careful. Some areas of the Citadel are still under repair. Would hate it if you fell down a hole in the floor and missed the wedding..."

"It would be the last thing on my mind Saya."

Irimsaya kissed him again then they went their separate ways. Saya wondered where she might find Jase and then found herself feeling guilty. Dare she even ask for his help on this? In another life he loved the man she was about to marry... how was it fair for her to ask his help in picking out what to wear.

Irimsaya rubbed her head thoughtfully then slowly went back to where they had held the party the night before. She talked with one of the employees there and was able to discover that Jase was indeed still in one of the rooms and was not alone from what the Salarian said.

She made her way upstairs and knocked on the door of one of the suites.

"Jase? Are you there?"

Jase groaned softly at the knock and gave Joker one last kiss before rolling out of their bed. "Sorry..." he muttered and slipped into his briefs and pants then answered the door. He quickly but carefully cracked the door open a little. "Yes? Hi." he grinned a little and raised his eyebrows at her. She looked ... uncertain.

"Problem?"

Irimsaya bit her lip, watching him.

"I'm sorry... I shouldn't have come.. just thought.." Saya let out a nervous breath. "I need help finding an outfit for the wedding and you were the only person I thought of who might be able to lend a hand. But I know you're busy so it's ok." She smiled. "Enjoy your time together."

"You're asking me to go shopping with you?" he asked amused while considering this. He wasn't very good at shopping and doubted Saya would be as bad as Ashley had been. "Sure, give me a minute."

Irimsaya looked relieved.

"Thank you so much and... if that's Joker in there... I'm sure Kaidan would love some company too.."

This request really caught him off guard. Joker and shopping? "Yeah, okay. I'll ask him." Jase closed the door and walked back to their bed, crawled onto it to give him another quick kiss. "How good are your shopping-for-clothes skills?"

Joker stared at him.

"Shopping? Me? Ooooh uhm... well... I can try..."

Irimsaya paced silently outside, aware of a couple of other patrons staring at her. Whether or not it was because they recognized her or if it was because she was still in her sexy dress she didn't know or care.

Not long and Jase emerged from their room with Joker in tow and looked at Saya, for a second he thought she should just wear her dress, but dismissed this quickly. It was a marriage for heaven's sake. "Ready to go."

Irimsaya hugged him gratefully and smiled her thanks at Joker.

"Thank you both so much for this. I think Kaidan's on the promenade Joker, we might as well walk together."

Truth be told, Saya didn't want to let Joker be alone on the Citadel because who knew if he fell if someone would be able to help him.

"I see Kaidan, catch you two later! YO, LT! WAIT UP!" Joker walked as fast as he could to where Kaidan had stopped.

Irimsaya raised her eyebrows at Jase.

"I so owe you one for this."

Jase was scratching his chin looking bewildered after Joker who was taking off after Kaidan. The man really was a handful. "Not a problem. Have anything special in mind?"

Irimsaya looped her arm through Jase's as they walked along.

"I have no idea. I mean I know he likes me in this dress but I want something.. sweet not just sexy..."

Jase nodded, listening to her thoughtfully. "All right, even I like you in this dress. Just.. help me a bit. I'm not very good with shopping for women." Jase chuckled softly then, teasing her, "You could have married in your blues."

Irimsaya smiled at his compliment about the dress then winced about the blues.

"Thanks for the compliment and idea for the blues, but I always - since I was little - wanted to wear one of those beautiful white gowns. For one day I would love to, well, nearly feel like royalty or something you know?"

"Understood." Jase nodded at her. While it narrowed down to one color, Jase was sure there were many dresses to choose from. "Is Kaidan the romantic kind of guy?"

"Romantic and traditional I would say. He's very...unique. I was thinking of an unique dress just for that reason."

"Unique sounds good." Jase sure felt curious to see what Saya would pick. Never before had he really seen any brides... "A flower in your hair would look nice."

Irimsaya blushed and nodded at the advice.

"Okay.... wait here..." She went and picked something out, got changed and came back to him.

When Saya returned she was wearing a strapless white dress with a tight bodice and a flowing 'skirt'. When she turned for Jase he saw that it was nearly backless as well.

"Too much you think?"

Jase just stared at her, he could see why Kaidan couldn't take his eyes off her sometimes.

"Incredible. He'd be drooling over you all day."

Irimsaya blushed brightly, embarrassed by his comment.

"Thanks... you think this one then? Or do you think maybe it's too much?"

"Don't you think you should at least try two or three more? It looks fine, but," he shrugged, "any other dress you liked?"

He stood up and walked over to where she had picked the first one from. It felt very weird to him though looking at these dresses while trying to find one for her. There were so many to choose from, he felt already overwhelmed. How could women deal with this? 'Romantic..., romantic' he kept reminding himself and sighed when he fished out two, thinking they _might_ be romantic.

Irimsaya watched as he browsed through the dresses then brought two over.

"Wow... ok... let me try them."

Jase nodded and sat back down, waiting for her to come back out. He wondered how she managed to get into those tight things all by herself. Getting into their armour already proved to be difficult at times.

Irimsaya came out slowly wearing the strapless and sparkling dress he had given her. When she had put it on it almost felt like being home and she saw Jase's eyes light up when she walked towards him.

"Better?"

Watching her in that incredible dress Jase had to swallow and nodded eventually, while trying to find his voice. It was more than incredible. "We aced it. Stunning."

Irimsaya went to him and kissed his cheek.

"Thanks for your help, I don't think I would have picked this one up by myself."

She left and put her red dress back on the purchased the wedding dress and arranged for it to be delivered in two days time.

"I guess we should meet up with the guys now huh?" She paused as they left the store. "I wonder where Anderson is right now..."

"Probably with Udina?" he said while following her. Jase quickly realized he should go and get something to wear as well. And the whole ship would know about it too in some time.

Irimsaya saw how distracted Jase was getting and smiled a bit.

"Go on. I'll catch you back at the ship. I want to ask Anderson something."

Jase nodded and hurried off, hopefully Kaidan wasn't about to kill Joker yet, but he doubted it. Kaidan was too polite all the time. Or maybe not. He started jogging to where he'd seen them last.

Joker helped Kaidan adjust the bowtie on the tux they had both agreed on. A pure white one.

"What a handsome groom you'll make. See LT, you can trust me." Joker smiled at him as Jase all but run into the store.

Jase stopped dead and looked at Kaidan. 'White?' he wondered and eyed him up and down and up.

"Looks good!"

Kaidan's dark hair stood out even more and his skin seemed to be more golden than ever. He was going to say 'sexy' but caught himself.

"I see you got it covered." Jase turned and stared at the many options for males to wear and he sighed.

"Don't suppose you have any suggestions on what I could wear."

Joker grinned at Jase's back.

"Well I could say wear nothing but I don't think your sister would approve of that..."

Jase snorted at him in amusement, now this was a thought. "Only for you, only for you."

 

Irimsaya was pacing the CIC when the men finally returned to the Normandy with their packages.

Kaidan and Jase looked at each other before Jase took Kaidan's tux. "Talk to her." And left him to store their clothes.

Irimsaya stopped pacing when Kaidan took her by the arm and escorted her from the CIC so they could talk.

"Sorry." She sighed and rubbed her eyes. "Nerves."

"We have a few days of time, or do you want to back out of it?" Kaidan hoped it really was just nerves, but whatever she wanted was going to be fine with him.

Irimsaya stopped at stared at him, shock in her eyes.

"What?? Back out of it?? NO!! I.. I'm just... I'm a bundle of nerves... I asked Anderson to give me away and he said yes and I just... the Council wants in on it now because of my Spectre status..."

"The Council? Can't we just say no to this?" Kaidan didn't feel very pleased with this. It was a honor indeed, but it was something private.

Irimsaya glanced at him as she paced.

"Kaidan... I tried. Somehow now the whole Citadel knows and they want to make it the biggest celebration they can think of." Saya finally sat down with a heavy sigh. "I just wanted it to be us and the crew and Anderson. I don't know how the Council got wind of it!"

Kaidan's jaw nearly dropped for a second, then he closed his mouth and watched Saya's pacing. "I guess they just need something good after the devastation Sovereign caused the Citadel."

Saya looked him in the eyes.

"But is this something  **we** want. You're not good in crowds Kaidan - well unless you have a gun in your hands anyway." She grinned to let him know she was teasing.

Kaidan grinned a little back at her, but she had a point. He wasn't comfortable in crowd and this wasn't how he had imagined their marriage to go. "If that is what it takes to marry you, I have to do it."

Irimsaya was glad he's taken them to her quarters. She moved to him and climbed onto his lap.

"Other option is we run off and do it ourselves. But somehow I don't think they'd believe you if you said you knocked me out to sweep me off my feet." She played with his hair with gentle fingers. "Oh Kaidan... I'm sorry this is turning out like this... but on that same note in a way I'm glad. No more hiding our feelings and no more breaking regs once the knot is tied."

Kaidan wrapped his arms around her waist to hold her close and relaxed into her touch.

"A few of them would believe me." He joked a little. "Anyway, if we have to do it this way, we will do it."

Irimsaya manovered herself in his arms so that she could lay her head on his shoulder.

"Then we have only two days until the wedding because that's when the Council has set it for. I don't even have a say in the colour scheme they decide to pick."

Kaidan just shook his head at this. "It does feel a bit forced on us."

Irimsaya closed her eyes.

"If...if you don't want to do this I would understand..." Her voice quivered slightly at the thought

"It's too late for me to back out now." Kaidan smiled at her. "And we are doing this together."

Irimsaya sighed in relief and kissed his neck gently.

"Thank you Kaidan. For everything you've given me."

Two days later Kaidan, dressed in his white tux, stood next to Jase and rubbed his hands a little, trying to calm his nerves.

"Relax." Jase nudged him a little and grinned. That's when he spotted Saya behind him and he was amazed at how beautiful she was. Kaidan was indeed going to be a very lucky man.

The music began and Irimsaya gently put her hand in Anderson's, smiling at him with tears in both their eyes. She turned to the aisle that had been made for her walk and started along it with him. It took all of her strength not to run right to Kaidan when he turned to see her and his eyes widened. Saya smiled shyly as she complete her walk and Anderson put her hand in Kaidan's before stepping away to his seat.

"Hi." She said softly to Kaidan, too quiet for the audience to hear but loud enough for him to hear her love and approval.

The moment Saya was there Kaidan and walking to him he forgot all about the room and their guests, as it was just their moment. Having her hand in his he squeezed it gently and whispered, "You're beautiful."

Saya smiled at him.

"Thank you... you look quite dashing yourself..."

"Thank you," Kaidan replied and sighed softly. After giving her another quick smile he looked straight ahead at the Asari who would wed them. Next to her stood the Salarian and left the Turian. While watching their faces he noticed something else too, all three of them were wearing different clothes.

Jase watched the pair of them with a smile while gently rocking back on forth on his heels until he caught himself and stopped it. When the Asari started to speak he listened intently and was even more surprised when the turian Councilor spoke up too.

The Turian councilor spoke his words, which were for once not insulting.

Irimsaya couldn't stop smiling now. Turians blessing the marriage of two humans was unheard of. For it to be done publicly on the Citadel was itself amazing. She turned to Kaidan when the Asari told her to and said the magic words.

"I, Irimsaya Shepard, do take Kaidan Alenko to be my husband. To have and to hold, in sickness and in health, til death do us part." She slid Kaidan's ring onto his finger gently.

Jase watched them in awe. Never before he had been able to witness a marriage. True, he had seen it in some vids, but experiencing this in real was very different. Even more so when it concerned two people he really cared about.

Kaidan swallowed when he heard her words and he looked down at their hands when she slid the ring onto his finger. Then his eyes met hers again.

"I, Kaidan Alenko, do take Irimsaya Shepard to be my wife. To have and to hold, in sickness and in health, til death do us part." Kaidan took the ring and slowly slid it onto her finger before he looked at her once more.

Jase blinked heavily when he saw this scene, his emotions were running wild with him and it took him by surprise. It was a moment he would not forget for a long time to come. Would he have married his Kaidan the same way? Marriage? He had never considered it for real, but now, seeing them. Yes. Jase knew he'd have married Kaidan. But now it was too late.

Irimsaya's eyes were bright when the Asari told them to make the union official. She leaned in and kissed Kaidan most passionately, forgetting about their rather large audience.

After the kiss and some more shy smiled someone from the audience started to clap and Jase wondered who it was.

Irimsaya gently pulled away from Kaidan and beamed at him.

"I love you." As they turned to the audience hand in hand.

More and more people joined in until nearly all of them clapped. Jase grinned broadly at the freshly wed pair and whistled at them.

Kaidan smiled at her and grew even a little bold, kissing her again, but not as before. It was a rather quick but lingering kiss before he pulled back.

Later at the reception Irimsaya danced as many times as she could with Kaidan and even took turns with Jase and Joker. She was surprised at Joker wanting a dance but he seemed to be okay as he moved slowly with her. Then the moment she had been dreading the whole time came. The speeches and she knew Jase got to go first as he held up his glass to the room.

Jase waited until the room was nearly silent before he started to say something.

"Kaidan, Irimsaya. I'll keep this brief. For the sake of all of us," he chuckled a little while watching them.

"Against all possible odds being thrown at you, you found each other. You care for each other and, surely everyone agrees with me, you are very much in love." Jase grinned at them, but grew a tiny bit more serious then. "Live your life to the fullest. Wake up in the mornings and say 'I love you'. And in the nights," he grinned sheepishly, "I'm confident you know what to do. I'm expecting to be an uncle some day," he said teasingly and raised his glass. "To Kaidan and Saya, may they live happily until their end."

After he was done Jase joined up with Joker, downed his drink and listened to what the others had to say.

"You got the airlock covered?" he grinned at him. Surely the rest of their crew were done with their own pranks too.

Joker leaned over to Jase so as not to alert anyone else.

"Ohh yeah it's covered. You do know she's gonna know it was me right? Do you know if there's a sling big enough for my ass cause I'll need it after she shoots me... hey good speech by the way. Short, sweet, and to the point."

"Trust me, it's not your ass on the line later." Jase figured they'd need some time before they were able to fall into their beds. Then he spotted a figure entering the room and he pushed himself off the wall he leaned onto. "Give me a second. Surprise guest is here."

The lithe redhead made her way towards Jase, the only face besides her daughter's that she recognized.

"She doesn't know does she?"

Jase shook his head after greeting her. "No. It would ruin the surprise." He replied with a grin.

Irimsaya was laughing with Kaidan and Anderson when she spotted Jase escorting the guest and she went pale, her jaw dropping.

"How.." She whispered, alerting Kaidan.

Kaidan turned around and looked at her and saw in a heartbeat who it was. It also gave him an idea what Saya would look like in several years. He leaned over to Saya and whispered, "Several years older than you and still beautiful. I might ask her for a dance."

Irimsaya couldn't answer, she was in too much shock as the older woman came right to her and hugged her tightly.

"M...mom???" She pulled back, tears in her eyes. "You're here? You're really here??"

"Of course I came. I was right around the corner and had some free time on my hands." Hannah pulled back and had a long good look at her daughter. "Such a beautiful bride. A shame your father can't see you."

Irimsaya closed her eyes and nodded.

"I wish he was here... but you're here and that means so very much to me." She turned and dragged Kaidan forward. "Mom... this is my husband, Kaidan Alenko."

"Ma'am." Kaidan bowed formally to her.

"A fine young man," she smiled at Kaidan. "And I have only heard praises."

Kaidan grinned broadly at her.

"I can't argue praise like that. Ma'am, would you do me the honour of a dance?"

Irimsaya looked at Kaidan in surprise but knew her mother would need that respect from him.

Hannah smiled sweetly at him and offered her hand. She was very pleased with this man but would ask him a few more questions.

As soon as Kaidan was dancing with Hannah Jase came over and snatched Saya for a dance. "Enjoying your day?" he asked with a small grin.

Kaidan danced as gently as he could with Hannah, trying to be the perfect gentleman.

Irimsaya smiled as she danced with Jase.

"How did you do it? How did you find her? Even I didn't know where she was stationed... thank you so very very much!"

"Got in touch with her. That's all." Jase answered and watched the other pair. "Gave her as much intel as possible. But I see she's still grilling him," he grinned.

Irimsaya winced at that and turned her head to see her mom and Kaidan talking and her new husband starting to look flustered as he tried to keep up with the questions.

"Oh dear... He doesn't do well with interrogations..." She wanted to go to his side so badly but knew Jase wouldn't let her, wanting his time with her as well.

"He's doing fine," Jase reassured her and watched Kaidan and Hannah. Especially Hannah Shepard, she looked really like Saya. Too bad he couldn't make the connection to his own mother. It was just too long ago.

"Might just go and ask her for the next dance." He looked at his sister. "You'll have him back."

Irimsaya chuckled softly as they danced.

"I'm not jealous. Worried about her questions, yes. Did you get a chance to talk to her?"

Jase was quiet for a little while as his thoughts were running wild, then he shook his head. "Not really. What should I say, hello, I'm your son from a different reality? No. It's your day, Saya. And know this, I'm damn happy for you."

Irimsaya hugged Jase tightly when the music ended.

"Thank you again. That's all I seem to be able to say to you lately isn't it..." She smiled at that and looked over to where Kaidan and Hannah were still in deep discussion.

"I promise I will look after her to the best of my ability ma'am.. and since I'm a biotic that's a great deal of ability at her disposal." Kaidan's eyes never left Hannah's.

Hannah nodded at him, she was very pleased with her son-in-law. "You seem to be the right man for my daughter. Thank you for the dance." This out of the way Hannah went back to her daughter with a smile on her face. "Irimsaya, a word please?"

Jase excused himself and went to the bar, the drinks were very good and the night was still young.

Irimsaya nodded and went to one side with her mother.

"What is it mom? Do you like him?"

"Very much. You have a fine husband. So polite and he cares deeply about you. I'm very proud of you."

Irimsaya beamed brightly and hugged her mom tightly.

"I am so glad you're here and you got to meet him!"

Hannah laughed at her lightly and didn't let go for a little while. "Thanks to your friend. It makes me very happy to be here today. I would have been upset, even angry, if I had missed such a day. My child getting married... where has the time gone to," she sighed happily.

Irimsaya let her mom hold her, enjoying being with her again.

"I've missed you mom, so much."

"As did I. Now tell me about your latest work, if you can. You did well with the Council, I wouldn't have expected anything less." She walked with her to a table and sat down.

Irimsaya winced a bit.

"I'm not sure how much I can tell you.. other than my crew and I saved all of humanity from certain destruction."

Hannah smiled at her though. "I **am** proud of you. You made first human Spectre," she reached across the table and gently touched her hand. "And I see you have a fine crew who are very loyal to you. There is something else I must ask you about, though. Who is the young man who contacted me. He looks like your father when we married." Hannah smiled fondly, remembering her own marriage and how much in love she had been with him.

Seeing Irimsaya's friend reminded her of their days and why she had fallen for her husband. Even more so her daughter getting married made her feel very happy. Maybe she would even been a grandma soon. Inwardly she had to chuckle at this thought, it was very strange to think of herself as getting old and being a grandma. But she would love to have a little one sitting on her lap.

Irimsaya bit her lip a bit then watched her mom cautiously.

"Mom... I'm glad you're sitting down..."

She told her everything she could about Jase. Everything.

And indeed Hannah felt glad she was sitting. Aside of this, if anyone else had told her she would have considered ordering them a doctor's visit for checking up on their mental health. She pursed her lips and thought hard about what she had learned for a while. Eventually she looked at her daughter again and was literally speechless, which was extremely rare.

"I believe you," was all she could say at the moment. There wasn't a lot of doubt in her mind, the evidence was glaring obvious.

Irimsaya looked relieved.

"Mom, I know you and he would both say this is my day and Kaidan's day but... would you like to meet your son?"

Hannah nodded, but she wasn't sure if this was her son, she hadn't given birth to him. But she could already see the problems with this situation. He probably was her son, or rather Irimsaya when she had only been born as a male.

"How have you been able to deal with this?"

Irimsaya smiled slowly.

"He saved my life a few times and has become like a brother to me... he means a lot to me like that."

Hannah nodded at this slowly, watching her daughter. She was a very strong person and extremely skilled.

"It must have been hard for you though. I trust your judgement and you have done well with your Kaidan. Now," she said and stood up, "I won't hold you up any longer. Go and enjoy your day with your husband." Hannah went to her for a final hug. "I can see why you are so in love with him." She teased her a little, being totally smitten by Kaidan.

Irimsaya hugged her again, feeling like she never wanted to let go.

"Thanks mom. I love you so much. But please, do go and talk to Jase. He never knew his parents and I think even talking to you might help ease some of his pain."

Hannah gave her another squeeze and nodded. "I can see you're caring deeply for him. I will talk to him."

Irimsaya looked relieved.

"Thanks mom.. again." She watched Hannah make her way over to Jase then turned and found Kaidan right behind her. "Gah... Kaidan!" She laughed a little at his smirk for having surprised her.

"Gotcha. How about we leave this room for a little while and get some fresh air, if possible." A few minutes alone with his wife was very much needed by now.

Irimsaya leaned up and kissed him gently on the lips.

"I couldn't agree more. I need a bit of a break from this crowd."

Kaidan sighed in relief once they were away from the crowd and the noise of constant chatter. Finally some silence where he could come to his senses.

"I like your mother."

Irimsaya kissed his cheek gently.

"I don't know how you did it but she's totally in love with you. You do have charm don't you." She made him turn to face her then kissed him deeply. "Mmh... how much longer do we have before the honeymoon starts..."

After giving her a lot of more smaller kisses he thought about this. "A few more hours at best. A week of being alone with you, only us..."

Irimsaya groaned.

"You sure we can't start now?"

Kaidan chuckled. "And leave all our guests by themselves? What would they think, what would your mother say?"

Irimsaya grabbed him into another kiss.

"Damned protocols. This is exactly why I wanted this small... but... patience has it's own rewards I guess."

She was making this even harder for Kaidan, the more they kissed the more he did want to leave. "I guess... But we are stuck with this now and they all put some great effort into our wedding. We can't leave them alone," Kaidan sighed.

Irimsaya sighed softly and took his hand.

"Alright then, my husband, I promise when we get to be alone there are some nice surprises waiting for you."

"I am very much looking forward to your surprises." Kaidan whispered before giving her another quick kiss. Then he took her hand and led her slowly back inside.

 

Hannah slowly approached Jase, wonder in her eyes as she looked at him.

"Jase? Do you have a few minutes?"

"Of course, ma'am." Jase put his empty glass down and watched her. Same face as Saya's, but instead of the blue eyes hers were green. A nice emerald green color.

Hannah sat down next to him, still trying to adjust to the fact that she gave birth to him in another reality.

"Saya told me everything about you." She put a gentle hand on his arm. "You look so much like your father..."

 

Irimsaya kept Kaidan close to her then heard a chant start up for the cake to be cut.

Jase looked over to their crew who were laughing while chanting and he focused in on Saya and Kaidan slowly marching up their cake before he turned his attention back to 'their mother'. A thousands thoughts were rushing through his mind at the moment.

"Thank you. Saya said the same. Unfortunately I don't remember either of you."

Hannah put a gentle hand over top of Jase's and watched him.

"If you want to get to know me then you just ask. As far as Saya is concerned she thinks of you as a brother. That means there is no reason for me not to think of you as my son."

"Saya **is** my sister." Jase watched Hannah. It was the way he felt about her. While he could also say she was him, it wouldn't work like this. While she basically was him, she was different though. "We're like twins."

But there was something he really liked to know. "Before Saya was born, was there ever an option for you to go back to earth?"

Hannah nodded silently.

"There was. And your father wanted to do just that. But something was holding me back. Something was telling me not to go. So we stayed on a ship and kept moving from ship to ship. Saya didn't have many friends as she grew up because of this and I was afraid that perhaps being around so many military people might have made her too... hard. Emotionally that is."

"You did good. She's a very caring woman." How she could think that was beyond him. She never struck him as being too hard. Saya had a good childhood with her parents. True, she barely had friends but did he have friends? Not really. It was either adjust, follow the rules or be beaten down or worse. He'd chosen to adjust and worked his way up in the gang as life was hard and not fair. He had come out of it with a few scars but gained a lot more principles of what to expect of his life.

"After my parents, you, died, I had been tossed around. Ended up in a gang with barely any education. But," he looked at her, eyes shining with an intense blue, "we both are N7 and made it to Commander. We might have a different past and yet we are the same."

His parents might have made the wrong choice by going to earth and leaving him orphaned, yet Jase had chosen the same path as his counterpart. In the end, it meant for him they never failed though. Jase looked over at Saya and Kaidan who were handing out the cake to their guests. While in his reality he might have agreed to a marriage, seeing Saya being married off to Kaidan also meant Shepard's and Alenko's were meant for each other.

"My parents never failed me. They loved me. Thank you." Jase said and looked away, blinking heavily. But he felt extremely happy as he hadn't expected this kind of closure at all.

Hannah sighed softly and leaned over and gave Jase a big hug.

"If it helps, I'm sure they would be proud of you. I know I am."

Jase leaned into her and it felt right. As if he was a little boy again. She was so soft and smelled nicely. He even recognized her perfume and it had been years since he had smelled it last.

"I remember your perfume."

Hannah closed her eyes and just held him gently.

Jase sighed deeply and relaxed even more into her hug, feeling like he had come home. He had missed her so much and never knew he did. Just now he began to understand the loss and what it meant for himself. Jase then withdrew from their mother and smiled a little at her. Having a hard time saying anything he opted for a quick sorry and went to the restroom to collect himself.

Once there Jase paced the floor scratching his head. His emotions were still playing havoc with him and long forgotten fragments of memories emerged, flooding his thoughts. And he knew he was going to cry. The barriers were coming down fast as they were stripped away now and setting free the carefully held in emotions. Jase went into one of the smaller bathrooms and the floodgates just opened. He hated himself for it, the timing and location could not have been any more worse. But a small voice told him to accept it, as it was part of the healing which had already started.

Joker slowly came out of one of the stalls.

"Thought I heard familiar steps. Are you all right??"

While he was glad it was Joker he still felt embarrassed by having been "caught". Head in hands Jase nodded. A few seconds later he fished for a tissue, got rid of the tears and blew his nose. Then he threw it into the bin, went to wash his hands and face and walked back to Joker, took him into his arms and gave him a ravaging kiss.

Joker gasped as he's kissed so passionately and he raised his arms and held Jase closer.

Before it would go any further and they'd be caught making out in the restroom Jase went over to give just gentle kisses and sighed happily eventually.

"Believe it or not, today is one of the best days I've ever had."

Joker was staring at him but he smiled nonetheless.

"Glad to hear making out with me in a restroom brightens your day so much," he teased. "But really, do tell me about it."

Jase grinned a little at the reply and nodded. "I'll tell you about it. Come on, the cake's being handed out." He went and opened the door for Joker and slowly walked back with him. When he saw Hannah he leaned in to say, "See the woman who looks like Saya? She's our mother."

Joker moved his eyes and saw her then grinned.

"Now I can see why you were upset. Closure hurts sometimes."

"Yes. Like a bitch. Go on, I'll get us some cake." He gently caressed Joker's back and went to get them some cake. Now he was really looking forward to some more dancing, the games and especially when Saya and Kaidan would have to go through their pranks to reach her quarters. He was sure he'd hear all about the next day before they'd leave for a week.

Saya smiled when Jase came up to get his cake and Joker's as well. She could tell he was different somehow and knew that Hannah must have spoken to him.

"Here you go my brother." She handed him two plates. "Don't over-stuff my pilot!"

"Thanks. Nah, don't want him to break his seat," he grinned back at Saya and eyed her dress again as she really looked incredible in it. Then he was gone.

Several hours later Kaidan sighed in bliss after the crew's games were finally over. Last official dance had been danced an hour ago and now it was just having something to drink, some snacks and general celebrating. He laid his arm around Saya and drew her closer so he could kiss her cheek. It was getting close to the time where they actually could retire.

"Maybe we could say our good bye's and go to our quarter?"

Saya leaned into him and nodded, watching their guests.

"Somehow I don't think they would even notice if we left. They're having too much fun." She turned her head to him and kissed him gently. "Let's sneak out. They all know where to find us if they need to."

Kaidan nodded and helped her up. "I think we should at least say good bye to your mother."

Irimsaya stood with him and nodded her agreement. She walked with Kaidan over to where Hannah was having a drink with Chakwas.

"Mom, we're heading out. Thank you so much for being here, it made everything even more perfect than it already was."

Saya leaned down and hugged her mother tightly.

"I love you mom."

"I love you too, Irimsaya. Keep in touch and," she smiled knowingly at them, "enjoy your honeymoon."

Kaidan then said his good bye and soon they were walking to the Normandy.

 

When Kaidan saw the airlock he knew there were in for more. He groaned softly and laughed. The decoration was nice, apparently the crew really had taken their time with this. But they had to cut their way into the ship, through the blanket featuring a big heart with their names on it.

"This... could take us a while... Makes a nice decoration for your wall though."

Irimsaya was staring at the airlock with what seemed like annoyance.

"What the hell did they do to my ship.."

Kaidan actually found it funny and started laughing. "It's a... uh, love vessel now? Honey moon ship?" He walked into the airlock and found two scissors there. "Look, they even left us two old fashioned tools."

Irimsaya sighed softly and followed him.

"I'm going to shoot somebody for this."

Kaidan just chuckled and started working on their "heart". As soon as it was done and they could finally enter the Normandy. Kaidan didn't think twice, took Saya and carried her into the ship. A small part of him was glad there weren't more surprised in the airlock. But it would have been hard for anyone else to enter or leave the ship.

Irimsaya nuzzled Kaidan's neck as he carried her to her quarters then heard him swear when he couldn't get the door open. Saya groaned into his neck.

"Please tell me you're kidding..."

Kaidan gently let down and leaned in closer. "I'm not kidding. It won't open...," he replied and started to work at the door. It took him several minutes and he heard Saya's frustrated sigh. Then it hit him, he hadn't seen the most easiest solution on their problem and he quickly fixed it.

"I've got it. It's been so easy I should have seen it right away," he laughed a little. Their door slid open and revealed the room's floor had been filled with many balloons. Kaidan rubbed his head and didn't know what to say. Was he amused or annoyed. More amused than annoyed but he wanted to reach that bed and apparently there was another box waiting for them on it. But it looked more like a present.

Irimsaya was glaring at her quarters.

"Okay someone is definitely going to pay for this. Rose petals would have been nicer." She turned a sly smile on Kaidan.

Kaidan laughed and luckily he still had the scissor in his pocket from earlier and started to pop all the balloons. The floor was definitely a mess by now and would need some serious cleaning up but at least they made it to the bed.

Kaidan took the present box and sat down to open it. "It's from Jase."

He opened the lid and retrieved a card which he read and chuckled. Kaidan looked at Saya and read it aloud to her.

"Congratulations, you have reached the bed! First night is always special. Enjoy the toys!"

Kaidan took the box and retrieved all the sex toys and put them on their bed while watching Saya from time to time. There were even some pills in there for a hangover. On the bottom of the box was another note and he held it up for Saya to read.

_**Sorry, no condoms!** _

All right, Kaidan didn't know if he should be annoyed, but he did feel slightly embarrassed. But in the end he figured it won't hurt and started grinning.

Irimsaya put her face in her hands as Kaidan finished and her shoulders were shaking. Not from tears though. It only took a few more seconds before she burst out laughing.

Kaidan looked at her, at first a little dumbfounded, but he soon joined in, laughing with her. It wasn't often he heard her laugh like this and he quite liked it. Kaidan laid his arm around her shoulder and drew her close.

Irimsaya kissed him deeply.

"Do me a favour." Her voice was soft next to his ear. "Get me out of this dress."

The same could be said for Kaidan himself. It was time to get rid of these layer of clothes. Yet Saya looked wonderful.

"As you wish, my beautiful wife."

"Oh believe me, my very very very handsome man, I more than wish - I **desire** "

Next morning, Kaidan woke up and found Saya snuggled up to him. The buzz of the ship was already back to normal but for once he knew they didn't have to get up and he sighed, cuddling a little closer.

 

Jase was busy with his daily routines, but he had a nicely pounding headache from having too many drinks and not enough sleep. At least he knew they weren't going anywhere anytime soon. After Saya and Kaidan were back from their honeymoon the Normandy would leave to take out more Geth. He was looking forward to this assignment. Hopefully the Council would also listen more to Saya. And yet something told him he shouldn't be easily fooled. Now done with his duties Jase wondered what else he could do to kill his boredom. Sparring with Garrus wasn't on his list at the moment, thanks to the hangover. He shrugged a little, knowing he'd find something to do. And if it meant scrubbing the engine room clean he'd do it.

Liara came in search of Jase not too much later.

"Shepard, may I speak with you?"

Jase turned to her, eyebrows slightly raised. "Of course Liara, I always have time for you."

Liara bowed her head then looked at Jase.

"For this I am grateful, Shepard. I am... disturbed. I have had a, well, I do not know if it was a dream or a vision. We were under attack and the Normandy... it was destroyed.."

Jase watched her face and saw she was truly concerned. "Maybe it was just a nightmare, Liara," he tried to reassure her.

"I can only hope you are correct. For if you are not then there will be many deaths happening."

Liara slowly walked away, obviously severely disturbed.

Jase took a few steps after her. "Liara, tell me what you have seen."

Dream or not, she was troubled. Talking about it might help and he, knowing about it, wouldn't hurt him.

Liara turned and went back to him.

"There was another ship, a large ship. I did not recognize it. It attacked us with some kind of beam technology and the beam tore right through our hull on the first shot. The Commander was killed... but not by the blast, I do not know how she died..."

Jase listened to her and truly, he was worried now a little. It sounded like a bad dream but loosing Saya.... and the Normandy and more people.. Maybe she would recognize the ship when he showed her pictures of different types they had in their database. Or he could ask her to describe.

"Come with me Liara. Maybe we can find out what kind of ship it was."

Liara looked at him with wide eyes.

"Do you think, then, that this was more than just a mere dream?"

"I can't say Liara. If everyone would have shrugged off our visions as mere dreams, we wouldn't have this conversation," Jase explained. They could just have claimed he and Saya had a mental health problem.

Liara looked thoughtful for a moment. "Then let us see what ships the Alliance has in it's database."

Jase nodded at her and together they sat down on Liara's console.

After more than an hour of fruitless searching of every available and built ship they knew about Jase rubbed his face a little and looked at her.

"Try drawing it."

Liara cocked her head to one side and knew the suggestion had merit.

"Very well." She began drawing and soon was finished. She handed the drawing of the rather large and ominous looking vessel to Jase.

The vessel truly looked frightening and nothing he had seen before. Huge and clunky, a big rock, like a flying cigar with some spikes. Jase shook his head while staring at the picture.

"Haven't seen anything like this before."

Liara shook her head. "Nor have I, this is why I am so concerned."

Jase looked at her for a long time, searching her face. He knew she believed it and he believed her. But there wasn't anything he could do.

"Thank you for trusting me, Liara. It can't have been easy to talk about this."

"Watching people you care about die is never easy." She turned her eyes to Jase again. "She will die alone."

"Do you remember anything else?" Jase really started to believe her and thought it just might happen. But this alone was already scaring enough. He refused to think of Saya as being dead.

Liara shook her head slightly.

"Most of the crew survived. I remember Joker not wanting to leave the ship... and that the Commander had to get him... then she died.."

Things didn't add up though. Jase knew she had said many would die and Saya would die alone. Now she said Saya would get Joker and most of the crew survived. Still, he felt troubled by this.

"Thank you, Liara."

"I am sorry.. I wish I could tell you more but my vision if it was one was fuzzy at times. Oh... you may wish to warn Pressly as well... I did not see him survive."

Jase nodded at her and touched her shoulder briefly before leaving her alone in her room.

The following days Jase thought every minute about Liara's dream. He couldn't shake off the feeling that her dream would become true. At the last evening of Saya and Kaidan's honeymoon he found himself sitting next to Joker in the cockpit and told him about Liara's dream, or vision. The last thing he wanted was Joker causing anything like this. After all he believed Joker would know when to abandon ship and expected him to follow orders.

He couldn't even imagine it....

to be continued ...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This end of ME1 was being written when the wonderful Raphael Sbarge did the interview in late February, I'm sure you can tell :).
> 
> Jase actually can dance, by the way. Contrary to popular belief that a Shepard can't dance, these two actually know how to move their feet and body. lol
> 
> The wedding dress, you can look at it [here](http://pinterest.com/pin/46091596156097208/) :)


End file.
